‘Dying House’ and ‘Our Last Goodbye’

A sample from Book 6

 Dying House
  
 I've watched you grow
 together—
I thought we'd grow old
 but our lives
have been sold
 our hearts broke
 our insides
have turned cold
  
 your beauty
 you're no longer
wanting to hold
  
 I must go
 it's getting harder
to cope
 watching you
slowly corrode
 piece by piece
you're starting to fold
 this
a heavy load
watching
you turn
from a gentle host
to a heartless ghost
  
 no more
are you
my threshold
  
 soon it'll all explode
  
 for the last time
 behind me
your doors
I'll close
 with only memories
to be told

 Our Last Goodbye
  
 I'm shaking inside
 oh! what a ride
 between
your heart and mine
  
 you were built
with love
 we fit
like hand and glove
  
 my hands now tremble
 closer and closer
draws the time
 when we'll say
our last goodbye
  
 through blurry eyes
I walk your rooms
 my heels slowly glide
 almost— 
an unsteady slide
 touching your skin
 —this rushing, emotional tide
  
 many memories collide
 you witnessed
my every side
  
 within your walls
I stood tall
 you saw me
humble with pride
 then you watched
me fall
 —victim to a loving homicide
 revenge's careful suicide
  
 to you
I can't lie
 in you
I do confide
 within your bones
my will thrived
 my imagination
easily came alive
  
 you were once
a dream
 in my mind
you were my every inspire
 it was a thrill
watching you rise
  
 you caressed my children
 as they grew high
 you heard me answer
their every why
 you saw me hug them
 through their every sigh
 then
you watched them fly
  
 you saw every transpire
 you heard me laugh
watched me cry
 you saw love rise
then watched it die
 without answers to why
without even a try
  
 you saw me
struggle for breath
 you saw me strive
to survive
then revive
  
 reasons to why
 our love affair's denied
 mystifies
my deepest I
  
 this emptiness— 
hard to describe
 it's all been crucified
 —slick and sly
  
 we're now down
to our last lullaby
 our together forever— 
nullified
 that final day
will soon arrive
 when behind me
I'll close your door
 say
our last goodbye

(September 13, 2013)—In the stages of grief, you have to come to terms with a lot of things. In divorce, there’s a lot of grief. It’s a death. A real death. To properly heal, you have to take back yourself. As my therapist says, I need to go through everything and ask myself did I get this for me or for us. If the answer is us, get rid of it. She meant everything, even the pantry and frig. Then that final decision, the house. I love my house, but I can’t stay.

I pray whoever ends up with it, loves it as much as I do. I love the bayou. I can’t stay. I have to separate myself from it all in order to find the total of me. Saying goodbye to a house that you built from the ground up, watched it take its first breath, well, it’s not the same as giving up a house that was already built. I put a lot of love into my house. I made it a home, and it will never be the same without me.

Sometimes, call me strange, but it feels as if the house is crying. That’s where the last [two] poems I posted ‘Dying House’ and ‘Our Last Goodbye’ comes from.

I’ve written about this house before but not like this. It was meant to have life in it. I know some day it will see its completion and love will grace its walls once again. But for me, it’s time to move on. The boxes are stacked and waiting to be packed. Soon, it will be time to go. The next chapter in a writer’s life is about to commence.

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