A sample from Book 5
Silence of Me
I look at me
I hear me
wishing
I wouldn't be
hurting
I ruffled the sea
this romantic bee
twisting
words I see
wanting
to be free
saying
it's better for me
misrepresenting
what
I want to be
just you
I do see
putting
all thoughts
free
relating
what's
inside of me
hoping
you'd see
confusion's deed
all that I aim to be
all that I use to be
my wanting
to be free
inside of me
there's more to see
the outside sea
wanting
you along side of me
open and free
awakening
what used to be
look at me
hear me
all there is to be
a wall closed to me
burying me
deep
inside of me
silence of me
wishing
I wouldn't be
[2019 Note] ‘Silence of Me’ was written May 2, 2012…right before my separation took place. I didn’t post a lot of commentaries during 2012. I couldn’t. The poetry work was as far as I could go. It was a dreadful year.
The bargaining mixed with the anger confused everyone around me. I was hateful, angry, bitter, and yet I let myself be sexual and open. At the time this all started, I had no idea what was happening. I really think I lost my mind. I learned about the five stages of grief during June of that year. I did a little internet reading on it but I couldn’t really concentrate on anything except sexting and entertaining myself and my children. I was out of mind and out of body. As you can tell by the last line of this work, I was not in a good place at all!
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Pathways to Recovery, A Strengths Recovery Self-Help Workbook by Priscilla Ridgway, Diane McDiarmid, Lori Davidson, Julie Bayes, and Sarah Ratzlaff
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The Anger Control Workbook: Getting Through Treatment and Getting Back to Your Life by Dr. Matthew McKay and Dr. Peter Rogers.
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