‘I Should’

People do some really messed up things to us when they are desperate. And all you can do is sit back and watch and pray for them. 

I Should
 
I should hate you
for your betray
but I don't
 
I should want‒
to humiliate you
call you crazy, insane
like you did to me
‒but I can't
 
I should despise you
want to lay‒
all your shit out
the truth...unlike you
who told lie upon lie
‒but I don't...I can't
 
I should resent you
and, at first, I did
now...I want to
‒but something's changed
 
I should want‒
to kill myself
over all the things‒
you did
(each and everyone of you)
I should
after all that's been‒
robbed from me
I should
after all the names‒
you called me
after all your manipulation
‒but I can't
 
even...here...standing alone
without family or a home
just empty dial tones
on a phone
my only connection‒
in clone
 
I should
want
to do...all these things
for...against me‒
all those wrongs
‒but I won't
 
I'll just go on
on my own
speaking truth
no matter‒
what you do
 
I forgive you
now I feel‒
sorry for you
for the things‒
you do
for you don't answer‒
to me
 
I should
want
to pray for you
I should ask God†
to be with you
‒I do
 
for He's the one‒
you answer to
like me‒
to Him† I voice
my complain
then Jesus† carefully
explained
I, like Him†...the lamb
‒your sacrifice
for your darkness to hide
only...God† has eyes
He† saw all‒
your lies
 
so I should‒
go against you
but I won't...I can't
 
I am God's† child
every, single, tiny inch
of this journey's miles
I do what I should
not what I could
‒WHAT I SHOULD!
 
for I read His† book
He† taught me‒
bad from good
I don't have to just‒
give it a look
I know...in pure certainty
I do what my Brother†
would!
I'm not leaving behind
what could be burned‒
with wood
I'm leaving behind
what'll be known‒
as divine
 
because I didn't
cross that line‒
that place where
darkness thrives
and hope dies
 

Note: The photograph is from September 27, 2019: Love from Heaven. I titled that set of photographs that because it was love from heaven. I was having a hard time understanding what was being told to me. This trip, egged on by David of course, helped me get with my perspectiveness.

09.27.2019.17.38.25

The following, written in February, is very interesting. I don’t know how this virus is affecting the world. As of today, I’ve kept my distance from the news as I as asked to. God is asking for the healing of the world. Since February, He has proven what He’s telling me is truth. He wants everyone to heal from their pain. It is your will, as in the work I published today, ‘Inhuman Love‘ [Jesus’ words in commentary].

(February 2, 2020)—This morning I sat drinking my coffee going over the reason I was the sacrificial lamb in my family. I went over everything that I’ve been through and then I said to the Lord and to David, ‘I don’t want to think about this anymore.’ Then I went to write. The title, ‘I Should’ came to my heart, so I asked the Lord to direct me to a Scripture that will help me write what was in my heart. And He did….

Lesson from Fig Tree—[Mark] In the morning, as they went along, they saw the fig tree withered from the roots. Peter remembered and said to Jesus, ‘Rabbi, look! The fig tree You cursed has withered!’ [Matthew] When the disciples saw this, they were amazed. ‘How did the fig tree wither so quickly?’ they asked. Jesus replied, ‘I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and it will be done. If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.’ [Mark] And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.’―Matthew 21:20-22; Mark 11:20-26 (from Bethany to Jerusalem)

Some amazing things have been happening in my life that I can’t talk about currently. I have to be patient and wait. The waiting game is so very hard to me, but As Jesus says above…trust. That’s part of the message to me and the other part is to not doubt and forgive. Hence, the words in ‘I Should’.

People do some really messed up things to us when they are desperate. And all you can do is sit back and watch and pray for them. I get this really sad emotion because I watch all those around the ones who did the messed-up things and wonder why am I the only one who sees. Then I learned that God allows people to see what He wants them to. It is up to their hearts to figure it out. And so far…bad hearts all around me. It is so sad to witness this.

My question has always been: ‘Where are all the adults?’ ever since the darkness fell on me in 2012, Book  5. I wondered why so much pride and ego. Sure we all have some pride and ego, but the amount that I’ve seen…people would destroy a good person’s life to hide their secrets, their sins just because they are too ashamed to speak the truth, to reveal the truth! How sad a world we have become!

‘I Should’…I really should dislike a lot of people. I don’t. I feel sorry for them. I really do. I had to go to the store earlier today and there behind me were two ladies talking about the Super Bowl half-time show. On my Facebook, all over, there were critic after critic…judging. I made my statement about judgment then in came the vultures…judging. These are people who claim to know Christ! What is the odd but not so odd thing…knowing God and Jesus as I do, is what they sent to me today. I wrote it in ‘Your Death’! You can’t get any more truthful than that, yet, still, people are claiming to know God and they don’t! Jesus called them hypocrites! And they still are today!

Truth. I know this: God will keep the veil on you if you continue to prove to Him that you are unworthy of the truth. That’s fact. Your ignorance is killing you. And I can tell you all the truth there is to know. So can any of the others God chose to speak for Him, you will not believe any of us! Your heart is the problem. And I nor anyone else can fix it. That’s totally up to you. You have to ask God back into your life with sincerity, a child heart. If you hadn’t done that yet, He is not with you. He is NOT the God of the dead! What part of this don’t you get?

