‘Choices’

A sample from Book 9

 Choices
  
 what's with you
you evil whore
 coming in my door
trying
to rattle my feathers
 don't you know
you'll only be shattered
  
 it's not even a bother
not even a matter
  
 my Mighty Warrior†
awaits in amusing wonder
 –ready to pound
His† rage in thunder
  
 no, you silly, hopeless looter
 it's no immediate tit-a-tater
 His† time
mover in slow swinging of chimes
 comes at you
in kind
  
 allowing your laughter
pitter-patter
 –friends in gather
 while His† children
take on your karma
 in prayer
becoming the fighter
  
 He† watches them
in wonder
 
why, to them, you even matter
  
 He† knows
His† heart fills with joy–
 He's† their father
He† watches their struggle
 how in tears
they fumble
 how in their faith
they don't waver
 how over you
they sit...pray...think over
  
 He† let's this go on
for a while
 proud...each...His† true child
 their sighs, their fears
their doubts
 –little by little
He† releases them
 –pulls them out
favors them
with His† glory
  
 for each person
you tried to use
 to get through–
 –instead
His† children came through
for Him†
 in dirt
left you to waddle
 in soft words
saying...fuck you
  
 as His† children's hearts settle–
 He† gathers His† armor
 prepares for His† battle
  
 there's no riddle
to what He's† capable
 –He† never deviates
from principle–
 what He's† always commanded
He† still demands
  
 He's† forgiving
He† forewarns
 His† unconditional love
brings no harm
 –choices
man's very hand
  
 His† prepared armor
 isn't about you
you evil whore
 He's† preparing to fight
your brought on strife
  
 He† lowers His† head
a tear...streams down
 rain, thunder rages
waiting
for the open heart
 sincerity in ask
to begin His† task
 watching strife consume
 waiting, waiting, waiting
pounding His† heart
  
why is it so hard
 placing down
truth's card
  
 unconditional love
He† gives
choices we get
 He† doesn't step in
 'til open
true hearts begin
  
 then...only then
He'll† fight–
 slaughter that strife
 brought on by you
you evil whore
 –slam shut
your damn door
 move your victim's path
into the light
 where He† stays to fight
'til they win
 –do their gift
   coming from within

(March 24, 2016)—I have been pondering the lie. I mentioned earlier that my next work would be about the lie. I asked for guidance. I sat at my computer last night collecting pictures of inspiring quotes (something I do when I need to clear my mind) thinking about the lie and why is it so hard for people to just tell the truth.

I’ve taken some law classes in college. I’ve read a bunch of true crime accounts. Some of my favorite true-crime writers are Ann Rule and Patricia Cornwell. My dad has an album of local, true, horrific crimes. Human nature has always fascinated me. My commander in the 42nd MP Group in Germany loaned me his copy of the most revealing book on the lie that I’ve ever read: Ted Bundy Conversations with A Killer. I’ve read other revealing books on the lie since then.

I’ve also heard fascinating stories. I heard one recently that still sticks in my mind because I pass the place that this story involves all the time. I’ll share this story with you. I haven’t done research…just the third-party tale of it because that’s how my curiosity gets sparked then the researcher comes out and when that happens…I don’t stop until I get it all.

On my way to the track here where I’ve moved, there’s a bayou that runs along the highway. On the bayou-side of the road there’s this old, abandoned building. I’ve always wondered about this building. It’s never been touched since I went to college back in the 90’s. It was a bar.

The story goes: The owner or manager was the son of a farmer or wealthy family. He was married. There was a dancer there. An affair took place. She became pregnant. Her body was discovered floating in the bayou behind the bar. I don’t know the time that passed in between these events but it ended with the owner or manager pulling his truck into the middle of the cane field, putting a gun to head and pulling the trigger. All because of the fear of the truth. The lie.

This is just a small but very large example of the lie. There is a reason God made it one of His top commands. It destroys life.

The truth hurts. It does. It’s scary to tell the truth. I know when my mother caught either of us girls lying, she’d line us all up, paddle in hand and if the truth didn’t come out of one of us, we all three got a spanking. And the guilt of not telling the truth. That’s worse than the spanking. I went through that. It’s just not worth it.

I didn’t write about the lie like I prayed. ‘Choices’ came out instead. God’s unconditional love for us gives US the choice to choose which road to take then we have to deal with the consequences of that choice.

God’s love is for all of us, not just for some and He waits for us to ask. He waits. I can say this with all honesty because I experienced it first hand. I always had God in my heart. I went to church, taught my children about Him but my heart wasn’t completely open. I felt uneasy talking about Him. I didn’t want others to think I was some holy-roly nut case. I had fear. When those people would come to my house and give me pamphlets and talk about God, I listened with half an ear, took the pamphlets then when they left, threw the pamphlets in a pile and forgot about them. That’s not having a truly open heart to God.

