Note: The photo that accompanies this work was taken November 9th. Jesus love as it is told to me, as I believe what I’m told.
In Good Faith
I pillaged
my sorrowful soul
filling up
an empty bankroll
with dried-up tears
in cold
trying desperately
to unload
‒tiring moments
in fold
then Jesus† comes in‒
pulls my restless body
from the cold
shows me
there's no loopholes
in this faith-bearing role
He† directs me over and over
prophets, disciples, apostles‒
all forced down the foxhole
doubt lingering
under a microscope
all needing signs
‒the tiniest
of pigeonholes
'I know...but please
give me a porthole'
as God's† faithful heart knows
humans must fight
the trolls
signs needed
for the role
so easy...to show
who's in control
not offended...He† abides
His† chosen souls
‒erases doubt
emptying
of every bit
of the cajole
(December 8, 2019)―The story of Lazarus. That’s where I was brought yesterday. But I wasn’t told to post it yet, instead after prayer with David, I was instructed to get my nails done. I’ve been wanting to do this, but I kept putting it off. My nails get quite long and when they reach a certain length, they get really hard and when one breaks, it usually breaks by the skin part, which hurts. And that…the nail parlor…is where this story led me.
This was the second time I went to this particular parlor. They did my nails right the first time and my nails neither chipped or peeled, so I gave them a second shot. This has been a dilemma sense I’ve been in Vegas because some places just seemed not to care about the long-term affects when a person is spending $70 to get their nails done. And I really don’t do this by choice. I always did my own nails and they always came out really good, but in the last five years, my hands have lost strength and now I have to pay someone to do them. And…I don’t want to go every couple of weeks, so I pay the extra money to get the gel nails, which last longer.
Two different colors. I’ve had this happen twice now. I had to ask if this was a trend or something, and the lady said no that they were the same color. I put my finger by my toes and asked her to look at them. She did briefly and still insisted that they were the exact same color. How did she come up with this conclusion? Easy. She was told.
The regular polish on my toes and the gel on my fingernails come as a pair. Meaning they have the exact same number on the bottles. But they don’t match. I was told that it could be my body chemistry. Well, my nails are dead cells if you want to get scientific. So, how could my body chemistry affect nail polish? It doesn’t. They are two separate colors, but because the corporation put the exact same numbers on the bottles and they are told that they are indeed the same color, they believe just like that.
It’s clear the two colors are different. How many times have you seen this happen: You see something. You know what you see. But because a group of people choose to see something else, everyone believes the crowd instead of the truth. I tried to make this woman see that they were clearly two separate colors, but she insisted because the bottles had the exact same numbers that they were the exact same colors and that my body chemistry changed the color of the nail polish as soon as she put it on my nails! Isn’t that something!
This goes way back to my college years when I did a paper for a journalism senior class about brain washing. It is so very easy to brainwash a person, a city, a state, a country. You have zero idea how easy this is. So, this returns to me, as in today’s spiritual lesson, about why I’m kept away from people. I am. Nothing happens without reason. NOTHING.
As Christmas draws near, I’m at a lost to why all that has happened to me has happened. I didn’t hurt anyone. I didn’t betray anyone. I didn’t manipulate anyone. I didn’t kill, steal, or destroy. I talked. I spoke out loud what everyone refuse to acknowledge because of that hush-hush mentality. I voiced my opinion. My truth. I called some out on their BS. And it didn’t end there. I write about God and Jesus as if I know them! I do. Personally. I write that God calls me His prophet. Because He tells me to write about it. Because of all of this…I’m casted out! I have written about this many times. I write about this over and over because it is important.
People who don’t believe what is…is…will be the ones to cast the first stones. I have my doubts about what I write about. I’m told it is because I’m human. I have my doubts even in that. I don’t hold anything against God. I fear Him. I know what He can do. If He wanted me to be a demon, He’ll make me a demon. It’s HIS choice. So, I get way down because I’m still alone. But He made a promise to me. One that is so very difficult to believe in…that it is scary. It hasn’t happened yet. This has nothing to do with the visions. That is separate. This has to do with me personally. Why? Because He wants me to have zero doubt. I can’t stress this enough.
I’m writing out of pure faith. I know what I hear. Then I get lost in the world of things and tell myself I’m hearing things, that I’m making this up. This is part of the spiritual lesson today in the nail parlor. Part of the promise is that once it happens, I’ll have only days before things get really crazy around the world. I keep questioning this. Then God makes me see how easy it is to brainwash people. He doesn’t want me to have time to think. He doesn’t want society to corrupt all the work He’s done in me. He’s protecting me.
