‘Spaces to Stay’

Believing in love is hard after being let down. Sometimes, we just have to throw our hands up and trust in God’s plan. Those who don’t see God’s plan: they just keep going round and round. Trust in that Jesus Love. He’ll come through when He knows we are ready.

 Spaces to Stay
 
I wanted to think
you cared
I wanted to believe
I was more than a barbie doll
to stare
I wanted to be in arms
somewhere...anywhere
just to feel accepted
–not just in skin...bare
 
I was wrong
 
a constant staring in air
playing dress up–
fixing my hair
without a soul to care
 
just once...wanting to be
more than just a dare
to not dawn sex to wear
–just being there
believing...I'm finally
free of the tear
leaving behind
every frightful scare
that I'd be left
for another in bare
 
I was wrong
 
the weakest link–
everywhere
the spear always wanting
to be somewhere
–in a different anywhere
 
in blank spaces I stare
voiding empty glares
all those running
to somewhere
spreading themselves
anywhere
–getting no wheres

‘I Work For You’

Keep pushing through. The gifts waiting are far more than you ever dreamed. Cry, scream, slam your fist into walls…know it will be okay. Your life is just beginning.—kel

 I Work For You
 
I'm here
struggling, too
run, jump...come through
my energy
I pass to you
in flight
I visit you
my love
I give to you
helping you get through
 
I work for you
say prayers in twos
we said our adieus
not in words of true
but in faces of blue
as pride and ego
forced the cue
–what's already written
in the book of truth
 
I know you see it, too
you feel my energy–
in heart, get through
leaving you
in tads of confuse
run, jump...come through
–it's the spirit of soothe
passing it all to you
 
look to the morning doves‒
as on the ground
lies the dew
no need to kneel in a pew
just look up‒
they are watching you
even hearing
what you're thinking, too
 
I work for you
in a manifestation clue
run, jump...come through
it'll be okay
whatever you're going through
keep going‒
the time line...right on cue
I'll be waiting for you
through all your doubt‒
through all the emotions
that swarm you‒
give it to the words do
God's† waiting on you
urgency in time's review
as I lay
working for you
knowing you'll get through
‒forgiven
will be
all your past dues
Continue reading “‘I Work For You’”

‘Testing Will’

Testimony: One of God’s messengers. Saying YES to the Big Man Upstairs…no matter what! My 4-year journey for love, no matter the consequences!

 Testing Will
 
He† knows me deep within
He† knows I'd give in
then...feel the guilt of sin
 
He† held me
within this evil den
all along–
as I felt alone and abandoned
as I cried and cried
struggling, fighting
–evil's bid to win
 
four years in this brethren
a feel of insanity's hymn
negative thoughts...pounding
smothered in foreign emotions
evil aware of the reason
–knowing
the purpose of my season
 
sometimes
losing it without praying
lost in extreme's commotion
at me...came every explanation
learning my self
in its manipulation
 
evil tried to win
it tried everything
digging its teeth within
 
my angels were fighting
holding me in their wings
'til I was in delivering
–my will weakening...strengthening
a day-to-day variation
–wanting it all to end
 
this sixth sense
gave its warning
the stay kept on coming
along with each
secretive manifestation
in hiding
as anxiety and panic
kept attacking
 
my self-esteem
furiously stripping
burying me in ignoring
playing in my sexuality–
what was left
of its intention
through emotional baiting
fight's annihilation
this dizzying world
kept me sinking
'til my hands
living in jittering
my eyes...blurring, drying
my hair in constant falling
my weight in agonizing gaining
my chest in heavy palpitations
my body lost
in fatigue's aggravation
my mind fighting negative
horrid inventions
my mouth became
acid's salutation
from yelling, screaming
foul annotations
to a vicious appeal
in chanting
 
I held on tight
to the calling
knowing...soon...it was ending
pleading and begging
praying and sleeping
dreaming and imagining
–holding on to
the coming glorification
 
packing and moving
God's† quick verification
to do it
even through questioning, doubting
–it all wasn't fabrication
or some childish exaggeration
but a purposeful delivering intention
–a message coming through....
fighting evil's blocking mechanism
for a soul in saving
me: a favor in returning
as God's† hardened instrumentation
 
I took it in breaking
codependency's formulation
–holding on tight
to God's† coming verification
all...
leading to enlightening, awakening
a coming out
spiritual connection
 
Continue reading “‘Testing Will’”

‘Channel’

Don’t change your independent self because of another person.

