Tag: PTSD

‘Depths of Heart’

Mind your heart or others will not!

A sample from Book 11

 Depths of Heart
  
 protecting self‒ 
not letting any other
 put it on a shelf
 seems to be utmost important
 ‒above anything else
  
 for in self
happiness lies
 rises high
above health
any amount of wealth
 ‒pulling the heart
out of hell
 out of the darkest well
  
 for in truth heart dwells
 untied from man's inhuman belt
 released from whatever shelf
man tries to impel
 keeping the heart from melt
 ‒happiness locked in a cell
  
 get out, get out
see yourself‒
 way deep inside
where happiness compels
 in heart
where it truly swells
Continue reading “‘Depths of Heart’”

‘Source’

Anxiety created from the fight against codependency!

A sample from Book 11

  Source
  
 she waits‒ 
closes her eyes
 breathes deep
 ‒her face tingles
her heart races
 her palms sweat‒
 a heat under her skin
rises...coming quick
  
 shh...she repeats to herself
  
 each sound
each speck of light

 builds the burning

she fights
  
 shh...again and again
  
 don't do it...not again
 she begs repeatedly
  
 settle down, please
  
 begging, begging

   the exploding need 
 
 building, building
  
 forcing her mouth closed
 forcing her body steal
 ‒as tears stream down her face
  
 begging, begging
  
 can't you see...anyone
 can't you see
I'm trying, trying...
 my grip is slipping...
  
 as she loses control‒
 her mouth yells
or her tears fall
 ‒no matter who's around
 down, down, down
she falls
  
 back to a child‒ 
innocent, broken
 just for a while
  
 'til she regains
strengthens
 to go
one more round
in life's paradigm
 where between herself
and herself
she fights
  
 hoping, hoping
  
 the next time‒ 
she'll steady the line
 ‒that too often...
 breaks her holding-together vine
  
Continue reading “‘Source’”

‘Disillusionment’

When politics blinds your truth!

A sample from Book 11

 Disillusionment  

 she stood there shaking
 what have I done‒
 causing this imagined awakening
 ‒have I forsaken
 forgive me, Lord†
ease this hating
  
 in her silence
her heart opened
 ‒a simple token
 what truly lived
in this here maiden
  
 she watched them all
 as the stones began to fall
 ‒to her knees
no longer...she felt tall
 over and over
coming at her skin‒
 little hard balls
  
 then a sudden stall
stopped...silence
 a mere moment
she recalled
  
 the dust settled
 her tightly closed eyes opened
 upon her dress‒
 tiny red splattered drops dribbled
 her pain...tiny tickles
 what...a blink before‒ 
it seemed a fable
  
 her fear lifted‒  
was this a gift
 her sins shifting
to ultimate's forgiveness
 ‒this she did not know
 but the sudden stop
 ‒she felt her heart unfold
  
 cast your stone‒ 
if clean...your bones
  
 she heard the voice
then the made choice
 as all around
stone after stone
 hit...not her
but the ground
  
 silence remained
she still knelt‒
 in blood stains
 as shifting of feet
the sudden in retreat
  
 silence...not daring
to lift her head
 then a shadow overcame the red
 a hand reached out
get up child
 a mere whisper without shout
  
 strength from Him† came
 as her legs rose
 ‒her eyes did the same
  
 His† light dried her tears
 all became so clear‒ 
her heart felt clean
 in His† eyes...she seen‒ 
truth's unending scene
 her life redeemed
it wasn't a dream
 ‒pure and serene
forever...trust in Him†
 she proclaimed
 for the Lord†...by her side
remained
Continue reading “‘Disillusionment’”

‘Salvation’s Need’

To Deny Others Is To Deny God!

 Salvation's Need
  
 test after test
I have failed
 my 360
to the cross...nailed
 You† brought people to me
 in their time of weak
 ‒salvation
I failed to help them seek
  
 instead, I buried them deep
 words from my mouth
did seep
 actions
I didn't allow to creep
 in self
I curled up in weep
  
 my time has come and sailed
 out of all of it
I tend to bail
 turning my back
not wanting to see
 how another's picture
on them...creeps
 I just give up and flee
  
 whatever awakens
this ignorance of me
 strip it
take it from me
 strengthen me
help me to see
 keep me from feeling sorry
lost in self pity
  
 Lord†, this part of me
 that lived unselfishly
 I lost
please return it to me
 without this lumpy throat
from way down deep
 without fears and anxiety
 help me open my mouth
speak
 in words of calm
humility, peace
without selfish
insecurities
Continue reading “‘Salvation’s Need’”

‘Yelled Sarcasm’

5 Ways to Heal ‘Self’ from Abuse and Trauma

 Yelled Sarcasm
  
 speaking out of turn
 oh! how this heart burns
  
 this once gentle character
stripped
 each time a tone of voice
tips
  
 gone the plow
that once endured
 for this ache!
there is no cure
  
 once betrayed
bitterness lays
 honesty...only the heart craves
  
 that forever solid pace
yearned
 ‒left with only discern
  
 out the heart‒
emotions...flipped
 drops of dimes‒
where truth is clipped
  
 all smells like week-old manure
 ‒nothing left that's pure
  
 seconds, minutes, hours‒
turn to days
 as what was‒
gets lost in a bitter haze
Continue reading “‘Yelled Sarcasm’”

‘Kicking through Doors’

Is Someone’s Crime Taking Away What You Stand For?

A sample from Book 10

 Kicking through Doors
  
 fighting through nights
 hated words
blank looks
 cold tones-
it's a right
 like a sworn-in knight
 say it-
see what's in sight
  
 bleeding words of hosea
 a foreign arena
 -a returned agenda
 replayed cinema
 -one certain agenda:
  
 incorporation of rejection
 ignoring revelations
 already experienced
by nations
  
 historical indications‒
 God's† bold proclamations
 man's once-again revoltation
  
 keeping in the light
 ‒a constant fight
 suffering through blight
 experiencing God's† might
  
 turning it around
 ‒say something sound
 as in past stories found
 leaves truth-
the drowning clown
  
 like centuries before
 keep kicking through doors
 His† powers...the core
 that's what truth's for
 –leaving hatred
that embedded lore
 in the constance
of sore
Continue reading “‘Kicking through Doors’”

Are You Being Submissive Willingly?

(March 2, 2019)—Submissive. I rejoined POF. I was on this site in 2012 and got off because it was foul. I paid this go around to see if anything’s better just for conversation. There’s some interesting folks.

I had an interesting conversation with a guy and the word submissive was brought into the conversation. I had seen this word on another guy’s profile…and it just blew my mind! They are demanding that a woman be submissive!

Continue reading “Are You Being Submissive Willingly?”