Tag: job

‘Bases for Virginity’

Drinking from His cup isn’t easy. Adhering to Satan, now that’s easy: drink it up, smoke it up, sex it up, lie, manipulate, deceive steal, kill, hate, argue, blame, judge, yell. Jesus’ cup: LOVE!

Bases for Virginity
 
I have bedded many men
I've committed this sin
that sin
but none to go above win
I've dipped my foot
in stealing
I've never been much
in dealing
or...others...mistreating
 
still...God's† hand
found its way
where ever I stand
 
down, down, down
to a pitted clown
even when I helped
all around
even when I gave
with a mind in sound
 
oh! the tears I've shed
oh! the pain I've bled
betrayed by the wed
‒humans in dread
 
that knife dug in
'til they thought
I was dead
 
abandonment was their hymn
out of sight, out of mind
with her away‒
she's the blame
of all of them
 
my anger grew‒
you understand
deception...I'm not a fan
money, power‒
I don't think that grand
 
everyone...at me...frowned
me...a different direction
bound
God† needed my feet
on the ground
He† needed to rebuild me
so solidly...I'd be found
 
He† pounded and pounded
my home, my family
my friends, my children
my dreams, my education
my experiences‒
all of it...He† did shred
 
pushing me
pounding me
blocking me
‒as I lay screaming
and crying
yelling and denying
my Father† kept disciplining
me
‒on and on
'til I wanted to rest
in dying
 
but He† wouldn't let me
He† placed guilt
in my heart
so I cried
'til I fell apart
again and again
piercing me over and over
with His† mighty dart
forcing my hand
to deliver words to man
for the Lord† to take
His† stand
where ever I ran
 
He† killed me
after building me
then rebuilt me
‒made me His† witness
His† pain lays
on my body
He† revels to me
His† plan
for a new history
then I watch it unfold
making me feel old
but His† love‒
I'm completely sold
for He† tore me
then put me together
to wane any weather
with a force making me cry
even wishing to die
for His† glory surrounding me
for His† power holds me
for He† has unscaled my eyes
‒unwaxed my ears
all my senses
are completely His†
 
but first...I had to break
not once, not twice
but over and over
'til I knew it was Him†
'til I knew my Father†
wanted me to write for Him†
not out of my imagination
but directly Him†
Tetragrammaton†
for I am in Him†
and He† is in me
so it goes with Jesus†
me with the Holy Trinity†
 
 

Notes: On Feb. 9, Rough Waters…Millions Will Die, a lot of things were revealed to me, but I wasn’t allowed to see them until about a week ago. The question mark (?) was in the sky several times that day, as well as the anchor and images of faces in the clouds. That was on top of the strong waves in the lake, which I had never seen before. Not that the lake has never been rough. I’m sure it has. It was just my first time experiencing it. How this came about is explained on the subpage. Just click the link and see all the things David pointed out to me.

02.09.2020.12.43.31
02.09.2020.12.43.31-1

(June 24)—I’ve written millions of words for you, the future, but the Lord wants me to still go deeper. He wants me to write what He does to me so that you will understand who He is in every sense of the word, every being of your body. I hope when my life ends and you are left with just the words I wrote for Him that I have done right by Him so that you may prevail.

Continue reading “‘Bases for Virginity’”

‘Kindle the Vexes’

God is telling us that those who see those who actually do wrong, don’t say anything. And if they don’t say anything, guess what? They are just as responsible for the wrong as the one who actually did it. 

Kindle the Vexes
 
they look swell
above ground
they hide their sins
they horde their money
for it...to the death‒
they'll defend
 
there's something bigger
that'll make them
pull the trigger
it isn't anything to figure
except to them‒
a grave digger
 
shame, Oh, sweet shame!
what they hide
what they'll kill‒
to keep from eyes
their reputations‒
builds nasty little games
sex in the dark‒
those tiny, little dames
oh! maybe boys‒
they're so lame
whatever makes them
go hard
their fantasies
building scars

