‘Dwelling’s ‘Back Then”

A sample from Book 8

 Dwelling’s 'Back Then'
  
 we lived back then
 ‒our biggest season
 living in young
everything’s begun
 never still...sitting
 ‒moving in the constant
of run
 having class
having fun
 our communion
 ‒our glittering sun
  
 reminiscing
reliving‒
 our mind’s on-going reunion
 ‒a slight prison
caught-up spectrum
 indulging...believing
 our past
our best, truest companion
  
 turning needles to diamonds
 quarts to gallons
 each new past
remembering sermon
 grows
consumes‒ 
our present moment’s devotion
  
 staying stuck
good...bad
 all problems, experiences‒
 abstractions
 ‒digging deep
 our use-to-be fund
 concealing
present’s affirmations
  
 it’s done‒ 
time for a ascension
 new’s dimension
  
 the past‒ 
our firm confirmation
 holding on‒ 
constantly living
in its circulation
 ‒caught in its dreamy emotion
 keeping us in equivocation
 bypassing present’s creation
  
 it’s done‒ 
our back then
  
 it’s time
make the incision
 no longer in young
 but still living
in fun
willingness to run
  
 keeping our retrospections
 but allow in
new manifestations
 all else‒ 
move to preservation
  
 it’s built us
gave us qualifications
 for now’s implementation
  
 stop dwelling on
back then
 start living
in now’s skin
  
 new moment’s begin
heightens
ascends
 new memories
creating a foreign spin
 awakening
now’s life
we’re in
  
 allow the transcend
build new mountains
 ‒from young
to older...wiser
within
  
 then‒ 
sets a new trend
 that day coming
age sets in
 on porches
breathing in fresh winds
 under summer suns
in chairs
rocking
 memories
unpacking
easily spoken
 story-telling
of live in living‒
 not broken
not stuck in young’s brethren
  
 instead‒ 
a put-together rendition
 of a life lived
 in total contribution
  
 let go of back then
 awaken
in now’s innovation
 live‒ 
new moments
in motivation
 new memories
adding to collections
  
 for in aged years
recollections
 the spices‒ 
our truth’s personification‒
 the new young
can’t get enough
 with us
lost in conversation

(August 6, 2015)—Yes, I’m finding more time to post. I’m still reading 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do by Amy Morin. Chapter 7 titled ‘They Don’t Dwell on the Past’ inspired ‘Dwelling’s ‘Back Then’’.We all do it. It doesn’t matter the circumstances. Good or bad. We still dwell.

Morin says it’s good to dwell, but constantly dwelling impedes our ability to fully live in our present. I agree with this. Sure, we had some really good times in our past lives, but for those of us pass our 40s, that’s not the end of our experiences. When I listen to people my age talk about their past, you’d think that’s all there is. It’s not.

I went through a whole life already. I’m not done. God showed me this. I’m so freaking ready for the next journey, I actually shake inside thinking about it. I’m that excited. It wasn’t a year ago. In fact, I couldn’t even imagine another life. I had one. I lived it. That was that. A lot has changed since then. I’ve done a lot in my life. A lot! I don’t regret one iota of it. How can I? My experiences have shaped me into who I am today. I’m proud of all those experiences.

As my baby said (I’ve mentioned this before), after he spent $1.99 on some people search site and discovered all the things I’ve done in my life time: My mom is cool![He done that during class time and said that out loud without even thinking about it.]. That cool stuff my baby referred to was my young years. I had all that energy. I had all that fire to just run and do. Just because I’m in my 40s doesn’t mean the fire is gone. It is not. I’m a bit stationary, presently. I have been for several years. Not by choice.

Now, as I put all my writings together into books, a new part of me is emerging. I get so excited thinking about it. I no longer live in the if part of life. I have so much faith that I can’t help but live in the when part of life.

I guess it’s hard for others to imagine their work making any kind of impact on others. My self-confidence is not as strong as I’d like it to be, but it’s far better than it used to be, and that gives me the energy in my heart to not just think, but to believe that my work will make an impact.

I have no fucking clue how I’m going to get my work out to the public. I don’t need a clue. I have my faith. I raised my hands years ago and passed it all to God. So far, He’s directed my every step. So, I will continue to live in faith.

I may be 80 years old. I might even be six-foot under. None of that bothers me, but I do know…I know…what I’m doing today will have its day in pure light. That’s faith! So, as ‘Dwelling’s ‘Back Then” states, get out of your past and live today. You can’t undo any of it. You can’t relive any of it.

As in being over 40, our bodies are different, our thinking is different, our goals are different. Get out of the past! Look at what is in front of you…now! That’s what you need to be concentrating on. Leave the past where it belongs…in the past! Let’s take this ride into the future. I don’t know about you, but I’m fucking pumped. The best part…wisdom! Now, that’s something I didn’t have in my past. I kind of like that part. A lot.

You are beautiful my friend. You are so freaking worth it, and even though you may have gone through, or currently going through the darkest period of your life, take it from someone who’s traveled that road…the light is alive, and the 40s…hell, we got that upper hand the young don’t have. Take that to the bank. Enjoy it. It’s one hell of a gift. Love the skin you’re in.

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