‘Kicking through Doors’

A sample from Book 10

 Kicking through Doors
  
 fighting through nights
 hated words
blank looks
 cold tones-
it's a right
 like a sworn-in knight
 say it-
see what's in sight
  
 bleeding words of hosea
 a foreign arena
 -a returned agenda
 replayed cinema
 -one certain agenda:
  
 incorporation of rejection
 ignoring revelations
 already experienced
by nations
  
 historical indications‒
 God's† bold proclamations
 man's once-again revoltation
  
 keeping in the light
 ‒a constant fight
 suffering through blight
 experiencing God's† might
  
 turning it around
 ‒say something sound
 as in past stories found
 leaves truth-
the drowning clown
  
 like centuries before
 keep kicking through doors
 His† powers...the core
 that's what truth's for
 –leaving hatred
that embedded lore
 in the constance
of sore

(September 1, 2016)—This is one of the quotes I have taped to my computer screen. ‘Standing for something’ is that rock that so many people try to chip away as the years go by. It’s like those who don’t have a solid grasp of anything can’t stand the fact that you do.

If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.

I stand behind my theory that we learn from other people’s experiences. If no one writes about their experiences, then how are we to learn and do better or survive through ordeals that we really don’t understand.

My writings here are long. No, I don’t make money here. In fact, I haven’t made a dime on my writings. My journey has been directed to this particular path and I have been faithful to my calling, if that’s what you want to call it. These writings are not meant to be short. That’s the whole point. So, if you have a short attention span…go on…bypass my work…it most certainly will bore you.

These writings have been labeled many things: drama, trash, bullshit, etc. That’s personal agendas that I am not part of. These writings come to me when they are meant to come to me. I’m not a prophet. Trust me. But I pray. I ask God what I’m to write…then I write. They always start with a piece of poetry. I go with it and write it.

Take it as you will. If they insult you in some way, it’s not the writings nor is it me personally. Think about that. I was given a voice. I use curse words. That’s not a sin though some see it that way. If the word fuck or damn or ass offends you then move along. My style is my own. Just because 100 people out of billions don’t like it, doesn’t mean I have to change for those 100 people. I always talk about the self and individuality. How can I talk about being an individual and then not be one myself? I can’t. This is my style. Take it or leave it.

These writings are meant to teach and reveal. No, you don’t have to learn a damn thing nor do you have to see a damn thing. It’s not meant for everyone. These writings are meant for those who need them and those who need them know exactly who they are. They are my silent readers and I know…you don’t…who these silent readers are. So, if you are not in need…have a good day.

For those who need this…welcome.

I opened my Bible this morning to Hosea. I’ve written about his prophecies before and it seems I’ve been directed back to him because of a little doubt I had in my heart last night.

The commentators of my version of the Bible explain the historical points that surround Hosea’s prophecies. The following points are relevant to what I have to say. (I prefer to write it word for word instead of paraphrasing it because, well, they write their point better than I can.):

The foregoing passage [referring to all of his prophecies] is only a brief reference in the historical account, but it is a forceful reminder that after a century-and-a-half as part of a broken kingdom the people of Israel have not been willing to put away their idols or forget their pagan Baal. If there is anything which especially affronts God, it must surely be the sight of men and women (whom he has created) bowing in worship to sticks and stones (which he has also created and which, therefore, have no intrinsic power). This is especially true because God has repeatedly and patiently demonstrated his concern, love, and protection to each generation of this nation to whom he has specially chosen to reveal himself….

For me, personally, as I see it, sticks and stones doesn’t just refer to man-made crosses and statues but to all material objects. I included this passage because over and over I experience this anguish and anxiety over the material world and I don’t see God. What do I mean by that? When people get frustrated over something, instead of stopping for a while and thinking and talking it out with God, they yell or condemn or ignore or blame or cause unnecessary chaos.

It’s taken me, during my journey, to learn how to do this. Reading really good books on self-improvement helps a great deal. You can’t do it on your own. Trust me on this one. You have to learn to step back and breathe…think about the situation for a moment, be silent for a little while, talk it over with God and then listen. The mind is a battlefield as Joyce Meyer writes about. It’s up to us to fight and God is the only REAL warrior on our side.

Material things are just that material. The spiritual part of our beings is the most important part. When we are in tune with that part…truly in tune…then the rest falls into place. Money, expensive clothes, cars, jewelry, travel…nothing of that will satisfy you if you are not in harmony with your spiritual being.

They go on to say:

To God, the people of Israel have been as a wife in covenant relationship with him. And yet their continued idolatry is a constant reminder of their unfaithfulness to the covenant. Each generation has been adulterous in it’s wickedness and idolatry, and now the time is swiftly approaching when God is going to put Israel away as an adulterous spouse….

As the commentators state here, Israel (the nation…i.e. the people) betrays God like a spouse in a marriage betrays the other (has an affair)…to put it in simple terms. Looking at this from a broad spectrum…what happened during this period in time is again happening. My generation was taught about God in school, in church, by our parents. Removing prayer from schools, football games, government buildings was unheard of when I was a child. Today’s generations could care less. See the similarities.

