‘Shouldering Damage’

You deal and accept the physical damage caused by narcissism’s carelessness

 
Shouldering Damage
 
upon her shoulders
carries the weight–
shouldering damage
from those who couldn't stay
–a go-getter
they couldn't take
she...never wanting‒
any kinda hate
‒that was never
her intended fate
‒she let love lead the way
ending in heavy price's
to pay
 
only in moments
she lived in sedate
all them medical doctors
had to medicate
she just needed room‒
a bit of space
to grasp the idea
of her body ache
never using it as an escape
‒it hurt...and she was its bait
 
she knows she gave it all
she wasn't some pity rage doll–
standing somewhere in stall
she answered a simple call
–but others led her to fall
not caring the damage at all
 
upon her shoulders‒
she wears the cape
an anti-depressant to mask
a different kinda ache
–emotional chains
she couldn't tolerate
a burning heart
left in saturate
mixed with anger
lust and hate
screaming
without intentional berate
from love
that just couldn't stay
 
then again‒
she let love be her mate
a heart damaged‒
in too many ways
–again...a turn in obliterate
a brain burned in uncultivate
all that damage‒
on her shoulders
in blissful weight
men who couldn't bear
the cape
of her physical‒
being in waste
 
she knows she gave it all
she wasn't some pity rage doll–
standing somewhere in stall
she answered a simple call
–but others led her to fall
not caring the damage at all
 
she now wears‒
a suit of armor
from love's mate
as the heavy scars from fake–
I can't stay
you...I could only tolerate
builds her face
straight to a destiny's fate–
the writer in massive create
 
she...to never deny God
in whatever she faced
so she shoulders damage
left behind–
by carelessness
and self hate
building her rose‒
from a destroyer's
intentional state
 
she knows‒
she gave it all
she wasn't some pity rage doll–
standing somewhere in stall
she answered a simple call
–others led her to fall
not caring
the damage at all
 
oh! how
she can stand tall–
she picked herself up
from the fall
using the rest of her life
in God's hall
lost to true love's
missed call
she knows‒
she gave it her all
–it was not her
that caused
the fall!
Continue reading “‘Shouldering Damage’”

‘His Softness’

That which gives you inspiration to go on!

A sample from Book 12

 His Softness
(Sweet Man)
 
there's moments
I want to cry
in this aging bit of life
‒not understanding
what to fight
he comes into my sight
 
deep in my thoughts
I get lost...caught
 
then he kneels before me
‒my world gets lost
in his sea
cradling me in his arms
all that fight...gone
 
aren't you tired of this yet
 
his question without hiss
we both knowing
we keep rocking a boat
that just needs
to float
 
yes
 
my response in insist
over and over...rowing
untying
this knotting rope
without losing
gentle's hope
 
feeling it all melt away
with soft words‒
he has to say
as he pulls me
in his sway
 
I want this‒
not just for today
but every day, in every way
 
I know the truth‒
when I look into his face
love...in every line
to trace
as his black hair
fades to gray
by his side
I feel everything safe
 
when he leaves the room
behind...closes the door
I'm left with my thoughts
shifting deep
in my core
 
yes, I'm tired of this
 
love is far more perfect
surrounded by his softness
then sitting in a room
lost in miss
his love
trying to forget
Continue reading “‘His Softness’”

‘Dying House’ and ‘Our Last Goodbye’

That Place You Have To Leave!

A sample from Book 6

 Dying House
 
I've watched you grow
together—
I thought we'd grow old
but our lives
have been sold
our hearts broke
our insides
have turned cold
 
your beauty
you're no longer
wanting to hold
 
I must go
it's getting harder
to cope
watching you
slowly corrode
piece by piece
you're starting to fold
this
a heavy load
watching
you turn
from a gentle host
to a heartless ghost
 
no more
are you
my threshold
 
soon it'll all explode
 
for the last time
behind me
your doors
I'll close
with only memories
to be told
 
 Our Last Goodbye
 
I'm shaking inside
oh! what a ride
between
your heart and mine
 
you were built
with love
we fit
like hand and glove
 
my hands now tremble
closer and closer
draws the time
when we'll say
our last goodbye
 
