‘Ends of Ropes’

If They Did It Once, They’ll Do It Again!

A sample from Book 8

 Ends of Ropes
 
look at its threads‒
each line
blending in fine
carefully woven
 
notice its variations
notice what stays
real out of charade
‒the weak
break off
slip away
so strength
doesn't starve
doesn't fade
 
its fine threads
continue their blend
return to straight
when comes a bend
 
with tender care
grows these single lines
with love...hope
combine
to thickness of ropes
 
growing, growing
with decency of time
harmony's kind
 
it's a pleasurable watch
tic, tic
around the clock
when unexpected knots
slip out
longer, longer
tighter, tighter
strength‒
strangles doubt
 
unassureness ends
awakens
again
growing, growing
longer, longer
tighter, tighter
 
be careful
oh so gentle
lost of hopes
easily tangles
those ends of ropes
‒halting grow
with single knots
stopping clocks
meant
to stay
unlocked

(September 20, 2015)—The [fifth] book in my collection about silent abuse is about the renewing of self. The Journey of this actually begins in Book 3, but healing takes a while. A cousin of mine told me it took her seven years after a 30+-year marriage. Another friend took only a couple years. I guess it depends on the person.

For me, there was a lot of confusion in my 20 years of marriage. What I learned at the end of it was the most chilling part, which, of course, led to these books. Silent abuse and all that entails. So, re-discovering self is very important and is repeated over and over from Book 2 to Book 5. As I said many times before, I did re-discover love. I fell hard and I fought for it, but the emotion of love covets what the heart doesn’t want to see.

I speak from experience on this one, and it is hard to learn the lesson when you want love to be. You want to believe the words, the softness of voice. You don’t want to see that you are the one doing all the work. You are doing all the fighting of the relationship. You are putting all the effort in. You are buying all the things left out…ignoring those particular red flags that keep shouting out!

This morning, I turned to another messenger, Trent Shelton…and posted a number of his videos on my personal page and wrote my own thoughts about what he said.

When you are my age, on your own, it is really hard to see through all the garbage. I know in my experience, I want to share my life, but to share your life with another person and lose your self worth is not the journey to take. To start feeling you aren’t important, you don’t matter…no, that’s not the journey to take.

When love is there, it flows easily…a friendship is there, truth is there, no secrets, no ignoring, you want to honor that person, you want to be loyal to that person, there aren’t doubts, they give you no reason to have doubts because all this is present, the relationship grows, moves forward, feels great, there’s no sudden change.

All those worries of the world: Stress, depression, hardships…all of that does not stand in the way of a solid foundation, especially, one two people have worked together to build. But…when there is doubt, there is assumptions, lack of communication…all stops, and tears replace that which was felt in the heart. That’s where ‘Ends of Ropes’ comes from.

After hearing all these wonderful things Trent had to say, which took me back to all that I’ve written during and after the darkness, I realized that I’m going down that same road. I don’t want to go back there. It hurt. It hurt a lot. When you go so far down that the actual moment of taking your own life because you can’t take the pain anymore is right there staring at you (hence, the tat that I wear on my arm), you don’t want to go there again. It is not worth it. Life is too precious to even begin that journey again.

I felt the hint of that pain this week. I recognized it like the demon it is. I battled with this since February. I prayed. I saw good when bad peeked its ugly head in. I pushed it aside. Good. God. Loyalty. Forgiveness. Trust. Admiration. Faithfulness. All of it…I kept in the light. God has His own plans. When a season is over, a season is over. For me, I saw a forever. Maybe…but it is what it is.

Another October approaching.For me, personally, there’s importance to that. That old saying: If you love someone, set them free. If they come back to you, it’s meant to be. I’m on my third shot at love. The scars get deeper. The wounds build higher walls, but that’s okay.

Live each day like it’s your last. Everyone has a journey. Some ropes just stop. They were meant to just stop. Some are put on hold. They were meant to be put on hold. Some keep growing. It is what it is.

