‘Thrust in Turns’

A sample from Book 11

That’s an interesting question. It’s the biggest question that I tackle in my 11th book of My 12-Book Series. It’s a tough order. Just the Introduction was a tough order to write. The writing extensive and so was my life at the time.

Codependency showed its ugly face over and over bringing me to pure helplessness. I struggled. I fought against everyone. I was determine to find a way to break this crap. I refuse to believe that there was no cure. Everyone was lying and I was determined to prove it! Don’t be put off. There’s still another book that follows this one. Here’s part of my Introduction to Book 11.

 Thrust in Turns
  
 you attend church
 excuse someone when they burp
 with your neighbor–
carelessly flirt
  
 you donate baked goods
help someone cut wood
 with the boys–
curse those in the hood
  
 to the poor–
you give money
 stay faithful to your honey
 with the crowd–
treat others like a dummy
  
 you praise the Lord†
show all your heart
 when it gets hard–
on the table
you place the hidden cards
  
 you shake hands, smile
in public...be mild
 behind close doors
points in ignore
 arrogance in sarcastic, low-toned words
 then back to the crowd
 –everything meek and mild
  
 you take what's given
love without end
 'til nothing else given
love turns to fiend
 without eyes battening
  
 being one way then another
 deceiving your brother
hating your mother
 all turns to the final chapter
 you become the receiver
 without having a chance to recover

“…I chose to open this introduction with ‘Thrust in Turns’ because it sums what 2017 has been for me. Freeing one’s self of codependency. Is it possible? I think and believe that no one can’t. I see how all the research is correct. What to do if you can’t free yourself of codependency? You learn how to live with it. I know that is fucking harsh, but I don’t sugarcoat anything.

As you read through this book, you will see how I battle with this. You will see how I lose. The butterfly in me is wanting to fully emerge. I am fighting it. I have to completely publish all these books before I can let that happen. I have to have my closure. I want it all to end. I need it all to end. Will it be the end? That’s up to God, but I think it will. I’m not going to bother you with a long introduction here. I think I’ve written enough.

(October 8, 2018)―The above introduction was to remain as it was, but things have come to pass that I didn’t expect. The road to self-discovery is not an easy road to take on, but a necessary one. I have pondered this introduction for weeks now after a massive turn in my life took place.

Who am I?―The question that has been pounding in my head for days now. I’ve been shedding a lot of tears, digging deep in my self-pity, asking the Lord to show me, guide me. I’m sincerely struggling with words, with thoughts, with doubt and trust. The whole year of 2017 was this struggle as well. In the past, the messages, if you want to call them that, were so loud and easy to comprehend. Since 2017, not so much.

Today, I was led to 1 Corinthians―Paul. I have no idea what I’m about to write. What you read here will be written in one sitting. I was lead to Paul’s letter for a reason and the verses that was shown to me to be included are incorporated within this introduction.

For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. For it is written: ‘I will destroy the wisdom of the wise; the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate.’ Where is the wise man? Where is the scholar? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? For some in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know Him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe. Jews demand miraculous signs and Greeks look for wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified; a stumbling block to the Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. For the foolishness of God is wiser than man’s wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man’s strength.—1 Corinthians 1:18-25

This was written so long ago, yet it still remains true. For me, on a personal level, each time my writings get arrogant, if you want to call it that, I’m pushed back…like the wisdom that the writing came with was taken back a bit. For the past two years, this has been going on ten-fold. I often question it, then I’m led to certain verses in the Bible that tell me, Complete the vow. It’s just the same as in the words of my mother for the entire year of 2017, Finish the books, Karen.I am.

I’m not wise like God. In fact, compared to His power, I’m down-right dumb, and writing about all this makes me feel a bit foolish, but I know it’s what I’m supposed to do. Even when everyone in our lives give up on us, we must follow through on what is put into our hearts, even if it feels down-right foolish.

We will be tested to the max…trust me on this. We will be pushed, pulled, knocked to the ground, called vicious names, be abused, be doubted…there’s a reason for everything, and the reason for all this mess is to stop us from doing what God wants us to do. That damn evil whore the devil. Don’t let it win. Our codependency is part of all this mess. We can work around this inconvenience byway of Christ, and with the power of Christ we can move the ball to our court.

Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble births. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things―and the things that are not―to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before Him. It is because of Him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God―that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: ‘Let him who boasts boast in the Lord.’—1 Corinthians 1:26-31

Maybe…no, a sure answer to something that’s always troubling me: Am I worthy to speak of the things I write about? I still have things that bother me so much. I find myself constantly going in circles with negative thoughts and anger. I’ve written many, many times within the pages of these books how when we get closer to completing what God has called us to do, that devil will do whatever it can to force us to deny Christ, force us to hate God, force us to abandon the journey.

It has indeed played its game with me these past two years, but Paul reminds me that there IS a reason God called me, and it was a calling, and I did answer. God puts us through experiences not of our liking, of His, to teach us so that we can teach others with an honest heart. I truly believe that….”

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