‘Backlash’ (Crucifixion Vision)

You must learn to fight with your mind!

 Backlash
 
He's† coming
His† fierce wrath
–a warning
that will steal your laugh
 
He's† waited
as you gently
took your bath
seeing you
enjoy your treasures
He's glad
 
His† simplicity‒
riddled with an interesting sass
if you fall too far behind
on the graph
He† has an unwavering strap
administered by
a father's unconditional love‒
in a dash
giving you a chance
to bounce back
from your deep, darkened nap
 
but you haven't read
the telegraph
you haven't heard
the endless knocking raps
you haven't heard
the crash, the clash
or the blast
you haven't even heard
the slush
of His† slow drag
 
instead
you waddle like an ass
pretending to celebrate
honor His† flag
while others...with a bat
so willing to bash
 
round and round
lap after lap
slowly distorting Him†
in every class
mixing it all up–
commoners can't even grasp
leaving it all
to be given in mass
not willing
to take on the task
–it's all been a trap
 
the mark of the beast–
will be an easy lash
they will be willing–
without any wording sass
let alone
a flame from a shiny blast
 
how to measure gullibility–
the strength needed
to cure this rash
will take more
than attending a mass
or around waist
wrapping a sash
 
in the mind
will come the nag
–a played-out invisible rag
strange thoughts
making a face sag
doubt...oh! how nasty!
its constant drag
heaviness and confusion–
mixing it all up in lag
 
there's a better way to combat
this dark invisible rag
–powers hidden
once sealed–
too high to be grasped
it's now time
to bathe in its vast
opening it up–
the vaults...down...smash
 
mind for mind...slash
taking control back
before the Lamb† comes
in a flash
open up for a higher stash
–sorting through trash
with an energy in splash
 
yes, He's† coming
a warning in passing
a chance to be given
for a new class
a higher way
fighting in blast
a choice in self's brass
–thrive in eternity's musical jazz
or fall in evil's
forever fire-pitting trap

(August 24, 2019)―Wow! is how today began. A jolting out of bed at 4 a.m. to write. I didn’t want to get up. Three times I was literally jolted out of bed. I finally got up and I’ve been writing ever since. That’s what I’m suppose to do: keep writing.

I mentioned in a few writings that I’ll eventually have a section on here about my meditation journey…it will either be in a category or an entire section to itself. All I know is that I’m on an extraordinary journey and I’ve been on this journey for years now, only this time it’s elevated, and I’m to share the entire process here.

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‘Channel’

Don’t change your independent self because of another person.

 Channel
 
a bird flies when its free
it stagnates
in captivity
its colors blossom
in variety
fading in ambiguity
‒plucking them out
in atrocity
 
in nature...the act in free
all the same
in its facility
a trapping technicality
‒being free has its complexity
 
as a woman
in her diplomacy
giving true
to her effeminacy
when treated
with significancy
 
when she's satisfied
in her sexuality
she falls into compliancy
even in another's complacency
giving up her self-sufficiency
even her style in flossy
being, at first
blissful in buoyancy
 
as it goes...comes the decadency
becoming aware
of the deficiency
–a broken down fallacy
as she meets each exigency
 
outward...comes her adamancy
as gone goes her sexy
–an inward building pudency
her usual controlled diplomacy
loses its bearing
to rampancy
 
as goes the controlling austerity
saving-money hostility
‒slowly caving
in her impetuosity
 
attention...gone its notoriety
even her newly shaped nudity
once praised with delicacy
gone...with looks
words in vulgarity
stripping
all her sexy naughty
–leaving vagueness
in commonality
 
lack of interest
opens a familiarity
once ignoring
so much secrecy
once ignoring the mendacity
pulling forward
all its perfidy
as gone...all her sensuality
understanding
its diverted generosity
she becomes lost
in recalcitrancy
–the precious kitty lost
to lunacy
 
all for giving her free
to submissive captivity
for the awakening
of her sexuality!

(May 9, 2019)―It’s funny how life repeats itself when we don’t learn the lesson the first time around. The funny thing for me is that I wrote about this before. I guess it pays to write about it again. The woman and all of her charm and personality has a way of turning into the woman her man wants her to be. Hold on before you scream: That’s not true. I do have a very good point.

