‘Unshattering’

A sample from Book 9

 Unshattering
  
 don't look at me
 –your indifference
 don't say you know me
 –a casual acquaintance
 don't try to control me
 –words are just cadence
 don't think you have me
 –trivial acceptance
  
 all things of me– 
 –piece after piece
 glued, sewn, stapled...rebuilt
 whatever it took– 
rekindled this book
  
 take a good, hard look– 
whatever I could
 not caring...if I should
 nor daring...if I would
  
 it's all just burned wood
reasons understood–
 renewing me
back to peace
 –a whole lot of free
 this place
I can just be
  
 don't come at me
 thinking
you'll change me
  
 this unshattering of me
took time, deeds
 please, please, please
of others' reprieve
 –to undo
the beating of me
  
 secrets aren't hidden from me
 through your swirling sea
clearly I see
 –it's so easy
to flee
 without missing
one beat
  
 go on...see
in a breeze
I'll swerve
 I know what I deserve
  
 no longer...this me
covered in ego's dirt
 no, no...I'm in free
 I'll easily flirt
test the waters
 –even in the deepest of curves
 avoid pride's careless surf
'cause I can, you see
  
 no longer...this heart beat
 buried in condition's thirst
 me...you cannot convert
 aware, I am
this value in worth
 the whole of me–
  
 a choosing little tweet
 –accept me
 –go on
the street...beat
  
 in choice...I'm free
 no longer sufferings in need‒
 living carefree
in wanting desires of please
 –the truth of me
   who I'm meant to be

(January 6, 2016)—Rehashing old stories…brings to mind life. Look back on your life for a minute…mainly your principles. Did they change? They shouldn’t have.

We’re born a certain way, then we have these things, way deep inside, that make us who we are like: Having a conscious (no matter how much you want to live in sin…I mean, treat others the way they treat you…you can’t), having a big heart (you have always wanted to help in someway), being mindful of how you behave in front of people (you’re a lady, a gentlemen, you make people laugh, etc.), your work ethics (you work hard no matter what), what you do for people, even when they don’t do for you, your truthfulness, what you enjoy the most in life (meaning—what’s your gift, that certain thing that makes you lose time and puts you in a complete place of peace), etc.

All these things, if you really look back at how you really are, is the real you. That’s not your old story. It’s who you are. These deep things come from who we were born to be.

Throughout our childhood and young adult life, there are traditions that condition our thoughts. If you really pay attention to them, you can separate those from who you really are. For some, like me, it takes years and years of going through the confusion to see it. I never changed the person I was deep inside. I changed the reactionary person of me, the make-other-people-happy of me. A lot of us do that to please other people. In the process, we leave our me behind.

It helps to write down the characteristics of the person you really are. My advanced writing students at [school], made me think about this a lot. We had little writing assignments that made us all think hard in this manner, then when I decided to go back into the public school system, they made me look at the reasons why…pros and cons.

That really makes you see who you really are over the conditioned-self others made. That’s the old story of you. When you wake up from this conditioned-self, that’s the changed you. The time in your life when you revert back to your authentic self, the self that no one wanted to see. Hint: The conditioning of you.

Think about the person you really are. Look around you and see the person you are now. Are you doing the things you do to please others to fit in or to make them happy? Are you happy? Are you being your authentic self? Does your actions hurt others? Why?

Being honest and straight up often hurts others. Are you the problem? Or are they the problem? That’s a hard answer to face. When you, finally, see it, you start seeing the conditioning that is not your authentic self. Have a good day and smile. You never know who’s life you’ll change with that simple act. Treat others with kindness, but don’t let others walk all over you because you are kind. As my mother told me, you have to separate yourself from some for a while and take care of you.

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