‒so comes in...the bard
 
to add gain
to their endless games
someone for them to tame
oh! how they like‒
their nasty, little games:
'suck, suck, suck
oh, my! feel him up!
now I have your shame
‒there's no one to blame'
 
they...oh! how they‒
forget the cell
which they are bound
no need...shackles to lend
'where they're going
no need honey
they won't even get meth
or cocaine, or weed, even
...just the pit‒
which isn't funny'
 
they surpass the grave digger
no need for them
no need to pull a trigger
‒it's all added up
in a higher ledger
 
oh, shame! sweet shame!
that dark place
they can't show face
if secrets are defaced
 
oh! bless me with grace
it's already taken place
 
their hearts‒
a microscopic aim
no matter their money
their direction‒
all the same
 
all their satan dinners
Allah†, Allah†, Allah†
always in charge
‒laughing all the same
 
malicious hearts will indeed
win the heated fame
trust in the Boss†
they will enjoy‒
a celebratorial flame
‒an eternal game
of seeing their desires:
their tiny, little dames
or their boys!
maybe a foot away
so close, yet so far
‒an itch they can never satisfy
an eternal 'please help me' game
 
so leave behind
worrying 'bout their kind
see the signs
‒your eyes
let Jesus† unblind
 
concern yourself with time
drawing the line
at sin's crime
‒and praying
desiring the kingdom
in kind!

Note: The photograph was taken on October 7, 2019…Faces. On this day, David pointed out the many faces that watch us all the time. In this picture, God’s energy. Most of the time it is a perfectly, bright green Orb. Then other times, He plays with me to show me that it is Him. This is His footprint! I have this imagine in quite a few frames. Some you can hardly see them, but they are there, especially over the water, and other times they are as perfectly noticeable as this. He also changes the Orb into figures like a cat, Ninja turtle, even a smiley face, which was in my car, revealing His love to play! If you haven’t sat down and scrolled through the thousands of pictures on God’s Mercy, you are really missing out on God! and Jesus!

(April 13)―I’ve had a lot put before me lately. Things that tear my heart into pieces. Child abuse. Child rape. Human trafficking. Things that were the onset of the ending of the last cycle. It is normal for the ending of every cycle. What cycle is that? That’s on God. The last cycle ended with a great flood. There were only eight people fit to start a new cycle.

They sacrificed people, children in fire before the end. Then it surfaced a bit as the new cycle rolled on, but God wiped each civilization out that did it. And you wonder why those civilizations have gone that are no more? God. The Romans were a bit slick, hiding themselves in a man-made church. They are the ones who continued the child sacrifice…but instead of direct fire, indirect fire. God has had enough. We are headed to the end of this cycle. Oh, it’s not going to be an overnight deal. We will see a huge shift. Our grandkids will see the war coming. And there IS a war coming.

Continue reading “‘Kindle the Vexes’”

‘Are You Tired Yet’

Are You Tired Yet’—I’m wondering how long it will take for you to answer that question! I’ll sit back and wait. The seed is planted!

Are You Tired Yet
 
aren't you tired yet‒
haven't you learned
from where comes
the burn
 
don't you feel
His† heavy hand
in firm
 
teaching you
wanting you
to learn
 
are your eyes
still blind
in wayward‒
held in adjourn
 
do you have
the will to fight
through all the mess‒
discern
‒from the wrong path
turn
all the false teachings
overturn
 
where are you
are you part of
the churn
wasting time
in germs
‒the right things
spurn
the wrong things
confirm
 
isn't if for hope‒
that you yearn
why then‒
do you mix...affirm
in things leading you
to an early urn
 
aren't you tired yet‒
His† words are stern
for calm‒
you haven't earned
‒you are just an intern
sit there, open your heart
learn
 
for you‒
He† is very concerned
so for Him†
don't sit there‒
squirm
open all your stops
see...hear
 
in all His† lessons‒
soak in
what He† wants you
to learn
 
then entrance
into the banquet
you will earn!

Note: The photograph was taken October 7…Faces. This is when David pointed out to me these faces. These aren’t those structural faces that you see in fabrics and things like that. This is WAY different. I would not have known they are there if were not for David telling me to blow up the picture and then telling me where to look. This is what was meant by the wheels, all the eyes, in Ezekiel’s first vision when he was called to service by God. God has shown the same thing to me in the  Four Disc Dream. These are the eyes that tell God everything! They are everywhere. Go to the page and check out what was revealed to us.

(April 9)—Two pieces came this morning. This one and ‘He† Warns’ which is about real prophets and false prophets. God has me working overtime! After I wrote them, I sat down to eat then something made me check my local store app to see if my grocery order indeed had gone through. The first time I did it, it didn’t and I didn’t know, and I’ve had to wait another week. I thought my order was going to be ready for Saturday. There’s a reason for everything! Nope. My order was ready today. Thank you David for putting it in my heart to check!

