‘Spaces to Stay’

Believing in love is hard after being let down. Sometimes, we just have to throw our hands up and trust in God’s plan. Those who don’t see God’s plan: they just keep going round and round. Trust in that Jesus Love. He’ll come through when He knows we are ready.

 Spaces to Stay
 
I wanted to think
you cared
I wanted to believe
I was more than a barbie doll
to stare
I wanted to be in arms
somewhere...anywhere
just to feel accepted
–not just in skin...bare
 
I was wrong
 
a constant staring in air
playing dress up–
fixing my hair
without a soul to care
 
just once...wanting to be
more than just a dare
to not dawn sex to wear
–just being there
believing...I'm finally
free of the tear
leaving behind
every frightful scare
that I'd be left
for another in bare
 
I was wrong
 
the weakest link–
everywhere
the spear always wanting
to be somewhere
–in a different anywhere
 
in blank spaces I stare
voiding empty glares
all those running
to somewhere
spreading themselves
anywhere
–getting no wheres

‘Equal Parts’

God is waiting on you and you are taking too long to respond. He’s given you adequate proof that what is sent through me is from Him. Time is ticking. The button has been pushed. It’s up to you to decipher what He has sent thus far. He already knows that your faith is weak. He already knows how many people will die. Will you be one of them? You have a chance to change that number…more or less?

NOTE: Every word here is God’s message, not mine. I was to include how I feel and background information. Every link added here was by request from David to ensure that you KNOW that this is important. I’m also repeating myself again…this is very important. What I REPEAT, HE WANTS you to really know!

(October 4)—God’s time is not ours. I waited yesterday for someone to show up because I was told they would. (The numbers 3 and 13 played an important role in this event, so I was sure it was going to happen.) I cried because I felt betrayed when they didn’t show up by 10 p.m. I said my peace to the Lord, letting Him know I was not happy, even though He already knew. Then I fell asleep for the first time in a very long time without a sleep aid.

I was awakened at 3:13 a.m.! I realized they didn’t show up, but I wasn’t as upset as I was before I fell asleep. I realized that it was a test of my true knowledge, but I still cried a little more, said more of my peace, which isn’t that great, then went back to sleep. I wasn’t going to write anymore. I swore I wouldn’t accept this person back into my life if they did show up because the day was over, the chance was gone!

When I woke up for the last this morning, all those angry thoughts were gone. No matter what I think, I can’t betray the Lord. It’s just how I’m built. I went over all the things that transpired this past week, and realized I was used to test others and I was tested, as well,  for my own good. It doesn’t matter what we think to ourselves or out loud to the Lord, we are still forgiven. We just have to forgive ourselves.

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‘Share Grace—Repent’

To repent and forgive ourselves and others is really hard, but a must and it takes courage and a warrior heart. Do you have it?

(September 27, 2019)–Jackie Robinson: Dodger’s #42! I watched the movie 42 last night and was in awe. God sure does make His stand through us. Branch Rickey, the general manger of the Dodgers at the time, was one hell of a God instrument. In one part of the movie, Jackie asked Rickey why did he do it?, take a chance on a black man. And Rickey told him about Charlie, a black player during his college years. Charlie was harassed to the max and Rickey didn’t do anything about it, he didn’t know what to do. He was finally at a place in life where he could do something about it. What was the it? Defeat racism in sports of course. Rickey said that what he witnessed happening to Charlie made him dislike the game because baseball was supposed to be a game of fairness. He told Jackie that Jackie made him love the game again.

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‘Undo What’s Done’

You are worth every bit of struggle. It is up to you to take those struggles and help others with theirs. That’s the meaning of being the body and Jesus† being head. He† is with you. Never forget that!

 Undo What's Done
 
you are His† son
a tiny dot of sun‒
that can wage wars
beneath the stars
from so close
yet so far
 
I feel it all‒
deep inside
‒you have
what it takes
undo what's done
‒show the world
your sum
 
you are His† son
larger than life
cut by a knife
bleeding deep‒
from the inside
‒throw it, throw it
far from your outside
grow outward‒
don't hide
 
prove to Him†
you are more‒
than just a son
‒you are a light
shining
from a darkened sun

‘Erase Anger’s Mark’

Forgiveness. It is not just about forgiving in general, it’s about all the little parts that go along with hurt…anger, resentfulness. It’s setting ego and pride aside. It’s not bowing down. It’s living up to God’s standards. It’s what truth is all about.

(September 23, 2019)―Tests. My son and his wife are beginning a great big one. Last night, I got a call from him telling me, after being broke down on an interstate last night for eight hours, a car plowed into the back of his camper and caught fire. Him and his wife and their dog was able to escape before the fire consumed their camper and truck. You see they are travelers and work on the road, so that was their home.

After he called, I tried to call my daughter. She’s still not talking to me again. So, I called my dad, then called my baby son. He said something that brought anger up in me. He told me his dad already called him. That meant that my older son had called my ex-husband before calling me. I was hurt. Then this morning my older sister called. I just needed someone to rant to I guess. I told her I that my daughter wasn’t talking to me again and it hurt. I blamed the ex for changing her heart. I called him a narcissist and said he was evil. It didn’t take long for her to get off the phone with me.

