‘Codependent’

The Codependent: Make Yourself Happy First!

A sample from Book 6

 Codependent
 
I've tried to help
in ways
that didn't help
 
I've said yes
then no
to my self
 
I've avoided
hurting others
only to hurt myself
 
to trust my own feelings
I've been afraid
 
I've believed lies
then betrayed-
I often felt
 
I wanted to get even
punish others
for putting me
on a shelf
 
I often
became smothered
in anger and hate
-wanting to kill
not feeling safe
 
I've fought
for others' rights
when they didn't know
how the law swayed
only to be left
alone
like an abandoned stray
 
I've often settled
for others' worth
-left my own
to grow another day
 
I became
the reaction
to others' anger and hate
instead of listening to self
walking my own way
 
I became
less of me
for others
to be set free
 
I've lost myself
to dependency
on how others felt
without seeing
my own need
to be free
to be just me
Continue reading “‘Codependent’”

‘No Goodbye Kisses’

It’s Not Your Fault!

A sample from Book 6

 No Goodbye Kisses
 
I walk around
this house
quiet as a mouse
my steps slow
not sure
in which room to go
there's pain in every inch
remembering
the pounding
of your fist
 
I spoke my mind
maybe a little too unkind
your actions
way out of line
 
hurt...anger grows
not understanding
not knowing
why you changed
why you don't see
how you made
our life to be
 
your continued rage
backed me into a cage
I yelled for you to go
each word
another silent blow
denial and lies
I refused to cry
stood my ground
tired
of being treated
like a clown
 
once more
you ignored
as our child's eyes
grew wide
you continued
your raging tide
stand up for yourself
words I taught
actions―
I couldn't put on a shelf
your finger pointing
your hurt anointing
 
I slapped your face
hoping
it'll send you away
 
instead
you pounced―
off the cement
my head bounced
slamming your steel toes
into my thigh
my hands and elbow
razored with holes
your continued blast
left me
in a frozen cast
 
our son grabbed you
against the truck
he threw
my mother held me
I don't remember
jumping to my feet
I kicked you
I wanted to hurt you
I wanted to maim you
I wanted to kill you
 
I walk around
this house
quiet as a mouse
my steps slow
not sure
in which room to go
 
three times
in all these years
you crossed this line
bruises on my skin
my walk full of fear
each time worse
in between
silent torture
not standing up for me
not even seeing me
 
a continued
losing journey
me
wanting a family
you
becoming an enemy
a stranger
breeding hate and anger
 
I walk around
this house
quiet as a mouse
my steps slow
not sure
in which room to go
 
feeling the pain
in every inch
from the pounding
of your fist
 
staying...I resist
your actions
crossed the line
 
no goodbye kisses
just closing the door
leaving it all behind
Continue reading “‘No Goodbye Kisses’”

‘Stepping into the Fear’

Forget the Fear. Concentrate On What You Want!

A sample from Book 6

 Stepping into the Fear
 
what you are is what you think
―an old worn out thing
but living half your life
you come to see
how truly right
these words ring
 
any day-dreaming thought
even silently in the dark
―closed secret of the heart
given enough time
begins to shape its part
 
if the pictures seep in your head
while laying in bed
something you dread
or just want to unwed
―be careful
your repeated secret byline
given enough time
will come to you
will come true
 
it takes years
to make the picture clear
bits and pieces―
many scenarios pass through
your reality won't mock it
your actions won't show it
but in the universe
you did throw it
―over and over
believing it just fantasy
only your mind can see
nothing close to your reality
what does it hurt
losing yourself to its scenes
 
just a day-dreaming thought
something imagined in the dark
―silently in your heart
where no one has to be fought
something you think
not really sought
given enough time
begins to shape its part
 
with enough passing days
with enough nights to fade
the fantasy slowly builds
secret thoughts turn real

the universe enjoys enough time
fantasy to reality begins to align
instead of in your head
―hidden secrets fed
soon to become
a life led
 
deep inside
you try to deny
your eyes continuously cry
this can't be right
you start a war
―feverously fight
an outward dreaded fear
―at first unclear
the day-dreaming thoughts stop
as hands move on a clock
tic-toc, tic-toc
all your eye-seeing reality
becomes your secret fantasy
not exactly the way you saw
―the same is the result
 
wiping away the tears
now, it's all perfectly clear
what you wanted the most
―the secret you didn't boast
was the one thing
you truly feared
the fantasy
that only the universe
could hear
 
so it changed your course
―it may feel forced
you yell, scream, cry
over and over asking why
repeat, repeat, repeat
'til you're hoarse
 
 it leaves you no choice
but to step into your fear
―see your secret thoughts
as the true reality
of your heart  
Continue reading “‘Stepping into the Fear’”

‘A Rose When It Blooms’

A Woman Becomes Awesome After the ‘Hard’!

