‘Ignorance of Spirit’

 Ignorance of Spirit

our bodies are the temple
our hearts...filled with love
a mark placed from above
through the spilling‒
of an innocent man's blood

since that day
comes few miracles
in faith, we must see
when words are sent to believe
to take us out of deceive
words placed in hearts
way down deep
for only us to reach
for only one to receive

we set boundaries, principles
God's† words come in a nudge
giving us a rush
with a unwelcomed blush
‒something He† wants of us
something we can't‒
down toilets...flush
in dreams, in signs
comes the flood
'til we no longer‒
to the side...can shove
 
we become
a quiet little disciple
knowing what‒
inside...breathes
relaying messages to relieve
to tone down‒
the spiritual creed
‒silently waddling in scream
 
how will they believe
without something in see
 
any forced retrieve
will just not be!
...goes further the decree
faith...for some...so weak
matching the heart's message in lead‒
a solid force shown in see
 
disclosing the known‒
small strokes to brush
without any lust
‒crushing every bit of trust
 
a task so tough
the pull to run...give up
wanting to do away
with this stuff
‒too deep holds the grudge
 
all the pieces‒
just too much
too many things
running a muck
realizing the struggling pup‒
unbelief
buried in dirty mud
‒thoughts in heart
begins to be enough
 
down, down, down
into so much mush
 
if you don't help
erase the slush
 
then...comes in
the morning dove
the symbol of love
saying don't give up
‒messages from above
that you can't
aside...shove!

(March 22, 2019)—(Note: If you are new to my writings, then know that since the darkness, I use the Bible every day. The poetry and the commentary, most of the time, come from Scripture that I read on that particular day. I often include the Scripture in the commentary. If you are unfamiliar with Scripture, I hope my explanations that I give on what it means to me helps you in some way.

That is what all this writing is meant to do. You do not have to be a believer to understand my points. I’m not going to force anything on you. I’m just revealing what methods helped me through the healing process from abuse. *I have quite a number of pieces on my Facebook author page that are not on here, so feel free to explore there as well.)

During my darkness, I didn’t listen immediately. I was so consumed in the strife, in the confusion that everything inside of me was clouded…veiled. I was angry. I was lost. I had this deep-seeded fear inside of me and this strong, strong need to write everything I was going through from the poems, which were the heart of this force, to putting every thought on Facebook. I didn’t know from where this pull was coming from, but I felt this enormous amount of guilt if I didn’t write. I just went with it. Besides, my whole world had tipped over and I couldn’t figure out how to right it.

There were a few people who kept coming at me, gently, on a mission of Grace, to pull me out. Of course, during that period (Book 5), I didn’t know about Grace…what exactly it meant. They kept coming. I kept running. This was my anger and bargaining stages in the five stages of grief, and I took to this (completely out of character for me) and milked it for everything it could give me.

All the while…I prayed. I kept begging for relief. It all came, of course. God doesn’t work on our time. If there’s something He wants you to learn, you WILL eventually get the message. It doesn’t come easy for some of us. That is because there’s something greater that we are meant to do. I didn’t know all of this during my darkness. All I was focused on was surviving.

I was led to the Acts in my Bible today. God sure does know what He is doing. I write a lot about gifts. One of my gifts is writing. These types of gifts, that which we are able to do with ease, are not the only gifts I’m talking about. I haven’t been very open about these other gifts because they are hard to explain from where they come from. I’m referring to spiritual gifts.

Before all this deep writing began for me, I prayed for the gift of truth. It was something that I was just deeply pulled to. I was always the curious one. I guess that would explain this need. Maybe, I was born with this need. Who knows! All I knew was I wanted to know everything.

When I went back and edited the books (get them ready for publication), I was in awe at how much I was shown. A lot of people don’t like to be shown the truth. It scares them. I know during my intervention (Book 12), it scared the hell out of me. Book 12 reveals that I already knew what was going to happen. In my closing statement, I show you the writings to prove this truth.

