‘Codependent’

A sample from Book 6

 Codependent
  
 I've tried to help
 in ways
that didn't help
  
 I've said yes
then no
to my self
  
 I've avoided
hurting others
 only to hurt myself
  
 to trust my own feelings
 I've been afraid
  
 I've believed lies
 then betrayed-
I often felt
  
 I wanted to get even
punish others
 for putting me
on a shelf
  
 I often
became smothered
 in anger and hate
 -wanting to kill
not feeling safe
  
 I've fought
for others' rights
 when they didn't know
how the law swayed
 only to be left
alone
 like an abandoned stray
  
 I've often settled
for others' worth
 -left my own
to grow another day
  
 I became
the reaction
 to others' anger and hate
 instead of listening to self
 walking my own way
  
 I became
less of me
 for others
to be set free
  
 I've lost myself
to dependency
 on how others felt
 without seeing
my own need
 to be free
   to be just me

(October 18, 2013)—I wrote this a while back [July 20, 2013], but it didn’t hit me until today. It didn’t hit me until he texted me a bunch of crap, not understanding what I’m doing all day long or why.What’s wrong with you? was his question. No need to say my response, but I’m still co-depending, I’m still allowing others to affect me when they shouldn’t.

I [had] stopped reading Co-Dependent No More. Many women who are going through this know this book well. I need to continue my reading, continue strengthening my heart and soul. Battered-down women don’t know how to do this easily because we keep depending, thinking things will change. They won’t.

Don’t forget it’s Domestic Violence Awareness Month. The purple says it all. Carry your purple purse with pride. You are a survivor: Whether it’s verbal, spiritual, emotional, or physical…it’s still abuse. Break the cycle of tradition and say: No More. Love the skin you’re in.

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Paperback: The Silent Abuse Survivor’s Guide…Fighting Anger…Bargaining Self Into Sanity Book 6

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