Continue reading “‘Are You Tired Yet’”

‘Trickle, Trickle’

I have read so much confusion, again something God has revealed to you through me, that it is ridiculous. But God tells me not to worry. It isn’t my issue. No it is not. If you don’t truly know God or want to hear what He has to say today, then you are missing what is going to come later.

 Trickle, Trickle
  
 trickle, trickle
 get a tickle
 no need‒
 get another's principle
 let's be a wrinkle
 maybe a freckle
  
 trickle, trickle
 out of the cradle
 to the hospital
 for a breathing bottle
  
 trickle, trickle
 two more with a tickle
 soon hourly stays‒
 build to more
 than the middle
  
 trickle, trickle
 leaving behind principle
 becomes regrettable
 in parking lots‒
 tents become normal
  
 trickle, trickle
 months added by decimal
 more in wrinkle
 ‒black bags numerable
  
 trickle, trickle
 running around little freckles
 four months in the cradle
 maybe it's time‒
 turn to the bible
 ‒no one's at the funeral

(March 20)―These sets of numbers were put before me today: WWI 1914-1918: 16 to 40 million causalities; Flue Pandemic 1918-1919 50 to 100 million causalities; WWII 1939-1945 70-85 million causalities (3% of the 1940 world population!).

Interesting isn’t it? 100 years and we face another pandemic. The 1918 pandemic was basically caused by soldiers coming home from the war and spreading it. Look at those numbers! Then there are other wars: Vietnam, Korea, then local wars where the numbers were extremely high and I’m sure all medical personal did the numbers and wrote tons of papers on the numbers.

The 100-year itch! Where death and carelessness and greed bites everyone in the butt! Theirs is no denying any of it. I watched the U.S. President’s speech today. Where was God in all of that? Is all of this an institutional study for academia and the medical and political fields? I really don’t think so. I think they are just as worried as everyone else. This isn’t the first time of a pandemic, but it is the first time the world…all nations…come together.

Continue reading “‘Trickle, Trickle’”

‘Rippled Sadness’

‘Who has helped you utter these words? And whose spirit spoke from your mouth?’—Job 26:1-4

Rippled Sadness
  
 thinking back
 things that were done
 words said
 people lost in their head
 –those welcomed
 in that I-thee-wed
 the same–
 who caused the hole
 in this back
 –all that blood
 it bled
  
 all their lies
 all the answers–
 that answered the whys
 be careful–
 oh, so careful
 the truth
 aids in your die
 –no longer wishing
 to look in eyes
 that once
 you gave all your time
  
 it's not those words said
 in your mind–
 making them dead
 it's their actions–
 what they did
 –with an ax
 hit you over the head
 the same–
 what their actions fed
  
 it all makes you shy
 way deep inside
 to forgive them–
 not even a try
 it's a do–
 something you must abide
  
 but to set time aside
 for their cry
 would be matters for God†
 mercy given–
 by His† sigh

Note: The photograph that accompany’s this work was taken September 27…Love from Heaven, where God and Jesus and David send a lot of love to me as I was battling this transition of opening up fully to being God’s messenger. The symbols are amazing and I haven’t yet had anyone who can duplicate these and/or disprove that they are indeed from God. They remain as always a mystery! For God is a mystery and anything from Him, the human brain has a hard time understanding. Here’s a note to your human brain: These are from God!

(February 25)—I have been dwelling on my life lately, just a little bit. This morning I woke up early and laid there in bed with this odd emotion and thinking of my family. Specifically my sisters. It’s been three months since I discovered their sin and I’m still in awe of it. I laid there thinking of that. When I finally picked up my phone because I couldn’t go back to sleep, it was 5:33 a.m. I knew God had something for me to say.

Continue reading “‘Rippled Sadness’”

‘The Puzzle’s End’

When God wants you, He will shake your world up! And He will keep shaking you until you get the memo, ‘Hey dude, I’m calling you, answer the phone!’ It steadily rings until you DO pick it up!

