‘Deepest of Scars’

He wants us to stop needing shit because it deadens the pain. He wants us to stop ignoring what hurt us the most. He wants us to deal!

Deepest of Scars
 
inside‒
from way down deep
where all that pain
tries to seep
we...forcing the stabilize
in freeze
burying it all in geek
or the man with girls
to meet
how about that supped-up
jeep
hiding behind plastered smiles
in pictures‒
where we easily say cheese
‒cutting all the corners
with a breeze
 
sooner or later...comes
the sneeze
we try to force it out
ignore...stay asleep
but here it comes
like a hanging tree
'look here...let's stare at me'
 
all coming after that one
we wanted to keep
you know the one‒
making us open our eyes
makes us see
the person we weren't
supposed to be
 
there comes a moment‒
we realize
we're not really free
we just filled our lives
with that fake glee
helping us build
a supporting fleet
‒others refusing too
to even peek
at what scares so much‒
they secretly
in their beds...take a pee
‒with no one to see
 
we eventually
find ourselves in steep
‒a sunk-in tepee
on the edge of creep
with nothing fancy
to greet
 
from what others
want to see‒
we no longer flee
we're ready to become‒
the bee in me
toot our own horn
with a roaring beep
all the fake‒
out...bleep
ride the rest of our life
with the awe of wee
‒the hurt is out
the shame...easier....
away...sweep
 
we're suddenly free
no more confusion
in deep
just our me
‒with nothing more
to peep

Note: The photograph included was taken on December 10, The Dragon, Angel, Mom and Baby. I’ve been thinking a lot about this particular group of shots because it’s so amazing and I’ve included it on here and on my Facebook page and no one seems to understand or see it. I see it clearly. It’s part of our future.

(April 5)—Oh boy, when God wants to drive in a point, He sure does. I knew He used my life as an example for others and for myself, teaching me His wonders. I’m silly really to even question it now. The toilet paper. I think God thought I didn’t drive the message in enough. So, He decided to increase the voltage!

At the beginning of last week, I developed diarrhea. After three days, pain set in. I knew it was more than a hemorrhoid so I looked it up: rectal tear. Ouch! isn’t even a word! I had hemorrhoid surgery and this feels like that! Yesterday, I called in at the VA. With this pandemic going on, they don’t seem to want you to just show up. So, I finally get through and they refer me to some public outpatient deal. So I call them. They don’t seem to want to do their job either! Lesson 1 learned…greed, one of God’s huge pet peeves! Now, it’s showing its ugly little head like high-glossed red paint! I’m sure this didn’t make Him too happy.

Lesson 2: I’m not looking deep enough. I learned this last night in prayer. Think about having such a injury as a rectal tear. The rectum is not a pleasant place to have any kind of injury. I mean we all have to let out everything that goes in our bodies. Painful isn’t even a description for this type of injury. Hence, ‘Deepest of Scars’. God wants us to heal. He’s forcing me to look really deep at what it truly feels like to pull that kind of pain to the surface and heal. Yes, He is comparing that deep, deep emotional scaring to the painful injury of a torn rectum wall! That’s serious business! That’s how God operates!

To pull that kind of pain to the surface, we have to dig really deep. Some of us have blocked it out completely. Some of us lean towards suicide every time we even think of what hurt us that deep. It’s going to be really hard and messy, but this is what God is asking us to do. He wants us to stop living on the surface. He wants us to stop buying shit that replaces the pain. He wants us to stop needing shit because it deadens the pain. He wants us to stop ignoring what hurt us the most. He wants us to deal!

Do you get it now…the toilet paper? Or are you still surface thinking?

After I wrote this piece, I asked to be led to a Scripture that would go with it and Isaiah 9:1-7. I never wrote about this particular Scripture before. Then there is the decipher. After I completed it and read it, it makes sense. I understand it. This passage is from a group of prophesies that Isaiah made concerning Jesus. A reminder that Jesus is from the line of David…His ancestors. And this was written hundreds of years before Jesus was even born. So, the decipher is that much more amazing because He’s talking to US…today…2020! That is really amazing!

Savior’s Kingdom ComingNevertheless, there will be no more gloom for those who were in distress. In the pass He humbled the land of Zebulun and the land of Naphtali, but in the future He will honor Galilee of the Gentiles, by the way of the sea, along the Jordan—The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death [land of darkness] a light has dawned. You have enlarged the nation and increased their joy; they rejoice before You as people rejoice at the harvest, as men rejoice when dividing the plunder. For as in the day of Midian’s defeat, You have shattered the yoke that burdens them, the bar across their shoulders, the rod of their oppressor. Every warrior’s boot used in battle and every garment rolled in blood will be destined for burning, will be fuel for the fire. For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on His shoulders. And He will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Of the increase of His government and peace there will be no end. He will reign on David’s throne and over His kingdom, establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness from that time on and forever. The zeal of the Lord almighty will accomplish this.—Isaiah 9:1-7

Decipher: Nevertheless, there will be no more gloom for those who were in distress. In the pass He humbled the glorious dwelling place and the land of my struggles, but in the future He will honor the province of the nations, by the way of the sea, along the river of judgment—The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in death/sin, a light has dawned. You have enlarged the nation and increased their joy; they rejoice before You as people rejoice at the harvest (the harvest refers to death…when God calls people home, they die so the rejoice is that of sadness), as men rejoice when dividing the plunder (stolen goods, so they laugh with malicious hearts). For as in the day of strife’s defeat, You have shattered the yoke that burdens them (Jesus is our way home to God), the bar across their shoulders, the rod of their oppressor (knowing that living for Jesus and like Jesus we are going to the kingdom…that this time on earth is limited and won’t last, also the people have taken for granted thinking that they only have to praise Jesus here and there and He forgives them for all the sins every time, every day…they have taken advantage of His love). Every warrior’s boot used in battle and every garment rolled in blood will be destined for burning, will be fuel for the fire (oppressor and defended both die). For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on His shoulders. And He will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace (although God and Jesus are two separate beings, people have combined them and can’t distinguish one from the other, this has surely become reality, confusion has set in). Of the increase of His government and peace there will be no end (Jesus’ army…in love, He will prevail). He will reign on beloved’s throne and over His kingdom (we have to go through Jesus to get to God), establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness from that time on and forever (He will never force it on anyone…it’s a choice). The zeal of the Lord almighty will accomplish this.

Author: k. e. leger

I'm a writer.

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