‘Testing Will’

Testimony: One of God’s messengers. Saying YES to the Big Man Upstairs…no matter what! My 4-year journey for love, no matter the consequences!

 Testing Will
He† knows me deep within
He† knows I'd give in
then...feel the guilt of sin
He† held me
within this evil den
all along–
as I felt alone and abandoned
as I cried and cried
struggling, fighting
–evil's bid to win
four years in this brethren
a feel of insanity's hymn
negative thoughts...pounding
smothered in foreign emotions
evil aware of the reason
the purpose of my season
losing it without praying
lost in extreme's commotion
at me...came every explanation
learning my self
in its manipulation
evil tried to win
it tried everything
digging its teeth within
my angels were fighting
holding me in their wings
'til I was in delivering
–my will weakening...strengthening
a day-to-day variation
–wanting it all to end
this sixth sense
gave its warning
the stay kept on coming
along with each
secretive manifestation
in hiding
as anxiety and panic
kept attacking
my self-esteem
furiously stripping
burying me in ignoring
playing in my sexuality–
what was left
of its intention
through emotional baiting
fight's annihilation
this dizzying world
kept me sinking
'til my hands
living in jittering
my eyes...blurring, drying
my hair in constant falling
my weight in agonizing gaining
my chest in heavy palpitations
my body lost
in fatigue's aggravation
my mind fighting negative
horrid inventions
my mouth became
acid's salutation
from yelling, screaming
foul annotations
to a vicious appeal
in chanting
I held on tight
to the calling
knowing...soon...it was ending
pleading and begging
praying and sleeping
dreaming and imagining
–holding on to
the coming glorification
packing and moving
God's† quick verification
to do it
even through questioning, doubting
–it all wasn't fabrication
or some childish exaggeration
but a purposeful delivering intention
–a message coming through....
fighting evil's blocking mechanism
for a soul in saving
me: a favor in returning
as God's† hardened instrumentation
I took it in breaking
codependency's formulation
–holding on tight
to God's† coming verification
leading to enlightening, awakening
a coming out
spiritual connection

My Continued Spiritual Journey and My Latest Revelations…Because God Said So!

(June 13-July 6, 2019)―In this article: I will recap some events that led up to today where I’m sitting; I will show and explain how numbers work when it comes to messages and I will show how signs work (I’ve included pictures to demonstrate what I’m talking about); I will talk about the veils; I will talk about receiving messages and delivering them; and I will reveal God’s Grace once again, and how He shows His gratitude when we do what He wants us to do. So, sit back, grab a cup of coffee (because this is a very long work), and get ready to be amazed! God is powerful. God is just. God is sincere. God makes a promise and shows His mercy and delivers once we complete our vows and/or the missions that He requests from us. Learning to listen is key!

‘For if God did not spare angels when they sinned, but sent them to hell, putting them into gloomy dungeons to be held for judgment; if He did not spare the ancient world when He brought the flood on its ungodly people, but protected Noah, a preacher of righteousness, and seven others; if He condemned the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah by burning them to ashes, and made them an example of what is going to happen to the ungodly; and if He rescued Lot, a righteous man, who was distressed by the filthy lives of lawless men (for that righteous man, living among them day after day, was tormented in his righteous soul by lawless deeds he saw and heard)—if this is so, then the Lord knows how to rescue godly men from trials and to hold the unrighteous for the day of judgment, while continuing their punishment. This is especially true of those who follow the corrupt desire of the sinful nature and despise authority.’—2 Peter 2:4-10a

June 27th―I wrote the following on my personal Facebook page with a shared memory that popped up of me and the sweet man taken at the Fitz here in Las Vegas when we first arrived here in 2017. I shared it last night, after two glasses of a good red wine, with the simple comment lol, then I revised it this morning.:

I should explain: A 2-year memory. From May 2016 to June 6, 2019… moved 8 times (seeing the Western part of the United States for the first time); lost my beloved dog of 12 years (Paige); lost my Mom; published 12 books all by myself; maintained Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and Twitter author pages; rekindled my relationship with my adorable children; gained a grand baby and a daughter-in-law; reunited with my sisters and their families; built a website; fought my weight and health; sold or gave away most of my things; fought money and credit issues; and, most importantly, listened to God! What happened with this guy was a lesson to teach. When people do us wrong, those of us who are designed to teach, teach why it was wrong. Learning to do it in a positive manner is key. Like today, I dropped my phone in the waiting room of the doctor’s office. I remember hearing it land on the magazines on the coffee table. I was so caught up in the conversation with this wonderful lady that I forgot to pick it up. (The lady I was talking to was sent from God. I needed a person like her today and I needed the wonderful hug she gave me!) When I got to my car, I realized what had happened. I went back to get it. It wasn’t there. I almost started to panic, then I realized it’s just a phone. I thought―Damn, I’m going to have to figure all the stuff I have on it! Then a lady offered to call it, then the receptionist called it. It rang in the locker of another patient who was in the waiting room when I dropped it. It didn’t get in her locker by itself! I didn’t say anything. The ladies, who nicely made her check the locker, didn’t say anything either. I got my phone back, and the lady will have to answer to God. We teach each other lessons. We learn good and evil. We hate ourselves, then we learn that love…that of God and of self….is what truly matters. People are toxic because they choose to be. They have a choice. It’s their choice to remain whatever it is they are. God does come in to collect sooner or later. Those of us on the other side of that don’t have a choice….(more to come with my testimony below….)

[Note: Slides on the numbers is at the end of this post.]

My Latest Testimony: There are many steps to this testimony.. Amazing. Horrid. Scary. Fearful. Sadness. Overwhelming. Shock. Enlightening. Craziness. Insanity. Shaking. Dizzy.…And so many other descriptive words that I’ve used and will use to describe this period of my journey.

Perseverance. Patience. Persistence. Prevail. Perspective. Priorities. Lessons. Faithfulness. Resurrection. Mercy. Unconditional Love. Free Will. Trusting. Believing. Understanding. Veils. Tests. Good. Evil. God. Jesus. Angels. Blessing. Grace. Numbers. Abuse. Manipulation….Words of doing that come into serious play over the course of the past four years. The steps to lessons revealing that we must experience in order to learn and gain wisdom, in order to move forward.

The veils being the most important!…

(‘I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation [humans] waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation [the human] was subjected to frustration, not by its [the human] own choice, but by that will of the one [God] who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself [the human] will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God….’―Romans 8:18-25).

Don’t ever think that you are on this journey by yourself. You are not. I will write more and more about this as the year moves on.

For now, I feel as if I’m on my own doing this particular writing. I feel that it is my choice on how I’m going to say what I need to say. It’s a very big test for me! If you are new to my work, then you won’t really understand this, or…maybe, you will surprise me! In any way, I do have to say these things and it’s quite a lot to say it all in one writing. So, there will be steps to this, but it won’t all be posted here on this site. There’s way too much…I will try to put as much as possible out as soon as possible. This book…BOOK 13…as I wrote from the beginning of it…will include the entire journey that led to this testimony.

Why am I putting the ending out for all to see now? I smirked. This is June. The year is not done. So, it’s not the ending of the year. It IS the ending of a part of all this that was extremely important, which, of course, I did NOT know until now. (This…I will explain later.) My testimonies have to be put out as soon as possible. This particular one…I had difficulty deciding…then it was decided for me. I will write as brief as possible here a recap of events. I will write more in depth, to be included in this book, when I go back to each poem written during the exact timing of the events as they occurred.

The reason being…these books are done by year. Don’t ask. I just do what I’m supposed to do. You do NOT have to understand this. Events happen in sequence as they should happen. My journey, I’ve come to understand, is to reveal to you how that works. You can trust in it or not. I’m the scribe. I write. Give it back to you. You do as you feel with it. It IS that simple.

So, some of what I’m writing here will be a recap in the book itself, as well as previous books already published (see My 12-Book Series). Note: I have already written some of this, posted it and forgotten about it. There’s a reason for all of this. This book will bring it all together.

Testimony: God is Great ALL the Time!

Note: This particular writing has been written in steps…multiple days (weeks actually) (it is the only writing throughout all my books, except for the closing of Book 12, that’s taken me weeks to write!)

As all of this unfolded, veils began to be lifted. As I stated above, I can’t put every single detail here in this one writing. It is way too much. I’m going to share with you right here, some unique ways in which God communicates with us, as well as His Grace given when we do what He wants of us. In order to fully understand this, you will have to lose all of your societal teachings, all of your traditional bullshit. A large amount of the preaching that you are exposed to…a lot of what they are preaching is true, but what makes it false in ways is that they leave a large portion of the Bible out…meaning, you are only getting half of what God truly means. In that, you are not being taught WHO God truly is.

You don’t have to believe me. I really don’t give a fuck. As I’ve said many, many times…(my fuck-you church is an in-your-face truth…and fact:  TRUTH…most of you are afraid of)…I do and say what’s put in my heart. When you are exposed to miracles (grace), spiritual events that has happened as long as I have been exposed, you quit questioning, you quit wondering if people are going to label you crazy…God exposes us to these things to GET our attention. He’s got mine. Fully!