through blurry eyes
I walk your rooms
my heels slowly glide
almost—
an unsteady slide
touching your skin
—this rushing, emotional tide
 
many memories collide
you witnessed
my every side
 
within your walls
I stood tall
you saw me
humble with pride
then you watched
me fall
—victim to a loving homicide
revenge's careful suicide
 
to you
I can't lie
in you
I do confide
within your bones
my will thrived
my imagination
easily came alive
 
you were once
a dream
in my mind
you were my every inspire
it was a thrill
watching you rise
 
you caressed my children
as they grew high
you heard me answer
their every why
you saw me hug them
through their every sigh
then
you watched them fly
 
you saw every transpire
you heard me laugh
watched me cry
you saw love rise
then watched it die
without answers to why
without even a try
 
you saw me
struggle for breath
you saw me strive
to survive
then revive
 
reasons to why
our love affair's denied
mystifies
my deepest I
 
this emptiness—
hard to describe
it's all been crucified
—slick and sly
 
we're now down
to our last lullaby
our together forever—
nullified
that final day
will soon arrive
when behind me
I'll close your door
say
our last goodbye
Continue reading “‘Dying House’ and ‘Our Last Goodbye’”

‘No Goodbye Kisses’

It’s Not Your Fault!

A sample from Book 6

 No Goodbye Kisses
 
I walk around
this house
quiet as a mouse
my steps slow
not sure
in which room to go
there's pain in every inch
remembering
the pounding
of your fist
 
I spoke my mind
maybe a little too unkind
your actions
way out of line
 
hurt...anger grows
not understanding
not knowing
why you changed
why you don't see
how you made
our life to be
 
your continued rage
backed me into a cage
I yelled for you to go
each word
another silent blow
denial and lies
I refused to cry
stood my ground
tired
of being treated
like a clown
 
once more
you ignored
as our child's eyes
grew wide
you continued
your raging tide
stand up for yourself
words I taught
actions―
I couldn't put on a shelf
your finger pointing
your hurt anointing
 
I slapped your face
hoping
it'll send you away
 
instead
you pounced―
off the cement
my head bounced
slamming your steel toes
into my thigh
my hands and elbow
razored with holes
your continued blast
left me
in a frozen cast
 
our son grabbed you
against the truck
he threw
my mother held me
I don't remember
jumping to my feet
I kicked you
I wanted to hurt you
I wanted to maim you
I wanted to kill you
 
I walk around
this house
quiet as a mouse
my steps slow
not sure
in which room to go
 
three times
in all these years
you crossed this line
bruises on my skin
my walk full of fear
each time worse
in between
silent torture
not standing up for me
not even seeing me
 
a continued
losing journey
me
wanting a family
you
becoming an enemy
a stranger
breeding hate and anger
 
I walk around
this house
quiet as a mouse
my steps slow
not sure
in which room to go
 
feeling the pain
in every inch
from the pounding
of your fist
 
staying...I resist
your actions
crossed the line
 
no goodbye kisses
just closing the door
leaving it all behind
Continue reading “‘No Goodbye Kisses’”

‘Twenty-Year Itch’

Trust Me: It’s Not Your Fault!

A sample from Book 6

 Twenty-Year Itch
 
there's a glitch
in this marriage-is-forever niche
no one says it
when selling their pitch
they just say―
marriage is a gift
no more ifs
no more endless cliffs
but it's all a myth
for there's a ditch
from which
comes the switch
where love drifts
lies are rich
truths are a bitch
change is swift
 
heed this warnings' monolith
the twenty-year itch
comes from this sudden twitch
egotistical snitch
a labyrinth
a deceptive clinch
leaving you adrift
lost to miff
without even one
understanding flinch
Continue reading “‘Twenty-Year Itch’”

‘Changing of Tides’

You Will Make It Through!