This leads to the main reason why I wrote ‘In Good Faith’, which I had no idea that this, what I wrote above, would happen. He was telling me before hand. Or was He? I’ve been questioning all that I write. It sounds like I write with surety. Of course, how would I know? Hardly anyone is reading anything that I write. I have people deleting me like crazy on my Facebook personal page. I have less than a 1,000 followers on my Facebook author page and I’ve had that page up since 2009! I have fewer followers on this website. I have zero supporters. ZERO! This isn’t easy to do when one is pushing themselves, when there’s not one single soul telling me if my work reads well or that I did a good job today. God and Jesus tell me. They really do!
All this makes me sound crazy. Do you know how hard that is to realize there is no one to witness what is happening to you? And I’m so excited to share all that is being revealed to me, yet, there is no one actually listening. Can you even come close to realizing the depths of that? In comes Lazarus. God has been showing me in the Bible all the times the chosen needed signs to know for sure that what they were receiving was from Him. Now Jesus is showing me that even in life here on Earth, doing the miracles that He was doing in front of people’s eyes, they STILL had a hard time believing. He’s telling me that I’m no different.
This promise from God, this sign, I so badly need it, then I get to a place where I don’t even care. No one cares about what I write any way. That’s what I keep telling myself. God says that will change. I have faith in God. I don’t have faith in people. What I’ve learned in my 50 years on Earth is that love, the kind that I’m told is supposed to exist, doesn’t. This breaks my heart. It has broken God’s heart. I question this all the time. I write about love and want people to have it. Then I ask myself: How can I when I haven’t experienced it, not even from my own children? This is sad, but true. So, this promise God has made to me is to reveal love to me in a very important way. I can’t imagine it happening. I can’t. Mainly because I lost my faith in people.
(December 9, 2019)―Lazarus. Jesus reveals a lot here. As I have a very hard time writing for Jesus, I’m taking this slow and steady with many tears in between. David prays with me. Jesus assures me it’s okay.
Lazarus’ Illness Told—Now a man named Lazarus was sick. He was from Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha. This Mary, whose brother Lazarus now lay sick, was the same one who poured perfume on the Lord and wiped His feet with her hair. So the sisters sent word to Jesus, ‘Lord, the one you love is sick.’ When He heard this, Jesus said, ‘This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.’—John 11:1-4
NOTES: Everything happens for a reason. Trust. This again showing that Jesus knew what was coming. Foretelling. I have to say this because this past week I saw a post on Facebook that said something to this effect: How could you love a god who killed his son? I rebuke that shit. That is nothing but Satan. I say that with pure heart because from the beginning Jesus said who He is to everyone. Here, in this passage He says it again. All you fools who say such things as what I wrote here, don’t know anything, but you sure will know the pit. Jesus came here to die for your lazy, lame ass! He came here to save you and you are so worked up in the world that for you, His suffering was in vane. You will go to the pit anyway!
But for me, a sinner, and all those who know how God works, will have the joy of meeting Him. I can say, and I know there are others like me, have already met Him…twice! I saw a part of the kingdom when they took me to see my mom. Fools! Eternity is always and forever. Enjoy! Because you chose to ignore Jesus. You chose to ignore God’s prophets who are sent here to warn you to change. We tried. You failed.
Disciples Fear Return—Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. Yet when He heard that Lazarus was sick, He stayed where He was two more days. Then He said to His disciples, ‘Let us go back to Judea.’ ‘But Rabbi,’ they said, ‘a short while ago the Jews tried to stone You, and yet You are going back there?’ Jesus answered, ‘Are there not twelve hours of daylight? A man who walks by day will not stumble, for he sees by this world’s light. It is when he walks by night that he stumbles, for he has no light.’ After He had said this, He went on to tell them, ‘Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep, but I am going there to wake him up.‘ His disciples replied, ‘Lord, if he sleeps, he will get better.’ Jesus had been speaking of his death, but His disciples thought He meant natural sleep. So then He told them plainly, ‘Lazarus is dead, and for your sake I am glad I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him.’ Then Thomas (called Didymus) said to the rest of the disciples, ‘Let us also go, that we may die with Him.’—John 11:5-16
NOTES: This Scripture was very specific for me. Jesus is being to the point about who He is, but they didn’t get it. Do you get it?
