Tag: divorce

‘What Says You’

I am woman and my faith is my Choice!

 What Says You
  
 defiance in its true nature
 reaches those too immature
 to know the difference
 ‒a veiled struggling creature
 avoiding words of the one
true teacher
  
 over two thousand years ago
 blood fell on hands‒
 those in the know
 as they began to sow
 deceptions made
of silver and gold
 dawning black hats and robes
 ignoring what Jesus† came to show
 choices of ignorance
they choose
 ‒God† released His† grasp
His† hold
  
 time slips in its venture
 here and there...new adventures
 ‒words remain
from the one and only teacher
 He† will come
without another lecture
 He† will come
in storms of weather
 they'll be no guessing‒
 go on being the hater, the abuser
 you won't have to wonder
 when it's time‒
 you won't deny
the presence of the creator
  
 so go on...go!
 be the reason
for destruction...hold
 be thoughtless and bold
 He's† coming!
 He's† coming
absent silver and gold
 He's† coming to decide‒
 who stays, who goes
 who rises, who He† shall behold
  
 152...a good number to consider
 ignore...it doesn't matter
 He's† never been the taker
 ‒a constant in giver
 lessons, tests‒
 giving all chances in reconsider
 now His† patience is on the damper
 time is over...in chatter
 get on your knees‒
 be the prayer
 change your heart
to the honest giver
 repent in matters of sinner
 ‒time in choose
is now on the ledger‒
 no turning back‒
 He's†  becoming the taker!

(August 8, 2019)—My spiritual journey is continuing. I’m not really ready to talk about it but I’m sure there will come a day. Today, I was led to Acts…pages that I never marked up. I have been questioning my journey lately. I’m a woman…as a former Catholic…I asked: I’m a woman. What authority do I have to talk about such things? I’m not kidding. The Catholic church has re-positioned the woman below man for hundreds and hundreds of years. I’m lucky to have finally had my eyes opened to their cruel injustice…truly against anything the Bible teaches!

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‘Channel’

Don’t change your independent self because of another person.

 Channel
  
 a bird flies when its free
 it stagnates
in captivity
 its colors blossom
in variety
 fading in ambiguity
 ‒plucking them out
in atrocity
  
 in nature...the act in free‒
 all the same
in its facility
 a trapping technicality
 ‒being free has its complexity
  
 as a woman
in her diplomacy
 giving true
to her effeminacy
 when treated
with significancy
  
 when she's satisfied
in her sexuality
 she falls into compliancy
 even in another's complacency
 giving up her self-sufficiency
 even her style in flossy
 being, at first
blissful in buoyancy
  
 as it goes...comes the decadency
 becoming aware
of the deficiency
 –a broken down fallacy
 as she meets each exigency
  
 outward...comes her adamancy
 as gone goes her sexy
 –an inward building pudency
 her usual controlled diplomacy
 loses its bearing
to rampancy
  
 as goes the controlling austerity
 saving-money hostility
 ‒slowly caving
in her impetuosity
  
 attention...gone its notoriety
 even her newly shaped nudity
 once praised with delicacy
 gone...with looks
words in vulgarity
 stripping
all her sexy naughty
 –leaving vagueness
in commonality
  
 lack of interest
opens a familiarity
 once ignoring
so much secrecy
 once ignoring the mendacity
 pulling forward
all its perfidy
 as gone...all her sensuality
 understanding
its diverted generosity
 she becomes lost
in recalcitrancy
 –the precious kitty lost
to lunacy
  
 all for giving her free
 to submissive captivity
 for the awakening
of her sexuality!

(May 9, 2019)―It’s funny how life repeats itself when we don’t learn the lesson the first time around. The funny thing for me is that I wrote about this before. I guess it pays to write about it again. The woman and all of her charm and personality has a way of turning into the woman her man wants her to be. Hold on before you scream: That’s not true. I do have a very good point.

