‘Alone’s Passion’

A sample from Book 8

 Alone's Passion 
  
 I can do this, do that
 without time
to count
  
 no voices to hear
 I want this, want that
 missing it
no doubt
  
 I can say this, say that
 without being condemned
 for going too north
or too south
  
 I can talk to myself
out loud
 as loud as I want
 not worrying
to shut my mouth
  
 I can wear
what I want
 cover it or flaunt
  
 I can sleep all day
play all night
 jack up my music
 keep on
all the lights
 without anyone saying
hush...don't
  
 I can sit around
day-dream
 not do a damn thing
  
 is there another out there
doing the same
  
 still– 
another's hand to hold
in want
 –deal with the game
so in old
 life doesn't die in cold
 without ever
having another
know
 how I roll

(December 4, 2015)—Being single is gratifying in so many ways and if you’re not single, you may wish for it. You don’t. Those who quickly find another after a failed relationship just wasn’t in love in the relationship. What I mean by that [is] if someone can walk away from a long-term relationship right into another, there wasn’t anything there for them in the first place. For the person in that relationship that had something there, they struggle with finding what will work again. I know. I’m there. Yes, I’ve had something similar to a relationship, but none of them were actually a relationship.

It’s hard to go there again, especially, when you’ve given your heart, mind, body to another and trusted that they would take care of it and they didn’t. It’s hard to give those things away again. If you’re sitting there envying someone who is single and you, yourself, are in a relationship, what’s wrong with you? Really. If he’s not beating you or abusing you in some other way, why not find whatever it was that began the two of you and work at it?

A relationship takes work from both parties. If you’re in an abusive relationship, get out as quick as you can. Trust me, it won’t get any better. It will just build and get worse. The single life is not so rewarding, but you are free, and that’s everything when abuse is concerned. For everyone over 40, you’ve been hurt. I know. One way or another. If your [x] is in a relationship, they weren’t with you…ever. Just face it. It’s hard, but just do it.

We all have to learn to trust, learn what we like in ourselves first, then what we would like in a partner, then get out there and find that person. Trust me, hey aren’t going to come look for you. Just think about it, if we all begin looking, sooner or later, we are going to run right into that person we are looking for. Just saying….

For me, trust is a big issue, but I also talk a lot, so I always say way too much way, too soon. I guess I just want to dive right in and get my feet wet again, instead of dating this person and that person. I know it’s crazy. I pray. If that helps. It’s just hard for me to live one moment at a time, when so much has already gone wrong because I put faith in the wrong people. So, all you wishing to be single…still wishing? Just wondering….

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