(March 30, 2019)—I’ve had some serious moments lately. When it comes to a close, I’ll share, but for now here’s a thought I want to share: the quote attached to this…right on the money.
This is a note to certain types of men, but I’m sure you ladies can relate. I do have something for you as well so keep reading. When you enter a relationship later in life, late 40s, you get the package. You don’t get to pick and choose for your liking. No. It doesn’t work like that. If you love and have every intention on making it work, you have to be open and totally honest about who you are from the start. Especially if you move in together.
You don’t say, ‘All we can do is try.’ You aren’t trying if you set the other person up to fail from the beginning. You aren’t trying if you have sex with your ex the very month you set out your try! That isn’t trying. That is described in the quote.
You don’t manipulate. If that woman you’re with is crying, screaming at you, there’s a reason. You don’t tell her there’s all these other women who want you, making her feel like she’s just an option! No. You don’t play with her emotions that way if you tell her you love her. You don’t write emails to other woman saying you are looking for that one perfect woman when you have one living with you and you are sharing a life with her. Normal men don’t do that. That woman you’re living with knows something is up. She can feel it. Your life will never be balanced because she feels your insincerity. You can’t blame her tantrum on her. You are insincere!
Yes, you inherit each other’s past. No doubt. You deal. You stay honest and don’t blame her for your shortcomings. You have to take responsibility for your own mistakes. That one woman who really gets to know you, she does know you….all your faults….she learns them first. It’s the MO of every relationship on Earth. Then SHE gets to decide what she will tolerate. Not you. HER!
She chooses the guy! You don’t choose the girl. That’s where a lot of men get things mixed up. Yeah, the guy asks the big question, but she puts you in the driver’s seat. Now I’m talking from the good girl viewpoint. You know…the faithful one who doesn’t do drugs or alcohol to the point of no return, over spends. Her!
Once you live together, she’s all in. She assumes you are all in as well. The older couple. There’s still shit to go through…. there’s still a past, older children, grandchildren, death of parents, financial struggle….you know…life! But there’s a huge….HUGE…factor: age. She moved in with you knowing she’s not young! Hello! Beam me up, Scotty! And the more time she spends with you, the older she gets.
She doesn’t have that youthfulness to keep looking young for a guy’s narcissist benefit. If that’s what you desire, then get a young woman in her 20s not an older woman nearing her 50s! She also doesn’t have time to compete with other women. If you like to play around, leave her out. She’s not getting younger. The clock doesn’t go backwards. You have to make that choice before time moves forward!
This leads me to a very personal point. A lot of women who have been divorced, around abuse have insecurities. Have brain matter to deal with. Me…my PTSD gets set off with lies, betrayal, confusion, knowing my sacrifice was in vain…I get irate! The bitch mode in overdrive! Added to that, on my personal journey, doing a new relationship was hard enough, and writing about it added to the punch when I actually gave up most of my belongings and family and moved 1600 with that guy who decided to be that one in my life…thinking that man was going to deal just as much as I was only to learn different. That right there deserves BITCH to stay!
The mentality talked about in this quote…so many of us women have experienced and it shouldn’t be! The men who live this life, it’s their fault! 100%. Ladies….you did nothing wrong but react to their own insecurities. So not only does the older woman have her own insecurities to deal with but his as well…and he totally blames her! That’s a boy’s mentality, not a real man’s.
Four years of my life robbed! Raped! That’s what it feels like for a woman to go through something like that. But it carries more than that. Because a woman experiences this a second time, she loses all credibility with family and friends. ‘Well, it happened again. It must be her fault!’ Makes any woman want to take her own life to escape this constant aching pain! And many have tried. Many have succeeded.
Check out My 12-Book Series on surviving controlling men. You’re worth it!
Additional Readings On Improving Self and Going After That Dream
(Each page has loads of additional books (in every format), videos, instruction materials, and inspiration gift ideas.):
A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens
A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose by Eckhart Tolle
A Woman of Substance by Barbara Taylor-Bradford
Become a Better You: 7 Keys to Improving Your Life Every Day by Joel Osteen
Beloved by Toni Morrison
Fearless by Max Lucado
Fifty Shades of Grey by E. J. James
How Not to Be Afraid of Your Own Life by Susan Piver
How Successful People Win by Ben Stein
How To See Yourself As You Really Are by The Dalai Lama
Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg
Love is Letting Go of Fear by Gerald G. Jampolsky, M.D.
Ship of Gold in the Deep Blue Sea by Gary Kinder
Shop Class as Soulcraft: An Inquiry into the Value of Work by Matthew B. Crawford
The 4-Hour Workweek: Escape 9-5, Live Anywhere, and Join the New Rich by Timothy Ferriss
The Third Wave: An Entrepreneur’s Vision of the Future by Steve Case
Who Moved My Cheese? by Spencer Johnson, M. D.