  The Puzzle's End
  
 so young
 so in between
 –living and running
 fast-paced scenes
  
 knowing this
 knowing that
 putting it all together
 in fact
 not knowing
 it's all a trap
 –in will come
 the collapse
 in physical or in mind–
 the hands will clap
 they'll stand a little
 for that
 –then you'll see
 only their backs
 obvious or not
 it'll happen...count of that
  
 you'll question
 all in your habitat–
 where you once felt
 the autocrat
 –sometimes the bureaucrat
 –even the true diplomat
 whatever format
 –your knowledge–
 the smart-ass cat
 was all that
  
 then you fell to rat
 on the ground...splat
 or against a wall...splash
  
 all you knew crashed
 leaving you lost
 in a unquestionable gasp
  
 it's when you see the vast
 –after that sudden ask
 –like it was a forced task
 but it happened so fast
 yet so slow in contrast
  
 it's when you recognize
 this upper-class act
 this thing beyond
 just a simple glass
 it seems‒
 a I-don't-want-to-let-go mask
 but it's not at all...a mask
 it's an all-around broadcast
 –you know, but you don't
 you think you're in trespass
 but you're not an outcast
 so how can it be that
 ‒it's a different hourglass
 catching you in pizzazz 
  
 it's when you understand
 the acrobat
 simply doesn't swing
 but glides with hands clasped
 around their back
  
 it's knowing your mind
 was kidnapped
 but now it's back
 –you no longer live
 in a man-driven syntax
 no need for a polygraph
  
 you now hear the phonograph
 although...it's not a phonograph
 you just know the path
 like knowing truth about this
 and that
 like spacecrafts, even witchcraft
 it's now above all that
  
 it's knowing–
 you can know that
 then not know that
 it's knowing–
 you can see that
 or not see that
 it's knowing–
 you can hear that
 or not hear that
  
 it's just depends on 
 where you're at
 –your journey's path
  
 it's understanding–
 not being mad
 accepting–
 knowing who can change
 all that
 ‒with a wind's simple laugh
  
 that's when you've crossed
 the graph
 from ignorance in testing
 to knowledge in wisdom
  
 there's a path
 –you will enact
 you will react–
 adhere to the telegraph:
  
 stay on the raft
 however hard the path
 it won't last
 if you fall off–
 get back on the raft
 it will pass
 deal with the riffraff
 –the wiretap
 question...ask
 it will all pass
 don't get off the raft
 whatever sass–
 stay on the raft!

(February 24)—This was written on January 3 of this year, my 51st Birthday! I spent it alone. In fact, against my will, but I understand it now, I’m working on spending an entire year by myself! Something I’ve been wanting to do for a very long time. No more codependency! God is awesome! No more need for a man in my life. I don’t even need my family. Just me. And this awesome experience with the spiritual world. And birds! Twice a day, they come to the trees outside my apartment and hold meetings! They commence all at once and then they adjourn ALL at once! It’s really interesting and beautiful!

Continue reading “‘The Puzzle’s End’”

‘Careful Watch’

‘…judgment and justice have taken hold of you. Be careful that no one entices you by riches; do not let a large bribe turn you aside. …’Job 36:16-21

 Careful Watch
  
 He's† taken the chalice of my womb
 sent it away
 He's† taken the depths of my knowledge
 stripped it and remade
 He's† taken the love in my heart
 succumbed it to death
 ‒strangled it in plea
 forced me into bleed
  
 He's† forced me to see man
 the depths of his heart
 from the agonizing of sin
 as he pillaged my soul
 to see breaks of beauty within
  
 He's† taken my pride
 emptied its glass
 He's† smashed my vanity
 revealed how beauty doesn't last
  
 He's† placed His† hands on me
 holding me down deep
 'til all anger seeped
 ‒as on my bed...I selfishly wept
 He's† forced me to see
 depths of insecurity
 every seam of my body
 ‒forcing me to look at it
 in sincerity
  
 He† strangled my throat
 stripped me of my prideful-laden coat
 He† put strips of silver in my hair
 lowered my cheeks
 ‒keeping me from smiles
 as I laid down to weep
  
 He† sent rivers to my eyes
 He† laced me with horrible scenes
 ‒revealing man's discrepancies
 truth in what he denies
 ‒right before his very eyes
  
 He† brought pain to my heart
 as I listened to man's lies
 ‒lessons from He†
 forcing me to see‒
 the depths...inside of me
  
 like the thunder in the night
 He† forced me into fight
 turning me inside out
 struggling through a blind man's sight
  