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‘Shouldering Damage’

You deal and accept the physical damage caused by narcissism’s carelessness

 
Shouldering Damage
  
 upon her shoulders
carries the weight–
 shouldering damage
from those who couldn't stay
 –a go-getter
they couldn't take
 she...never wanting‒ 
any kinda hate
 ‒that was never
her intended fate
  ‒she let love lead the way
 ending in heavy price's
to pay
  
 only in moments
she lived in sedate
 all them medical doctors
had to medicate
 she just needed room‒ 
a bit of space
 to grasp the idea
of her body ache
 never using it as an escape
 ‒it hurt...and she was its bait
  
 she knows she gave it all
 she wasn't some pity rage doll–
 standing somewhere in stall
 she answered a simple call
 –but others led her to fall
 not caring the damage at all
  
 upon her shoulders‒ 
she wears the cape
 an anti-depressant to mask
a different kinda ache
 –emotional chains
she couldn't tolerate
 a burning heart
left in saturate
 mixed with anger
lust and hate
 screaming
without intentional berate
 from love
that just couldn't stay
  
 then again‒ 
she let love be her mate
 a heart damaged‒ 
in too many ways
 –again...a turn in obliterate
 a brain burned in uncultivate
 all that damage‒ 
on her shoulders
in blissful weight
 men who couldn't bear
the cape
 of her physical‒ 
being in waste
  
 she knows she gave it all
 she wasn't some pity rage doll–
 standing somewhere in stall
 she answered a simple call
 –but others led her to fall
 not caring the damage at all
  
 she now wears‒ 
a suit of armor
from love's mate
 as the heavy scars from fake–
 I can't stay
you...I could only tolerate
 builds her face
straight to a destiny's fate–
 the writer in massive create
  
 she...to never deny God
in whatever she faced
 so she shoulders damage
left behind–
 by carelessness
and self hate
 building her rose‒ 
from a destroyer's
intentional state
  
 she knows‒ 
she gave it all
 she wasn't some pity rage doll–
 standing somewhere in stall
 she answered a simple call
 –others led her to fall
 not caring
the damage at all
  
 oh! how
she can stand tall–
 she picked herself up
from the fall
 using the rest of her life
in God's hall
 lost to true love's
missed call
 she knows‒ 
she gave it her all
 –it was not her
that caused
the fall!

(April 24, 21019)—I was sent to a heart specialist today. Although I’m 50, I’m always the youngest in the room when it comes to things like this. (I started saying this phrase back in 2013 when I returned to the VA. I was always the youngest in the room back then.) So, I’m sitting there going through Scriptures, keeping my mind occupied. I didn’t want to think about why I was there. Then I got called to the back. A slew of tests were ordered, including a monitor, which I’ll have to wear for a week.

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‘Twenty-Year Itch’

Trust Me: It’s Not Your Fault!

A sample from Book 6

 Twenty-Year Itch
  
 there's a glitch
 in this marriage-is-forever niche
 no one says it
 when selling their pitch
 they just say―
marriage is a gift
 no more ifs
no more endless cliffs
 but it's all a myth
for there's a ditch
 from which
comes the switch
 where love drifts
lies are rich
 truths are a bitch
change is swift
  
 heed this warnings' monolith
 the twenty-year itch
 comes from this sudden twitch
 egotistical snitch
 a labyrinth
a deceptive clinch
 leaving you adrift
lost to miff
 without even one
   understanding flinch
Continue reading “‘Twenty-Year Itch’”

‘The Hanging’

When You’re Caught In Silent Abuse

A sample from Book 1

 The Hanging
  
 the heart thumps
a thunderous bolt
 tightens and roars—
 wrapping, squeezing
like a sailor’s rope
  
 hunger escapes
while sleeplessness eludes
 jolted and battered—
 feeling the vapor
of a flowerless fool
  
 shaking
with rupturing chills
 cold and hot—
 not quite understanding
this weathering thrill
  
 voice over voice
cloud the mind
 yes or no—
 eyes turn cold
moisten
then go blind
  
 searching for light
yearning to yell
 craving an escape—
 this pending doom
to a bottomless hell
  
 beneath there’s bound
to be salvation
 somewhere to run—
 ‘til then
there’s only damnation
Continue reading “‘The Hanging’”

‘Silence of Me’

You Tend To Hang On. It’s Normal.

A sample from Book 5

 Silence of Me
  
 I look at me
I hear me
 wishing
I wouldn't be
hurting
 I ruffled the sea
this romantic bee
 twisting
words I see
 wanting
to be free
 saying
it's better for me
 misrepresenting
what
I want to be
 just you
I do see
 putting
all thoughts
free
 relating
what's
inside of me
 hoping
you'd see
confusion's deed
 all that I aim to be
all that I use to be
 my wanting
to be free
inside of me
 there's more to see
the outside sea
 wanting
you along side of me
open and free
 awakening
what used to be
  
 look at me
hear me
 all there is to be
  
 a wall closed to me
burying me
 deep
inside of me
silence of me
 wishing
I wouldn't be
  
Continue reading “‘Silence of Me’”

‘Hold My Hand’

Men: Just Do It!