This morning (June 13) I was led to yet another passage that I read back in 2007 (first time I read the Bible fully and underlined or put marks in red by every Scripture that touched my heart.)

‘In the last days, God says, I will pour out my Spirit on all people, Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your young men will see visions, your old men will dream dreams. Even on my servants, both men and women, I will pour out my Spirit in those days, and they will prophesy. I will show wonders in the heaven above and signs on the earth below, blood and fire and billows of smoke. The sun will be turned to darkness and the moon to blood before the coming of the great and glorious day of the Lord. And everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.’ I saw the Lord always before me. Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will live in hope, because You will not abandon me to the grave, nor will You let Your Holy One see decay. You have made known to me the paths of life; You will fill me with joy in Your presence.’….―Acts 2:14-36

This is a surprising enlightenment for me mainly because I learned several things about myself after all of this was unveiled. 1: That I am an Empathe, which explains a lot about my life! 2: The power of numbers…their messages and who sends them. 3: What I knew all along…How God works!

There’s no such thing as coincidences. Everything…EVERYTHING happens for a reason. I’ve been pointing this out in my writings since I began this journey. When the veils are lifted, the reasons have meaning…a much deeper meaning to our path than we know. It’s a matter of higher-order thinking…a path of thinking that our world is headed into. So, learning how to think on a higher level is becoming more and more important. Part of the next phase of my journey is to teach my books…how to use them not only to heal with, but also to see signs, messages and how God delivers Grace and for what, and how our lives are already pretty much mapped out according to the will of God. No matter what we do, we will always do what He wants from us, and each of us is put here (or rather you chose to be here…in the life you are now in) to propel each other forward to that direction. There’s just one thing that we have to fight or get around or out maneuver: that evil whore…Satan…and it is for a reason!

The reason: Unconditional Love and Free Will. God loves us unconditionally. That means no matter what we do, He loves us. He gives us the Free Will to choose to love Him unconditionally back. He will NOT force us to love Him. He’s too gracious for that. We are given the right to choose. Well, the evil whore, the devil, is a tool! God is more powerful than anything! Let’s get that straight. We go through strife (Book of Job) in order for God to put us in the position to choose, as well as to give Him the opportunity to give Mercy. When we go down into the darkness (God allowing the evil whore to play by enforcing the veils), we can either be faithful in our love for God or forget about Him all together. You have that right to choose. But remember…there’s a consequence for every action. You can either choose to live or choose to die. All of this is talked about in the Bible, constantly. (It’s amazing what they do NOT teach us in Sunday school!…all to keep us ignorant! For their control!) When they talk about living and dying in the Bible, they are NOT talking about in this human form. They are talking about the soul. Will your soul live forever? or Will it completely die…go to hell? The choice is yours. I’m not reinventing the wheel here. I’m simply talking about what God already told us…that would be in the Bible!

Note: What I’ve learned from the last 4 years was not revealed to me until I was moved this last time. I’ve put off this article because what needs to be taught is difficult and hard to put into words that you can easily understand. I will do my best.

*Throughout this article, I concentrate heavily on breaking down numbers to their smallest form to show you how numbers reveal your life. I am also including slides on these numbers so you can get familiar with their meaning. Again…it’s a choice if you do. (You can also easily look them up.)

The Teaching Begins:


1. The pictures below show the marks I put by the above passages from the Bible back in 2007 and the tat I got with my daughter in 2014 (Book 7). Interesting. Even more interesting: 2007 and 7 years after my divorce, which is this year 2019 [2019=2+0+1+9=12 (1+3=4)]: 7+7=14…2014 the year my daughter and I got matching tats, as well as the year I received the message from my confidant about what I was to do with all the writings I had done up until that time (the message is in Book 1). I wouldn’t know exactly how to format the work or present it to you at that time. I just knew that the writings had to be put into a book. A BOOK. Towards the end of 2015 (Book 8), it would be revealed to me that there would be more than a book. This tat is a symbol I use in all my books!

Marks I put next to Scripture in 2007.
Marks I put next to Scripture in 2007.
That tattoo I got with my daughter in 2014.

2. The very first line of Acts 2:14-16: ‘Then Peter stood up with the Eleven….’ In Numerology, I am a Master 11.

The word Eleven right under Peter’s name. I am a Master Number 11.

3. The two Scriptures, which are part of Acts, are words from Job! Significant isn’t even a word to describe me being pointed out to this Scripture this morning. The Book of Job has always been a guiding force for me. I discovered Job at the end of 2012 (Book 5). His story was the reason I was able to leave my home after the divorce and embark on the journey God asked me to take. I began speaking and writing about Job extensively in 2013 (Book 6)…the year I was divorced and the next phase of my journey began. Job’s story is the most revealing story in the Bible about depression, the darkness, and answering God’s call. It is so important to learn this Scripture. It is so important to learn what a calling is. It is NOT just for priests, pastors and such. My life is a testimony to that! But most revealing: So is the life of the Apostles who were ALL sinners!

4. 2013 (Book 6)…I entered the darkness and got my very first tat. My daughter brought me the words written on a piece of paper saying it was pretty and that I should tattoo it to my arm. It’s Latin for God’s Scribe, the rest of the tat is signifying my connection with the Choctaw Indian line…my spirit connection. 2013 (Book 6)…the introduction to my part in the sweet man’s life and the number 13 plays a very important role in where I am on this journey right now!

Recap: Back in 2012 (Book 5), when all hell broke loose for me, I began to do more than read self-help books, which I began back in 2010 (Books 1) beginning with The Secret. I knew what I needed to do: Be Positive. But there was so much negative around me that it was hard to manifest anything worthy in my life. I had this big, beautiful house, beautiful gardens, wonderful and smart children…but I was enjoying my life by myself, even though I was married! I couldn’t, for the life of me, understand why it was so difficult for my ex-husband to see that I needed to get out of the house, I needed some personal touches that he was just not giving me. It all came crashing down at the end of 2011 (Books 1).

From January until May, life for me and my kids was…Books 1 and 5…enough said! I went straight into the darkness! I read a few more books that helped, but I needed more. My smartness had, somehow, disappeared…the veil was put on! I began my struggle of re-finding myself. I was already reading the Word…but the veil kept me imprisoned. So, I went to astrology. I’m a Capricorn…I already knew that I was hard-headed (God fully knows this of me!), strong-will, determined, ambitious to a degree, smart, capable, but at the time of my darkness, things changed. I became like a child in so many ways. My astrology chart said I was headed for a really rocky path and it would last until 2019! When I saw that, I was dumbfound! At the time, I thought―That’s a long time away! It also said that I wouldn’t come into who I truly am until my second half of life!

Okay, I got comfortable with that. Depression started to set in. I needed more. So, something guided me to a psychic. I found her online and friended her on Facebook. I read her bio and saw that she’s well experienced with spirits and the spiritual world, so I booked a reading with her. Now, mind it, that before 2012, all this divorce, psychic stuff was against everything I believed in…everything! My life was evolving! My first psychic reading was an hour long. (I can say that now…my…because I’ve had a total of 3 readings with the same psychic since that first one.) She knew things she couldn’t possibly know…AT ALL! That built my trust in her. Everything she said was like a guiding light for me. After that, I got my numerology chart done. Like I said, I needed answers. For what? I did not know.

I had forgotten all about this first numerology chart…the veils! I actually paid to have that one done. In the course of unpacking this last time, I found it. What I had forgotten was my thoughts when I first read the chart back in 2012―I’m a teacher, but a spiritual healer and messenger?…no way! Even though before I had this chart in my hand, I had had many experiences with the spiritual world (I have documented it all in My 12-Book Series), I didn’t see the connection. I was too busy working, educating myself, and raising a family to pay particularly attention to my intuition or this natural ability I have. I was just labeled names like crazy, miss know it all and such, and I took it all in stride as it buried my self into a closet…I became a full-time introvert!

[I put both charts in a separate document so that it wouldn’t overpower this testimony. You can view it by clicking here: Chart!]

‘Testing Will’…to date, there has been one sign after another…or rather message…telling me I’m right where I am supposed to be, and that I’m moving to the next level of my journey…telling me that I’ve graduated, in a sense, and I’m moving to a much higher level spiritually. Don’t worry: I will explain.

Lesson Learned: God sends us messages constantly. It is up to us to recognize them and heed to them. This…the next phase of my journey as I mentioned above: To teach you how this all works. You don’t have to trust me. I’m not asking you to. I’m to reveal to you truth. Only truth.

On with the Testimony.

As of March of this year, my way of communicating with God has changed in a way. I’ve always talked with God. Mostly in my head. I still do. But…talking with God out loud has become very important. I wrote about the experience I had with the Jeep in my article titled To Deny Others Is To Deny God! and my harsh conversation with God. I had several of these harsh conversations with God after that. I was mad! I do have to explain this part, not in total detail because it’s in Book 8, but I’ll do a small recap so you can get a somewhat picture of why things happened as they did in the past 4 years.