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‘What Comes Out’

Anger: How changing this one emotion can change your entire life!

 What Comes Out
 
she weighed
the things she's said
‒those retaliating words
she weighed
the things she's done
thinking it all hard love
but it was anger
‒acting out
over another's danger
 
what makes you do
these things?
 
she pondered the question
the only answer: retaliation
she bowed her head
in confession
responding to those living
in secret
putting her in the dark...deeper
 
she weighed
her lost of control
‒all man things took their toll
grabbing at her in hold
her...letting it all
use her in bold
 
anger's put her in the red
shaped thoughts in head
then actions without thought
knowing the wrong
in every heart beat
then came further heat
 
she weighed
all these things
knowing too late always rings
seeking truth
sets off anger in sing
it's her life
not just some fling
 
she sighed just a bit
thinking these things
anger's become a distraction
at times
giving satisfaction
‒the evil whore's demolition
 
she bowed her head
in greater confession
this her greatest sin
one...with‒
she no longer
wants to blend

control‒
a fight she's determined
to win
‒using gratitude
from God's† den‒
the only way to contend
‒be put in the light
from way deep within

(April 27, 2019)―There are 2 large garbage cans that came with the house I live in. When we first moved in, they were in the corner of the garage. The side where I park my car. My car door opens up to the wall side of the garage. I have boxes stacked in there, which I never unpacked also on the side where I park my car. About a month ago, we were told by the landlord that we had to clean up the backyard. After the winter, the pine needles and pine cones had added up. So, in order to make my job a little easier, I moved the garbage cans to the side of the house, inside the metal gate. Since, they were out of the way in the garage, I moved over some boxes, which made getting out of my car easier.

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‘Shouldering Damage’

You deal and accept the physical damage caused by narcissism’s carelessness

 
Shouldering Damage
 
upon her shoulders
carries the weight–
shouldering damage
from those who couldn't stay
–a go-getter
they couldn't take
she...never wanting‒
any kinda hate
‒that was never
her intended fate
‒she let love lead the way
ending in heavy price's
to pay
 
only in moments
she lived in sedate
all them medical doctors
had to medicate
she just needed room‒
a bit of space
to grasp the idea
of her body ache
never using it as an escape
‒it hurt...and she was its bait
 
she knows she gave it all
she wasn't some pity rage doll–
standing somewhere in stall
she answered a simple call
–but others led her to fall
not caring the damage at all
 
upon her shoulders‒
she wears the cape
an anti-depressant to mask
a different kinda ache
–emotional chains
she couldn't tolerate
a burning heart
left in saturate
mixed with anger
lust and hate
screaming
without intentional berate
from love
that just couldn't stay
 
then again‒
she let love be her mate
a heart damaged‒
in too many ways
–again...a turn in obliterate
a brain burned in uncultivate
all that damage‒
on her shoulders
in blissful weight
men who couldn't bear
the cape
of her physical‒
being in waste
 
she knows she gave it all
she wasn't some pity rage doll–
standing somewhere in stall
she answered a simple call
–but others led her to fall
not caring the damage at all
 
she now wears‒
a suit of armor
from love's mate
as the heavy scars from fake–
I can't stay
you...I could only tolerate
builds her face
straight to a destiny's fate–
the writer in massive create
 
she...to never deny God
in whatever she faced
so she shoulders damage
left behind–
by carelessness
and self hate
building her rose‒
from a destroyer's
intentional state
 
she knows‒
she gave it all
she wasn't some pity rage doll–
standing somewhere in stall
she answered a simple call
–others led her to fall
not caring
the damage at all
 
oh! how
she can stand tall–
she picked herself up
from the fall
using the rest of her life
in God's hall
lost to true love's
missed call
she knows‒
she gave it her all
–it was not her
that caused
the fall!

(April 24, 21019)—I was sent to a heart specialist today. Although I’m 50, I’m always the youngest in the room when it comes to things like this. (I started saying this phrase back in 2013 when I returned to the VA. I was always the youngest in the room back then.) So, I’m sitting there going through Scriptures, keeping my mind occupied. I didn’t want to think about why I was there. Then I got called to the back. A slew of tests were ordered, including a monitor, which I’ll have to wear for a week.

