‘Bases for Virginity’

Bases for Virginity
 
I have bedded many men
I've committed this sin
that sin
but none to go above win
I've dipped my foot
in stealing
I've never been much
in dealing
or...others...mistreating
 
still...God's† hand
found its way
where ever I stand
 
down, down, down
to a pitted clown
even when I helped
all around
even when I gave
with a mind in sound
 
oh! the tears I've shed
oh! the pain I've bled
betrayed by the wed
‒humans in dread
 
that knife dug in
'til they thought
I was dead
 
abandonment was their hymn
out of sight, out of mind
with her away‒
she's the blame
of all of them
 
my anger grew‒
you understand
deception...I'm not a fan
money, power‒
I don't think that grand
 
everyone...at me...frowned
me...a different direction
bound
God† needed my feet
on the ground
He† needed to rebuild me
so solidly...I'd be found
 
He† pounded and pounded
my home, my family
my friends, my children
my dreams, my education
my experiences‒
all of it...He† did shred
 
pushing me
pounding me
blocking me
‒as I lay screaming
and crying
yelling and denying
my Father† kept disciplining
me
‒on and on
'til I wanted to rest
in dying
 
but He† wouldn't let me
He† placed guilt
in my heart
so I cried
'til I fell apart
again and again
piercing me over and over
with His† mighty dart
forcing my hand
to deliver words to man
for the Lord† to take
His† stand
where ever I ran
 
He† killed me
after building me
then rebuilt me
‒made me His† witness
His† pain lays
on my body
He† revels to me
His† plan
for a new history
then I watch it unfold
making me feel old
but His† love‒
I'm completely sold
for He† tore me
then put me together
to wane any weather
with a force making me cry
even wishing to die
for His† glory surrounding me
for His† power holds me
for He† has unscaled my eyes
‒unwaxed my ears
all my senses
are completely His†
 
but first...I had to break
not once, not twice
but over and over
'til I knew it was Him†
'til I knew my Father†
wanted me to write for Him†
not out of my imagination
but directly Him†
Tetragrammaton†
for I am in Him†
and He† is in me
so it goes with Jesus†
me with the Holy Trinity†
 
 

Notes: On Feb. 9, Rough Waters…Millions Will Die, a lot of things were revealed to me, but I wasn’t allowed to see them until about a week ago. The question mark (?) was in the sky several times that day, as well as the anchor and images of faces in the clouds. That was on top of the strong waves in the lake, which I had never seen before. Not that the lake has never been rough. I’m sure it has. It was just my first time experiencing it. How this came about is explained on the subpage. Just click the link and see all the things David pointed out to me.

(June 24)—I’ve written millions of words for you, the future, but the Lord wants me to still go deeper. He wants me to write what He does to me so that you will understand who He is in every sense of the word, every being of your body. I hope when my life ends and you are left with just the words I wrote for Him that I have done right by Him so that you may prevail.

Nonsufferers Know Something—Then Bildad the Shuhite replied: ‘When will you end these speeches? Be sensible, and then we can talk. Why are we regarded as cattle and considered stupid in your sight? You who tear yourself to pieces in your anger, is the earth to be abandoned for your sake? Or must the rocks be moved from their place?—Job 18:1-4 (Bildad is Speaking.)

Notes: Be sensible, and then we can talk…they want Job to be like them…corrupt. You who tear yourself to pieces in your anger…You are only hurting yourself with your anger. In the sense of Bildad and company, they refuse to see. In fact, many refuse to see. I read in so many places that many people believe that the Book of Job is not real…that Job never existed. If you knew God the way I do, you’d know that this isn’t so. Oh, Job was very real and a great writer! I know this because God has brought me down a similar road. He didn’t kill my family, but He removed them, He took my home and all that I was  in order for me to see HIM!

For those of us who experience this, we get bold in the Lord and many take this as arrogance. But, I assure you, it is far from arrogance. It’s bold love for what we know to be true.

Job’s Destruction—‘Though I cry, ‘I’ve been wronged!’ I get no response; though I call for help, there is no justice. He has blocked my way so I cannot pass; He has shrouded my paths in darkness. He has stripped me of my honor and removed the crown from my head. He tears me down on every side till I am gone; He uproots my hope like a tree. His anger burns against me; He counts me among His enemies. His troops advance in force; they build a siege ramp against me and encamp around my tent.’—Job 19:7-12 (Job is Speaking.)

