‘Silence of Me’

You Tend To Hang On. It’s Normal.

A sample from Book 5

[2019 Note] ‘Silence of Me’ was written May 2, 2012…right before my separation took place. I didn’t post a lot of commentaries during 2012. I couldn’t. The poetry work was as far as I could go. It was a dreadful year.

The bargaining mixed with the anger confused everyone around me. I was hateful, angry, bitter, and yet I let myself be sexual and open. At the time this all started, I had no idea what was happening. I really think I lost my mind. I learned about the five stages of grief during June of that year. I did a little internet reading on it but I couldn’t really concentrate on anything except sexting and entertaining myself and my children. I was out of mind and out of body. As you can tell by the last line of this work, I was not in a good place at all!

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‘Unconditional Love’

Does Unconditional Love Exist When It Comes To Relationships?

A sample from Book 5

(February 19, 2016)—I wrote this October 27, 2012. I had been talking to a real good friend at the time about what love actually means. Some people’s ideas of love are different then mine. I believe in unconditional love, but I don’t think you should hurt people and take advantage of that belief. To me, unconditional love is not a dream.

It’s a real feeling. It’s when someone loves you no matter what. Unconditional love hurts. People often take advantage of those who give unconditional love. That forces us to set boundaries, so we don’t keep getting hurt; hence, forcing us to set conditions on love which we then feel guilty doing. Love, in general, hurts.

I would love to feel unconditional love from another human being. So far, everyone has conditions. I think it would be a piece of heaven to be able to be yourself, I mean your total self, without coveting one piece of you in order to be accepted by another. Maybe, one day, God will show this to me.

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‘Talking Heart’

Stick To What You Say!

A sample from Book 5

(May 22, 2015)—[‘Talking Heart’ was written October 8, 2012.] This another work that came from my long phone conversations with my friend. I often wondered if there was a man strong enough to have a relationship with like this. Becoming one with another is like the ultimate connection.

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‘Company of Friends’

Your Friends Are the Key To Your Survival!

A sample from Book 5

(June 2, 2014)—[‘Company of Friends’ was written September 26, 2012.] Reading my personal Facebook page is needed part of my day these days. All my friends’ post build me as well as sometimes makes me sad. It seems everyone is having problems here in there with people not being true to them.

Back in 2012, I felt the brunt of life to its fullest and I prayed hard, really hard. My hurt scared people away. Why? I would ask myself. Shouldn’t the time of pain be the time when friends stuck by you.

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‘Text Me’

Moving Through Anger with Bargaining!

A sample from Book 5

(March 3, 2014)—[‘Text Me’ was written July 27, 2012.] In my new beginning of being single again [2012], I’ve explored the many ways of dating and meeting new people whether on my own or listening to the stories of friends both girl and guy.

One of the more interesting ways of getting to know another person is through texting, now referred to as sexting. It is far more original than chating on-line from some random dating sight and far more fun.

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‘Lies vs Deception’

There’s a Big Difference Between a Lie and a Deception!

A sample from Book 5…This is what Anger and Denial looks like!

(June 19, 2012)—This is a personnel note to my family, friends and [x]. Read it and understand it because it’s the last time I’m writing about this…the last! The future stories you want to make up, the future rumors you want to spread…is your business. I no longer care. If you want to be in my life and want me to be a part of your life, then you’ll have to put me there…I’m not going to fight for my position any longer.

I’m ME…the same ME I’ve always been. I’m not going to change for anyone. If you don’t like me, then it’s because you don’t know me at all. If you want to know me, then talk to me, don’t be a hypocrite and know me through talk of others because you will never actually know me or understand who I AM.

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‘Hold My Hand’

Men: Just Do It!

A sample from Book 5

(June 12, 2013)—[‘Hold My Hand’ was written June 12, 2012.] Every girl wonders these things when they’re in love. Most of us are just afraid to ask.

(May 22, 2015)—As I’m reading through my works, putting thoughts together for my book, I come across pieces that truly touch my heart.

‘Hold My Hand’ was written after a long over-the-phone conversation I had with a friend I hadn’t met in person yet. We met over a dating site and began talking on a semi-regular basis. He had a way of making me look deep within myself and ask myself what I really wanted, truly wanted. This piece was the result of some of those many conversations.

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‘A Woman’s Strength’

You Deserve Appreciation and Love!

A sample from Book 5

(January 21, 2014)—[‘A Woman’s Strength’ was written June 2, 2012.] Searching through my work, I found this. Oh! What a woman does and goes unnoticed, especially women who work outside of the home.

It’s no wonder why she forgets about herself, why her body isn’t as sexy (isn’t as strong), why her mind tires out so easily, why she feels so lonely, even though, her house may be full of souls jumping, playing, talking. Appreciate the woman who mans your house, for today’s world gives her so many other options and if she stays strong in her faith, God will open doors for her that doesn’t belong to you.

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‘The Experience’

Your Anger Turns to Lust to Move You!

A sample from Book 5

(May 20, 2013)—[‘The Experience’ was written April 27, 2012.] During the healing process, you go through this phase I titled ‘The Experience.’You want to feel then you don’t. You want to be wanted, then you don’t. It’s a mixture of emotions that kicks in through the survival part of grief.

You want…no, you need to be touched. You need proof that you are still alive somewhere in there. Those feelings are false feelings. Some get them mixed up with love, romance. They are not. This is the part of the stages of grief that is considered the masking stage. It’s a fooling stage. During this stage, you actually deny everything you feel that is actually real. You want the pleasures, the erotic…you don’t want the hurt, the tears, the pain.

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‘Anger’s Brethren’

Don’t Use the Children!

A sample from Book 5

(September 9, 2015)—‘Anger’s Brethren’ was written February 1, 2012. That was the day before my baby’s 12th birthday. I don’t remember the exact events of February 1, but I do know that I was struggling to keep it together by planning a birthday party for my son, trying to keep things as normal as possible.

Months later, the ex would email me one of the most disturbing lines he could have ever told me: Your kids don’t need a mother anymore.Who says that? What place does a person need to go to say that to the mother of his children?

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