‘Grace in Age’

Competing with that young you when you get older is the worse thing you can do. Men…those not healed…that’s all they see. They don’t know the truth…at ALL!

Note: The photograph of myself taken in November is just to remind you that women in the 50s are not dead. Men make us seem that way because those of us with brains don’t stand by and accept the sins of men. Men, who aren’t of the Lord, don’t like that very much. They too much like their sins. I often told myself in the past that I wasn’t going to be single in my golden years, but, in the back of my mind, I knew I would be. A lot of the world’s men want a woman to be quiet and accept. Sorry, that’s not what God wants of me. I’m told I’m still young and that my day is coming. I trust. I still have faith that God is going to reveal to me what true love looks like. When He does, I’m going to boast in ways you never knew possible. At 50 years old, soon to be 51, when you see that boast, you’ll know God sent me a man who sees my heart and not a piece of ass. That there…that’s real!

Grace in Age
 
tightness of skin...loosens
as hands travel along...adding flavor
character...cleverness in soften
 
lines gather around eyes
tiny moments around lips
a woman's saddened endeavor
as makeup creeps in deep
it becomes a hopeless feat
bringing about smiles in laughing

'why go so hard to try?
this heart is better to see
than color-painted eyes'

 
a body struggling in thin
for a man's touch
a sexual needing rush
'why bother'...she laughs in sigh
boys will boys–
always seeking youthful toys
always wanting to see
something delightful, pretty
instead of looking in deep
where truth, real, maturity
really does seep
 
age comes in...no where to hide
accept all those lines
even if alone you lie
–a toy you'd rather not
a woman in truth...instead of deny
a better way to live your life
 
a gentleman will someday see
your aged look...enough...pretty
enough...sitting, talking with maturity
than a toying sexuality
 
those who left you behind
them, too...gain those lines
lost in a memory's time
of what 'use to be mine'

(December 12, 2019)—Growing old together. That’s what it is meant by a two. Seems so much has been forgotten by so many folks. A woman shouldn’t have to worry about being alone in her golden years, but man seems to have forgotten the most about what it means to be a two. Man has forgotten who God is.

Why is this? What happened to faith? ‘Grace in Age’…it shouldn’t be hard. Trust and forgiveness should be the solid foundation with Jesus and God at the head. I’m so tired sometimes of writing the same thing over and over again. I shouldn’t have to. But reading the Book of Isaiah tells me we haven’t much changed. The only way to get to God’s idea of utopia is to understand His process. Maybe, just maybe, more folks then will understand that growing old together is a joy and should be delighted in.

All you men who look at women as pieces of meat to be devoured then tossed aside, you aren’t going to fair very well when your body sleeps. I heard somewhere that it takes a good woman to get a man into heaven. I wonder: Who determines what a good woman is? In all that I’ve experienced, men see a good woman as one who makes him feel good about himself. Wrong! In so many ways. A good woman is the one who challenges your demons and makes you look at the man in the mirror. Maybe when you finally realize this, you’ll stop running from woman to woman, or stop seeking a woman, of any color, to take care of you.

The maturity part…that is what a good woman is looking for. You, who are more worried about your life, talking about your imagined childhood, talking about your imagined successes…that’s not what a good woman is looking for. She’s looking for a man who loves her just the way she is. When she gets that, she wants…wants…to be a better person because he’s shown her that he wants to be a better person for her. Love is hard. Didn’t you get the memo? And God wants us to love…oh, that Jesus love is sweet…but word to the wise, that Jesus love is hard love…that which makes you look at self in ways you never dreamed. And that good woman…Jesus sent her!

‘Undo What’s Done’

You are worth every bit of struggle. It is up to you to take those struggles and help others with theirs. That’s the meaning of being the body and Jesus† being the head. He† is with you. Never forget that!

 Undo What's Done
 
you are His† son
a tiny dot of sun‒
that can wage wars
beneath the stars
from so close
yet so far
 
I feel it all‒
deep inside
‒you have
what it takes
undo what's done
‒show the world
your sum
 
you are His† son
larger than life
cut by a knife
bleeding deep‒
from the inside
‒throw it, throw it
far from your outside
grow outward‒
don't hide
 
prove to Him†
you are more‒
than just a son
‒you are a light
shining
from a darkened sun

‘Men of Songs’

Understanding depression and the veils by-way of Job!