Notes: though I call for help, there is no justice…I wrote in 2007, by this line: God is keeping him where he is to see…it hurts! I know this place very well.

Job is telling us who God is right here: GOD is all! It is Satan who challenges God through Job, but it is God who is in control. Satan works for God and Job knows this. Job is telling us what God has done in His life. Job is very poetic and like me, it is hard for Him to come out and say, ‘God is doing this. God has brought this evil to my life.’ And still today…the churches lie to us about this process. They blame it all on Satan and evil spirits. They don’t explain the process of God. God is ALL…good and bad.

Plea for Pity—‘Have pity on me, my friends, have pity, for the hand of God has struck me. Why do you pursue me as God does? Will you never get enough of my flesh?’—Job 19:21,22(Job is Speaking.)

Notes: This is significant in so many ways. Those who are around us have their own tests through our tests, if that makes sense. The harder the test, the less anyone will stick around. This is the failure of their own tests. Oh, so many failed when it came to my tests. How you maneuver through your own tests is how you prove to God the goodness on your heart, even wiping away bad that landed on your heart through your darkness. God doesn’t play around…and if you fail, back around you go! And this will happen again and again…death will win or the light. That, my friend, is entirely up to you. When those you love forsake you, they forsake God. You keep going. Know that their time is coming to a really hard test…maybe even worse than yours. Prove yourself to ONE: GOD! And you do that by resurrecting through the love of Jesus the Christ! With HIM, you got this shit!

Confidence in Resurrection—‘Oh, that my words are recorded; that they were written on a scroll, that they were inscribed with an iron tool on lead, or engraved in rock forever! I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end He will stand upon the earth. And after my skin has been destroyed, yet in my flesh I will see God; I myself will see Him with my own eyes—I, and not another. How my heart yearns within me!’—Job 19:23-27(Job is Speaking.)

Notes: Key ideas: Faith. Healing. Tests. Veils. Remain in Faith. He tells you in that first line that his words will be written down and live forever. Then he tells you that he will see God in the flesh. I know this to be true. First, he was right about his words. God had them written down for a reason. Oh, the sentiments of humans who think Job never existed. Sorry to break the news. He did. His experience happened and His experience happens in all humans! Hence, the reason God had Job write it down. Hence, why God had me write 12 books about His process. HE WANTS US ALL TO KNOW HIM!

What he writes at the end…I know this to be sooooo true! My heart feels like Job did, I can’t wait to go to Him, go home, go to heaven! I’ve already seen His son. I’ve lost count of the times. And I’ve been in God’s presence. His words I write and I’m His.

And in case you didn’t catch it: there are two meanings here. The first I talk about above, the second is truly significant. Jesus hasn’t come yet. And Job here is talking about what Jesus’ death symbolizes to ALL humankind: Resurrection. When Job is through being rebuilt, he will see the grace of God as in a renewed life, a renewed heart, a renewed well-being of self. For Job, because he is really a righteous man, all his complaining would be his sin. He has to get through all that pain: He lost his children and his home and all his wealth and all his friends and his status. He has to come to terms with that. That’s all a man’s pride and ego! God striped him down completely. Then to add a top to that cake, God gave him depression and sickness. So you want to complain, think of this man, think of any homeless person. The hard part: Standing up and saying, ‘I got this,’ and moving on.

Once you ask God, in comes Jesus. You have to acknowledge Jesus because He is YOUR WAY to the kingdom. There is not any other way. Sorry. Truth. What is can’t be changed.

Arguments Cut Both Ways—‘If you say, ‘How we will hound him, since the root of the trouble lies in him,’ you should fear the sword yourselves; for wrath will bring punishment by the sword, and then you will know that there is judgment.’—Job 19:28,29(Job is Speaking.)

Notes:  Job is telling us here that if you condemn another person, judge them, then that judgment will come back on you. He is saying that you condemn someone God’s hand is on, you’d better be ready for God’s wrath because it will come.

Rebuke Prompts Reply—Then Zophar the Naamathite replied: ‘My troubled thoughts prompt me to answer because I am greatly disturbed. I hear a rebuke that dishonors me, and my understanding inspires me to reply.’—Job 20:1-3(Zophar is Speaking.)