We live on God’s time not ours. I don’t want that demon of hurt in my life. No. It doesn’t belong here. It is not welcomed here. That is hard, but anxiety and worry is not worth it. Love doesn’t bring those into your life. Love doesn’t change its mind. Love grows forward, not backwards. It doesn’t create chaos. It creates a wanting to be. A surety.

If you are struggling as I am, keep plowing. No one said it would be easy. To me, nothing in life is actually worth it if it comes easy. It is always worth more when you work for it.

Trusting in self is the most important thing to do. That’s God telling you what to do. If it’s uncomfortable, hell-smell, then that’s God moving you.Oh, how I know that feeling. Trust in it. The comfort zone is just stagnation.

What leaves may find it’s way back, then again, maybe it won’t. If after hurt, it does come back, don’t make it too easy…if love exist, it will prove itself, you won’t have to do anything. Please don’t feel pity for me. I’m doing my gift and that brings me joy. A lot of joy. God is great all the time!

Get Your Copy Today!

Paperback: The Metamorphosis of Self: Accepting It Wasn’t Your Fault Book 8

Kindle: The Metamorphosis of Self: Accepting It Wasn’t Your Fault Book 8

Additional Readings On The Law of Attraction, Spirituality and the Mind

(Each page has loads of additional books (in every format), videos, instruction materials, and inspiration gift ideas.):

Battle Field of The Mind: Winning the Battle in Your Mind by Joyce Meyer

Cathechism of the Catholic Church Published by Doubleday

Chicken Soup for the Soul by Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen, and Amy Newmark

Christ the King Lord of History by Anne W. Carrol

Daily Devotions: Wisdom From the Bible to Light Your Way by Gerard Kalan

Essence of the Heart Sutra by The Dalai Lama

Fasting to Freedom: A Revolution of Body and Spirit by Ron Langerquist

Money, and the Law of Attraction: Learning to Attract Wealth, Health, and Happiness by Esther and Jerry Hicks

Mystical Traveler: How to Advance to a Higher Level of Spirituality by Sylvia Brown

No Matter What! 9 Steps to Living the Life You Love by Lisa Nichols

Notes from the Universe: New Perspectives from an Old Friend by Mike Dooley

Peace, Prosperity and the Coming Holocaust: The New Age Movement in Prophecy by Dave Hunt

Proof of Heaven: A Neurosurgeon’s Journey into the Afterlife by Eben Alexander, M.D.

The Answer: Grow Any Business, Achieve Financial Freedom, and Live an Extraordinary Life by John Assaraf and Murray Smith

The Astonishing Power of Emotions: Let Your Feelings Be Your Guide by Esther and Jerry Hicks

The Daily Bible In Chronological Order 365 Daily Readings New International Version

The Law of Attraction: The Basics of the Teachings of Abraham by Esther and Jerry Hicks

The Mind Connection: How the Thoughts You Choose Affect Your Mood, Behavior and Decisions by Joyce Meyer

The New American Bible Published by World Catholic Press

The Secret by Rhonda Bryne

Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill

War Room: Prayer Is a Powerful Weapon by Chris Fabry

Additional On Abuse…Codependency, Narcissism, Trauma…and Healing

(Each page has loads of additional books (in every format), videos, instruction materials, and inspiration gift ideas.):

Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melody Beattie

I Know Why the Cage Bird Sings by Maya Angelou

I Am Malala: How One Girl Stood Up for Education and Changed the World by Malala Yousafzai

Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited by Sam Vaknin

It Wasn’t Your Fault: Freeing Yourself from the Shame of Childhood Abuse with the Power of Self-Compassion by Beverly Engel, LMFT

Pathways to Recovery, A Strengths Recovery Self-Help Workbook by Priscilla Ridgway, Diane McDiarmid, Lori Davidson, Julie Bayes, and Sarah Ratzlaff

Power: Surviving & Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse by Shahida Arabi

Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder by Paul T. Mason and Randi Kreger

The Anger Control Workbook: Getting Through Treatment and Getting Back to Your Life by Dr. Matthew McKay and Dr. Peter Rogers.

Triggers: Creating Behavior That Lasts – Becoming the Person You Want to Be by Marshall Goldsmith and Mark Reiter

Author: k. e. leger

I'm a writer.

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