It was only during the darkness that I learned what opening the heart up to God meant. We can ask for His help all we want but if our heart is not totally open, He waits. He’s very patient by the way. He gives us time. He doesn’t push Himself on us at all. He already knows our heart. He knows we will have to endure tests. He sends us tests. He wants to know how true we are. This part is so very hard. We question our very sanity. We question everything around us.

When finally that light comes through, the fight isn’t over. That evil whore uses all of us, too. Its not in battle with us per say. Its always in battle with God. Anything good God wants, it wants to steal. We are caught in the crossfire of it all. The lessons we learn from these battles are meant for us to help others learn how to fight, too.

God’s not there to punish anyone. He’s there to fight that evil whore. When darkness is in your life, that’s that evil whore. You have a weapon. God. He’s just waiting for you to ask. Open your heart. When lies are in the mix…you should know by now what that is.

I was listening to the radio the other day and they were talking about the recent terrorists attacks and their silly question: How? The answer is simple: Lies.

What I see is that God is showing us all small lessons in order for us to see the bigger picture. Our small tests are preparing us for the bigger tests. Deceptions, lies, betrayals…that’s all in the prophesies in the Bible if you actually read the Bible. That’s all in the Revelations.

Evil uses God to advance its cause. It’s that simple. God is in our hearts. He matters. We can’t see Him. We can’t feel Him. We can’t hear Him outright. He’s there all the same. That evil whore knows all of this. This is the easiest way to get to our weaknesses. I see it in my own personal life. I sat back last night and thought: Wow! Karen, you let that evil whore do it again! Why? Your faith is strong. God has moved mountains for you. Why are you so damn weak, STILL!

Then I turned to reading all these inspirational quotes on The Secret sight. If you haven’t read that book or watched that video, you should. God IS the universe. One of the quotes said that what we think in our minds eventually comes into our lives. Well, I’m constantly praying for the ex to come through for his kids, I’m constantly praying for my sisters, my friends…the most revealing…I’m constantly praying for the sweet man. Why? He touched my life in so many ways. I pray for all those who have done me wrong. They need the most prayers. I think so anyway. Love is love. It’s unconditional. Right? That’s what God wants from us.

We have the free will to either pray or not. It’s really simple. So, the sweet man keeps coming into my life and along with him, Strife. It’s not my strife. So, I’m bringing it to my life. I prayed last night on how to get around this. You can’t keep bringing in the strife and expect to be at peace to do your gift. After all, that evil whore wants to halt anything God wants good from us. Blocking the sweet man from my life entirely and still praying for him is the only answer I got. I also was compelled to send him the truth of what I know of him. The truth he hid from me and a message sort of like the message my friend received about me and these books I’m working on.

I look at it this way: My friend sent me her message and she probably worried how I would take it. I could have been a closed-minded person and shut her out as crazy because her message said for me to reopen a door I was fighting to close. That’s not the way it went down. I listened. I took her message seriously. God was in my heart.

God uses us to help others. How others listen is totally up to them? You either burn the bridge because they are close-minded or they hear the message and move toward what God wants of them. For me, I listened to my friend’s message. So far, God’s rewarded me for listening. That’s pretty revealing to me.

You don’t have to read me. I don’t care one way or another. I’m doing what I’m supposed to do. Everyone in this world who’s given a gift, a calling…you don’t have to listen to one damn word they say. God is moving them to get to you. It’s your choice to hear. It’s your free will to change your ways and walk His walk.

Go read some of the stories behind people who have received a calling. I love Joyce Meyer. Her story about when she received her calling makes me laugh. Her smoking her cigarette, arguing with God about HER ministering to people, thinking it was a joke. Look at her today. It wasn’t a joke. Her message is clear.

Listen. Don’t listen. Read. Don’t read. I was given the gift of the pen. Others are given the gift of the mouth. It’s your choice to hear. It’s your choice to read. You can condemn us all you want. We are still going to do what we are supposed to do. All those people out there who answered the call and have nice things, big houses, speak to big audiences…they are living in faith, honoring the calling…they are being awarded the fruits here on earth. Why condemn them? You can do it, too. It’s your choice to live in suffocation or get out there and breathe. God WILL fight for you. He detest liars. He detest using His name in vain…using HIS name to benefit your cause, your means of evil ways. I do, too.

I’m a sinner. I ask for forgiveness. I thank Him for the blessings He’s brought to me. I thank him for the tests He’s sent to me because they open my eyes to things my eyes want to close to. It hurts to see these things. But these evil things exist. These evil things will keep existing unless we stand up and fight, ask God for His help with honesty. The more honesty, the less evil exist. Makes sense. Don’t you think? Love the skin you’re in. You are worth every bit of truth. Those mixed up in strife. Leave that to God. You can pray for them but don’t let it steal your light. Amen.

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