 He† waged His† war on me
 taking me from a marsh, soggy land
 to a desert's broken sea
 He† swarmed me with locust
 He† opened up the lion's den
 devouring me down to bones
 covered in a blanket of skin‒
 not seeming my own
 ‒lost and unsure
 of where I belong
  
 He† singled me out
 forcing me to see man's empty clout
 He† filled me again with knowledge
 put a strong whip in my hand
 slashing a worded belt
 pulling empty judgment
 from man's mouth
  
 He† forced my body in paradise
 striping this mind
 with His† roll of the dice
 ‒using my voided, naked body
 as an eagle grips a helpless bunny
 He† took my heart and mind
 drawing out evil in kind
 ‒as I crossed every line
  
 ―†―†―
  
 His† power is beyond
 anything known to mankind
 He† can force us to see
 what He† wants us to see
 He† can force us to hear
 what He† wants us to hear
 ‒nothing is beyond His† reach
 it all happens‒
 for Him to teach
  
 man thinks he understands
 man thinks he's reached
 the depths of God†
 man throws:
 'listen, we can teach you'
 'listen, let us correct you'
 but man is wrong
 God† controls every song
 His† whispers are louder
 than the lowest of sounds
 His† eyes pierce the thickest of walls
  
 man can not teach
 where God† instructs
 His† knowledge out weighs
 any man's scale
 His† abilities are beyond
 any notion of achievement
  
 He† can bring you pleasure
 endless treasures
 then in a swipe of His† hand
 destroy with a swift puff
 of the sand
  
 who can dispute
 who can say they understand
  
 who buries themselves in science
 thinking they are in control
 of their conscience
 who can perform surgery
 thinking they are in control‒
 their knowledge is their own mastery
  
 who can build their wealth
 thinking they rule their money
 thinking they outsmarted
 the one and only Creator†
  
 who bows down to statues‒
 man's endless idols
 thinking praying to them
 will grant their request
 thinking God† doesn't see
 their devotion to idolatry
  
 who controls industry
 thinking they themselves
 came up with the designs
 came up with the formulas
 came up with the ideas
 who writes a book
 who sings a song
 who acts in a play
 who plays an instrument
 who dances a dance
 who paints a picture
 who mothers a child
 who marries a wife
 who does any type of art
 ‒any type of skill
 thinking they rule their nest
 thinking they are excellence
 ‒above all the rest
  
 lost sheep
 in a blind man's sea
 ‒not looking at the truth of He†
  
 the Artist† of artists
 gives you the heart
 ‒you have a responsibility
 through this given creativity
  
 He† puts it all into motion
 from the slightest of movements
 to the biggest of bangs
 from the slightest of whispers
 to the loudest of declarations
 ALL...at the mercy of His† hands
  
 —†—†—
  
 SEE in ALL things‒
 God† created
 ‒there is nothing
 that does not belong to Him†
  
 He† sends the good
 He† sends the bad
  
 ALL answer to Him†
  
 who can say
 tomorrow will be theirs
 who can say
 their lamp is good
 who can say
 they are seeing in careful watch
 who can declare righteousness
 through anger and hate
  
 SPEAK UP! ANSWER!
  
 He† gives knowledge
 where knowledge is due
 He† gives wisdom
 where wisdom is due
 He† will give, He† will take away
 He† will veil‒
 seal your mind
 seal your eyes
 seal your ears
 when He† needs to move you
 when it's time for you to prove
 the depths of your heart
  
 He† will send in hard love
 He† will challenge the depths of you
 ‒see what lies deep in your heart
 He† will shake you
 He† will rattle you
 He† will put before you
 what your mind cannot conceive
  
 when He† calls you
 He† will seek you
 when you turn on Him†
 He† will darken you
 until you answer Him†
 until you blast open your heart
 until you face your self
  
 that's
 that's
  
 the mercy...God's† help
  
 that's
 that's
  
 the reveal in judgment
 ‒the love of a Son†
 coming in‒
  
 for only then
 have you opened your eyes
 in careful watch‒
 you see truth all around you
 you become aware‒
 those blankets in deception
 that try to again steal you
 ‒absent is hate and angre's drool
 for Jesus†, you become the fool
 LOVE...LOVE is all around you
  
 that's
 that's
  
 when true knowledge awakens
 you become just a child
 your Father† tested you
 your Father† challenged you
 ‒you've learned...at last
 how to win your prized key
  
 by the force of heal
 from wounds buried deep
 ‒what God† wanted you to see
 destroying the shame
 that kept you in captivity
  
 that's
 that's
  
 when you are totally free
 ‒no fear to see
 for you surrendered
 to the ultimate Holy in See†!
Continue reading “‘Careful Watch’”

‘Each Time’

God is NOT a religion. He’s everything. What part of this you don’t get? Jesus is Love! Working for them is hard. People will condemn you. The pit for them!