Recap: The sweet man had been in my life since 2012 (2+0+1+2=5) (Book 5). (Interesting enough is that I did his number chart and he is a 5. My ex-husband is also a 5. (More on this later.) In 2016 (2+0+1+6=9) (Book 9), while in the house in Labadieville, Louisiana, I had the most powerful spiritual connection up until that point in my life, even more powerful than seeing dimensional space and the fog rolling into a ball in the field (Books 5 and 6). (I should mention that this house in Labadieville was right down the road from a very large church and graveyard!) The event took place at night. I was working (writing/formatting), and this very powerful, emotional moment took over me. I began to cry really hard. Then the question came. Not out loud. I never hear these things out loud. It is inside of me. It is firm, direct, and I know it doesn’t come from me because it comes too quick, too out-of-the-blue. Will you die for him?―was the question. The voice was not talking about Jesus. I knew without being told that it was about the sweet man. I said―Yes. The question was asked 3 times. 3. I responded the same way―Yes.

I had no one to help me understand what had happened. All I knew and felt was that the Holy Ghost was on me and my response was automatic. How could I know it was the Holy Ghost? Why would the Spirit come to me? That is what this whole book, Book 13, is all about.

(Throughout the writings after this writing, I will explain numbers more and more. Numbers have always been a part of my work. Not to the heart of angelic or anything like that…things have changed. I’ve always known that numbers play a part in our lives. They are universal and they are messages as I have began to explain above, and I’ve already explained in each address I’ve had throughout my books. (I reexplain them in angelic terms further down in this article.))

I didn’t know what was being asked of me that night. I just knew, in my heart, that God was asking me to do something and there was no way that I would ever refuse Him. I also knew that the sweet man, whatever he was, played an important role. Throughout the books, he appears over and over, not only in inspiration and to propel my journey forward to where I am now, but, as has been revealed to me, to bring to light what was hidden in the dark (what he was hiding that made a huge impact on his world…what drove him to not live the life God wants from him).

So then, men ought to regard us as servants of Christ as those entrusted with the secret things of God. Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful. I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me. Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men’s hearts. At that time each will receive his praise from God.’―1 Corinthians 4:1-5

Beginning in 2013 (2+0+1+3=63+3), when we first met, I was given feelings of this secret each time I was in his presence. And in 2015 (2+0+1+5=84+4), February, God sealed my role in this whole thing by the light. If you have never seen this light, trust me it exist. I’ve seen it 3 times in my life so far. 3. The power of 3 has played an important role in this journey. This is also explained throughout My 12-Book Series.

This one particular night in February 2015, the light came from behind the sweet man (Book 8). The moment it happened I saw his dimples for the first time and fell in love with him. I did NOT want that to happen. God had a different idea. He put me emotionally involved. Before this, we were just lovers and it was fun. It was actually something I asked for because the writing was long and boring and I didn’t have much of a life…I just needed something to ease all those long nights of writing. I even wrote down (a little tit-bit revealed in The Secret) exactly what I desired and in comes the sweet man…non-complicated and fun.

Before this night, I had feelings that he was hiding something or there was something he had to deal with, or solve, and I was somehow involved. I didn’t know what this was, but I have written about it extensively in My 12-Book Series (books 5-12). (I actually told him that I was a gift to him. I do not know the reason why I was compelled to tell him this, but I had to. Since the first time I told him this early in our relationship, I was compelled to tell him this again and again. I understand now why I had to tell him this.)

After this particular night in 2015 (Book 8),  I still had the feelings (what I now know to be my intuitiveness because I’m an 11 and an Empathe), and these feelings often had me wondering more and more about his life and why he was the way he was, unlike before when I kept at a distance when it came to any emotions. After all, before…I was emotionally unavailable anyway. When we met in 2012 (Book 5) online, we became friends quickly. He actually would send me Scripture and had me clean up my Facebook page because I was so negative. We consummated our friendship in October of 2013 (Book 6). We saw each for several weeks then I ended it. In September of 2014 (Book 7), I woke up in the middle of the night to the message―Call sweet man. (I gave him the title sweet man in my books sometime in 2015 (Book 8) from an inside joke between him and I. I just never changed it and now it has to stay.) So, I sent him a text. He told me later how surprised he was at receiving that text. I sent it at 3 a.m.! All of this is written in my books as it happened. I experienced a number of spiritual encounters, dreams, and visions (impressions) once this friendship was consummated.

Note: I talk about these feelings throughout My 12-Book Series . I also have written my world into existence per-say or I have written what would happen way before it actually happened (in poems). Let’s just say here that I already knew what was coming. I wrote it then the veils were on!

None of this was shown to me until it was all over. The veils were on, of course. From 2015 until this major move to where I am now, the veils were heavily over me and I was on a journey that, right now, is one of, if not the most awesome, revelations I could ever be a part of. Part of my vow (explained in Book 1) was to write everything I felt, and I HAD to feel the emotion of all of it in order to write it. I HAD to write truth, as well as reveal God’s Grace and Glory as it happened during each step of this process.

An Example of This Veiling Process: In Book 8, I reveal faults of the sweet man. I called it narcissism like everyone else. (As of today, I’ve come to know exactly what IT is.) I wrote about what I discovered about him (on the surface), then I separated myself from him, by embarking on my 360 . I write extensively about this as well. Then the veils would be put on covering the truth I learned because (as time would reveal) God had something for me to do!

‘Love never fails, but where there are prophecies, they will cease where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge it will pass away. For we know, in part, and we prophesy, in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known, and now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.’—1 Corinthians 13:8-12

After 2015 (Book 8), something changed in the writing. I was only to reveal in the long writings love and the healing part of me. In the poetry, the dark part of this journey can be felt. This wasn’t, in a sense, me. The poetry always comes first when I write. (I actually hear the words before I write them.) Unveiled…I see that the poetry itself is the truth…total and unconditional; while in the long writings, I hid parts of the truth. I now see the importance of this.

There were several tests going on at once during the last 4 years. Several huge ones for the sweet man and several huge ones for myself. The first of them was the above question asked of me in that little green house in Labadieville. The test: Was my heart true? I was put to the test! It wasn’t a test of love for the sweet man as much as it was a test of love for God. He had already tested me during my darkness (my divorce), I learned part of the lesson, but there was much more to learn.

Recap: I was stripped of all knowledge and rebuilt…pretty much…from 2012 to 2015 (Books 5, 6, 7, and 8). I had to basically relearn God. All the Catholic teachings and all the traditions that I was raised up on were taken and replaced with truth: The reality of love and God. I wrote extensively about this as well as how to heal through God. During this time, I was fully and totally concentrating on the woman.

Testimony: This next part…the man was being revealed to me as well as how evil works, and the fight to remain faithful to God. I have always been fully devoted to God no matter what I did. Part of this next phase of my journey was to fully get to know Jesus and the power behind the Word and how to become humble, which I’ve always wondered about and wrote extensively about.

Note: I had every intention on fully explaining in extensive writing in this book about what took place from 2016 until this moment when God finally moved me (I mean…behind the scenes…what I left out of the long writing), but after a lot of praying, it was revealed to me that the poetry written during that time is enough. There are things that I will teach about narcissism, as in things I saw, but I’ll do it in a more general form. My next journey is not to impede healing…at all, for anyone, especially for the sweet man.

I do have to reveal the why behind all that took place. I know my family and friends thought I was out of my mind staying with the sweet man, but there was something I had to do. I had always felt this, but I couldn’t figure it out. As I know now: It wasn’t meant for me to figure out. All things come in due time…when God is ready. All the strife I had to go through during the last 3 years was for a reason. I could have left at any time. After all, I do have my own money and means of transportation…but the message of stay kept coming every time I wanted to leave. I know what that instructional (message) voice sounds like and I know what single word messages mean. After all, the message―teach, write―came for years. And…after years of arguing—What the fuck You want me to teach?, then becoming a teacher. then—What the fuck You want me to write about?, then through years of thinking it was a novel, then that changed, then My 12-Book Series came into existence! I now have learned to abide by the single-worded messages.

‘We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. For even Christ did not please himself but, as it is written: ‘The insults of those who insult you have fallen on Me.’ For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.’―Romans 15:1-6

Once the veils began to be lifted in April of this year, the final part of a message I was to deliver to the sweet man came through. I’ll write more on this further down, but know that I’m to write about the process of how this message came through without revealing the message itself. This message was for the sweet man and only he can shed light on it. I am not allowed. As I mentioned above, starting with Book 8, you can read how this part of my journey began. I will not rewrite it all here. I did write about the spiritual moments in those books and the struggle that began. I didn’t write a whole lot about the stalker because I didn’t want to glorify her. Now I understand her role and I’ll write more about this in a separate writing.

Disclosing this isn’t easy. I’ll have to explain to you the veils, which I have talked about many times in my books, and these veils will take a number of these writings to explain them fully. I will not focus extensively on them here. This writing is to show the testimony. Just understand that when I speak of veils, I’m speaking about God taking knowledge away, making us fools, so that we can learn what He has to teach us in order to build us (move us to maturity) or to understand something or to hear a message and bring us to maturity in order to deliver it. This is written extensively about in the Bible. I’m just explaining how it was revealed to me. As I’ve said before, I’ve written about this a lot, including (‘Veiling of Truth’ (2014…Book 7); ‘Veil Me Not’ (2016…Book 9); ‘Veiled Heart’ (2018…Book 12)…just to name a few titles.) The veils and how they work was revealed to me early on in my journey. I am fully aware of them…after they are lifted. While they are on, dumb…comes into play! That’s because if we knew what was going to happen because we already have the knowledge to figure it out, then what was going to happen, wouldn’t! Like I said…more on this in another writing.