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‘Anger’s Infest’

Anger wants you steadfast! God wants you moving forward!

 Anger's Infest
 
feel it beneath your skin
evil's way of getting within
actions in horror's den
‒ways of evil's perfect sin
 
it'll trap you in cussing
it'll condemn you in swearing
pulling at you...probing
wanting your reaction
for it's only satisfaction
 
it'll take all
of your triggering notions
you...down...dragging
as it smiles
in sadistic laughing
craving your giving in
your fight...it's welcoming
celebrating
your mind's condemn
 
anger...evil's infested gem
words, actions
its consistency in playing
wanting you
self to defend
so it can celebrate
in its win
 
feel it beneath your skin
evil's way of getting within
actions in horror's den
‒ways of evil's perfect sin
Continue reading “‘Anger’s Infest’”

‘You Bitch!’

Simple Ways for You to Defeat Negative Self Talk

A sample from Book 12

 You Bitch!
 
I've got an itch
‒pouring through my mind
a well-dug ditch
screaming words in myth
to the highest pitch
forcing me down a darkened pit
‒a text-blasting trip
becoming an accusing witch
out to smash an invisible zit
 
every word on my lips
disguised in angry fits
passing along this typed niche
thinking it's hip
making itself rich
‒taking advantage of my slip
 
you evil bitch!
I'm gonna smash you to bits
I'm so tired of your shit
in the bud...I'm gonna nip
not for a moment anymore
forever...your throat
I'm gonna slit

over the top
I'm gonna flip
dunk you
down below...permanently dip
 
no more...you get wit
over the head‒
you...I'm gonna hit
no more playful glitches
in God†...get a good whiff
of wine I'm gonna sip
sit back‒
finally be done
with your controlling, irrational blip
up goes my middle finger‒
see the tip
up yours!
you piece of shit!

(October 16, 2018)—Are you mad at me for cussing? Get over yourself. This is a commentary that screams—It’s time for some cussing!

I’m going to give you some good information here if you suffer from depression, anger, negative self-talk to help you start turning things around in your life. Don’t worry. I’m taking this same journey, so let’s ride!

I’m doing two workshops at one time. The one on anger which I wrote a few posts about this past week and a happiness workshop. I’m also reading a second workbook titled Pathways to Recovery, A Strengths Recovery Self-Help Workbook by Priscilla Ridgway, Diane McDiarmid, Lori Davidson, Julie Bayes, and Sarah Ratzlaff.

Continue reading “‘You Bitch!’”

‘Thank You for the Time’

Let yourself learn from the lessons given!

A sample from Book 12

  Thank You for the Time
 
I often mix up the rhyme
wanting the rhythm
in times
then I think
this life of mine
has to end some time
 
thank you, Lord†, for the time
the silence
the frozen bones
thinking deep...on my own
without stories to tell
‒just a visit home
 
thank you, Lord†, for this time
everyone has seeds sewn
everyone to everyone...cloned
beeps from a wireless phone
passing on‒
without really being known
 
I thank you anyway, Lord†
for this time
for bleak bitterness
in my mind
for the tearing love
in my heart
‒I once fought so hard
feeling so torn apart
in this space...I am caught
reading words‒
to me...once taught
 
thank you, Lord†
my lessons are mine
listening deep‒
watching go by...the time
wondering if enough‒
I've been kind
 
no backwards
only forwards
can I move the line
taking the lessons‒
building new rhyme
understanding the journey
through time
is not just mine
 
thank you, Lord Jesus†
for all those moments
in time
I'll bring them all in
play with them
in my mind
then cherish the rhyme
after all, You've† given me
the time
Continue reading “‘Thank You for the Time’”

‘Allegorium’

What it takes to keep love!