Notes:  The Lord works in this way all the time. He brought me down low and had me write and rebuke many. I was condemned because those I had to rebuke didn’t like being called out. I’m far from being like Job. He was a wealthy man, but he was righteous. Maybe he had his fair share of sin, but God found a worthy servant in him. The same went with me. And I can’t deny my sins, for He made sure I went over them over and over. It is a reminder to me that I’m a sinner and Christ is with me. Those He tells us to rebuke and the very souls that judge everyone around them, are the very ones with dark secrets and sins on their souls. God calls them out because of His love for them. Surprisingly, this they don’t see. Instead, they see me instead of God. No, I’m not God. I am His servant. He speaks through me. If He sends a message, that means He loves you so much that you got His direct attention. Isn’t that awesome! Those whom I had to deliver a direct message, they don’t see it that way. Of course, they wouldn’t. No one likes to be disciplined. Here’s the catch: He warns us all. He gives us all a chance to redeem ourselves, to do what He ask before His wrath comes. Shame people don’t listen.

And to be straight to the point: Zophar doesn’t like what Job is telling him because it’s the truth and the truth is always too painful to face for a lot of people, especially young, arrogant people or those who are angry…yeah, especially them.

Repayment for Sins—‘Though evil is sweet in his mouth and he hides it under his tongue, though he cannot bear to let it go and keeps it in his mouth, yet his food will turn sour in his stomach; it will become the venom of serpents within him. He will spit out the riches he swallowed; God will make his stomach vomit them up. He will suck the poison of serpents; the fangs of an adder will kill him. He will not enjoy the streams, the rivers flowing with honey and cream. What he toiled for he must give back uneaten; he will not enjoy the profit from his trading. For he has oppressed the poor and left them destitute; he has seized houses he did not build.’—Job 20:12-19 (Zophar is Speaking.)

Notes: In 2007, I wrote beside this verse: Guilt will eat at the wicked. It will make them sick. For their sins, they won’t enjoy the beauty of life. In a way, this is true. Have you ever been in the presence of a narcissist? They are extremely negative people. The worse ones God sends all kinds of good things to them to try and get their attention, and they pretty much spit out the riches he swallowed. It is the saddest thing to witness. They have what they need, but they are unsatisfied and they will destroy all that they are given because of this. They do this to themselves because they can’t deal with the darkness that lingers in their souls. And because of this, they hurt everyone in their lives.

And the worse part of their suffering is that they always try to pass it on to another person. They will literally destroy that one person to make themselves look good. This…this…is even worse to witness.

God is speaking through Zophar here. He is literally speaking through Zophar’s mouth. And if you ever witnessed something like this, it flips your mind in a way. In the whole of the Scripture when it comes to Job, Zophar and his friends are dead wrong, but in the individual thoughts, God is speaking to us. I had this happen so many times and it took me a while to realize what was happening. Before I was ‘unveiled‘, I was like ‘what the fuck did he just say‘, when it came to hearing something so out of character from a person. That can be really confusing, but it IS up to us to sort out the confusion…this is when we really start to hear GOD!

Wicked Have No Defense—‘Surely he will have no respite from his craving; he cannot save himself by his treasure. Nothing is left for him to devour; his prosperity will not endure. In the midst of his plenty, distress will overtake him; and full force of misery will come upon him. When he has filled his belly, God will vent His burning anger against him and rain down His blows upon him. Though he flees from an iron weapon, a bronze-tipped arrow pierces him. He pulls it out of his back, the gleaming point out of his liver. Terrors will come over him; total darkness lies in wait for his treasures. A fire unfanned will consume him and devour what is left in his tent. The heavens will expose his guilt; the earth will rise up against him. A flood will carry off his house, rushing waters on the day of God’s wrath. Such is the fate God allots the wicked, the heritage appointed for them by God.’—Job 20:20-29(Zophar is Speaking.)

Notes: No matter how much riches a person has as in money, statues, whatever, it can’t save them. Period! This happens to those God wants to rebuild. Oh, He will take everything. There is no joking about that. The problem: Most people don’t see GOD! They see evil. They see hate. They see blame. They don’t see that God is trying to reach them in order to humble them. And many times, God isn’t angry. It takes a lot to anger Him. He can endure a hell of a lot more than we can. So, when He disciplines or simply needs to move your direction, you see pain, He sees growth.