‘Testing Will’…the intervention (Book 12). This happened, as I first saw it, as me getting hot for Jesus as the sweet man kept telling me. It wasn’t. I already knew Jesus. This was a lifting of a veil! And…a chance for me to clear the negative that was put on me in order for me to receive the final piece of this message for the sweet man.

Point: During the process of these veils of mine being lifted (starting in March of this year), I received many messages about myself. One of them was totally revealing who I am…the Empathe. I will write more detail about this later. For now, just know that I was always an Empathe, and Empathes take on other people’s pain…not only physical, but emotionally as well if we don’t have solid energy boundaries in place. This explains my horrible experiences with extreme anxiety, fear, panic, and confusion once I moved in with the sweet man. I did not have this before.

This has everything to do with energy fields. (I had to get properly schooled on this bit of revelation. This is the reason why the push towards me learning meditation has been in my life since 2012! A lot more on this later, but know that there was a reason why I was ignoring everything when it came to meditation!) I was led to a shaman to get help with this because I didn’t know what was going on. This was the first time this has ever been brought to my attention. Once I had several very long visits with the shaman, I could almost feel the difference between my energy and that of the sweet man’s. The negative force in the house was extensive!

The intervention, which took place last year (2018…Book 12) from September to the end of November, was a forcing of me to clear my energy field in order for the final piece of this message to get through. I say the final piece because since I met the sweet man these dreams, visions (impressions), and feelings kept popping up, but I had a hard time figuring them out. I understand also that releasing the bad energy prepared me for something far greater than I could have ever imagined. As anyone who reads me knows, the bulk of my journey (vow) is to write every emotion I feel in order to help others heal. I could NOT do that with this message. Silence….a word that plays a major word in this here journey. Humble. I’ve expressed the need to be humbled many times. This message did exactly that: Humble me. After the intervention (my very close walk with Jesus), I was more than prepared to receive the message as well as deliver the message. What I didn’t expect was the reaction from the demonian that’s been clinging to the sweet man for so long…hence, the piece that accompanies this writing titled ‘Testing Will’!

Throughout my books, I’ve explained my spiritual abilities without knowing exactly what the fuck was going on with me. Again, the veils. I’ve seen spirits. I’ve heard them. I’ve felt them. I’ve smelled them. I’ve sensed them. I now know why I can do this. I also get visions (impressions) and dreams telling me about someone else or delivering instructions to me or warning me or someone else. In other words, sometimes I understand things about others…many times things I really shouldn’t know or feel…things people are hiding. Most of the times in the past, I always kept it to myself; or if I did say something, I’d say it in a way that it came off as a question or comment instead of a direct thing…and usually I’ve always gotten that fuck-off look or snared off or ignored or I was just flat-out called dirty names. So, mostly, I kept my intuitiveness to myself.

This part of me…my spiritual abilities…played a very important role in the receiving and delivering of this message to the sweet man. Once I received this message, I saw, felt, heard, and experienced all of the emotions of an incident that happened to him a very long time ago. An incident that he never told a soul about…and the message to me was that I was to tell him to deal with the pain of this issue, and that he was to share this experience with the world. It all made sense when the completeness of the message was revealed to me. Back in 2015 (Book 8) and 2016 (Book 9), I received several dreams and visions about him. I actually shared it with him and wrote about it. One of the impressions that I received was that he was going to inspire boys. I didn’t know how that would happened. In fact, it seemed most unlikely, but I told him anyway. I now know how he’s going to that if he does what was asked of him. So, does he. I was to tell him everything I was told. And I did.

Recap: There’s another significant event that happened in 2016 (Book 9), in that little green house in Labadieville, Louisiana. On another night I was working (I always worked during the night because it’s the quietest time for a writer), I heard this loud crash. I looked around, but saw nothing and forgot about it until the next morning when I went to my laundry room to do my laundry. Between the kitchen and laundry room was the living room where I had two very large book cases. These cases were from my marriage house and they were solid pine with deep shelves. I had them arranged in a L-shaped with one facing away from the kitchen. This is why I didn’t see what crashed the night before. On the floor was this novel (picture below) titled ‘Angel’ facing to where the title was up and this tiny sculpted book my daughter made for me in 2014. I initially thought this message was for me saying that I have angels watching me, finish the books. Again, I wrong. After receiving the message for the sweet man, this message from back in 2016 was for him as well. Or rather for me, trying to tell me what was happening between the sweet man and myself. This is what I believe it to be now: ‘Angel’, the novel, was telling me I’m the angel that has a message for the sweet man…basically, I’m the gift…as I told him on more than one occasion for reasons I didn’t fully understanding except that I was supposed to tell him. Knowing what the message is, I fully understanding the meaning behind this message of these books falling. It’s revealing to part of what the sweet man is asked to do!

The novel and sculpted book that fell off the bookshelf in 2016.

Okay. That is all that you need to know about this message. Just know that it was important. Not to me. To God. He humbled me during this intervention by engrossing me in the Word, preparing me to receive and deliver this message, which would change me forever…and it did. In Books 11 and 12, I write about the dreams that I had, but my interpretations of them were wrong. (This is because I’m not trained properly on controlling my energy field, so things come to me slow and far apart…or God thought I was just not ready to receive the meat of the message, which I now know is most likely.) I now know also that those dreams weren’t warning me about back home as I thought. They were warning me about what I was going to face once this message got through.

[Note: I’m going to write about my battle next, but I have to disclose this now: This will sound very off-the-wall to anyone who has zero idea about these matters I’m writing about. Like I said at the beginning of this article, you will have to throw out all of your traditional ways of thinking to understand what I’m revealing to you. It gets a bit complicated…and this is the reason why it’s taken me so long to put this into words. I can’t reveal the sweet man’s message. I can’t talk about the context of it at all. All I can say is that it was extremely important, and if he comes through (does what was asked of him), things will change for a lot of people. Do NOT ask me how this man can do something so significant. All I know is what the message was, and the reason behind what was asked of him to do. If he does it, he saves his own soul and that of many others. That’s what I can reveal. I was shocked when I received this…and you canNOT even imagine how I felt when I had to deliver this. It was the first time ever…that I was put in such a situation.

Most importantly is how this may confuse you. In my mind, I’m thinking―This is crazy…I can’t believe I have to write this…but here it goes: What the sweet man has to do, the evil whore does NOT want! It would mess up the evil whore’s plans, put a BIG hole in its process of building its army! Don’t ask. But that is exactly the reason I saw the light behind the sweet man’s head back in 2015 (Book 8), and the reason why getting this message to him was so important. Why didn’t God just give the sweet man the message? Who’s saying He didn’t try? God needed someone who could receive it clear enough and to deliver it…oh, boy, that’s going to be talked about later in this article. So, just know that this happened. ALL OF IT!]

Again, after all of this that took place, I now see how that evil whore did NOT want this message to get through and it fought me every step of the way. I had a very hard time fighting this, but I believe, now that I look back and the veils have been lifted, that my Mother’s death played a key role in the WIN. It was the amazing moments right before she died as well as receiving her last words―I love you, too,bye―over the phone 3 days before she died. These words have repeated over and over in my head ever since, especially when I was in the worse part of this struggle. And this wouldn’t have been possible if it were not for my Father in Heaven! The day of her funeral I sat there watching her. A change came over me in the strangest way. Message―Age. My age. It was really powerful. For the first time, my age had become extremely important. That’s what I was thinking about as I sat there staring at her in the casket. After her service, during the whole time I was home, many amazing moments took place when it comes to the spiritual world. In Book 12, I write about them. Mom’s spirit is very powerful. She has been with me ever since. I truly believe she is now one of God’s messengers!

‘Testing Will’The Steps…Process…of the Messages I Received: I received the message. I delivered it. (Message―deliver.) The next message to deliver to him was―deal. Then…I had to (message)―enforce―it! Chanting. I had to chant for hours and hours at a time that spanned over a month or so,  and it felt like it wasn’t me. Looking back…it wasn’t. (I had no idea what I was doing during this time…I felt absolutely insane. Again, it was only after I moved that this was revealed to me.) I had to plant a―seed―and be sure that that seed was planted good…meaning…I had to―ensure―that the message got through to him. As each chant took place, the negativity grew. As in this piece, ‘Testing Will’, it was extremely powerful. I had many, many arguments with God during this time as I laid on my air mattress in my temporary room. The arguments involved, a lot of times, the question I was asked―Will you die for him? I argued that I wasn’t the person for this, that it was too hard, that I didn’t want to die this way. Those where arguments out loud…really loud. But, in my heart, I knew that if I was to die, I would. You don’t answer to the Holy Spirit and then take it back. You can’t. It’s sealed. Also, if you answer a calling, you have to see it through. There IS NO getting around it!