He stayed where He was two more days….There…He could have went directly, but He chose to wait. He knew what was happening to Lazarus. He is God’s Son. This is so easy for me to understand. I wish that you did.
Are there not twelve hours of daylight? A man who walks by day will not stumble, for he sees by this world’s light. It is when he walks by night that he stumbles, for he has no light.’ ….This wasn’t as easy for me to understand. Jesus had to explain byway of the fingernail parlor and me getting time to think it over. As when He took me to the cross with Him, when we were walking down the street, He walking a bit ahead of me with His left arm out. He gave me a choice to follow Him or not. He wanted me to take the time and think about it. This is important to Him. So, too, with the writings I do for Him. His message is the same as God’s: He doesn’t want society to corrupt me. He wants me to be patient and wait for God’s promise to become my reality. He wants me to trust.
What He says here to His disciples is in parable or riddle because this is how the very intelligent communicate. Later, He explains what He meant because He noticed they didn’t get it. He doesn’t want His disciples to stumble when He leaves. Now, realize this event happens before His last journey, so He knows that He’s about to die, so He wants to erase as much doubt as possible from His disciple’s minds, so that when He appears to them after His body rises from the grave, they won’t be scared shitless! Foretelling!
Jesus is the light that we need to come out of the darkness with. We can see clearly during the day. Think about it…I know from experience…when we are in our darkness, we manage quite all right during the day, it is during the nights that we experience the most hell. So, what do we do? We sin. We do what is necessary not to be alone at night: we drink, we do drugs, we sex it up, we shop, we gamble. Get the picture? With Jesus as our light, we have no need for these things. So, He’s telling us that we need Him in our darkness! Why don’t you listen?
Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep, but I am going there to wake him up.‘…There…He says it again…who He is. Foretelling!
His disciples thought He meant natural sleep…This is something that I’m told to teach you over and over. Death when mentioned in the Bible, does NOT mean when our bodies give out on us. Nope. It means SIN. This is the whole symbolic meaning behind Jesus’ body going to sleep on the cross. It means when we fall to sin.
The churches take our bodies going to sleep to the extreme. God says in the Bible, over and over, that He is the God of the living, not the dead. Meaning when your body quits, you are no longer in that shell. He is not the God of that shell anymore. You are gone. Depending on how you lived your life factors in if He is, in fact, your God at all. Because if you go to the pit, He isn’t your God. Because in the pit, you are in death…suffering in sin until you decide that Jesus is the way. No one there will help you. No one. At least, here on Earth, you have people talking to you, planting seeds and such. In the pit…you are totally in the dark all by yourself! Your choice.
One more thing I might add that I mentioned in previous writings: God is the one who brings you to your darkness. To teach you. To humble you. When He allows Satan in, He steps away. At that time, He is no longer your God. You are in death. This is where the tests come in the strongest: Are you going to ask for His mercy? or Are you going to hate Him? Your choice. Once you get to that place, and this shit hurts like hell, where you beg for His mercy, He sends in Jesus and the crumbs are given and the process of your resurrection begins. Once you are out of sin, God returns to you!
‘Lazarus is dead, and for your sake I am glad I was not there, so that you may believe….Here He explains His parable/riddle. He is telling them that He didn’t go see Lazarus because of them. If He were there, He would have not let Him die…his body sleep. So, He refrained from going so that Lazarus’ body WOULD die. In letting Lazarus’ body die, He would have the opportunity of raising him from the dead to prove to His disciples who He is, or give more proof of who He is in order to do one single thing: Erase doubt.
Jesus is telling me that even His disciples who had seen many miracles right in front of their eyes needed more signs because the more and bigger the sign, the more doubt is erased, the more unlikely it is that society, the prince of the earth, can mess up what He has taught them…taught ME.
Let us also go, that we may die with Him.’….Here…where the churches fuck things up…shows us the doubt. They think He will go there and die, but it’s not time. Of all that they had seen while being with Him for nearly three years, they still didn’t quite understand. So, here I am hearing God call me His prophet, hearing both Jesus and God’s voice, hearing David, going through prayer with David, seeing visions…all on faith that what I’m experiencing is real! These guys SAW Jesus and SAW Him perform healings right before their eyes, AND they HAD doubt STILL! Jesus is constantly answering my question: Does this doubt reveal my weakness? with a shake of my head: NO!