 Each Time
  
 I don't have to write
 what I feel
 job already spun that reel
  
 job tells how you deal
 he explains the real
 truth...so many conceal
 words...sewn up...sealed
  
that's not my drill
here's my only
needing thrill: 
have I touched one heart
 just one...I look around
 –there is none
 yes, I've found none
 without a whisper
 without even one word–
 there's nothing to sort
 easy...there comes no clutter
to even...with...bother

 You've† removed
 every single one
 –gone
 even my little ones
 there's no one
so, what I have won
  
 I question
 You† answer
 share...You† demand
 help them understand
 what's eating–
 the hearts of man
  
 still..no one
 not one single one
  
 each time–
 comes Your† demand
 take my knowledge
 to this deceitful world–
 take a stand
  
 each time–
 less I have
 each time–
 love...I get–
 not even half
  
 instead...sacrifice
 at Your† hand
 for woman and man
 evil to withstand
 but...they chalk it up
 to wantings of fans
  
 for penny games
 the pit's national grandstand
 putting everything about You†
 into a circus of alien brand
  
 each time–
 You† ask of me: more
 alone stands at my door
 You† keeping me from them all–
 society's beck and call

 I appreciate the stall–
 Your† love
 throws me up against walls
 for You† catch me
 every time I fall
  
 each time–
 I ask for someone
 still...no one
 for I'm designed for a two
 in a world 
 where there's so few
 who to You†...are true
  
 each time–
 I ask and wait
 each time–
 tears You† bring
 in sad songs
 to sing
Continue reading “‘Each Time’”

‘Time to Pray’

It’s beautiful outside isn’t it? A peaceful time…give Thanks to God. For He is the reason it’s a beautiful day.

Note: The photograph that accompany’s this work was taken on October 15th. God’s talking. It’s simple. Listen.

 Time to Pray
  
 don't bow your head–
 mourn for the dead
 they are now gone
 you're still safe–
 in your home
  
 pray for your resurrection
 pray for spiritual protection
  
 lift your head

 you are not dead
 praise in solemn joy
 in loud sounds–
 raise your voice
 you're given this choice
 let your eyes moist
 then look up–
 not down at soil
 –your life's not yet
 in spoil
  
 pray for happier days
 pray to live the way
  
 unite together
 in these times–
 join and gather
 listen to your heart
 instead of falling apart

 all things done in darkness
 shines again
 with love and forgiveness
  
 pray...it's a time in rejoice
 pray in ease–
 leave out bitterness' claw
 –this is time to review
read over all the clues
 make a choice in go
 then let the heart grow
 forget long ago
 it's time to glow
 –let love flow
  
 pray in a unite
 pray for the light
  
 when all comes in fold
don't grow cold

see...as the sun peaks
 there in...love sneaks
take time in weave....
 pick up piece by piece
 those living in receive

  –leave those in decease
for all those gone...
 Jesus'† wide open
for the receive

 you who remain alive
 know your body didn't die
 open up...feel the vibe
don't fall to plight
 so you too...will walk
 in the light
Continue reading “‘Time to Pray’”

‘A Swayer’s Cup’

Truth: You say you write for the Lord, you hear the Lord, they say you are crazy, insane. You rape and destroy other people’s lives with lies and manipulation, they toast to you and say your a friend!

Note: The picture accompanying this work was taken on November 11th. The arrow and an Orb pointing out the avenging angel God puts in the sky.