 Men of Songs
 
I thrash out my complaints
I take the hurt, the blame
put it all on my shoulders‒
knowing
through all this rough terrain
not one showed sincerity
not one came
 
so I let tears fall
like rain
open my mouth
my worded train
feeling alone, empty
worthless...plain
wondering if I'm really insane
 
I cast out my stones to You†
‒Your† broken little dame
all these tasks
my life...so drained
not knowing the final aim
just take it all in‒
the arrows of false names
on invisible ropes...I hang
 
told...life is but a game
learn to play it...you win fame

 
You† and I know‒
that's not how it's framed
life isn't at all a game
You†...no one can tame
someone so righteous‒
You† easily cast in flames
and that person
will never be the same
 
when this heart
feels weak in faint
I look at all my I can'ts
I re-hear all those filthy names
know...none of them...I ain't
but I know‒
I'm such a tiny piece of grain
and the only fame
to be claimed
is that of Your† sweet, sweet name
 
I'm so, so tired
of being maimed
so tired of lonely's strain
what have I gained
on this hateful, lonely lane
 
I know it's part of Jesus'†
each and every vein
I'm so weary...feelings‒
my work done in vane
so, I call on you...Jesus†
please take all my complaints
straight to our Father†
‒pull me out
this agonizing drain
forgive all my trespasses
turn me over‒
to at least one heart
who feels the same
‒a bit of hunger
a bit of tame
to do works of good‒
in Your† sweet, sweet name
Continue reading “‘Men of Songs’”

‘Solitary Confinement’

The truth of planting seeds by-way of Jeremiah! It’s time for hurting to take the personal responsibility to heal.

 
Solitary Confinement
 
they're out there enjoying life
those who lied and betrayed
while she sits in silence
waiting for her time
 
they all believe the opposite
of what is true
they are all blinded in fool
while her tears cause her to drool
praying...her inward tool
for being condemned
doing what she was supposed to do
 
all abandoned her
deciding to judge
where no judgment was due
pitying her–
where no pitying was due
 
so she accepts the cross
‒knowing full well...who's in charge
in the waves of other's flaws
like a rage doll...she was tossed
 
but her hopes
stayed with the light
their insecurities
weren't even her fight
in her eyes
she just watched their blight
screamed at them
in her troubled fight
thinking it was her right
standing up for herself
against the night
those suffering for lack of insight
in only the Lord†
can things ever be right
 
yes, she watched...screamed
with all her might
years of blight‒
but it was never her fight
‒she was already in the light
 
so she waits...sometimes in cry
accepting the silence
her temporary confinement
for ever lasting enlightenment
as those who suffer inside
play with false lives
on the outside
‒the lost coveting what they lost
concealing in lies...lost
not knowing what it means
to take it to the cross
 
yes, they condemn her, judge her
placing her in depressed...lost
when all the while‒
what they refused to see
she was always a faithful child
of the Boss†!
Continue reading “‘Solitary Confinement’”

‘A Waiting Maze’

God patiently awaits for you to choose by-way of Zechariah! The 4th message to you ‘Today’s Society’. It’s up to you to listen!

 A Waiting Maze
 
He's† not going to help
what you can do yourself
be wise, full of zeal
each other...truth...tell
don't condemn your brother
stay clear and calm of harm
evil...raise alarms
don't buy into charm
 
recognize...yes, recognize
what's in disguise
your responsibility
your turn to be wise
see through lies
it's time to stop the randomize
heal those traumatized
‒save them from lies
 
there's no such thing as elves
‒must believe in self
feelings for another...felt
in order for you to help
 
you've wasted enough time
draw that much needed line
understand...the Divine†
before it's too late
to even try
Continue reading “‘A Waiting Maze’”

‘Testing Will’

Testimony: One of God’s messengers. Saying YES to the Big Man Upstairs…no matter what! My 4-year journey for love, no matter the consequences!