A sample from Book 5

 Hold My Hand
  
 when I'm lost
 ― confused
 wanting to give up
 will you hold my hand
  
when I doubt
want a way out
 will you stick around
  
 when I'm angry
 ―scream
call you names
 will you not place blame
  
 when I cry
lost in sadness
 will you change my mind
 to live and not die
  
 when I hate
my vision clouded
 will you be my guide
 tell me my life
is not a lie
  
 when I want to run
 leave all behind
draw a heavy line
 will you walk beside me
 ―hold my hand
take my feet
from the sand
 plant them
on solid ground
  
 when I'm alone
lost in darkness
 make you want to leave
will you forgive
 help my eyes to see
 everything
I want to be
  
 when I'm here
 cold...closed up inside
 will you stay
give me space
 help me see my way
  
 when I want
to give up
 will you stand by me
take my hand
 help me be free
help me to see
 what it takes
to be happy
  
Continue reading “‘Hold My Hand’”

‘A Woman’s Strength’

You Deserve Appreciation and Love!

A sample from Book 5

  A Woman's Strength
  
 did you think of me today
 no call came my way
 underneath my smile I sway
no words do I say
 I thought of you all day
 as I rushed through my filled plate
  
 early I started to bake
 not long the house was laced
 with the smell of your favorite
chocolate cake
  
 the kids were at play
 a new toy
one did break
 one became the prey
the other screamed hate
 peace...I had to make
clearing the haze
 putting smiles on their face
 anger left no trace
but it was too late
 the cake―
I had to throw away
  
 ring phone ring
I did pray
 hoping you'd call to say hey
  
 then the dog did stray
 I had to move in haste
apologies to convey
 the neighbor's yard― 
a garbage-strung maze
 after an hour's pace
 a cleaned yard
done in good faith
  
 I reentered the house
 noticed it was only eight
 my day― 
moving at a slow rate
 still no word from my mate
  
 breakfast I did make
 then the taste of toothpaste
 the cleaned dish plates
no time to wait
 everyone dress
screamed hurrah
  
 to the babysitters― 
who monthly I pay
 to take my place
 a goodbye kiss
a last minute wave
 off to work
my smile...fake
  
 then I remember
I hadn't ate
 my eight-hour day
drove its heavy weight
 still no word from my mate
  
 rush-hour traffic
a nerve-raking state
 thus beginning the evening chase
 babysitter, supper
no flirter's bait
comes my way
 sent the children
off to bathe
 finally you call
again...you're working late
 a quiet evening to waste
 long, restless night
again...I must face
 until you're home
and I feel safe
  
 did you think of me today
 no call came my way
 underneath my smile I sway
no words do I say
 I thought of you all day
 as I rushed through
my filled plate
  
Continue reading “‘A Woman’s Strength’”

‘The Experience’

Your Anger Turns to Lust to Move You!

A sample from Book 5

 The Experience
  
 I'm your past
I'm what
didn't last
 I'm what
could
never last
  
 I'm the passing blast
 to move through
really fast
 with the quickness
of a kisser's dash
  
 I'm the wine glass
wearing a mask
 making
my on-stop splash
  
 I'm your past
leaving you
in a gasp
 easily slipping
from your grasp
 in your mind
thoughts are cast
 in my heart
the debris
of a failed lover's task
Continue reading “‘The Experience’”

‘Anger’s Brethren’

Don’t Use the Children!

A sample from Book 5

 Anger's Brethren
  
 its face is ugly
 peeking through
little by little
 building its soul
 one small piece at a time
  
 vulnerability
it patiently waits
 then the attack
increasing the heartbeat
 clouding
a once throughout plan
 wilting the roses
rains replacing sunshines
 beautiful language
turns to spiteful vengeance
 over ruling logic
 hardening
closing open hearts
  
 its face is ugly
destroying all good
 taking its time
taking all time
 closing doors
'til love exist
no more
Continue reading “‘Anger’s Brethren’”