‘Ignorance of Spirit’…Those of us who have any spiritual gifts, we want to ignore them. In my entire 12-book series, I talk about the things I’ve experienced. Sometimes, they are not that fun. It’s a confusing state of affairs when you have dreams that reveal something, or feelings, or actual physical events that can’t be explained. I’ve had plenty of all three. They don’t come often, but when they do, they are powerful, and, at times, confusing.

I’ve learned not to question them, just go with them. That’s the whole reason behind this writing. To reveal things that we are shown, is often terrifying because we are sometimes labeled crazy. I’ve learned to accept this because I know who I am.

This leads me back to the part of the Acts I was led to today. I’ve been battling a very personal thing (involving what I just talked about), and I have not handled it very well (it’s been going on for about six years now) because it contradicted everything that I stood for. And the hardest part: I’m not allowed to write about it until the issue is resolved! Don’t ask. I give up on asking the why questions. It’s just the same as when I first began this writing: I wasn’t allowed to get outside help. I had to do all the work myself. Of course, I argued constantly…I cried and cried.

If you are confused, that’s normal. I’m talking about something that’s put into your heart. You just know it to be true. If you doubt at the beginning, like I did, manifestations take place. For me, I’m not kidding! Read Book 1 and Book 5 to see some of the most profound of these manifestations that I have experienced!

So, today, in comes Moses. The Acts. As I’ve stated so many times, my Bible puts everything in the order in which they happened. In this part of my Bible titled ‘Martyrdom of Stephen,’ the commentators write the following concerning Stephen:

This Stephen had been one of the seven men chosen to resolve the problems which arose with regard to distribution of assistance to the Grecian widows. He is a man known for his faith and his ability to do great wonders through the Holy Spirit. But it is his boldness and wisdom that finally prompt his adversaries to bring him before The Council on a charge of blasphemy. Stephen’s defense is a classic review of the history of God’s dealing with the Jewish people, and a reminder to The Council that leaders such as themselves have always rejected and persecuted God’s prophets and teachers….—The Daily Bible In Chronological Order 365 Daily Readings New International Version, page 1493

(I have to say this before I go on: When we are sure in our faith, we often feel this boldness and gain wisdom from paying attention to the right things. We are often criticized for this. How many of you were called Miss know it all!? How many of you who carry this boldness because you are sure of what you speak of, called arrogant? See my point. Don’t feel bad…it’s always been this way!)

Beginning with Acts 6:8-15, Stephen talks about the history of Abraham and how God works. It is quite interesting and to the point. Stephen is about to get stoned to death on false charges, of course, and he talks of the mercy of God. The following verse captured my attention.

…When Moses was forty years old, he decided to visit his fellow Israelites. He saw one of them being mistreated by an Egyptian, so he went to his defense and avenged him by killing the Egyptian. Moses thought that his own people would realize that God was using him to rescue them, but they did not. The next day Moses came upon two Israelites who were fighting. He tried to reconcile them by saying, ‘Men you are brothers; why do you want to hurt each other?’ But the man who was mistreating the other pushed Moses aside and said, ‘Who made you ruler and judge over us? Do you want to kill me as you killed the Egyptian yesterday?’ When Moses heard this, he fled to Midian, where he settled as a foreigner and had two sons.—Acts 7:20-38

‘Ignorance of Spirit’…The Scripture goes on to talk about how 40 years later Moses experiences the burning bush and hears God’s words personally. He hears what he was told 40 years before by way of his heart. He knew already what he was supposed to do, but fear caused him to run. Sound familiar? It says it right there in the Scripture.

…This is the same Moses whom they rejected with the words, ‘Who made you ruler and judge?’ He was sent to be their ruler and deliverer by God himself, through the angel who appeared to him in the bush. He led them out of Egypt and did wonders and miraculous signs in Egypt, at the Red Sea and for forty years in the desert….—Acts 7:20-38

‘Ignorance of Spirit’…At lot of folks believe as long as they see! Their faith is so very weak. We question ourselves all the time. We live in doubt and the world of technology has further escalated the issue. We pray and when our prayers are not answered in our time, we give up. This isn’t anything new. Read what the people did after Moses went up Mount Sinai.