 Testing Will
 
He† knows me deep within
He† knows I'd give in
then...feel the guilt of sin
 
He† held me
within this evil den
all along–
as I felt alone and abandoned
as I cried and cried
struggling, fighting
–evil's bid to win
 
four years in this brethren
a feel of insanity's hymn
negative thoughts...pounding
smothered in foreign emotions
evil aware of the reason
–knowing
the purpose of my season
 
sometimes
losing it without praying
lost in extreme's commotion
at me...came every explanation
learning my self
in its manipulation
 
evil tried to win
it tried everything
digging its teeth within
 
my angels were fighting
holding me in their wings
'til I was in delivering
–my will weakening...strengthening
a day-to-day variation
–wanting it all to end
 
this sixth sense
gave its warning
the stay kept on coming
along with each
secretive manifestation
in hiding
as anxiety and panic
kept attacking
 
my self-esteem
furiously stripping
burying me in ignoring
playing in my sexuality–
what was left
of its intention
through emotional baiting
fight's annihilation
this dizzying world
kept me sinking
'til my hands
living in jittering
my eyes...blurring, drying
my hair in constant falling
my weight in agonizing gaining
my chest in heavy palpitations
my body lost
in fatigue's aggravation
my mind fighting negative
horrid inventions
my mouth became
acid's salutation
from yelling, screaming
foul annotations
to a vicious appeal
in chanting
 
I held on tight
to the calling
knowing...soon...it was ending
pleading and begging
praying and sleeping
dreaming and imagining
–holding on to
the coming glorification
 
packing and moving
God's† quick verification
to do it
even through questioning, doubting
–it all wasn't fabrication
or some childish exaggeration
but a purposeful delivering intention
–a message coming through....
fighting evil's blocking mechanism
for a soul in saving
me: a favor in returning
as God's† hardened instrumentation
 
I took it in breaking
codependency's formulation
–holding on tight
to God's† coming verification
all...
leading to enlightening, awakening
a coming out
spiritual connection
 
Continue reading “‘Testing Will’”

‘His Pickup’

Have you answered God’s call? He’s waiting on you!

 His† Pickup
 
I talk to the air
pretending someone's there
–it's only fair
since no one sees
how I comb my hair
 
I go for days, weeks
in this brave affair
feeling angels everywhere
then I fall to despair
acknowledging
no one's really there
wondering
if anyone really cares
 
I go until I can't
my hand to face in cry–
 
this isn't fair
 
too long I've been waiting
for the care
working, doing
wanting someone truly there
but...just surrounds me
thin air
 
I get completely lost
in this temporary despair
then...comfort arrives
out of thin air
 
I was pushed back
and about to fall,
but the Lord† helped me.
the Lord† is my strength

and my song;
He has become

my salvation.
 
revealing there's someone there
someone who truly cares
waiting, fighting there
waiting to become fully
before the Lord...bare
dealing in past affairs
–having courage to dare
 
shouts of joy and victory
resound in the tents

of the righteous;
the Lord's† right hand

has done mighty things!
the Lord's† right hand

is lifted high;
the Lord's† right hand

has done mighty things!
 
victory is every where
I can feel I in the air
 
I will not die but live,
and will proclaim

what the Lord† has done.
the Lord† has chastened me severely,
but He† has not given me

over to death.
 
I know all won't be lost
in despair
I know there will be saved
so many little hairs
so I basked in this empty air
as...taking place
the attended affairs
 
open for me
the gates of righteousness;
I will enter

and give thanks to the Lord†.
this is the gate of the Lord†
through which

the righteous may enter.
I will give You† thanks

for You† answered me;
You† have become my salvation.

 
all things will be fair
as comes...the perfect affair
 
the stone the builders rejected
has become the capstone;
the Lord† has done this,
and it is marvelous in our eyes.
this is the day the Lord† has made;
let us rejoice and be glad in it.

 
seeing truth...so there
I anticipate
with welcoming flair
I know this heart I wear
–out of pure despair
comes a star's brilliant glare
 
o Lord†, save us;
o Lord†, grant us success.
blessed is he who comes

in the name of the Lord†.
from the house of the Lord†

we bless you.
the Lord† is God†,
and He† has made His† light

shine upon us.
with boughs in hand

join in the festal procession
up to the horns of the altar

 
in bowed head...I do declare
life is as it should be–
it's not in the tear
but in the solid of repair
that God† reveals
His† humble stare
 
You† are my God†
and I will give You† thanks;
You† are my God†

and I will exalt You†.
give thanks to the Lord†

for He† is good;
His† love endures forever.
—psalm 118
Continue reading “‘His Pickup’”

‘Channel’

Don’t change your independent self because of another person.

