‘Job’s Sister’

Note: What you see in the photograph that accompanies this work was taken October 15. He has sent me many crosses proving to me that what you see in these photographs are sent from Him. It is not for me to make you believe or understand. I’m to deliver the message. Your judgement of me is what He is expecting. That’s your mark. You have to answer to that. Not me.

 Job's Sister
  
 I weighed out the words
 on my heart
 I cry and despise my life
 I've given all–
 to the light
 –forgot about everything
 sit quietly and write
 day after day
 year after year
 as everyone I love
 disappeared
  
 alone...banished
 I too, beg:
  
 what have I done?
 show me so I can repent
  
 nothing...
 but more to write
 more work to be done
 as lonely consumes me
 waiting impatiently
 for a love promised to me
 work, work, work
 as lines cover my face
 moving from place to place
 writing as in a race
 –with no home to trace
  
 on and on it goes
 every word doesn't escape
 Your† eyes
 every move I make
 You† scrutinize
 as I work, work, work
 through sleepless nights
 missing all the day's light
 for a promise
 that's never in sight
  
 all hate me in despise
 I'm left with empty nights
 in silence...I'm condemned
 talking to the air
 at empty walls–
 I stare
  
 leave me alone!...I yell
 then You† fill me up–
 a given bone
 to do Your† work
 then I'm brought back down
 crying and complaining
 wondering what wrong I've done
 to suffer so deep
 as everyone who used me
 gets to see happy days
 I'm torn, stripped of all joy
 like a played-out toy
 on it...where everyone spits
  
 I'd rather this body quit
 me...live as the spirits
 who feel nothing
 but see everything
 for all I've worked for
 gone
 with no place
 to call home
 nor anyone to call
 my own
 –just emptiness
 and work, work, work
 with no joy or happy
 left in my heart
   

(October 24, 2019)—I wrote ‘Job’s Sister’ on October 19th. I wasn’t going to post it, but it goes with what was written today...’Rebuke Me’. I don’t think I need to explain what these Scriptures say or what God was revealing to me. It’s not for me to say. He thinks you are smart enough to get it.

Curses Come From Anguish—Then Job replied: ‘If only my anguish could be weighed and all my misery be placed on the scales! It would surely outweigh the sand of the seas―no wonder my words have been impetuous. The arrows of the Almighty are in me, my spirit drinks in their poison; God’s terrors are marshaled against me. Does a wild donkey bray when it has grass, or an ox bellow when it has fodder? Is tasteless food eaten without salt, or is there flavor in the white of an egg? I refuse to touch it; such food makes me ill.—Job 6:1-7 (Job is Speaking)

Fear of Sinning in Pain—‘Oh, that I might have my request, that God would grant what I hope for, that God would be willing to crush me, to let loose His hand and cut me off! Then I would still have this consolation—my joy in unrelenting pain—that I had not denied the words of the Holy One. What strength do I have, that I should still hope? What prospects, that I should be patient? Do I have the strength of stone? Is my flesh bronze? Do I have any power to help myself, now that success has been driven from me?―Job 6:8-13 (Job is Speaking)

Cannot Depend on Friends—‘A despairing man should have the devotion of his friends, even though he forsakes the fear of the Almighty. But my brothers are as undependable as intermittent streams, as the streams that overflow when darkened by thawing ice and swollen with melting snow, but that cease to flow in the dry season, and in the heat vanish from their channels. Caravans turn aside from their routes; they go up into the wasteland and perish. The caravans of Tema look for water, the traveling merchants of Sheba look in hope. They are distressed, because they have been confident; they arrive there, only to be disappointed. Now you too have proved to be no help; you see something dreadful and are afraid. Have I ever said, ‘Give something on my behalf, pay a ransom for me from your wealth, deliver me from the hand of the enemy, ransom me from the clutches of the ruthless’?—Job 6:14-23 (Job is Speaking)

Rebuke For Chiding—‘Teach me, and I will be quiet; show me where I have been wrong. How painful are honest words! But what do your arguments prove? Do you mean to correct what I say, and treat the words of a despairing man as wind? You would even cast lots for the fatherless and barter away your friend.—Job 6:24-27 (Job is Speaking)

No Malice in Curses—‘But now be so kind as to look at me. Would I lie to your face? Relent, do not be unjust; reconsider, for my integrity is at stake. Is there any wickedness on my lips? Can my mouth not discern malice?—Job 6:28-20 (Job is Speaking)

Expectancy of Hardship—Does not man have hard service on earth? Are not his days like those of a hired man? Like a slave longing for the evening shadows, or a hired man waiting eagerly for his wages, so I have been allotted months of futility, and nights of misery have been assigned to me. When I lie down I think, ‘How long before I get up?’ The night drags on, and I toss till dawn. My body is clothed with worms and scabs, my skin is broken and festering.―Job 7:1-5(Job is Speaking)

Brevity of Life—My days are swifter than a weaver’s shuttle, and they come to an end without hope. Remember, O God, that my life is but a breath; my eyes will never see happiness again. The eye that now sees me will see me no longer; You will look for me, but I will be no more. As a cloud vanishes and is gone, so he who goes down to the grave does not return. He will never come to his house again; his place will know him no more.―Job 7:6-10 (Job is Speaking)

Bitterness of Pain—Therefore I will not keep silent; I will complain in the bitterness of my soul. Am I the sea, or the monster of the deep, that you put me under guard? When I think my bed will comfort me and my couch will ease my complaint, even then You frighten me with dreams and terrify me with visions, so that I prefer strangling and death, rather than this body of mine. I despise my life; I would not live forever.―Job 7:11-16 (Job is Speaking)