A Swayer's Cup
  
 I let it all happen
 I did my thing
 let them all ring
 –the bells they joined
 in cling
  
 I kept going...ya know
 doing instead of talking
 –I wasn't going to stop
 as they began their chop
  
 it was slow...ya know
 small disappointments here
 large disappointments there
 –I brushed it off
 I had control of my hair
 I knew the how and the where
 –so no need...me...down...wear
  
 I kept sucking it all in
 as sickness halted me
 –some kinda shit in my piss
 got into my nerves
 –hurt like a bitch
 I just had to deal
 trying to hide my hiss
  
 this seemed 'a turning for them
 all who called me family
 and friend
 it was a strange turn of events
 'what did I do'
 I kept wondering
  
 pain kept sinking me in
 no one could tell me–
 how to win
 there came a point
 I just wanted to end
 there was no one to help me
 understand this fight
 I was in
  
 it just all became a rage
 some sore of out-of-mind stage
 no one came
 no one believed my range
 –me giving zero reason
 just an illness-fighting season
  
 pain slapping every angle
 my skin on fire
 with no one helping me
 –not even trying
  
 me...'a crying
 maybe some whining
 'what did I do'
 to make everyone
 me...gone in denying
  
 then it all went exploding
 a marriage in killing
 down to total in zero
 gone the hero
 –adding to pain in feeling
 came total confusion
 –that which
 there's no explaining
  
 I went to that place
 job wrote about in telling
 down, down, down
 not anymore
 no use in fighting
  
 they chopped me to pieces
 all my moral standing
 gone...no more handling
 I let it all go
 as anger...out of me
 began its flow
  
 no one understood
 I was already
 turned to wood
 not even seeing
 'what did I do'
 no more diving
 into books
 –only my figure and looks
 gave me a reason
 in could–
 sexing it all up
 –just to feel good
  
 a good christian life
 didn't matter
 I was thrown to the knife
 cast down...like louella–
 in her sin-lived life
  
 there was nothing to do
 but watch them all
 undo
 everything I'd accomplished
 down, down, down
 they all smashed
 pushing, pushing
 trying to force me
 in crash
  
 I surely stumbled
 I sexed it up in humble
 for a time...I wandered
 even in gay
 mocking an ex in disarray
 for his truth...hidden behind
 false in stay
  
 I finally had enough
 for myself...stood up
 they all spit in my face
 all in doings of betray
 –using my life
 as their punching bag–
 I was crucified
 stripped
 of all my bright
  
 house, friends, children
 all my reputation
 all my education
 gone for the prideful stride
 as down, down, down
 went my buried life
  
 'what did I do'
  
 I went over and over
 uncovered all the covers
 I never stole
 from any of them
 never cheated, never lied
 never betrayed
 never killed or beat
 –I wrote words on a page–
 my life in a little bit of rage
  
 I gave
 I loved
 I helped
  
 even in mad–
 I gave what I could
 even in hurt–
 I did whatever I could
 make another life
 soft, kind
 –even in my anger
 I never crossed the line
  
 so me...they hate
 speaking truth
 living honestly
 letting God† work through–
 undoing all they glued
 as He† wants me to work–
 to better a life
 for you
  
 they hate me even more
 closed...shut all the doors
 me...not caring anymore
 or wondering what for
 for their lives...I prayed
 –and mine…they stabbed
 with a knife
  
 so I raise my cup
 I've had enough
 I've educated myself
 I've given 110 as a wife
 I've stood the wall–
 eleven years without strife
 I've raised three children
 worked, slaved without–
 a husband giving
 –as in the same house
 we went on living
  
 I raise my cup...to all–
 betrayal...an evil whore's bluff
 for God† pulled me up
 –gave me strength
 in enough
 as they all showed–
 their truth–
 the wickedness of crud
 –I walk in sway
 maybe alone–
 but I can honestly say
 I hear the Lord†
 I don't have to fake
  
 I'm for real
 the true in deal
 for I didn't give up
 when the devil thought–
 I didn't get enough
 of its...in the rear...fuck
  
 that's right!
 I'm in the sway–
 a filled cup
 of Jesus† love
 –for I took His† crumbs
 got the fuck up
 drew in...with a deep suck
 'I got this!'
 I know I didn't do anything
 to deserve this bitch's twitch
 ‒I'm so down with this!
  
 yeah! I let out my sway
 let God† fill my cup
 kept my head up
 even when I wanted
 to give the fuck up
 –for trusting in the Lord†
 even with a broken heart
 was me...being the bard
 the writer of truth–
 from the start
 –a fucking swayer
 with a God†-filled cup
 rich with spiritual loot
 all because I was true
 –surviving the ring–
 of evil-driven fools
  
 now I know what to do
 speak nothing but truth
 the devil has no clue
 of the power in God's† truth
 –that which I share with you
 so you'll know what to do
 when that bitch
 is allowed
 to play with you, too!
Continue reading “‘A Swayer’s Cup’”