In 2007, I wrote by this verse: I have felt this wrath. It is real. Be careful of what you do. Don’t ever be too proud or stingy—obey His law. Oh, we know this. I knew this. Then He stripped me bare in 2012…took all my knowledge and replaced it with sin! Oh, Yes! He did that. He had to teach me truth. Before that year, I knew some truth but nothing compared to what He began to show me in 2012. You see, in order to know sin and write about the resurrection from it, as He wanted from me, I had to know the truth of it. And boy, did He reveal it…to my FACE!

When it comes to Job, Zophar is dead wrong here, too. But for us, he is speaking truth. God brings us down no matter who we are. Those who are totally evil, He doesn’t even bother. Those whom He has to test, oh that would be just about everyone, He’ll take everything away if He has to. It really depends on the job He wants you to do. For me, He took everything! That’s not a joke. He took it so that I would awaken to the fact that I’m His servant, and His servants aren’t of the world. This is hard to swallow because I wanted to be a best-selling author since I was a little girl. He said, ‘Not anymore.’

God’s process is, well, a process. Wars, illnesses, depression…all the verbs you can imagine…the process of being! One day, I’ll explain further. Just know for now, that if you can experience it, you are experiencing the process of God.

A fire unfanned will consume him and devour what is left in his tent…This is guilt. It will eventually rip through a person. They either bury themselves in self-medication or take it out on other people. People will destroy others just to hide guilt and shame. What others do to others…as in narcissism, shame will take over. These people will take on the guilt of their abuser and carry as if it’s their own. They will fall to sin and do all sorts of horrible things because they think they can’t escape, so they just as soon join in. It feels better. It blocks out the shame. Only…God wants all of these individuals healed! He wants this ownership of guilt to be removed so that the shame can be released. The only way for this to happen is for the ones who ARE healed to  force the issue. It’s not a pretty job. In fact, it’s damn-right horrible and dark job, but God is calling for His people, those who know Him, to step up. Most won’t. Most are cowards and don’t truly practice what they say they believe in.

For all those falling to sins, it IS free will….their choice. God will test them the hardest. They asked for the kingdom. He’s going to see if they are worthy enough to rise from the fall. Jesus said it Himself when the two brothers asked to drink from His cup. He asked them if they were sure they wanted to do that. They told Him yes. He basically said, ‘We shall see.’ Drinking from His cup isn’t easy. Adhering to Satan, now that’s easy: drink it up, smoke it up, sex it up, lie, manipulate, deceive steal, kill, hate, argue, blame, judge, yell. Jesus’ cup: LOVE!

The following works are direct writings from God and Jesus, meaning I heard them speak and these words are not mine.

God: ‘His† Pardon‘, ‘I Am Truth’s Voice‘ (both), ‘Spinning Hearts‘ (not yet published), ‘The Lord’s† Will‘, ‘Pleading for Audience‘ (not yet published), ‘His† Time‘, ‘Twenty, Twenty‘, ‘On the Ground‘, ‘From Left to Right’ (not yet published), ‘He† Speaks‘ (not yet published), ‘Who Am I?’ (not yet published), ‘No Exchanges: Your Masks for Mine‘, ‘Noose‘ (not yet published),  ‘Death-Toll Rise’ (not yet published), ‘The Seer’ (not yet published), ‘Uprest: Non-Negotiable’,  ‘Pillage of Souls’ (2019), ‘A Bid for the People‘ (2019), ‘Brave in the Snatch‘ (2019, the Bus story), ‘Tests of Worth‘ (2019), ‘A Prophet’s Dew‘ (2019…not yet published), Prophecy’s Awakeness (2019…not yet published)

Jesus: ‘The Adjunct‘, ‘He† Breathes‘, ‘Rotten Figs‘ (not yet published),  ‘Love Exists’, ‘Words’ Song‘, ‘Small Miracle‘, ‘Slow it Down‘ (not yet published),  ‘Smells of Manure‘, ‘The Sound of Songs‘, ‘Blessings‘, ‘Failure’s Birth‘, ‘His† Fellowship’,

‘You’ve Come‘, ‘Stamped Heart‘ (not yet published), ‘The Clown‘, ‘My Feet‘ (not yet published), ‘Foreseeing’s Agony’, ‘Decided‘, ‘His† Spirit’ (2019).

Dreams/Visions: Visions (2019), Four Disc Dream, ‘Hard-head’ (Jack-ass vision, not yet published),‘This ‘If’ By-Law’ (Virus vision), ‘Infinity‘ (body-bag vision)