His† Pickup I talk to the air pretending someone's there –it's only fair since no one sees how I comb my hair I go for days, weeks in this brave affair feeling angels everywhere then I fall to despair acknowledging no one's really there wondering if anyone really cares I go until I can't my hand to face in cry– this isn't fair too long I've been waiting for the care working, doing wanting someone truly there but...just surrounds me thin air I get completely lost in this temporary despair then...comfort arrives out of thin air I was pushed back and about to fall, but the Lord helped me. the Lord is my strength and my song; He has become my salvation. revealing there's someone there someone who truly cares waiting, fighting there waiting to become fully before the Lord...bare dealing in past affairs –having courage to dare shouts of joy and victory resound in the tents of the righteous; the Lord's right hand has done mighty things! the Lord's right hand is lifted high; the Lord's right hand has done mighty things! victory is every where I can feel I in the air I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the Lord has done. the Lord has chastened me severely, but He has not given me over to death. I know all won't be lost in despair I know there will be saved so many little hairs so I basked in this empty air as...taking place the attended affairs open for me the gates of righteousness; I will enter and give thanks to the Lord. this is the gate of the Lord through which the righteous may enter. I will give You thanks for You answered me; You have become my salvation. all things will be fair as comes...the perfect affair the stone the builders rejected has become the capstone; the Lord has done this, and it is marvelous in our eyes. this is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. seeing truth...so there I anticipate with welcoming flair I know this heart I wear –out of pure despair comes a star's brilliant glare o Lord, save us; o Lord, grant us success. blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord. from the house of the Lord we bless you. the Lord is God, and He has made His light shine upon us. with boughs in hand join in the festal procession up to the horns of the altar in bowed head...I do declare life is as it should be– it's not in the tear but in the solid of repair that God† reveals His† humble stare You are my God and I will give You thanks; You are my God and I will exalt You. give thanks to the Lord for He is good; His love endures forever.—Psalm 118
He’s Waiting On You!
(July 5, 2019)—I haven’t written in a while…been busy with the testimony of my recent events, which has proven not difficult, but more of a soul-searching deal that’s taking me nearing over a month now to work on. It’s okay. I have plenty time. There’s never a rush for things these days. In due time, they do come. But I have been working diligently and long hours. I went to bed at 5 a.m. this morning and woke up at around noon to people asking me if I felt the earthquake. No. I’ve been busy.
‘His† Pickup’…I fixed my coffee then sat down looking at my Facebook. I received an ad in my notifications about events happening around me, so I clicked on it. I started clicking that little banner on each event that stands for ‘save for later.’ I went through a large number of them and then I just cried. Something just swept over me and tears just started falling.
Yep! God. I don’t go anywhere’s these days if I cry because my eyes stay swollen for days! I planned on taking the day off and getting my tan, my nails done, my hair…yeah, right! ‘Finish the testimony‘ keeps popping up as my first thought. I cried even more. I’m tired. I don’t mine working for God. I really don’t. I don’t give a shit if people think I’m nuts talking about Him. I don’t. I just want to have some fun…out loud!
Maybe I’m being selfish. I have felt as if I’ve been doing homework for the past couple of weeks. For the past week, it’s been strictly Scripture. And this homework has me going through all the Scriptures I used throughout my books! It’s very revealing! But it also breaks my heart in a way. I understand why my journey took the turn that it did. I do. I know that my work is not in vain. I know my faith is solid. I just wonder…when is my turn?
‘His† Pickup’…You know Paul…in the Bible…he’s quiet a likable guy. In fact, I’m a lot like him when it comes to attitude. He does have some sass! I know my calling…and I know it has changed a bit. I’m asked to do more. And being directed to Paul this past week, God has His ways! Paul was an introvert. He wrote beautiful, bold letters, but in public, he wasn’t bold or so sure of himself. He even would get rowdy when provoked. I can so relate.
Do you see it?
I’m to go public…do videos. I’m so nervous. I’m Paul…the introvert. I’ve been working behind the scenes for so long that putting my face out there is horrifying. I know I’ve been talking about this for so long. It’s the same as me talking about my books for so long and my website for so long…I eventually make it happen! So, forgive me, I need to talk about it. It’s my only encouragement.
I’ve read letters written by Paul, Peter, John, James, Jude, Timothy…and all of them say to be humble, loving, and don’t provoke any arguments. How? is my question of the hour! The things that have been revealed to me…well, they go against a LOT of traditions that so many people live their lives by. I don’t want to shake them up. I don’t want to make anyone mad. And…at the same time, I have to write about all of it. People will say I’m wrong, crazy, etc., etc. God warned me in dreams already about all of this…Books 5-12. He’s prepared me to accept criticism, to trust in Him only.
That’s what my testimony is about…trusting God. My Father is never wrong. NEVER. And I chastise myself for doubting Him because during His move, the veils are on, and when they come off…I feel a bit weary from doubting Him. I shouldn’t even feel that. Doing work for God is rewarding…beyond! That evil whore just likes to f— things up a bit.
That’s another thing that bothers me a lot. My f—you attitude. I often question this…silently. Then…Grace! Reading Scripture messes with our minds sometimes because it was written over 2,000 years ago and our times is not like their times. Like Paul, it takes a tough, bold stance sometimes in order to get the message to the people. God knows who I am. I’m a f—ing stubborn child! But I do what I’m told. After all, He IS my Father!
‘His† Pickup’…So, a little of self-pity and a little worry plagued me this morning. I cried out loud then spoke my thoughts out loud. I went to my war room…and Psalm 118! When I publish my testimony, you will understand the heavenly significance of this…it was truly a bowed-head moment! Once I read it, all my doubt washed away and I actually laughed out loud. God is truly amazing! Sometimes, there are no words, but being He made me the writer to reveal His grace and trials, I have no choice but to find the words. His revelations canNOT be matched!
I’ll give you some advice: If you were called by God, no matter how silly it seems, no matter how off-the-wall it seems, do it! You will be so rewarded for speaking about Him, for doing what He ask! The glory of it just brings tears to my eyes. When the spirit is on you…near you…in you…it is a blissful joy…an awe of magnificence that is so hard to explain. You stand there and you’re like ‘is this real? did that just happen?!’…All sorts of things go through your mind, but then the feeling comes over you. It’s quick. It’s powerful. It’s God!
So, whatever your calling is: DO IT! It doesn’t matter how old you are. It doesn’t matter if you have to give everything up. It doesn’t matter what people think. It doesn’t matter if you think you can’t afford it. It doesn’t matter! Your work will NOT be in vain! And…that…you HAVE to rely on your faith! Totally!
Honestly, if you can’t do it, you’re not a believer. This is the hard place. The place where faith…FAITH…in Yeshuah, the Christ, comes into play. The biggest test of your life is the test of your true, unshakable faith! Your calling. Your mission God wants you to do. Are you doing what’s put into your heart? Are you doing what makes you lose time because you love it so much? Are you doing what truly brings joy to your life? If not…you are NOT doing what you were called to do. You are simply working for the adversary.
I’m smirking…I’ve come to help tear that bitch’s army to pieces. Psalm 118! (I will pray for you always. I will be on your side always. Even when it seems I’m not. God’s directing this show.) Step back from your present reality and really look at your life. You want to live not die. Listen to your heart and follow it! If you can do that without questioning it, you do have true faith! The time has come to choose which side you’re batting for. Love the skin you’re in. Always.
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