Category: Narcissist

‘Call Her Witch!’ and ‘Uncircumcised’ (Jesus)

…I rather my child heart than adult B.S.! I see God’s vision a lot clearer that way!

 Call Her Witch!
  
 join the unbelievers
 chant it loud
  
 'witch! witch! witch!'
  
 then pick up your stone
 –cast it on your own
  
 you...the deceivers
 gather your ropes
 around her neck...tie
 then watch her kick
 'til she dies
  
 chant it loud
  
 'witch! witch! witch!'
  
 go ahead...take pictures
 with your phone
  
 join the connivers
 those living in the dark
 crucify her–
 show your heart
 she paid for her sins
 now let's see you
 pay for yours!
  
 in control...there's the Lord†
 whom you already crucified
 over and over
 you continue your shame
 calling it holy
 using the Lord's† name
  
 in your circles...shout
  
 'witch! witch! witch!'
  
 for she received wisdom
 –your dark secrets
 for you to heal
 instead...her life–
 you want to steal
  
 go ahead!
 chant it loud
  
 'witch! witch! witch!'
  
 the future will know
 which of you
 the Lord† almighty–
 leaves in the ditch
 scratching walls
 of an endless pit! 
 Uncircumcised
  
 deep hidden inside the temple
 lies the sanctuary
 pumping gold and silver
 –to and from
 up and down
 sometimes soft
 sometimes hard
 knowing a cleansing
 –soon to be coming
  
 the removing of the dark
 from the sanctuary walls
 takes time
 sometimes–
 a complete bleed out
 a total rebuilding
 for its beauty to shine through
 for it's beautiful music
 to be heard
  
 it is in these times
 marks of hatred are noticed
 –that too must be cleansed
  
 cut, cut, cut
  
 'til all the baggage is gone
  
 clip, clip, clip
  
 every single loose grip
 wiped out
  
 a purification
 as the walls are strengthened
 rebuilt
 the workers hard at work
 each one
 individually
 working on the sanctuary
 that is part of one
  
 through time
 its beauty shines through
 the darkened halls
 fill with light
 and there's nothing left
 but that bright
 –and the sanctuary
 is opened for‒
 the entrance of life

Note: The photograph was taken in October 2019. The image on top of my eyes is the Hand of God on me. He is allowing me to take these photographs to teach about who He truly is. (I’m sure I’m not the only one!) You can see more pictures like this and the process that began the awakening part of this on the pages Third Eye (Spiritual Gifts), My Aura: The Love of Jesus, God, the Sun and Me, God Sends Love Orbs. I’m not concerned with the criticism of the titles of these pages or what I called things like Jesus Sprinkles on the page Jesus’ Army and Jesus Sprinkles...that is childish B.S. You name them whatever you want to name these things. I name them what comes to my heart, I rather my child heart than adult B.S.! I see God’s vision a lot clearer that way!

(February 28)—For the first time since I left him, I texted the sweet man. Since November, it’s been a monthly thing but he texts me first. And it always ends the same…anger. He not even coming close to resembling anything remotely close to healed. Me getting to the point of just driving in what God wants of him. All the rest…total BS! And…the man doesn’t see it at all. So, this time was no different…except that I sent the first text and it was to see if any healing was being done. None!

Continue reading “‘Call Her Witch!’ and ‘Uncircumcised’ (Jesus)”

‘Shouldering Damage’

You deal and accept the physical damage caused by narcissism’s carelessness

 
Shouldering Damage
  
 upon her shoulders
carries the weight–
 shouldering damage
from those who couldn't stay
 –a go-getter
they couldn't take
 she...never wanting‒ 
any kinda hate
 ‒that was never
her intended fate
  ‒she let love lead the way
 ending in heavy price's
to pay
  
 only in moments
she lived in sedate
 all them medical doctors
had to medicate
 she just needed room‒ 
a bit of space
 to grasp the idea
of her body ache
 never using it as an escape
 ‒it hurt...and she was its bait
  
 she knows she gave it all
 she wasn't some pity rage doll–
 standing somewhere in stall
 she answered a simple call
 –but others led her to fall
 not caring the damage at all
  
 upon her shoulders‒ 
she wears the cape
 an anti-depressant to mask
a different kinda ache
 –emotional chains
she couldn't tolerate
 a burning heart
left in saturate
 mixed with anger
lust and hate
 screaming
without intentional berate
 from love
that just couldn't stay
  