A sample from Book 6

 A Rose When It Blooms
 
it's easy to pass it by
if you don't have a good eye
it's easy to deny
―be easily satisfied
by its humble life
 
it's easy to say goodbye
if you don't understand―
its true vibe
instead of just
its surface shy
 
it's hard to describe
what comes from deep inside
watching a rose come alive
―shine in the light
spread its wings and divide
 
it's hard to simplify
its gentle lullaby
―its pure divine
without trying to deprive
its exotic fire
it's hard to amplify
what its many colors
signify
or how it mystifies
emotions and desires
it's hard to transcribe
without trying to terrify
or leaving questions of why
―I'm willing to try
 
when a rose awakes and divides
emotions thrive
its very beauty signifies
its power from God†
―adding harmony to lives
making a grown man cry
leaving the most vocal soul
tongue-tied
 
once awoken―
a rose transpires
all of its drive
all of its pride
to its newly created empire
it doesn't try to bribe
with all its energy it dives
overriding its individual side
transforming its tide
refusing to deprive
so that its vibrance can thrive
 
with its own awakening desires
 it doesn't place a price
or intend to bring strife
it doesn't even think twice
or wonder if it's right
it doesn't need or try to justify
―connive or lie
it just breathes life
―a humbling sacrifice
byway of God's† pure light
 
yes, it's easy to pass by
if you don't have a good eye
it's easy to deny
the beauty of a rose
―opening and coming alive
Continue reading “‘A Rose When It Blooms’”

‘Twenty-Year Itch’

Trust Me: It’s Not Your Fault!

A sample from Book 6

 Twenty-Year Itch
 
there's a glitch
in this marriage-is-forever niche
no one says it
when selling their pitch
they just say―
marriage is a gift
no more ifs
no more endless cliffs
but it's all a myth
for there's a ditch
from which
comes the switch
where love drifts
lies are rich
truths are a bitch
change is swift
 
heed this warnings' monolith
the twenty-year itch
comes from this sudden twitch
egotistical snitch
a labyrinth
a deceptive clinch
leaving you adrift
lost to miff
without even one
understanding flinch
Continue reading “‘Twenty-Year Itch’”

‘Changing of Tides’

You Will Make It Through!

A sample from Book 6

 Changing of Tides
 
an emptiness
fills his head
darkness consumes him―
wishing himself dead
 
around him
there's too much
filling
with a nothingness
a mixed rush
 
meanings of his life gone
what he thought important―
seems all wrong
 
a need
to just forget about it all
―drop everything and run
with not one once
of guilt
of those who'll fall
he just feels done
 
from all that was good
―it's easier
to just give up
do things
he never would
forget those
he once loved
start over
―a brand new book
those he hurt―
never giving
another look
 
denying blame
denying himself
just living life
from a shelf
is better to him
then standing for
what he really feels
in his heart
Continue reading “‘Changing of Tides’”

‘Please Don’t’

You Learn What You Want When You’re Hurt!

A sample from Book 6

  Please Don't
 
please don't be fake
please don't break
pin this heart
with betrayal's stake
 
not much more
I can take
so please don't mistake
my kindness
as just a piece of cake
or some cheap bait
―a game to play
then leave me
in your wake
 
I don't want hate
I want a lover's fate
―endless arms
to saturate
someone to date
a night's playmate
a beginning to create
a life-time mate
 
so please don't
under estimate
or violate
my weakened state
for real
I'll wait
for real
hoping long
I don't have to wait
Continue reading “‘Please Don’t’”

‘The Hanging’

When You’re Caught In Silent Abuse

A sample from Book 1

 The Hanging
 
the heart thumps
a thunderous bolt
tightens and roars—
wrapping, squeezing
like a sailor’s rope
 
hunger escapes
while sleeplessness eludes
jolted and battered—
feeling the vapor
of a flowerless fool
 
shaking
with rupturing chills
cold and hot—
not quite understanding
this weathering thrill
 
voice over voice
cloud the mind
yes or no—
eyes turn cold
moisten
then go blind
 
searching for light
yearning to yell
craving an escape—
this pending doom
to a bottomless hell
 
beneath there’s bound
to be salvation
somewhere to run—
‘til then
there’s only damnation
Continue reading “‘The Hanging’”

‘Silence of Me’

You Tend To Hang On. It’s Normal.

A sample from Book 5

 Silence of Me
 
I look at me
I hear me
wishing
I wouldn't be
hurting
I ruffled the sea
this romantic bee
twisting
words I see
wanting
to be free
saying
it's better for me
misrepresenting
what
I want to be
just you
I do see
putting
all thoughts
free
relating
what's
inside of me
hoping
you'd see
confusion's deed
all that I aim to be
all that I use to be
my wanting
to be free
inside of me
there's more to see
the outside sea
wanting
you along side of me
open and free
awakening
what used to be
 
look at me
hear me
all there is to be
 
a wall closed to me
burying me
deep
inside of me
silence of me
wishing
I wouldn't be
 
Continue reading “‘Silence of Me’”

‘Unconditional Love’

Does Unconditional Love Exist When It Comes To Relationships?

A sample from Book 5

 Unconditional Love
(Sweet Man)
 
to walk by my side
‒me by yours
an endless glide
hand and hand
standing beside
knowing each's inside
protecting from the outside
 
with each other
no hidden pride
thoughts...fears
with each other
no need to hide
 
to each other
nothing denied
not just a ride
an endless passionate tide
no drawn lines
not just being kind
 
knowing each's mind
keeping love's drive
awake and alive
without conditions
without bribes
 
walking side by side
through life
love's endless glide
until life and death collide
side by side
each to lie
Continue reading “‘Unconditional Love’”