…But our fathers refused to obey him. Instead, they rejected him and in their hearts turned back to Egypt. They told Aaron, ‘Make us gods who will go before us. As for this fellow Moses who led us out of Egypt—we don’t know what has happened to him!’ That was the time they made an idol in the form of a calf. They brought sacrifices to it and held a celebration in honor of what their hands had made…—Acts 7:39-53 .

Moses was up the mountain for quite some time. Think about it…he went up there to pray, then he had this ultimate experience, given all these laws, then he had to process this reality. It would take me a long time, too. So, while he was up there doing one of the most holy things ever, the people gave up hope and started worshiping man-made idols! They were fine as long as they saw the miracles.

And we wonder why God doesn’t deal straight-up with people anymore! We now have to go through Jesus to get our prayers answered! We were always weak. But God’s love is awesome. He didn’t give up on us. So, He sent Jesus to redeem us! That’s pretty awesome. I’m glad I didn’t live BEFORE Jesus!

So, how does this relate to us today and to relationships, to abuse? A lot. Bad shit happens to us! I explain over and over what was revealed to me about why this happens in my series. I’ve been reading a lot about narcissist and abuse because I write about it and I never want to mislead you or myself.

A lot of what I read wants to cloud the personal journey that I’m on. But it is all put in front of me for a reason. The healing from abuse is very important, but it is also very important to help those who abuse heal as well. I know you might turn your nose up at that because abusers hurt us. But WHY do they hurt people in the first place?

The main message Jesus taught us was to love. When we are abused by individuals who don’t seem to have a soul much less a heart, we turn from love to hate. We do. I will put a lot of information on here about ways abusers, especially the narcissist, abuse us and hurt us and betray us. We need to know this. But, to me, the most important reason: They NEED to know this.

Many people who develop this narcissist quality are so buried in the walls that they built that they don’t see these character traits in themselves. We often ask why or throw it to the wind that that’s just the way they are because they are just mean people. These qualities are designed to protect them because of a hurt or trauma that they experienced themselves or they witnessed as a child. Sure, there are some very intelligent researches who are claiming that some people are born with this quality. I’m not buying that. There may be these children who are bullies in school or have this entitlement issue. I was a teacher and I saw them, too. It doesn’t mean they are narcissists. Sorry, I’m not buying that.

‘Ignorance of Spirit’…The narcissist trait is design to protect. They were treated this way as a child, which really can’t be processed, so they change. There’s a clear pattern to when these children change. If they have therapy early on, they can better process what happened. If not…and there’s a large majority of adults who will never, ever disclose what happened to them either because they have blocked it totally out or their walls are so high and thick that they refuse to revisit the pain…it’s too unbearable, so they basically become mean…taking on their abuser’s qualities in some shape, fashion or form.

I just read an awesome book on this subject titled It Wasn’t Your Fault by Beverly Engel, LMFT. We have to heal from abuse in order to function in society. We have to acknowledge who abused us in order to make that healing possible.

I’m a codependent. This is like having a drug when it comes to people. We want to over please people instead of taking care of ourself. I tackle this hard in my last few books. I broke most of the symptoms of my codependency. It wasn’t easy. I understand it much more than I did four years ago. And I understand narcissist more.

I began this writing talking about God’s Grace and how we are sent people to help us. Would you listen if someone tried to help you? was my initial question. Those people who came to help me didn’t come to help me to gain glory. They came to me because they were sent to me. I write about these people as being messengers…some come for a while, others come to give us a message, then are quickly gone from our lives. Our job is to see them for what they are: Messengers.

No matter how you look at it…this is a spiritual thing. We fight some kind of issue and suddenly we hear a song, or see something in writing or someone comes to us with an odd saying and it perks us up because deep down inside, we hear the answer we prayed for. You can deny that all you want. It’s still the truth all the same.

From 50 years of living, I can say that when these messages are sent to us, we should listen. It’s hard sometimes to shuffle through the madness of life and understand the message, but it pays to listen. Those who deliver the message, they aren’t crazy. Trust me on this. Most of the time…they don’t want to say anything. It’s the ones with big hearts that have the strength to follow their heart and help you. Listen. You deserve to get past the hurt and heal. Love the skin you are in. Always.

Check out My 12-Book Series on surviving controlling men. You’re worth it!