‘Silence of Me’

A sample from Book 5

 Silence of Me
  
 I look at me
I hear me
 wishing
I wouldn't be
hurting
 I ruffled the sea
this romantic bee
 twisting
words I see
 wanting
to be free
 saying
it's better for me
 misrepresenting
what
I want to be
 just you
I do see
 putting
all thoughts
free
 relating
what's
inside of me
 hoping
you'd see
confusion's deed
 all that I aim to be
all that I use to be
 my wanting
to be free
inside of me
 there's more to see
the outside sea
 wanting
you along side of me
open and free
 awakening
what used to be
  
 look at me
hear me
 all there is to be
  
 a wall closed to me
burying me
 deep
inside of me
silence of me
 wishing
I wouldn't be
    

[2019 Note] ‘Silence of Me’ was written May 2, 2012…right before my separation took place. I didn’t post a lot of commentaries during 2012. I couldn’t. The poetry work was as far as I could go. It was a dreadful year.

The bargaining mixed with the anger confused everyone around me. I was hateful, angry, bitter, and yet I let myself be sexual and open. At the time this all started, I had no idea what was happening. I really think I lost my mind. I learned about the five stages of grief during June of that year. I did a little internet reading on it but I couldn’t really concentrate on anything except sexting and entertaining myself and my children. I was out of mind and out of body. As you can tell by the last line of this work, I was not in a good place at all!

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