Why am I telling you? Because I have to. Stay. I will explain.

Guilt fell on me after both of those conversations. I shouldn’t still be feeling this. But I’m hurt still because of how my family put me after the ex. I talked with God last night. I prayed for my son and his wife.

After I spoke with my sister, I got my coffee and sat down and opened the Bible. The following Scriptures was the first page I saw. I had not been to these pages since 2007. There are red marks all over this page. Those marks are in bold within the passages.

I was scolded! Not by God this time, but by Jesus!

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‘I Work For You’

Keep pushing through. The gifts a waiting are far more than you ever dreamed. Cry, scream, slam your fist into walls…know it will be okay. Your life is just beginning.—kel

(September 8, 2019)–Breathe. It’s okay.

Then Jesus said to His host, ‘When you give a luncheon or dinner, do not invite friends, your brothers or relatives, or your rich neighbors; if you do, they may invite you back and so you will be repaid, but when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed, although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous.—Luke 14:12-14

 I Work For You
 
I'm here
struggling, too
run, jump...come through
my energy
I pass to you
in flight
I visit you
my love
I give to you
helping you get through
 
I work for you
say prayers in twos
we said our adieus
not in words of true
but in faces of blue
as pride and ego
forced the cue
–what's already written
in the book of truth
 
I know you see it, too
you feel my energy–
in heart, get through
leaving you
in tads of confuse
run, jump...come through
–it's the spirit of soothe
passing it all to you
 
look to the morning doves‒
as on the ground...lies the dew
no need to kneel in a pew
just look up‒
they are watching you
even hearing
what you're thinking, too
 
I work for you
in a manifestation clue
run, jump...come through
it'll be okay
whatever you're going through
keep going‒
the time line is right on cue
I'll be waiting for you
through all your doubt‒
through all the emotions
that swarm you‒
give it to the words do
God's† waiting on you
urgency in time's review
as I lay...working for you
knowing you'll get through
‒forgiven...will be
all your past dues

‘Testing Will’

…Testimony: One of God’s Messengers
Saying YES to the Big Man Upstairs…No Matter What! My 4-year journey for love, no matter the consequences!

My Continued Spiritual Journey and My Latest Revelations…Because God Said So!

(June 13-July 6, 2019)―In this article: I will recap some events that led up to today where I’m sitting; I will show and explain how numbers work when it comes to messages and I will show how signs work (I’ve included pictures to demonstrate what I’m talking about); I will talk about the veils; I will talk about receiving messages and delivering them; and I will reveal God’s Grace once again, and how He shows His gratitude when we do what He wants us to do. So, sit back, grab a cup of coffee (because this is a very long work), and get ready to be amazed! God is powerful. God is just. God is sincere. God makes a promise and shows His mercy and delivers once we complete our vows and/or the missions that He requests from us. Learning to listen is key!

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‘Channel’

Don’t Change Your Independent Self Because Of A Man

(May 9, 2019)―It’s funny how life repeats itself when we don’t learn the lesson the first time around. The funny thing for me is that I wrote about this before. I guess it pays to write about it again. The woman and all of her charm and personality has a way of turning into the woman her man wants her to be. Hold on before you scream: That’s not true. I do have a very good point.

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‘Love in Action’

Actions, In Spite of Resentment, Still Say LOVE

(April 30, 2019)―Resentment. I’ve written a lot about resentment in Book 12. It’s part of the codependency deal. A codependent will give and give without thinking of themselves and then they begin to resent it because they carry the expectation of being given in return. Of course, the given in return doesn’t happen most of the time. A codependent is a bit fucked up in a sense because of this expectation.

I’ve written many poems about letting go and having zero expectations. That’s because it’s part of the fight to break codependency. I’ve been judged a lot when it comes to my writings by those I love. They really don’t understand the process. My writings are about feelings or emotions in the moment during this struggle of healing. When I read some of it, it hurts me, too. But that is the whole point…writing every single feeling/emotion down in order for myself and others to see ourselves and understand what we are feeling. If that makes sense.

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‘What Comes Out’

Anger: How Changing This One Emotion Can Change Your Entire Life!

(April 27, 2019)―There are 2 large garbage cans that came with the house I live in. When we first moved in, they were in the corner of the garage. The side where I park my car. My car door opens up to the wall side of the garage. I have boxes stacked in there, which I never unpacked also on the side where I park my car. About a month ago, we were told by the landlord that we had to clean up the backyard. After the winter, the pine needles and pine cones had added up. So, in order to make my job a little easier, I moved the garbage cans to the side of the house, inside the metal gate. Since, they were out of the way in the garage, I moved over some boxes, which made getting out of my car easier.

On garbage day this past week, the sweet man brought in the garbage cans from the road. I was grateful, except he put them back in the garage, moving the boxes back to where they were, which made getting out of my car difficult. Anger. I got out of my car. Yanked the garaged cans back outside and commenced to grabbing some empty boxes from his side of the garage and scattered them behind his vehicle. Why? At the time, and when he questioned me, to show him what being inconvenienced feels like.

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