 Channel
 
a bird flies when its free
it stagnates
in captivity
its colors blossom
in variety
fading in ambiguity
‒plucking them out
in atrocity
 
in nature...the act in free
all the same
in its facility
a trapping technicality
‒being free has its complexity
 
as a woman
in her diplomacy
giving true
to her effeminacy
when treated
with significancy
 
when she's satisfied
in her sexuality
she falls into compliancy
even in another's complacency
giving up her self-sufficiency
even her style in flossy
being, at first
blissful in buoyancy
 
as it goes...comes the decadency
becoming aware
of the deficiency
–a broken down fallacy
as she meets each exigency
 
outward...comes her adamancy
as gone goes her sexy
–an inward building pudency
her usual controlled diplomacy
loses its bearing
to rampancy
 
as goes the controlling austerity
saving-money hostility
‒slowly caving
in her impetuosity
 
attention...gone its notoriety
even her newly shaped nudity
once praised with delicacy
gone...with looks
words in vulgarity
stripping
all her sexy naughty
–leaving vagueness
in commonality
 
lack of interest
opens a familiarity
once ignoring
so much secrecy
once ignoring the mendacity
pulling forward
all its perfidy
as gone...all her sensuality
understanding
its diverted generosity
she becomes lost
in recalcitrancy
–the precious kitty lost
to lunacy
 
all for giving her free
to submissive captivity
for the awakening
of her sexuality!
Continue reading “‘Channel’”

‘What Comes Out’

Anger: How changing this one emotion can change your entire life!

 What Comes Out
 
she weighted
the things she's said
‒those retaliating words
she weighted
the things she's done
thinking it all hard love
but it was anger
‒acting out
over another's danger
 
what makes you do
these things?
 
she pondered the question
the only answer: retaliation
she bowed her head
in confession
responding to those living
in secret
putting her in the dark...deeper
 
she weighted
her lost of control
‒all man things took their toll
grabbing at her in hold
her...letting it all
use her in bold
 
anger's put her in the red
shaped thoughts in head
then actions without thought
knowing the wrong
in every heart beat
then came further heat
 
she weighted
all these things
knowing too late always rings
seeking truth
sets off anger in sing
it's her life
not just some fling
 
she sighed just a bit
thinking these things
anger's become a distraction
at times
giving satisfaction
‒the evil whore's demolition
 
she bowed her head
in greater confession
this her greatest sin
one...with‒
she no longer
wants to blend
control‒
a fight she's determined
to win
‒using gratitude
from God's† den‒
the only way to contend
‒be put in the light
from way deep within
Continue reading “‘What Comes Out’”

‘Shouldering Damage’

You deal and accept the physical damage caused by narcissism’s carelessness

 
Shouldering Damage
 
upon her shoulders
carries the weight–
shouldering damage
from those who couldn't stay
–a go-getter
they couldn't take
she...never wanting‒
any kinda hate
‒that was never
her intended fate
‒she let love lead the way
ending in heavy price's
to pay
 
only in moments
she lived in sedate
all them medical doctors
had to medicate
she just needed room‒
a bit of space
to grasp the idea
of her body ache
never using it as an escape
‒it hurt...and she was its bait
 
she knows she gave it all
she wasn't some pity rage doll–
standing somewhere in stall
she answered a simple call
–but others led her to fall
not caring the damage at all
 
upon her shoulders‒
she wears the cape
an anti-depressant to mask
a different kinda ache
–emotional chains
she couldn't tolerate
a burning heart
left in saturate
mixed with anger
lust and hate
screaming
without intentional berate
from love
that just couldn't stay
 
then again‒
she let love be her mate
a heart damaged‒
in too many ways
–again...a turn in obliterate
a brain burned in uncultivate
all that damage‒
on her shoulders
in blissful weight
men who couldn't bear
the cape
of her physical‒
being in waste
 
she knows she gave it all
she wasn't some pity rage doll–
standing somewhere in stall
she answered a simple call
–but others led her to fall
not caring the damage at all
 
she now wears‒
a suit of armor
from love's mate
as the heavy scars from fake–
I can't stay
you...I could only tolerate
builds her face
straight to a destiny's fate–
the writer in massive create
 
she...to never deny God
in whatever she faced
so she shoulders damage
left behind–
by carelessness
and self hate
building her rose‒
from a destroyer's
intentional state
 
she knows‒
she gave it all
she wasn't some pity rage doll–
standing somewhere in stall
she answered a simple call
–others led her to fall
not caring
the damage at all
 
oh! how
she can stand tall–
she picked herself up
from the fall
using the rest of her life
in God's hall
lost to true love's
missed call
she knows‒
she gave it her all
–it was not her
that caused
the fall!
Continue reading “‘Shouldering Damage’”