 then again‒ 
she let love be her mate
 a heart damaged‒ 
in too many ways
 –again...a turn in obliterate
 a brain burned in uncultivate
 all that damage‒ 
on her shoulders
in blissful weight
 men who couldn't bear
the cape
 of her physical‒ 
being in waste
  
 she knows she gave it all
 she wasn't some pity rage doll–
 standing somewhere in stall
 she answered a simple call
 –but others led her to fall
 not caring the damage at all
  
 she now wears‒ 
a suit of armor
from love's mate
 as the heavy scars from fake–
 I can't stay
you...I could only tolerate
 builds her face
straight to a destiny's fate–
 the writer in massive create
  
 she...to never deny God
in whatever she faced
 so she shoulders damage
left behind–
 by carelessness
and self hate
 building her rose‒ 
from a destroyer's
intentional state
  
 she knows‒ 
she gave it all
 she wasn't some pity rage doll–
 standing somewhere in stall
 she answered a simple call
 –others led her to fall
 not caring
the damage at all
  
 oh! how
she can stand tall–
 she picked herself up
from the fall
 using the rest of her life
in God's hall
 lost to true love's
missed call
 she knows‒ 
she gave it her all
 –it was not her
that caused
the fall!
Continue reading “‘Shouldering Damage’”

‘Anger’s Infest’

Anger wants you steadfast! God wants you moving forward!

 Anger's Infest
  
 feel it beneath your skin
 evil's way of getting within
 actions in horror's den
 ‒ways of evil's perfect sin
  
 it'll trap you in cussing
 it'll condemn you in swearing
 pulling at you...probing
 wanting your reaction
 for it's only satisfaction
  
 it'll take all
of your triggering notions
 you...down...dragging
 as it smiles
in sadistic laughing
 craving your giving in
 your fight...it's welcoming
 celebrating
your mind's condemn
  
 anger...evil's infested gem
 words, actions
its consistency in playing
 wanting you
self to defend
 so it can celebrate
in its win
  
 feel it beneath your skin
 evil's way of getting within
 actions in horror's den
 ‒ways of evil's perfect sin
Continue reading “‘Anger’s Infest’”

‘His Softness’

That which gives you inspiration to go on!

A sample from Book 12

 His Softness
(Sweet Man)
  
 there's moments
I want to cry
 in this aging bit of life
 ‒not understanding
what to fight
 he comes into my sight
  
 deep in my thoughts
 I get lost...caught
  
 then he kneels before me
 ‒my world gets lost
in his sea
 cradling me in his arms
 all that fight...gone
  
 aren't you tired of this yet
  
 his question without hiss
 we both knowing
we keep rocking a boat
 that just needs
to float
  
 yes
  
 my response in insist
 over and over...rowing
 untying
this knotting rope
 without losing
gentle's hope
  
 feeling it all melt away
 with soft words‒ 
he has to say
 as he pulls me
in his sway
  
 I want this‒ 
not just for today
 but every day, in every way
  
 I know the truth‒ 
when I look into his face
 love...in every line
to trace
 as his black hair
fades to gray
 by his side
I feel everything safe
  
 when he leaves the room
 behind...closes the door
 I'm left with my thoughts
 shifting deep
in my core
  
 yes, I'm tired of this
  
 love is far more perfect
 surrounded by his softness
 then sitting in a room
lost in miss
 his love
trying to forget
Continue reading “‘His Softness’”

‘Humble of Mercy’

You Want It to Be! So Bad….

A sample from Book 12

(September 26, 2018)—

Praise for Joy and Security of the Righteous—Keep me safe, O God, for in You I take refuge. I said to the Lord, ‘You are my Lord; apart from You I have no good thing.’ As for the saints who are in the land, they are the glorious ones in whom in all my delight. The sorrows of those will increase who run after other gods. I will not pour out their libations of blood or take up their names on my lips. Lord, You have assigned me my portion and my cup; You have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.

I will praise the Lord, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I have set the Lord always before me. Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because You will not abandon me to the grave, nor will You let Your Holy One see decay. You have made known to me the path of life; You will fill me with joy in Your presence, with eternal pleasures at Your right hand.―Psalm 16

Continue reading “‘Humble of Mercy’”

‘Unconditional Terms’

‘Unconditional’ Fades When Another Takes Your Place!