A sample from Book 6

 Changing of Tides
 
an emptiness
fills his head
darkness consumes him―
wishing himself dead
 
around him
there's too much
filling
with a nothingness
a mixed rush
 
meanings of his life gone
what he thought important―
seems all wrong
 
a need
to just forget about it all
―drop everything and run
with not one once
of guilt
of those who'll fall
he just feels done
 
from all that was good
―it's easier
to just give up
do things
he never would
forget those
he once loved
start over
―a brand new book
those he hurt―
never giving
another look
 
denying blame
denying himself
just living life
from a shelf
is better to him
then standing for
what he really feels
in his heart
Continue reading “‘Changing of Tides’”

‘Silence of Me’

You Tend To Hang On. It’s Normal.

A sample from Book 5

 Silence of Me
 
I look at me
I hear me
wishing
I wouldn't be
hurting
I ruffled the sea
this romantic bee
twisting
words I see
wanting
to be free
saying
it's better for me
misrepresenting
what
I want to be
just you
I do see
putting
all thoughts
free
relating
what's
inside of me
hoping
you'd see
confusion's deed
all that I aim to be
all that I use to be
my wanting
to be free
inside of me
there's more to see
the outside sea
wanting
you along side of me
open and free
awakening
what used to be
 
look at me
hear me
all there is to be
 
a wall closed to me
burying me
deep
inside of me
silence of me
wishing
I wouldn't be
 
Continue reading “‘Silence of Me’”

‘Unconditional Love’

Does Unconditional Love Exist When It Comes To Relationships?

A sample from Book 5

 Unconditional Love
(Sweet Man)
 
to walk by my side
‒me by yours
an endless glide
hand and hand
standing beside
knowing each's inside
protecting from the outside
 
with each other
no hidden pride
thoughts...fears
with each other
no need to hide
 
to each other
nothing denied
not just a ride
an endless passionate tide
no drawn lines
not just being kind
 
knowing each's mind
keeping love's drive
awake and alive
without conditions
without bribes
 
walking side by side
through life
love's endless glide
until life and death collide
side by side
each to lie
Continue reading “‘Unconditional Love’”

‘Talking Heart’

Stick To What You Say!

A sample from Book 5

 Talking Heart
(Sweet Man)
 
when two become one
something extraordinary's begun
into each other
combines all matter
into each other
weakness doesn't stutter
all is revealed
into each other―
deeply open and concealed
 
when two become one
fear is undone
sincere trust
―the ultimate must
helping each other
overcome inside danger
helping each other
see through stormy weather
 
when two become one
happiness is won
together
hearts can fight―
hurt and pain
when the mind
plays us like a game
 
when two become one
together
hearts can fight any situation
with open conversation
when to each other
there's true dedication
 
―nothing
can be undone
when two become one
Continue reading “‘Talking Heart’”

‘Company of Friends’

Your Friends Are the Key To Your Survival!

A sample from Book 5

  Company of Friends
 
my Lord†, I'm going to ask
–you're my ultimate dad
I can be open like that
 
I remember friends I had
how they made me mad
sometimes really sad
they seemed just a fad
some made me bad
some made me glad
–making it feel like a trap
I want something
more than that
 
please, Lord†, send to my life
a more gentle pack
ones that can make me laugh
–not concerned
with where I once sat
when I'm down
they have my back
 
ones who don't act
like spoiled little brats
 
ones who come
no matter where I'm at
put me back on track
 
know all my crap
still–
to me
take off their hat
 
ones who do for me
I do for them
they understand tit for tat
 
ones who wouldn't dare
attempt to whack
destroy my pad
or my love
try to hack
 
ones who look pass
whatever I lack
 
ones who'd never sack
for this, for that
our friendship's basic fact
unconditional love
that's where it's at
 
my Lord†, that's all I ask
surround me
with friends like that
who understand
where the home is at
that love
is a humble task
–when I'm sad
arms around me do wrap
 
ones who enjoy seeing me laugh
and know
You† are always
part of my map
Continue reading “‘Company of Friends’”