What then shall we say? Is God unjust? Not at all! For He says to Moses, ‘I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion.’ It does not, therefore, depend on man’s desire or effort, but on God’s mercy. For the Scripture says to Pharaoh: ‘I raised you up for this very purpose, that I might display My power in you and that My name might be proclaimed in all the earth.’ Therefore God has mercy on whom He wants to have mercy, and He hardens whom He wants to harden.’—Romans 9:14-18

‘One of you will say to me: ‘Then why does God still blame us? For who resists His will?’ But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? Shall what is formed [humans] say to Him [God] who formed it [humans], ‘Why did You make me like this?’ Does not the potter have the right to make out the same lump of clay [humans] some pottery for noble purposes and some for common use? What if God, choosing to show His wrath and make His power known, bore the great patience the objects [humans] of His wrath—prepared for destruction? What if He did this to make the riches of His glory known to the objects [humans] of His mercy, whom He prepared in advance for glory—even us, whom He also called, not only from the Jews but also from the Gentiles [everyone else]?’—Romans 9:19-24

‘…And this is my covenant with them when I take away their sins.’ As far as the gospel is concerned, they are enemies on your account; but as far as election is concerned, they are loved on account of the patriarchs [Moses, Abraham, Jacob, etc., etc.] for God’s gifts and His call are irrevocable. Just as you who were at one time disobedient to God have now received mercy as a result of their disobedience, so they too have now become disobedient in order that they too may now receive mercy as a result of God’s mercy to you. For God has bound all men over to disobedience so that He may have mercy on them.’—Romans 11:25-32

I wanted to move so many times since January. (Honestly, I actually packed my things more times than I care to admit since 2016.) But I was not allowed. I constantly got the message stay. This was a spiritual journey and God was, and is always in charge! Hence, the jeep, which was my get away car. I had it all planned out, getting one with the hitch and everything. God’s in charge!

‘…so is My word that goes out from My mouth: It [human] will not return to Me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it [human]….’—Isaiah 55: 8-13

So, in March, I received the message―look―again. I had received this before when I first moved in with him. When we packed to make our first move, I looked in a few things, and felt absolutely horrible because it’s not who I am. In our second apartment together, I did look…in his computer and found pictures of naked women. I felt so guilty about this that I told him and we had a horrible Christmas because of it. I received the message―look―again once we moved here to Vegas and was settled into the condo (our 5th place together…5). Again, messages to women and dating sites, which led to more fighting. Between the message―look, the visions (impressions), and dreams I was having coupled with all the negative energy I was sucking in, and trying to deal with my mother’s illness and death, as well as the death of my dog and the struggle with my children, my world had been a nightmare of a roller-coaster ride for the past 3 years!

(I should mention here the revelation about all the moves I have had with the sweet man. I thought they were for me. Nope. They were meant to shake him or, I should say, the demonian that’s on him up, to get him to a state of uncomfortable. Don’t ask. That’s all I know…we moved a total of 6 times! and they were meant to unsettle him.)

So, in March, after receiving the message―look―again, I looked into his electronics and discovered all the texting to more women, even on my 50th birthday…50! My reactionary went ballistic and I confronted him. I had snapped photos of a number of texts and had the evidence in hand when I confronted him, and he lied straight up without batting an eye. This did it for me. One of the main things I cannot tolerate: The straight up lie! It was over. My heart closed the fuck up. I moved out of the bedroom soon after that, but not willingly. Even though he lied the ultimate lie, sealed the deal of over, I still wasn’t ready to separate myself from him. God decided to step in. One night, I got the message He needs time, space. Again, I know the difference from a simple thought and a message now that I’ve been through so many of them. So, I moved out. He immediately put a lock on his door.

After a few weeks, the message―Look―came back. I argued that I had looked in all of his things. Meaning for us…electronics since we are electronic people…that’s all I could think of. The message―Boxes―came next. I argued a bit, but then did what I was told. God knew I needed concrete evidence because of all the emotions involved and the evil surrounding me. He knew that I was denying what I felt (what I already knew) because I reasoned to myself that all of this that had happened was all about women! Him thinking and fooling around with other women! Anyway…that’s what I thought I was supposed to be looking for. It wasn’t. Not even close! After 4 boxes, I found it. I received the total of the final piece of the message! For 2 days, I didn’t say anything. I cried. It was that devastating. I felt…did you hear?…felt…all these horrible feelings for a person that I didn’t even know. I literally felt this emotional pain from an experience that I NEVER had! It devastated me to the point of changing my whole thought process. I had no idea throughout the years what it would take to humble me…now I know!

After several days, I got another message―Deal, then the images of what he was to do. Instructions…I was given instructions to pass on to him. I had the hardest time deciding how in the hell was I going to tell this man what I knew after the trust deal had been blown out the water (looking through his phones!). Of course, at this point, for the past 3 years, I was riddled with anxiety and panic attacks, which made me look so off-the-wall! So, all of this plagued me for days, until I had to give in and do what was asked of me. I delivered the message. For that brief moment, the first time I spoke of something only he knew of, I saw the realization…the truth! I saw it in his eyes. Then the demonian came in to fuck things up! Denial and then the manipulation to get me to believe I made the whole thing up, to get me to feel crazy, etc., etc. I must have had a opened window…that’s the only way that I can think of to explain it…something got in and then the pounce…chanting. As I mentioned above, I drilled it by chanting. The first chant was wrong. I was harsh and mean because, basically, I was mad that I had to do this to this man. No matter what he did to me, he was still a human being. I wanted that Jeep and I wanted to LEAVE! Disappear! Nope! Wasn’t going to happen! That’s when I had that horrible argument with God! That’s when I lost the jeep. Then…it’s like God threw hands up and said―Let her do it her way. She’ll get the message in. Evil didn’t want me to get through. The negative energy grew.

The things he would say to me were the worse things any man could possibly say to a woman. I knew it wasn’t the sweet man. I knew how evil played its game…by-way of the mind…trying to get into those holes that I write about. Sometimes, days would go by and not a word would be spoken, then the message―Chant would come―DealChant―and it would start all over again. I never felt so much pressure in my life. The dizziness that I’d been experiencing since last year grew, the heaviness in my whole body grew. The negative energy in that house was getting overwhelming.

I do believe he had someone living in his room. The lock on his door was extremely important. There were sounds in his room after he would leave for work each night. With his negative energy, and that of who was living in his room, I felt sicker by the day. The fatigue consumed me. The negative thoughts were horrifying. I was thinking things so terrible that I eventually developed a visionary place to escape to. Those who can do this know what this is. I’ve done it many times in my life. It’s a place you can imagine that is so real that it takes you out of the negative force around you.

Recap: When I went to therapy for the first time in 2013 (Book 6), the therapist explained what this was and asked me to develop a place so peaceful that I can go there each time the strife from my divorce tried to hurt me. I developed this beautiful purple field of flowers. Each time strife came, in my mind, I’d put on this flowing dress, walk into this field barefooted and twirl letting the wind just fill me up. I loved this place. Still do. Since I’m a writer, I can write very visual. Always have. So, it is easy to do this.

So, after the pot of soup on the stove and the toothbrush, I began this visualization exercise and I do believe it saved me.

I wrote about these very strange things that happened during the last couple of weeks that I lived with him on my Facebook author page. I’ll rewrite about them here. I’m not writing about these things to cause ill feelings for the sweet man. It really is a demonian…in all cases of narcissism. Sorry if you fail to understand this, but it is the truth.

The Pot: I had gone to bed early one night and woke up freezing cold and I decided to take some soup out of the freezer. I turned on the stove to warm the room, and I put the soup in a pot and began to thaw it out, but fatigue hit me so hard that I turned the stove off, covered the pot and turned the burner off. I went back to bed. I had intended to get up later and eat it. I fell asleep hard. I can’t remember how long I was asleep, but something woke me up. When I got out of bed, I smelled this horrible smell. I walked immediately to the living room and the smell got stronger. That’s when I noticed the fire on the stove was turned on and the soup was burnt, totally. He had turned the pot on before he left for work. I don’t even want to imagine what would have happened if I hadn’t woke up. Of course, I confronted him about it. Another lie. He didn’t do it. I did. He said a bunch of nasty things including, like his habit of doing, reciting my writings, line for line…things I wrote years ago, or taking things about my family and twisting it in evils ways.

The Toothbrush: I have certain habits. One of them is to brush my teeth at night and in the morning…as most people. I also have always kept my toothbrush in a cup with the brush part facing up, and I always run my toothbrush in hot water before putting paste on it. This particular day, I brushed my teeth, then went to a meeting with the shaman. It was our second meeting. He was helping me put my spirit and energy into perspective…out meeting lasted about five hours that day. When I got home, I ate, then went to brush my teeth. There was some kind of black dirt on the brush of it. I had a hard time processing this at first. Why would anyone do such a thing? I didn’t say anything for days, then I confronted him. I felt like it was a summer camp type of prank coming from a 48-year-old man. Again, he denied doing it. According to him, I was gone all day, then come back home and put dirt on my toothbrush. Then he commenced to telling me that he found my ex-husband and told me he was a nice guy…that everything that happened was my fault. Hummm….a very strange thing to say, even though he’d said some really strange things to me before this.

All and all…through all the mocking and crazy shit that came out of this man’s mouth, I knew what it was…evil….a demonian. I also knew that he was 2 people. I met the other person on the phone, because of the stalker, in 2015 (Book 8), then got to meet it in person once I moved in with him in 2016 (Book 9). So, this thing kept coming at me.