Jesus Talks with Martha—On His arrival, Jesus found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb four days. Bethany was less than two miles from Jerusalem, and many Jews had come to Martha and Mary to comfort them in the loss of their brother. When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went out to meet Him, but Mary stayed at home. ‘Lord,’ Martha said to Jesus, ‘if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.’ Jesus said to her, ‘Your brother will rise again.’ Martha answered, ‘I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day.’ Jesus said to her, ‘I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in Me will never die. Do you believe this?’ ‘Yes, Lord,’ she told Him, ‘I believe that You are the Christ, the Son of God, who was to come into the world.’—John 11:17-27 (Near Bethany)
NOTES: So now Jesus is where Lazarus is. And, of course, what I said earlier is exactly what Martha says: ‘if you had been here, my brother would not have died. The whole point of Him staying away.
‘I am the resurrection and the life.…Keep in mind that He hadn’t been to the cross yet. Foretelling. He’s telling us and them again who He is! No one gets it! He is also saying loud and clear that HE IS LIFE! In Him, you will find life! So, why would you choose death?…He who believes in me will live,…There…He’s telling us all what to do…even though he dies;…meaning even if you fall to sin, anyone can rise and live again through Him…and whoever lives and believes in Me will never die…..’…meaning they will live eternity in the light…in God’s kingdom…your freaking soul, that which you really are, will never die! Why would you fuck with that!?
Jesus Talks with Mary—And after she had said this, she went back and called her sister Mary aside. ‘The Teacher is here,’ she said, ‘and asking for you.’ When Mary heard this, she got up quickly and went to Him. Now Jesus had not yet entered the village, but was still at the place where Martha had met Him. When the Jews who had been with Mary in the house, comforting her, noticed how quickly she got up and went out, they followed her, supposing she was going to the tomb to mourn there. When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw Him, she fell at His feet and said, ‘Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.‘ When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, He was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. ‘Where have you laid him?’ He asked. ‘Come and see, Lord,’ they replied. Jesus wept. Then the Jews said, ‘See how He loved him!’ But some of them said, ‘Could not He who opened the eyes of the blind man have kept this man from dying?’—John 11:28-27
NOTES: if you had been here, my brother would not have died…this is, of course, repeated, so that tells us it is IMPORTANT! He allowed Lazarus to die for a reason!
When the Jews who had been with Mary in the house, comforting her, noticed how quickly she got up and went out, they followed her, supposing she was going to the tomb to mourn there….I’m telling you that if you are a Jew and you, somehow, are reading this, you need to read more! God is NOT happy with you. Jesus keeps pointing out HOW the Jews respond. Now don’t forget that they are veiled because the crucifixion HAS to happen. This was the entire reason WHY Jesus was born! So, God wants the Jews today to know that He knows their behavior and forgives them, but…always a BUT…they have to accept His Son! So, here we are shown the turn of events of the hypocrisy that God hates so much!
When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, He was deeply moved in spirit and troubled…Can you even guess to why He was troubled? That the Jews were with her and were weeping. Why? Because He already knew what would happen! Foretelling!
Jesus wept...Why did He weep? You should know this. He wept not over a body that has gone to sleep. He wept because He knew what was going to happen!
‘Could not He who opened the eyes of the blind man have kept this man from dying?’…Here it comes! Double standards anyone? They had the gull to ask this question and yet later on, go tattle-tale on Him, then kill Him! They were not really veiled here, but soon, very soon…the veils go on and the hypocrisy is called out in words of the disciples. This was all written down so that the Jews today will see how their ancestors were veiled and it’s now up to them to turn the page and forgive God and accept His Son and pray for those in the pit to do the same. If they don’t…no matter how many prayers they say, they are all going to the pit.
Lazarus Raised—Jesus, once more deeply moved, came to the tomb. It was a cave with a stone laid across the entrance. ‘Take away the stone,’ He said. ‘But Lord,’ said Martha, the sister of the dead man, ‘by this time there is a bad order, for he has been there four days.’ Then Jesus said, ‘Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?’ So they took away the stone. Then Jesus looked up and said, ‘Father, I thank You that You have heard Me. I knew that You always hear Me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that You sent Me.’ When He had said this, Jesus called in a loud voice, ‘Lazarus, come out!’ The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face. Jesus said to them, ‘Take off the grave clothes and let him go.’—John 11:38-44
NOTES: ‘Take away the stone,’…Foretelling…He is the capstone!
There’s the sign, the evidence, more of it, that He gave to His disciples so that their doubt would be erased. He needed them to have pure hearts in order to teach others, spread the Word, after He left them. Do you see it now?
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