(March 31, 2019)―Being Frank: the sweet man left today wearing dress shoes. Like he’s going to work in that all night! I walked out and followed him to the driveway and stared. He followed me back to the door. I closed it, locked it. I know why I am still here…in a separate room. Grounding myself. I go back and read what I write just to keep my focus on my goal. I know who I am and what I’m about. And that is all I need to know. Other people’s opinions of me don’t matter, especially his.
👇 This is why I walked back in and locked the door. I went through some serious PTSD trauma this week regarding something not concerning him and yesterday I saw his two faces. I told him I missed him. I don’t think he got the meaning behind that. I miss the person I first met before I got to know who he truly is. Sad really.
I feel my time here in Vegas is getting short. I needed help and I didn’t find it here. I found it from the same place I found my first pains: Louisiana. I find that soothing in a nostalgic sort of way.
We never know where our journey takes us, but we can say: we don’t need to stay where we are not needed any more. And that’s what living with a narcissist is like. You are needed no matter what they say. Once that need is no longer there, you don’t exist. It’s a sad reality in a narcissist’s life. And a very strange thing to witness…and they think this kind of behavior is normal!
Chill, girl! You aren’t her. We can’t have any regrets because the way I see it: we were doing God’s work…proving the sinner stays the sinner. They build their own road to hell.
We are survivors. The strong woman. The narcissist’s worse nightmare. God’s angels.
I was told over and over that I need Jesus. So will the next woman. Yeah, I closed the door and locked it. I’m down to 165 pounds from 190 pounds. Ten pounds more to my ideal weight! Before him 3 years ago. I am almost back to being my normal self, of course not when it comes to a narcissist…my bitch will always surely make herself known. I want her to stay!
So, be glad you aren’t her! You know the truth. She’s still blind. Oh! She’ll learn what we already know: the truth of him. Just pray. Maybe he’ll fall hard enough one day for another narcissist. Chances are very high. Then he’ll get a taste of his own medicine. Then again he might actually get along with her. They can have an abundant affairs on each other then sit around and swap stories while trading sabs and pills to heal their stds. Lol. I doubt it. Narcissist are jealous in a very weird way.
Love yourself. I know I’m better off by myself! Free to do my hate man thing. At least that’s what I was told my writing of late was about…by him of course. Peace! I love men. Normal, real men that is! Always remember: you can’t fix anyone. You can talk and talk…they won’t listen. He’s moved on because that’s what they do. It’s not you! Trust me on this. You did not one thing wrong. They are sick, and if they don’t seek therapy, they will remain sick spilling a trail of mess behind them. It’s not you.
Check out My 12-Book Series on surviving controlling men. You’re worth it!
Additional On Abuse…Codependency, Narcissism, Trauma…and Healing
(Each page has loads of additional books (in every format), videos, instruction materials, and inspiration gift ideas.):
I Know Why the Cage Bird Sings by Maya Angelou
I Am Malala: How One Girl Stood Up for Education and Changed the World by Malala Yousafzai
Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited by Sam Vaknin
Pathways to Recovery, A Strengths Recovery Self-Help Workbook by Priscilla Ridgway, Diane McDiarmid, Lori Davidson, Julie Bayes, and Sarah Ratzlaff
Power: Surviving & Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse by Shahida Arabi
Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder by Paul T. Mason and Randi Kreger
The Anger Control Workbook: Getting Through Treatment and Getting Back to Your Life by Dr. Matthew McKay and Dr. Peter Rogers.
Triggers: Creating Behavior That Lasts – Becoming the Person You Want to Be by Marshall Goldsmith and Mark Reiter