This also makes sense on a personal level. Have you made a covenant or vow with God? I have. I didn’t do it on purpose. This type of thing evolves over time. Many of us who have made a vow with God have gone through an ordeal that made us see or rather open our eyes to the world around us. To put it short…we were going down the wrong road and that led us to hit a knee and finally ask God…with a true heart…for help. He helped us, so, in turn, we vowed to return the favor. My returned favor is to write these writings.

They continue:

Hosea’s prophecies against Israel, to which he sometimes refers as Ephraim, begin with a reference to his own disastrous marriage and the anger and anguish which he himself feels. No message has more impact then one growing out of the messenger’s own experience that accounts for the power of Hosea’s prophecies.

Many, many…in fact, I believe just about every single person who comes out of their darkness turns their pain around and uses it to benefit others. Tell me I’m wrong. It’s okay. I accept if I’m wrong. But I don’t think I am. The difference with me is that I write in short, instead of long books, on here. I am turning all of this into books but it’s part of my vow to write in the immediate first. Why? Beats the hell out of me, but I know deep in my heart that this is part of the vow. Doing something to help others as quickly as we can is what we are supposed to do. The books that come later are only meant to preserve the effort. If that makes any sense.

On a personal note: If the books and website brings me fruits, my dream is to use that money to help as many people as I can who suffer from abuse. To me, that’s a win-win type of deal.

Hosea 4:1-6a (the commentators of my version of the Bible label this verse as ‘Charge against Israel‘):

Hear the word of the Lord, you Israelites, because the Lord has a charge to bring against you who live in the land: ‘There is no faithfulness, no love, no acknowledgement of God in the land. There is only cursing (That is, to pronounce a curse upon), lying and murder, stealing and adultery; they break all bounds, and bloodshed follows bloodshed. Because of this the land mourns (or dries up), and all who live in it waste away; the beasts of the field and the birds of the air and the fish of the sea are dying…

But let no man bring a charge, let no man accuse another, for your people are like those who bring charges against a priest. You stumble day and night, and the prophets stumble with you. So I will destroy your mother―my people are destroyed from lack of knowledge.

This verse inspired ‘Kicking through Doors.’ I reckon I was led to this particular verse because I’m often ridiculed because of the way I write. I use curse words for one. When I was first ridiculed for this, I did a total soul-search and a Bible search. Saying fuck as an expression is not the same as actually placing a curse on someone. That’s the same with any words we use today that are labeled as curse words. I’m not defending myself here. I’m simply stating facts. We use words labeled as curse words to get our point across or to express anger. Do you see the difference here?

Man’s version of God’s words is often different in meaning. Man’s rules and laws are often different then those of God’s words. Is the Bible meant to be followed word for word? Probably not. The Bible is a collection of parables and stories passed down generation after generation. As my daddy said, ‘The Bible teaches us how to live and how to die.’ It is not meant to be used for us to condemn others.

Here’s a point to be made here: Do you personally know a biker? You know those who ride motorbikes and are covered in tats and cuss and raise a little bit of hell. I do. I also know a lot of military guys and gals like this. Okay. Think of that kind of personality. Do you have a picture of them in your head? Okay. Now think of a person who attends church, wears a suit, shakes people’s hands and appears to be nice and kind and gentle. Do you have a picture of them in your head? Okay.

Here’s something I’ve seen: (This is not the case in every situation. I’m not condemning anyone here.) I’ve seen the roughest looking guys and gals do more of God’s work then guys and gals who go to church and wear suits and nice dresses. I’ve seen the roughest looking people treat those they love with kindness and total respect while watching those that wear suits and go to church beat the shit out of those they love.

I cuss. I have tats. This doesn’t define me as a person. It only says that I’m an individual and I prefer not to follow the crowd. It’s my personal way of not conforming to the norm of what everyone deems professional. I’m me. Can you say that about yourself?

I’m a sinner. God knows my heart. I have faults. I’m weak then I’m strong. I stand for something. Can you proclaim that in your own life? Are you willing to proclaim that in your own life?

It’s not easy. In fact, to admit to errors is fucking hard….there’s my cussing self. Are you going to condemn me because I said fuck? If so, why? Does having my own personality and not being afraid to reveal it going against the grain? Guess what? That’s man’s grain and not God’s. There ARE laws to follow. Those of God. Writing about my world, my journey…does that make me trash or drama-driven? No. It’s only that way to those who adhere to man’s way, man’s idea of conformity.

You have to release the fear of being who you really are in order to get anywhere. Fear…halts you. Fear…torments you. Fear…destroys you. I know this because I let FEAR do these things to me. I still have those fears but I pray and I cry out to God and then He returns this to me: Fuck Fear, Karen, Use Your Voice!

Need I say more? God speed to those of you out there that take the time to read my work and use this knowledge to better your own life. Knowledge is key. If you don’t want to understand something, you just lock yourself into a closed little box without ever feeling the whole of life. This new technology that we are all experience is leading us all to KNOWLEDGE. What is important about this is to know the difference between good knowledge and knowledge that just brings us fear. Learning is a very good thing when you learn to improve yourself. Learning something that just keeps your fears growing is just a waste of good energy. Just saying….

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