A sample from Book 12

(July 25, 2018 [Didn’t post on Facebook.])—When toxicity takes its toll, there’s nothing to say or do.

A weak heart turns to go, finds a new heart to rip apart. A strong heart cries alone, struggling to regain ground, move on. You don’t lose to cheating. You lose to betrayal. That’s why those who don’t marry, stay single. They can just hang it up, move on to another. The faithful one can’t do this.

Continue reading “‘Unconditional Terms’”

‘Knife’

Surviving the Knife of Those Who Betray You!

A sample from Book 12

(April 21, 2018)—That knife becomes weaker when we gain the support of others, when we start to see the true meaning behind our life. That knife doesn’t come out that easy especially when you see everyone’s true disclosure.

There’s so much to say, then there’s nothing to say. I have this much on my mind: If they don’t want to see you, it doesn’t matter what you say or do, they won’t see you.

Continue reading “‘Knife’”

‘Do Your Thing’

When they’re paving the way for another ‘thing’!

A sample from Book 12

  'Do Your Thing'
  
 standing still, so rigid
 memories return, so rapid  
 do your thing
 words that seem splendid
 once before, becoming frigid
 leaving me in stupid
  
 words that shouldn't‒ 
but still stick
 like a repeated lick
too afraid to admit‒
 concentrating on self's wick
 leaves doors open for the slick
  
 that's just not it
 it's that aged-old skit
 played out...without a script
  
 distance begins the slit
 less hugging, more anger
 words constantly in twist
 ‒making the mind constantly flip
  
 there should not be panic
 when felt before
this tactic
  
 flip, flip, flip
 skippy, skip, skip
  
 the past's certain mimic
 leaves only you in chaotic
 breaking your spirit
 turning to God for guidance
  
 less comes the kisses
every ounce of erotic
disappears in a lick
 ‒the body is just an it
 you become invalid!
time with you, the omit
 things get drastic
leaving pure conflict
 and you are the reason for it
  
 how to be so quiet
 when affection‒ 
you can't even solicit
 pushed away...again and again
 leaving you frigid
 a body drowning
in an unhealthy orbit
  
 taking you're the reason
for it
 you're not pretty enough
you're too fat, too sad
 when...in truth's logic
their argument, distance‒
 all part of the already written
transcript
 ‒no need
    to repeat it!
Continue reading “‘Do Your Thing’”

‘Ex-foliate My Soul’

You have to leave others out of ‘self’!

A sample from Book 12

 Ex‒foliate My Soul
  
 I still hear the winds blow
 I know, still, from and to
the direction it goes
 I depend, too much
on human souls
 ‒directing my emotional role
  
 these feet‒ 
so stuck in muddy ground
 I've lost the feelings
of being found
 trying to understand
hear...every sound
 I've stumbled away
from which I'm bound
  
 raise me up, oh Lord†
 unclog‒ 
these maggot-filled holes
 rub your sands deeply in‒
 pull me out
as you wash away clean
 the filth
of this infested bowl
 help me again‒ 
feel fit and lean
 where I once had strength
of a lion
 ‒the sanctuary
of a crystal clear stream
  
 enlighten my heart, sweet Jesus†
 relight this drive
I so carelessly left behind
 enrich my soul
wash away the corrode
 so me, in ease, I can stand
on my own two feet
 understand words in my heart
 having strength to sort
 ‒without falling apart
  
 yes, Lord†, raise my tempo back up
 so I can feel, once more
the unstoppable me
 ‒that pure individual feeling
of being free
 without the need
of another's glee
  
 I open me up‒ 
mind, body, soul
 I'm, again, letting go
 so...whichever the winds blow
 matter is not needed
 for I'll be free again‒
 in the total of
letting go
Continue reading “‘Ex-foliate My Soul’”

‘Depths of Heart’

Mind your heart or others will not!

A sample from Book 11

 Depths of Heart
  
 protecting self‒ 
not letting any other
 put it on a shelf
 seems to be utmost important
 ‒above anything else
  
 for in self
happiness lies
 rises high
above health
any amount of wealth
 ‒pulling the heart
out of hell
 out of the darkest well
  
 for in truth heart dwells
 untied from man's inhuman belt
 released from whatever shelf
man tries to impel
 keeping the heart from melt
 ‒happiness locked in a cell
  
 get out, get out
see yourself‒
 way deep inside
where happiness compels
 in heart
where it truly swells
Continue reading “‘Depths of Heart’”