Right after I finished writing the beginning of the above paragraph, this message (picture above) popped on my screen!

Since late March, there were so many nights that I begged God to move me. I knew what He could do. He’s moved mountains for me. He’s shown me His Grace so many times. I knew peace was coming because I had completed my vow…My 12-Book Series. At this point, I was so tired and worn out. In my photos, there’s a huge difference between when I first moved in with him until now. The strife aged me. I was just ready to give in…totally to that―Will you die for him?

Taken the night the sweet man and I left Louisiana…Feb. 2017. I was 155 lbs. We were living together for nearly a year.
Taken towards the end of 2018. I was 190 lbs. I bought this shirt because of my Mom. She always liked the print. I was in mourning, but I wasn’t allowed to mourn.


What happens next is God! Grace! All that I’m about to say happened within a few days, not weeks, DAYS!

I finally got to that place of humble…in total…that I have been searching for for years. The night I was ready to give in to that―Will you die for him?―I showered, got comfortable on my air mattress, then got up and began, I think, the most important talk with God I have ever had. Out loud. I was ready. Truly ready to see it through. Ready to see what through, you ask? My answer to the Holy Spirit back in 2016 (Book 9)―Will you die for him? and I answered―Yes. I told God I was grateful for everything I had. I said I really wanted to see my grand-kids grow, but I wasn’t worried. My children were doing great. I knew that they would miss me, but I would always be with them. I was ready. My mom is in heaven and I’d get to see her. I prayed silently that it wouldn’t hurt, but I was ready to fulfill my answer. I told Him that it was up to Him that if He was going to move me, please do it a little faster, and that I wanted a small place in a gated area with a washer machine and close to where my mailbox was and under $1000, and that it was okay, I could manage with the air mattress; and if the other…I was His. It was the most sincere thing I think I’ve ever felt. I began to cry with joy. I was totally ready to see my Lord!

The next evening, June 3 [6+3+2+0+1+9=2+1=3], it was put into my heart to download the Hotpads app and start looking. [Before this night, I never had any indication, nor desire to look for a place!] I found a number of places that night and I sent in my inquiries. The next day…THE NEXT DAY…, June 4 (6+4+2+0+1+9=22 Master Number! 2+2=4), I received a text after lunch telling me that they were showing this condo from 2 to 5. (I never, ever received a direct text before from an apartment-finding inquiry. EVER! I always received an email.) I was so tired…for 2 weeks I’d been feeling extremely fatigue, heavy, sickly, and I was in the middle of going through a number of heart tests including wearing a heart monitor. I laid down, then something made me get up, shower, wash my hair, put a little makeup on, dress, get $50 for the application fee and head on over there. I didn’t pay any attention to the address or the location. I just went thinking it would be the first of many I’d have to look at and apply for before I’d be able to actually get a place, and the expense of the application fees kept running through my mind. When I got to this condo, there was a grey-haired gentlemen looking at it, too, so I didn’t do a serious view of the place. I saw the man and quickly got an application and the info needed. Something about the man there made me jump to get the place without knowing anything about it! I went directly to the realtor’s office. I gave the money order and filled out the application. It was so sloppy. I was so tired that I messed up putting information in the wrong area. I just screwed that application up! I handed it to her and didn’t care. The lady asked me what day I planned on moving and I told her the 15th. That would give me time to pack and save a little money.

That night I slowly began packing…that’s when I discovered the drug paraphernalia. Now, here’s another example of the veil: Back in November, during my intervention, the sweet man and I began seeing each other again. One of the first times I went back to the house, I noticed the kitchen tops, which were white, where filthy like there was dirt all over them. This stayed in my mind because as soon as I noticed it, he went directly and cleaned it. I didn’t question. When I moved in at the end of November, I put stuff up in the kitchen cabinets and saw this foil deal and assumed it was sage. I didn’t question. Point: I worked for the MPs in the military, then for Narcotics for a year in the National Guard. I was very familiar with drug paraphernalia . Drugs is the second thing that shuts me down completely (the lie being the first.)…but when I saw this for the first time, I didn’t even question! Veils!

Another example of veils: I knew exactly what sage looked like burned because back in 2012 (Book 5) when I had so much spiritual activity in the marriage house, I’d burn it. (The sweet man was actually the one who told me to do so!) But the veils again…and I had to relearn. From March until I left, on and off, I’d burn sage and sit there on the sofa and watch it burn. I like the smell of it and there was just too much negative energy in that house. So, I knew exactly what sage looks like burned. The veils removed: When I found the drug paraphernalia in June, I posted it on my Facebook page, knowing what it was, but needed reassurance, and then talked to someone who personally knew about meth and that was that.

God knows me! He knows what will move me quickly. The direct lie. Drugs.

I heard from the realtor the next day, June 5 (6+5+2+0+1+9=23=2+3=5); sweet man is a 5). She needed the number to the present realtor for the house. Then I packed. I questioned the sweet man about what I found. Again the demonian was in the room. He lied again and then left for work. After he left, I felt the presence of someone in the house…I knew I wasn’t alone. I banged on his door really loud and told who ever was in there that the police was coming. (The police wasn’t coming. I had some people coming to get a table that I was giving away.) I wanted to hear movement. I heard them before, but again I needed assurance. So, yes. I heard the bathroom door slowly slid open. Confirmation.

I got up really early June 6 (6+6+2+0+1+9=30=3+0=3) and packed what was left. I texted the realtor asking if I could change the move-in date. She made it happen. That DAY! I left the house and went get the money orders for the rent and deposit, went to the realtor, paid and got the key!

I left from the realtor to look for some movers. I first went to several Uhaul places because the sweet man found some there before. None. I went to Lowes. None. Then I remembered that the guy who picked up the table mentioned Home Depo. So I went. I circled the parking lot. I saw this one guy to my far left, sitting under a tree. Something kept telling me to circle again. I did this about 5 times. I kept seeing that guy each time I circled. Finally, he got up. I was in a straight line of site of him and there was just something about him. He carried a straw hat. I don’t know what it was about that straw hat, but I pushed on the gas and pumped my horn. He came to the car window and I asked him if he was a mover, and, yes, indeed he was. He was alone and didn’t have a car. He asked me if I could wait, he had a friend, and his wife could bring him their car. He didn’t speak much English, but he was an older man and had a air of respectfulness about him. So, I waited. Moral of this part: His friend was homeless and needed the money.

They came with me to get the truck. I was in so much pain from packing that I feared having to drive the truck. The friend offered to drive the truck the whole time. Before I got them to the house, I showed them the picture of the drug paraphernalia to warn them. They recognized instantly what was in the picture and understood without me having to explain. I didn’t want to wake the sweet man up. But that wasn’t going to happen. They got most of the stuff in the truck before he woke up. When he did, he was in my face almost the whole time. Taunting me. I couldn’t concentrate and the movers had picked up some of his things. He caught this and, of course, began to accuse me of stealing. I couldn’t wait to leave. The movers recognized a drug user. This is why they moved so fast to get me out. They didn’t let me move one thing! They were so much like caregivers that the older one made sure I knew how the lock on my new door worked before he left. He actually showed me, then watched me do it on my own! He also called me little mama!

The Changing of the Journey:

Okay. Events leading up to the CHANGE! I will put these in order as they happened.

1. I cut my hair and got new glasses: Looking back through my life, I realize that I’ve cut my hair from really long to short every time a change was coming. This time I wanted a new style, but didn’t know the why with the glasses because I had to pay for them instead of getting them for free with the VA. When I look at my pictures, I realize (the veil was lifted) that I was giving myself a motherly look instead of a sexy look, making myself as unattractive as possible. That would explain, too, the weight gain. This would insure that the sweet man would stay away from me because his demonian is driven by sex. He’d made several lude comments about me missing him, and how he dreamed we had sex, and how he missed having sex with me. But I had zero desire for him. It had all gone totally away! And the new look insured that I would push him as far away from me as possible while still living under the same roof.

Before I cut my hair and changed my glasses.
The new look!

2. My Logo: The lion and the woman inside of the lion. I sent my motto―I Am Woman. Hear Me Roar―to my designer and in no time he sent this (his first try):

3. Website: I dove in and created my website. I’ve been talking about this for years and suddenly I had this ambitious calling to do it.

4. Bibliography: First it was called Book Store, then something made me change it. The building of this was time consuming. I buried myself in it. All the books that I have on hand that I used in My 12-Book Series, and then I added many more books for further reading by each author. As I was doing this, Law of Attraction became the focus of my attention because I read a lot on the subject. I worked on this project extensively for weeks and weeks not thinking about anything else.

5. Computer Breaks: I was near the end of the bibliography when out of the blue, my computer went down. It got sick just like that. I had to take it in to get it fixed, so no more working. I was seriously on a roll with the website, but it was out of my hands. For a week, I had no computer, so I read. I concentrated on two books: ‘If You Could See What I See…The Tenets of Novus Spiritus‘ by Sylvia Browne and ‘Narcissism…Denial of the True Self‘ by Dr. Alexander Lowen. These two books came to me as I was doing my bibliography and something made me click and order them. They came quickly. As I was reading these two books, at the same time, I was learning more and more about myself, the spiritual world, and the reasons behind narcissism and how they can be cured. I also learned what exactly is narcissism from the science point of view: how the head and body become split. Amazing isn’t even a word for this!  Back in 2016 (Book 9), I had a dream about the head and body being split, and for a long time, I thought the dream was about me; but all along, it was telling me about the sweet man! (More later on why I couldn’t put these messages together quick enough.)

