‘Thrust in Turns’

Freeing Yourself From Codependency

A sample from Book 11

That’s an interesting question. It’s the biggest question that I tackle in my 11th book of My 12-Book Series. It’s a tough order. Just the Introduction was a tough order to write. The writing extensive and so was my life at the time.

Codependency showed its ugly face over and over bringing me to pure helplessness. I struggled. I fought against everyone. I was determine to find a way to break this crap. I refuse to believe that there was no cure. Everyone was lying and I was determined to prove it! Don’t be put off. There’s still another book that follows this one. Here’s part of my Introduction to Book 11.

 Thrust in Turns
you attend church
excuse someone when they burp
with your neighbor–
carelessly flirt
you donate baked goods
help someone cut wood
with the boys–
curse those in the hood
to the poor–
you give money
stay faithful to your honey
with the crowd–
treat others like a dummy
you praise the Lord†
show all your heart
when it gets hard–
on the table
you place the hidden cards
you shake hands, smile
in public...be mild
behind close doors
points in ignore
arrogance in sarcastic, low-toned words
then back to the crowd
–everything meek and mild
you take what's given
love without end
'til nothing else given
love turns to fiend
without eyes battening
being one way then another
deceiving your brother
hating your mother
all turns to the final chapter
you become the receiver
without having a chance to recover

“…I chose to open this introduction with ‘Thrust in Turns’ because it sums what 2017 has been for me. Freeing one’s self of codependency. Is it possible? I think and believe that no one can’t. I see how all the research is correct. What to do if you can’t free yourself of codependency? You learn how to live with it. I know that is fucking harsh, but I don’t sugarcoat anything.

As you read through this book, you will see how I battle with this. You will see how I lose. The butterfly in me is wanting to fully emerge. I am fighting it. I have to completely publish all these books before I can let that happen. I have to have my closure. I want it all to end. I need it all to end. Will it be the end? That’s up to God, but I think it will. I’m not going to bother you with a long introduction here. I think I’ve written enough.

(October 8, 2018)―The above introduction was to remain as it was, but things have come to pass that I didn’t expect. The road to self-discovery is not an easy road to take on, but a necessary one. I have pondered this introduction for weeks now after a massive turn in my life took place.

Who am I?―The question that has been pounding in my head for days now. I’ve been shedding a lot of tears, digging deep in my self-pity, asking the Lord to show me, guide me. I’m sincerely struggling with words, with thoughts, with doubt and trust. The whole year of 2017 was this struggle as well. In the past, the messages, if you want to call them that, were so loud and easy to comprehend. Since 2017, not so much.

Today, I was led to 1 Corinthians―Paul. I have no idea what I’m about to write. What you read here will be written in one sitting. I was lead to Paul’s letter for a reason and the verses that was shown to me to be included are incorporated within this introduction.

For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. For it is written: ‘I will destroy the wisdom of the wise; the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate.’ Where is the wise man? Where is the scholar? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? For some in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know Him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe. Jews demand miraculous signs and Greeks look for wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified; a stumbling block to the Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. For the foolishness of God is wiser than man’s wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man’s strength.—1 Corinthians 1:18-25

This was written so long ago, yet it still remains true. For me, on a personal level, each time my writings get arrogant, if you want to call it that, I’m pushed back…like the wisdom that the writing came with was taken back a bit. For the past two years, this has been going on ten-fold. I often question it, then I’m led to certain verses in the Bible that tell me, Complete the vow. It’s just the same as in the words of my mother for the entire year of 2017, Finish the books, Karen.I am.

I’m not wise like God. In fact, compared to His power, I’m down-right dumb, and writing about all this makes me feel a bit foolish, but I know it’s what I’m supposed to do. Even when everyone in our lives give up on us, we must follow through on what is put into our hearts, even if it feels down-right foolish.

We will be tested to the max…trust me on this. We will be pushed, pulled, knocked to the ground, called vicious names, be abused, be doubted…there’s a reason for everything, and the reason for all this mess is to stop us from doing what God wants us to do. That damn evil whore the devil. Don’t let it win. Our codependency is part of all this mess. We can work around this inconvenience byway of Christ, and with the power of Christ we can move the ball to our court.

Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble births. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things―and the things that are not―to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before Him. It is because of Him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God―that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: ‘Let him who boasts boast in the Lord.’—1 Corinthians 1:26-31

Maybe…no, a sure answer to something that’s always troubling me: Am I worthy to speak of the things I write about? I still have things that bother me so much. I find myself constantly going in circles with negative thoughts and anger. I’ve written many, many times within the pages of these books how when we get closer to completing what God has called us to do, that devil will do whatever it can to force us to deny Christ, force us to hate God, force us to abandon the journey.

It has indeed played its game with me these past two years, but Paul reminds me that there IS a reason God called me, and it was a calling, and I did answer. God puts us through experiences not of our liking, of His, to teach us so that we can teach others with an honest heart. I truly believe that….”

Get Your Copy Today!

Paperback: The Metamorphosis of Self—Breaking Bread…Freeing Self from the Cocoon of Codependency Book 11

Kindle: The Metamorphosis of Self—Breaking Bread…Freeing Self from the Cocoon of Codependency Book 11

Additional Readings On Improving Self and Going After That Dream

(Each page has loads of additional books (in every format), videos, instruction materials, and inspiration gift ideas.):

13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do: Take Back Your Power, Embrace Change, Face Your Fears, and Train Your Brain for Happiness and Success by Amy Morin

A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens

A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose by Eckhart Tolle

A Woman of Substance by Barbara Taylor-Bradford

Become a Better You: 7 Keys to Improving Your Life Every Day by Joel Osteen

Beloved by Toni Morrison

Fearless by Max Lucado

Fifty Shades of Grey by E. J. James

How Not to Be Afraid of Your Own Life by Susan Piver

How Successful People Win by Ben Stein

How To See Yourself As You Really Are by The Dalai Lama

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Love is Letting Go of Fear by Gerald G. Jampolsky, M.D.

Rich Dad Poor Dad: What the Rich Teach Their Kids about Money—That the Poor and Middle Class Do Not! by Robert T. Kiyosaki

Ship of Gold in the Deep Blue Sea by Gary Kinder

Shop Class as Soulcraft: An Inquiry into the Value of Work by Matthew B. Crawford

The 4-Hour Workweek: Escape 9-5, Live Anywhere, and Join the New Rich by Timothy Ferriss

The Third Wave: An Entrepreneur’s Vision of the Future by Steve Case

Tuesdays With Murray: An Old Man, a Young Man, and Life’s Greatest Lesson by Mitch Albom

Who Moved My Cheese? by Spencer Johnson, M. D.

You are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living An Awesome Life by Jen Sincero

You can’t Pay Your Credit Card Bill with a Credit Card and Other Habits of The Financially Confident Woman by Mary Hunt

Additional On Abuse…Codependency, Narcissism, Trauma…and Healing

(Each page has loads of additional books (in every format), videos, instruction materials, and inspiration gift ideas.):

Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melody Beattie

I Know Why the Cage Bird Sings by Maya Angelou

I Am Malala: How One Girl Stood Up for Education and Changed the World by Malala Yousafzai

Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited by Sam Vaknin

It Wasn’t Your Fault: Freeing Yourself from the Shame of Childhood Abuse with the Power of Self-Compassion by Beverly Engel, LMFT

Pathways to Recovery, A Strengths Recovery Self-Help Workbook by Priscilla Ridgway, Diane McDiarmid, Lori Davidson, Julie Bayes, and Sarah Ratzlaff

Power: Surviving & Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse by Shahida Arabi

Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder by Paul T. Mason and Randi Kreger

The Anger Control Workbook: Getting Through Treatment and Getting Back to Your Life by Dr. Matthew McKay and Dr. Peter Rogers.

Triggers: Creating Behavior That Lasts – Becoming the Person You Want to Be by Marshall Goldsmith and Mark Reiter

Author: k. e. leger

I'm a writer.

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