A sample from Book 11

 Allegorium
 
  
 (what is it in life
 if you can't tell
wrong from right
 to see in sight
what is of great heights
 to know
from a wrong fight
and a right fight
 ‒one worth the cry
one not worth the try)
  
 there was a yell, a scream
an act of rage
 mixed in scents of sage
  
 she would leave
she would leave today
 her bags...she began to pack
 ‒the stress off her back
  
 she voiced everything
she wanted to sack
 her mind lost in a haze
 remembering
all those great days
 ‒reasons why she stayed
  
 anger filled in a maze
this way, that way
 ‒which path to take
  
 wanting to run
 in spite of the fun
 then in comes the pun‒ 
standing eye to eye
 tears suddenly
fill in cry
  
 we just can't be together  

 shaking
coming from deep inside

 I know 

 each not willing to move‒ 
standing their ground
 knowing
without making a sound
 it all comes down
to mixes in race
 different traditions
different tastes
  
 but that's just the base
 to what lies beneath‒
 experiences
in the lace
  
 wanting her to stay
 knowing
his moments in rage
 ‒can't keep her in a cage
 from her mind
it won't fade
 searching
for words to say
  
 wanting nothing in fright
 in his dark eyes‒ 
seeing the willing light
 wanting her to seek it
 please make it bright
 understand the hard in my life
 for it, I had to fight
 sealing up everything inside
  
 confusion succumbed‒ 
the sudden in rays
 from his silent, pleading glaze
 it's not just his aces and eights
 that's on the take
  
 she adds up the sum
to it, he wasn't dumb
 every piece, every crumb
has to be sorted‒
 to smooth out
the constant lump
  
 another chance
another steady ride
 taking each side
 ‒what's buried in hide
 no matter how many lows and highs
 wobbling
through pass homicides
 all those moments‒ 
others confused their minds
 making them want to pounce‒
 in anger...quickly dive
  
 thinking through it‒ 
hearing every sound
 warnings, confusion, heart‒
 feeling the surface of found
 wondering where its bound
this constant round
 has to sooner or later
release its hound
 when wanting to stay
is all around
  
 softly relaxing
the lines on her face
 that unconditional
is not in a trace
 ‒it's in the base
of foundation's lace
 without living in a race
  
 what others see as a toxic tray
 may just be
the difference in race
 in raised traditional's case
 ‒angers set in
wanting to be erased
  
 each learning to let go‒
 what once slapped them
in the face
 releasing anger's ways
 that keeps trapping them
in a haze
 ‒exploding in a blaze
  
 what is it in life
 if you can't tell
wrong from right
 to see in sight
what is of great heights
 ‒to know Jesus'† life
why for us, He† died
  
 love is worth the ride
for it, pay the price
 for the reward
   everlasting life  
Continue reading “‘Allegorium’”

‘Live’

Don’t put it off until tomorrow!

A sample from Book 11

 Live
 
today means nothing in tomorrow
today means nothing in yesterday
today is today
 
yesterday was once today
tomorrow will be today
one known, one unknown
yet, today is
 
what happened yesterday
won't happen again
what will happen tomorrow
just a guess, my friend
 
today, oh! today
each second, each minute
each hour...is ours to devour
 
don't think of what was
nor what will follow
 
today...over...tower
be its blooming flower
without counting
seconds, minutes, hours
 
for death still comes
for all...not some
never knowing the exact hour
no more, blooms the flower
 
today, shines the light
no need to fight
it's up...so bright
use it in delight
without thinking twice
 
for yesterday is gone
tomorrow...an unsung song
today, oh! today‒
today is
so...go on...live
 
Continue reading “‘Live’”

‘Knowing is Living’

Don’t be afraid to follow your heart!

A sample from Book 7

 Knowing is Living
 
if you're stuck
at a place
know
there's reason
for your stay
 
the longer you wait
‒longer you'll suffocate
look deep in your face
beyond flesh and bone‒
beyond memories you chase
beyond hurt
you want to erase
beyond a past
that did not last
 
deeper you must go
for life
again
to flow
 
it's no one's race
but your own
 
when you're at
a constant steadfast
there's something
way down deep
you must surpass
something to grasp
‒learn
so a future
you can earn
 
stop complaining
living in emptiness
look at self
get off the damn shelf
you again
build
all else
seal
 
beyond face
look deeper
reveal your hidden secret
bloom
open your eyes
see
your new life is ready
waiting‒
‒a steady, slow pace
for you to take
nothing's at stake
but self
your inside wealth
listen...hear
for you've already earned
what in your heart
burns
your fruits‒
it's all up to you
Continue reading “‘Knowing is Living’”