 Channel
 
a bird flies when its free
it stagnates
in captivity
its colors blossom
in variety
fading in ambiguity
‒plucking them out
in atrocity
 
in nature...the act in free
all the same
in its facility
a trapping technicality
‒being free has its complexity
 
as a woman
in her diplomacy
giving true
to her effeminacy
when treated
with significancy
 
when she's satisfied
in her sexuality
she falls into compliancy
even in another's complacency
giving up her self-sufficiency
even her style in flossy
being, at first
blissful in buoyancy
 
as it goes...comes the decadency
becoming aware
of the deficiency
–a broken down fallacy
as she meets each exigency
 
outward...comes her adamancy
as gone goes her sexy
–an inward building pudency
her usual controlled diplomacy
loses its bearing
to rampancy
 
as goes the controlling austerity
saving-money hostility
‒slowly caving
in her impetuosity
 
attention...gone its notoriety
even her newly shaped nudity
once praised with delicacy
gone...with looks
words in vulgarity
stripping
all her sexy naughty
–leaving vagueness
in commonality
 
lack of interest
opens a familiarity
once ignoring
so much secrecy
once ignoring the mendacity
pulling forward
all its perfidy
as gone...all her sensuality
understanding
its diverted generosity
she becomes lost
in recalcitrancy
–the precious kitty lost
to lunacy
 
all for giving her free
to submissive captivity
for the awakening
of her sexuality!
Continue reading “‘Channel’”

‘Love in Action’

Actions, in spite of resentment, still say LOVE

 Love in Action
 
no matter the resentment
it was given then taken
actions of love
still...not just a must
but a do
 
it's all giving
without judgment
helping without faking
actions in love
doing
without needing a clue
 
it's helping another
without commitment
being truthful
without manipulation
actions in love
doing
for words are not enough
 
it's getting over
the resentment
‒those taking without
returning the give
actions in love
still...a beautiful mark
on the heart
in the making
Continue reading “‘Love in Action’”

‘What Comes Out’

Anger: How changing this one emotion can change your entire life!

 What Comes Out
 
she weighted
the things she's said
‒those retaliating words
she weighted
the things she's done
thinking it all hard love
but it was anger
‒acting out
over another's danger
 
what makes you do
these things?
 
she pondered the question
the only answer: retaliation
she bowed her head
in confession
responding to those living
in secret
putting her in the dark...deeper
 
she weighted
her lost of control
‒all man things took their toll
grabbing at her in hold
her...letting it all
use her in bold
 
anger's put her in the red
shaped thoughts in head
then actions without thought
knowing the wrong
in every heart beat
then came further heat
 
she weighted
all these things
knowing too late always rings
seeking truth
sets off anger in sing
it's her life
not just some fling
 
she sighed just a bit
thinking these things
anger's become a distraction
at times
giving satisfaction
‒the evil whore's demolition
 
she bowed her head
in greater confession
this her greatest sin
one...with‒
she no longer
wants to blend
control‒
a fight she's determined
to win
‒using gratitude
from God's† den‒
the only way to contend
‒be put in the light
from way deep within
Continue reading “‘What Comes Out’”

‘Shouldering Damage’

You deal and accept the physical damage caused by narcissism’s carelessness

 
Shouldering Damage
 
upon her shoulders
carries the weight–
shouldering damage
from those who couldn't stay
–a go-getter
they couldn't take
she...never wanting‒
any kinda hate
‒that was never
her intended fate
‒she let love lead the way
ending in heavy price's
to pay
 
only in moments
she lived in sedate
all them medical doctors
had to medicate
she just needed room‒
a bit of space
to grasp the idea
of her body ache
never using it as an escape
‒it hurt...and she was its bait
 
she knows she gave it all
she wasn't some pity rage doll–
standing somewhere in stall
she answered a simple call
–but others led her to fall
not caring the damage at all
 
upon her shoulders‒
she wears the cape
an anti-depressant to mask
a different kinda ache
–emotional chains
she couldn't tolerate
a burning heart
left in saturate
mixed with anger
lust and hate
screaming
without intentional berate
from love
that just couldn't stay
 
then again‒
she let love be her mate
a heart damaged‒
in too many ways
–again...a turn in obliterate
a brain burned in uncultivate
all that damage‒
on her shoulders
in blissful weight
men who couldn't bear
the cape
of her physical‒
being in waste
 
she knows she gave it all
she wasn't some pity rage doll–
standing somewhere in stall
she answered a simple call
–but others led her to fall
not caring the damage at all
 
she now wears‒
a suit of armor
from love's mate
as the heavy scars from fake–
I can't stay
you...I could only tolerate
builds her face
straight to a destiny's fate–
the writer in massive create
 
she...to never deny God
in whatever she faced
so she shoulders damage
left behind–
by carelessness
and self hate
building her rose‒
from a destroyer's
intentional state
 
she knows‒
she gave it all
she wasn't some pity rage doll–
standing somewhere in stall
she answered a simple call
–others led her to fall
not caring
the damage at all
 
oh! how
she can stand tall–
she picked herself up
from the fall
using the rest of her life
in God's hall
lost to true love's
missed call
she knows‒
she gave it her all
–it was not her
that caused
the fall!
Continue reading “‘Shouldering Damage’”

‘Hidden Treasure’

Discovering the hidden treasure in yourself!