All of your money. All of your friends. All of your connections. All of your…whatever you have in place of Jesus and God…NONE of it will save you! You can go on fooling yourself. You are ONLY fooling yourself. None of your stuff, your status…NONE of that counts! You can do good all of your life and you get tempted because of sex, money, status…all of that is OUT the window! And you start all over again!

I am a sinner. I did all kinds of sinful acts. I’m so sure of myself in that God has elevated me, that I can say…being elevated by God is painful! You have no choice but to confront ALL of your sins! Every single thing you’ve done wrong in your life. But that’s not all…you have to face ALL those things that were done against you! Every single one of them. Then you have to willingly let it go! You can’t hold zero resentment. You can’t hold zero hatred. And that hatred part…no matter how hard you want to hate, you can’t. You feel this enormous love for the people…that you get angry with them because they don’t see how terribly wrong they are going!

God says I am love. I can’t see it. Then He takes me through emotions caused by seeing others hurt and I want to cry, and He says: Love!

Here’s a question: What the hell is wrong with you when you don’t have anything better to do but grip over what the entertainers were wearing and doing during a football game’s half-time? Don’t you know that in South America there’s a feminicide taking place. Every hour a woman is murdered after being raped because she is deemed useless after! Thousands and thousands of children and young women are being stolen and sold for sex toys…and then they can be killed if so desired because they are commodities and not human beings to the evil people paying the cash! Did you know this?

These people are gripping about a half-time show…for what? They didn’t grip about the video Anaconda! I watched it. Did you? All the young girls in America watched it! Did you know this? Do you think, with all this technology, that you prevented your child from watching this video? Are you that naïve? Yet you judge openly on Facebook, revealing your stupidity…that you can pick and choose what to grip about. That’s just like the Catholic Church. They pick and choose as well. How many crusades did they take part in? Killing in the name of God! God says there is NO SUCH thing! As in ‘Thou Shall Not Kill,’ yet man took it upon themselves to be some kingdom on earth and kill. How many women did the Catholic, just the Catholic church, kill? How many? Because they, the people, deemed these women witches!? Who gave them the authority to deem them witches? God? Everything is of God! He gave these women the ability to heal with herbs. He gave them gifts to help people. It was men of the church who feared the people finding out the truth! That’s right. Don’t you want to know the truth?

Go on and judge. Go on! It is only your soul that you damage…and of course, so many times over because you are causing others to fall from grace because they are hearing your hate. You can’t pick and choose on your own whim. So, for me, I’m not picking and choosing. If I don’t agree with something, I’ll turn it off. The only problem with me is that God wants me to write…and dish out hard love. So, my popularity is not even a discussion. It is and will be zero! I was asked if I can handle that. I said, ‘Yes.’ And then I cried. But it is the only way to feel when you are told to tell it like it is, even when they all turn from you.

People don’t like hard love. And social media and this website is the only way I’m to put out what He gives me currently. So, I listen. I do what I should…not what others want. I never liked fitting in with the crowd. It never suited me. And knowing this…that it will be a lonely road, God send me support…as in the pictures below. He wanted me to see that He is with me always.

As in the orbs, how many out there get this particular green orb in almost every frame? What about the colored orbs on this site? Or the purple. How many have this showing up all around them? Are you going to go through the roof to debunk these photographs? Maybe in years to come. Currently, you aren’t even paying attention. God says soon you will. So, it is His will! And His will will be!

The following works are direct writings from God and Jesus, meaning I heard them speak and these words are not mine.

God: (2019)  ‘A Bid for the People‘, A Prophet’s Dew‘,  ‘Brave in the Snatch‘ (bus story warning), ‘Prophecy’s Awakeness‘, Tests of Worth‘; (2020) ‘Blessings‘, ‘Death-Toll Rise’,  ‘Failure’s Birth‘, From Left to Right’, ‘He† Speaks‘, ‘His† Fellowship’, ‘His† Pardon‘, ‘His† Time‘,  ‘I Am Truth’s Voice‘ (both), ‘No Exchanges: Your Masks for Mine‘, ‘Noose‘,  ‘On the Ground‘,  ‘Pillage of Souls’,  ‘The Seer’,  ‘Twenty, Twenty‘, ‘Uprest: Non-Negotiable’, Who Am I?’

Jesus: (2019) ‘His† Spirit’; (2020) ‘Decided‘,  ‘Foreseeing’s Agony’, ‘He† Breathes‘, ‘Inhuman Love‘ [Jesus’ words in commentary], ‘Love Exists’,  ‘My Feet‘, ‘Pleading for Audience‘,  ‘Rotten Figs‘, ‘Slow it Down‘, ‘Small Miracle‘, ‘Smells of Manure‘, ‘Spinning Hearts‘, ‘Stamped Heart‘, ‘The Adjunct‘, ‘The Clown‘, ‘The Lord’s† Will‘, ‘The Sound of Songs‘,  ‘Words’ Song‘, ‘You’ve Come‘,

Dreams/Visions: (August 2019) Visions; (2020) March 22: Four Disc Dream, ‘Hard-head’ (Jack-ass vision),‘This ‘If’ By-Law’ (Apr. 25: Virus Vision), June 17, 2020: Black Body Bag Vision, June 26: U.S. Presidential Wake Vision; April 11: the Jackass Dream; January 21: Aladdin’s Genie Lamp

Below is a list of all the pages and subpages included on God’s Mercy

Author: k. e. leger

I'm a writer.

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