6. Psychic: In 2012 (Book 5), as I mentioned above, I had contacted a psychic because I just couldn’t get it together. She knew things no one knew and that gave trust. Because of her, I was able to put some things into perspective. 3. Every 3 years, I seem to be pushed to contact her. The second time was in 2015 (Book 8) when she said I’d write a book with a blue cover. Amazing. My last two books have blue in the covers! This time, which was several weeks before I was moved, she told me to totally focus on myself, putting my spirit back together, so that I can put myself out there (do videos) because my ladies need to see me strong. She also told me I’d move west (which I argued saying I wasn’t moving any more west than I already am, but he added that maybe it meant moving back home where I’m familiar because the name Jeff came up, which is the name of my high school boyfriend, or maybe it was an indication that I should move back home where there’s trees and nature. Mom had a message through her: go swimming…not just swim, but to jump in with a splash, take long baths with music and candles. Amazing! No one knows those things about me. I enjoy both. Mom said to stop crying, that it would be okay.

The first 2 books at the top are my last 2 books published!

She also told me that I was moving really soon so start packing. This was 2 weeks before I actually was moved. She said change was coming, but not to force the change. I didn’t. Once I saw the drug paraphernalia, I was gone. God knows this is something I do NOT tolerate. The move came swift and easy! As in the move in 2013 (Book 6), when I got my apartment key that day. My daughter went to get an apartment in the same complex with her boyfriend a couple years later and it took her 2 weeks. She asked―How’d you get your key the same day? I told her―God! When He is ready to move me, He waste no time!

Her Vision Accuracy: I did move soon2 weeks later. The change was NOT forced. I did move West. My new condo is West of the house I lived in with the sweet man. Water played a huge role in all of this (more on this later on). I’m surrounded by nature…beautiful trees right outside my bedroom window with birds that sing me to sleep! A good place to relax and get my spirit together.

The tree outside of my window in my new place. Purple!

During this time with the Bibliography, I was connected with the Spiritual Advisor and a new nutritional supplement.

7. Spiritual Adviser (Shaman): I don’t remember when I friended this guy on Facebook, but he had posted something about a class he was giving and something made me contact him. I didn’t know a thing about him. Never talked with him before. We met and talked for almost 5 hours. This is when I learned he was a shaman! Every time we meet we talk for hours. He’s the first person that totally understands me other than the psychic and card reader that I’ve spoken to. The spiritual adviser felt the battle I was in. When I showed him my books, he flipped through one of them and said that they look like the Bible. I NEVER saw them that way. He also visited my new place and Mom told him to tell me to swim, to not just swim, to jump in the water and enjoy it! Only Mom would know that of me. Two people said the same thing and had no other way of knowing how much I love to swim!

8. Nutritional Supplement: The guy who introduced me to this product had been contacting me for a while. I just watched what he was doing online as in the marketing, but never paid attention to what he was marketing. I went to a meeting and met him for the first time there. In 2012 (another huge change of the journey for me (Book 5)), I was introduced to a supplement that I still use today for pain! This new product goes deeper. It amazed me because weeks before I was led to a Scripture in the Bible about vegetables. So, I started consuming more vegetables. All of this is messages to take care of my self…preparing me for the next part of my journey!

9. Sea Blue: During this same time frame, I was speed walking almost every day. I was coming back from the park where I walked and there was this debris on the side of the road. It was the color of the can below. It was an unusual color and got my attention quick. I turned on the next street heading home and there it was again! 2 more pieces. I looked closer and they appeared to be shopping bags. The exact same color! I don’t know any store that has bags that color. Again, 3.

Sea blue…the color that suddenly appeared in my world out of no where!

When I got home, the home screens of my computer, notebook and phone ALL had changed to this ocean scene! Not kidding. I didn’t do this. I actually took pictures of this and sent them to my spiritual adviser. 3. Then I noticed the Lysol can. I bought that during that very week, but hadn’t really paid attention to the color, I was more focused on the scent. I had never seen Lysol in different scents. It was a quick purchase. I now realize…amazing…water. As in the picture below. (I didn’t take a picture of my computer screen.)

My notebook screen changed by itself to this ocean scene!
My phone screen changed by itself to this ocean scene!
Can with the same sea blue color and water.

I kept thinking―Ocean, You want me to move to Florida!? I don’t want to move to Florida! Oh my debates with God! When you see something like this, as in the same exact color, you start thinking about signs!

10. No Computer Work: The computer was gone and I was reading. The chanting to the sweet man escalated. I can’t even explain how this made me feel. It was as if it wasn’t me. It was harsh, demanding, sincere, and tough. I also began laying in bed a lot going to my visualization place. When I got my computer back, I did turn it on, but did not do anymore work on my website. Something made me stop.

11. Heart Tests: At the same time as all of this (numbers 6-9), I began going through the heart testing. In several argumental conversations with the sweet man, I told him I was dying. I meant that. My spiritual self was dying. My sexual self was dying. My self-esteem was dying. I was once again feeling nothing. I haven’t seen the heart surgeon yet, but so far all tests are clear, except for my legs, which I already knew because of the long hours working on My 12-Book Series that something was bound to break. I’m assured it can be fixed! The whole time all this scary shit was happening I was wearing this monitor. It was odd and revealed more evil than I cared to face.

Eleven things and I wasn’t even trying. Amazing! Isn’t it!


After I moved, only after I moved, affirmations began being revealed to me. Amazing isn’t even a word to explain this. I repeat this about amazing because it is! God is beyond amazing! The Lord is Glorious and Mighty! Always!

Numbers have always played a significant role in this journey, but I wasn’t much into numerology. I just really noticed my door numbers and they did mean something all the time. The following things were revealed to me.

1..Lion and Sea: Even though I went through all the process of getting my condo and address, I didn’t exactly pay attention to the street name until after I moved in. Sealion Drive! (My new motto, the color blue that I kept seeing, and all the talk about water was telling me where I was going to live!)

My new street name!

2. Water, Ducks, Nature: Wow! Amazing! I’ve always loved parks with ducks and ponds. A block or so from my new place there’s water and ducks…lakes! Notice the color of the water! And right behind my building, like after the next condo is a pool and hot tub! No kidding. The main road to this place is Mariner. Two miles down the road is my new gym with an awesome pool and hot tub! (Again the color blue…water!)

Duck Crossing sign by the lakes down the road from my new place.
The color of the Lakes!

2. Mailbox: I opened a new mailing address at UPS and I did not want to be too far from it. I paid zero attention to this while getting this condo. The mailbox is a block away. (I asked God to move me not too far away from my new mailbox!)

4. Purple: At the beginning of the main entrance to the main road to where I now live, there is a flower bed of purple and gold flowers. The tree right outside my bedroom window has lots of purple flowers. As I’m walking to my condo, small, tiny purple buds cover the sidewalk! And my spiritual adviser told me I’m surrounded with a purple aura. (My visualization place to find peace back in 2013 (Book 6)…a field of purple flowers. For completing the vow, I was given the message that I would have peace! Also…2013…13 is a key number in my life! I will discuss further down.)

Purple…right outside my bedroom window!

Numbers Confirmations:

[Meanings of numbers are really interesting. I’ve used a number of meanings from different websites for each set of numbers that have crossed my path. Lately, when I see numbers, or rather they stick out, they are like in a vortex. I see them different…as if they are toys. It’s strange.]

1. I noticed the following numbers several days AFTER being in this condo: I live in building 13 (13=1+3=4). The address to the building is 2110 (2+1+1+0=4).  (Notice the 11 in the middle!)

Building number and street number.

2. I was bringing some money I owed to one of the movers the day after I moved in. When I leave my street to enter the main road, there is a red light. I was waiting for it to turn green when a number caught my attention right in front of me. I had seen it before, but it didn’t stand out. This time it was different. There were 4 numbers totaling 15. My eyes drifted slightly to the right and there were 4 more numbers totaling 15.

3. When I arrived at the eating place where I was supposed to meet the mover, I got out and decided to order a taco to wait for him because he wasn’t there yet. I took my time eating the taco. He didn’t show. After the taco, I sat in my car for a little while. A number to the left of the packing lot, really far off, caught my attention. It was 4 numbers again. I couldn’t believe what I saw. No way―I thought. So I drove closer to the end of the parking lot to get a better view, and sure enough 4010 (40+10=50; 5+0=5)

Explanation for Me…Double Confirmation: Two 15s and two 4s: The whole journey with the sweet man once I had fallen in love with him (emotionally involved) began in 2015 [2+0+1+5=8 (4+4) (Book 8) (4+4)]. The strife or battle began towards the end of 2015 when the dreams and images started to come through. It took 4 years for the entire message to get through and for me to deliver it. I am 50 years old. These confirmations are telling me I’m right on time! I’m right where I’m supposed to be! God Is GREAT!