 Hidden Treasure
 
I found it
in the mince of broken
it was afraid and hidden
an abundantly harvested token
‒over used and forsaken
 
I took it in
without fear's notion
‒not even feeling a demotion
I bathed
in its scented potion
rolled around
in its storied creation
 
I overlooked‒
its wicked formation
for I saw‒
a different translation
‒one that needed
a believer's gratification
one with a heart-filled formulation
 
I listened
to its every beckon
sometimes, in stages of drunken
 
all around...deemed it poison
something to be shackled‒
in a far-away prison
 
I threw out‒
traditionalized opinions
nothing stuck‒
rotten or forbidden
its scent just heightened
‒nothing could be wrong
or mistaken
 
I moved like lightening
intentional burns‒
gone...forgotten
‒days passing slow, steadfast‒
good ridden!
I drove it‒
to an endless vacation
‒whatever conviction
out...came my eviction
 
I smiled as I saw its rising
all my stops...fully opened
pulling it out of hopeless‒
with my inner-most motivation
‒a darkened star had risen!
 
I fought everything
in grand petition
every inside concentration‒
I put aside
rose to the occasion
‒with the fierceness of driven
this hidden treasure
overcoming every treason
to become the lamination
of a new generation!
 
stop!....
 
reveal
came its different ideas written
all avenues taken‒
off records...stricken
–beating all those defeating‒
overcoming...petitions
a losing validation!
 
I lost to its mention
‒there...in its private station
came to life‒
its own treasure hidden
in all its careful motions‒
belts and strings
forcefully tightened
 
I craved to be enlightened
–nothing valued...given
anything to elevate my vision
halted in moments of frighten
 
I fought constant bent roads‒
tried to straighten
tried to remember each lesson
through all that glistened‒
it had its own secrets woven
‒knowledge in listen
mixing up pointless decisions
taking all the forgivens
icing them‒
in the forever of frozen
 
yes, I found it
in the mince of broken
it was afraid and hidden
an abundantly harvested token
‒over used and forsaken
 
but all the good of will‒
off...steadily shakened
breathing‒
living a horrid token
in anger's hidden conviction
‒all that's been stolen‒
on others
its constant reliving
 
it found its way‒
in rebuilding
using knowledge given
slashing‒
all help's salutations
keeping to itself‒
a stolen formulation
‒to avoid sharing‒
treasures hidden
as I sit
in lost wanderings–
moments
I took it
out of forsaken
Continue reading “‘Hidden Treasure’”

‘Anger’s Infest’

Anger wants you steadfast! God wants you moving forward!

 Anger's Infest
 
feel it beneath your skin
evil's way of getting within
actions in horror's den
‒ways of evil's perfect sin
 
it'll trap you in cussing
it'll condemn you in swearing
pulling at you...probing
wanting your reaction
for it's only satisfaction
 
it'll take all
of your triggering notions
you...down...dragging
as it smiles
in sadistic laughing
craving your giving in
your fight...it's welcoming
celebrating
your mind's condemn
 
anger...evil's infested gem
words, actions
its consistency in playing
wanting you
self to defend
so it can celebrate
in its win
 
feel it beneath your skin
evil's way of getting within
actions in horror's den
‒ways of evil's perfect sin
Continue reading “‘Anger’s Infest’”

‘His Softness’

That which gives you inspiration to go on!

A sample from Book 12

 His Softness
(Sweet Man)
 
there's moments
I want to cry
in this aging bit of life
‒not understanding
what to fight
he comes into my sight
 
deep in my thoughts
I get lost...caught
 
then he kneels before me
‒my world gets lost
in his sea
cradling me in his arms
all that fight...gone
 
aren't you tired of this yet
 
his question without hiss
we both knowing
we keep rocking a boat
that just needs
to float
 
yes
 
my response in insist
over and over...rowing
untying
this knotting rope
without losing
gentle's hope
 
feeling it all melt away
with soft words‒
he has to say
as he pulls me
in his sway
 
I want this‒
not just for today
but every day, in every way
 
I know the truth‒
when I look into his face
love...in every line
to trace
as his black hair
fades to gray
by his side
I feel everything safe
 
when he leaves the room
behind...closes the door
I'm left with my thoughts
shifting deep
in my core
 
yes, I'm tired of this
 
love is far more perfect
surrounded by his softness
then sitting in a room
lost in miss
his love
trying to forget
Continue reading “‘His Softness’”