[Note: As I wrote in the residential moves below that I made since I returned from Europe, I realized I moved 15 times!)

4. The number on my door is 102 (1+0+2=3)…the power of 3!

Door Number.

5. The number to my parking spot is 210 (2+1+0=3)…the power of 3!

Parking Spot.

6. The number to my mailing address here at my condo is 1082 (1+0+8+2=11 My Master Number!) Amazing!

7. My license plate number is 419. I’ve been having my license plate since I’ve been here. Confirmations: 419…4+1+9=15…the journey began in 2015 (15…1+4=5…sweet man is a 5); 419…1 and 4+9=13…1+3=4…again the 4-years confirmation; 13 confirms I’m working on book 13 and living in building 13]; 419…4 (4 years to get the message)…19 (this is the year the mission would be done and that I would embark on the next level of my journey; 19 means complete; 2015+4=19) . Also C…Complete!

8. The Numbers 1, 3, 7, 5: On the 13th, I was shown multiples of 1, 3, 7, 5. Several times. In fact, when I was on the main freeway towards my new place, right before my exit, a truck just pulled in front of me, like boom! 3 7s. Where I now live, 7s are everywhere. I mean everywhere I turn!

9. The number 13 is very big: Building 13 and I’m working on Book 13 (1+3=4).

The following extraordinary event happened on the June 13 (3+3+1+3+2+0+1+9=22 Master Number! 2+2=4): I had written the poem that I’m including with this writing the morning of June 13. I had to run some errands and while driving in my car came this impression―You didn’t write about the poem. I answered out loud that after I finished, I would. One stop was at the realtor’s office. I had to get my gate key and sign some papers. I didn’t realize the date and when she told me, I told her something extraordinary was going to happen because it’s the 13th day, I live in building 13, and I’m working on book 13!

I had other things to do and by the time I got home, I was tired so I laid down for a while, and then something made me get up and read the work out loud. It was around 11 p.m. I read the poem then went into the kitchen and fixed me a cup of tea. When I came back, there it was. I’d seen it once a few days before, but I didn’t know what it was. I have golden brown walls and a black sofa in the living room. There was a haze in the living room. The first time I saw it I went into the kitchen to check the stove and wondered―What the hell? This second time, I knew what it was. I watched it slowly fad away. After it left, my whole body was filled with joy. I began crying. I let the joy of what had just happened fad some and I then called my spiritual adviser to tell him. I had to share the joy of it. My whole, entire being was enlightened to the point of joy that I hadn’t felt in a very long time. That was the Holy Ghost! Something extraordinary DID happen before the stroke of midnight on the 13th, in the 13th building, on the 13th book!

This event (God’s Glorious Wonder!) told me that what I wrote in the poem was exactly how it went down. When I write, I hear the words then write them. This appearance revealed that I heard the words correctly and I expressed exactly what I experienced in the most truthful way a human can express it. I was worried before this, that maybe I wouldn’t be able to truly capture what had happened during the past 4 years. I was wrong. I listened, heard, and wrote it. Pretty Amazing.

Numbers Confirmation Recap:

15: The Number 15. All the 15s confirmed that it all started in 2015.

4: The Number 4: All the 4s above confirmed that it took me 4 years to received the message.

50: The Number 50: I am 50 years old; the sweet man is a 5.

The Numbers 7, 13 and 19: Divine. Full circle. Complete. Mission complete.

The Poem reading then the Appearance: Confirms that I got it right. That I delivered the message. That it was received!

That’s Grace! That’s God!

Numbers. Addresses in Confirmation of Path:

To further explain this journey, I will show you my numbers with just addresses and apartment numbers AFTER I returned from Germany (my Army days, where my first therapist said, when I talked of German, I seemed to be the happiest.) It’s quite amazing.

1. Temporary but Amazing! My mother’s address was changed while I was in the Service to 124=1+2+4=7.

2. When I returned from Europe: 120=1+2+0=3.

3. When I married: 113=1+1+3=5. (Notice the appearance of 11 and 13! Also the ex is a 5.)

4. First Apartment in Lafayette: Street: 105=1+0+5=6; Apartment 282=2+8+2=12…1+2=3

5. Second Apartment in Lafayette: Street: 104=1+0+4=5; Apartment: 486=4+8+6=18=1+8=9. (18=666) Note: This was an apartment my daughter and classmate rented. There would be some strife in this apartment.

6. Napoleonville Address: 3528=3+5+2+8=18=1+8=9; 18=666 (Plantation!…a lot of strife. Plantation was addicted to drugs.)

7. Move 7 was only 2 weeks so I will not include it here.

8. Labadieville (the green house down the road from the church and graveyard and where the journey of  receiving the message for the sweet man would begin: 226=2+2+6=10=1+0=1

Addresses with the sweet man:

9. His Lafayette Apartment: 118= 8+1+1=10=1+0=1 (1+6+6+6) (18=666)

(Countless times I read that the combination of 118 is telling a person that a very important message is trying to get to you. Also notice the appearance of 11 and 18! The number 18 is further explained below.)

10. Second Apartment in Louisiana: Street: 1000=1; Apartment: 714: 7+1+4=12=1+2=3.

11. The First Door in Las Vegas: A quick stay hotel: 107=1+0+7=8

12.  First Apartment in Las Vegas: Street: 5145=5+1+4+5=15=1+5=6;  Apartment: 107=1+0+7=8

(I wrote about this saying that the 8 means the completion. The circle of life. As my numbers chart…Numbers are constantly telling me I’m in completion.)

13. The Condo: Street: 5576 =5+5+7+6=23 =2+3=5 (sweet man is a 5)

Door Number: 41c=4+1=5 (again sweet man is a 5) and C=complete

14. House: 6616=6+6+1+6=19=1+9=10=1+0=1 (666=18)

15. My New Address: Street 2110=2+1+1+0=4, building 13=1+3=4; door 102=1+0+3=3

[Note: 3 addresses that included the number 11:  marriage house (113), first address with sweet man (118) and my present address (2110). All singling new beginnings of the journey at each time!

My first address back from Europe was 120 (3). My condo number is 102 (3).

The first address with the sweet man 118 and the last 6616. The 1 in both addresses is key…breaking the evil of the 3 6s! In both 18 and 1: 1 meaning the divine, 18 (When 666 is multiplied by 7 it equals 4662, which depicts man’s total imperfection under Lucifer. When added across, 4+6+6+2=18; and 18 divided by 3 is 6).

I know what you are thinking: Why is she giving her address away? Because it’s part of the journey. To show you how messages come through. I will write more and more about this. For now, this is the most amazing journey.

Recap: My Life Path Number is Master Number 11, which is considered: A Master Healer, A Spiritual Messenger, The Wounded Healer.

I knew this back in 2012 (Book 5), but the veils were on and it was forgotten. When the veils lifted, and I was directed to number research again because the numbers that were popping out were extraordinary. As I mentioned at the beginning of this article, I then remembered what I thought about being an 11 back in 2012 (Book 5). I was a teacher. Okay, I can see that. But a master healer, a spiritual messenger. No, I didn’t see it. After all, I was in the mince of my darkness, and playing around sexually was all I could focus on. That was the beginning of my bargaining stage. A spiritual anything was not on my table. I thought this as I was writing about God and the journey from the darkness. When you read my books, you will see this.

A reminder of the other striking thing that I knew, but the realization of what it meant was minimized. The words my daughter brought to me to tattoo on my right arm. In Latin―God’s Scribe.

All through my writing I knew I was writing for Him and learning. It still didn’t dawn on me what I was truly doing. All I can say is that I’m writing this all down to share. The veils come on quick. I will not go back and read any of this after I post it until I edit the book in 2020, so I’ll be able to look back in awe of what was revealed to me in these first months of 2019!

My-12 Book Series: Here’s one more Amazing realization!

  1. Book 1, Book 2, Book 3, Book 4 (Covers up to 2011…2+0+1+1=4 books)
  2. Book 5(2012…2+0+1+2=5)
  3. Book 6 (2013…2+0+1+3=6)
  4. Book 7 (2014…2+0+1+4=7)
  5. Book 8 (2015…2+0+1+5=8)
  6. Book 9 (2016…2+0+1+6=9)
  7. Book 10 (2013-2017…2+0+1+7=10 [On politics and business…this book throws the pattern off…it wasn’t part of the original plan (which was not my plan!])
  8. Book 11 (2017…2+0+1+7=10…1)
  9. Book 12 (2018…2+0+1+8=11…2)
  10. Book 13 (2019…2+0+1+9=12…3)
  11. Note: 10+11+12=33 (Master Number); 1+2+3=6

The awakening truly began for me when Jesus was fully in my life. God has always been present in everything I do, but it was Jesus, me getting into the New Testament of the Bible that truly began to move things in my world. I hope that you tag along with me as I go onto my next part of the journey…I welcome whatever God has in store for me! God is Great! He’s true and faithful! Always.

If you are on a journey that is hard, keep going. God is there waiting for the ask! Never forget that He is right there with me, but He’s always waiting for you to hear. He’s teaching you something…learn to hear!

Author: k. e. leger

I'm a writer.

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