‘Backlash’ (Crucifixion Vision)

You must learn to fight with your mind!

 Backlash
 
He's† coming
His† fierce wrath
–a warning
that will steal your laugh
 
He's† waited
as you gently
took your bath
seeing you
enjoy your treasures
He's glad
 
His† simplicity‒
riddled with an interesting sass
if you fall too far behind
on the graph
He† has an unwavering strap
administered by
a father's unconditional love‒
in a dash
giving you a chance
to bounce back
from your deep, darkened nap
 
but you haven't read
the telegraph
you haven't heard
the endless knocking raps
you haven't heard
the crash, the clash
or the blast
you haven't even heard
the slush
of His† slow drag
 
instead
you waddle like an ass
pretending to celebrate
honor His† flag
while others...with a bat
so willing to bash
 
round and round
lap after lap
slowly distorting Him†
in every class
mixing it all up–
commoners can't even grasp
leaving it all
to be given in mass
not willing
to take on the task
–it's all been a trap
 
the mark of the beast–
will be an easy lash
they will be willing–
without any wording sass
let alone
a flame from a shiny blast
 
how to measure gullibility–
the strength needed
to cure this rash
will take more
than attending a mass
or around waist
wrapping a sash
 
in the mind
will come the nag
–a played-out invisible rag
strange thoughts
making a face sag
doubt...oh! how nasty!
its constant drag
heaviness and confusion–
mixing it all up in lag
 
there's a better way to combat
this dark invisible rag
–powers hidden
once sealed–
too high to be grasped
it's now time
to bathe in its vast
opening it up–
the vaults...down...smash
 
mind for mind...slash
taking control back
before the Lamb† comes
in a flash
open up for a higher stash
–sorting through trash
with an energy in splash
 
yes, He's† coming
a warning in passing
a chance to be given
for a new class
a higher way
fighting in blast
a choice in self's brass
–thrive in eternity's musical jazz
or fall in evil's
forever fire-pitting trap

(August 24, 2019)―Wow! is how today began. A jolting out of bed at 4 a.m. to write. I didn’t want to get up. Three times I was literally jolted out of bed. I finally got up and I’ve been writing ever since. That’s what I’m suppose to do: keep writing.

I mentioned in a few writings that I’ll eventually have a section on here about my meditation journey…it will either be in a category or an entire section to itself. All I know is that I’m on an extraordinary journey and I’ve been on this journey for years now, only this time it’s elevated, and I’m to share the entire process here.

Continue reading “‘Backlash’ (Crucifixion Vision)”

‘Love in Action’

Actions, in spite of resentment, still say LOVE

 Love in Action
 
no matter the resentment
it was given then taken
actions of love
still...not just a must
but a do
 
it's all giving
without judgment
helping without faking
actions in love
doing
without needing a clue
 
it's helping another
without commitment
being truthful
without manipulation
actions in love
doing
for words are not enough
 
it's getting over
the resentment
‒those taking without
returning the give
actions in love
still...a beautiful mark
on the heart
in the making

(April 30, 2019)―Resentment. I’ve written a lot about resentment in Book 12. It’s part of the codependency deal. A codependent will give and give without thinking of themselves and then they begin to resent it because they carry the expectation of being given in return. Of course, the given in return doesn’t happen most of the time. A codependent is a bit fucked up in a sense because of this expectation.

Continue reading “‘Love in Action’”

‘What Comes Out’

Anger: How changing this one emotion can change your entire life!

 What Comes Out
 
she weighed
the things she's said
‒those retaliating words
she weighed
the things she's done
thinking it all hard love
but it was anger
‒acting out
over another's danger
 
what makes you do
these things?
 
she pondered the question
the only answer: retaliation
she bowed her head
in confession
responding to those living
in secret
putting her in the dark...deeper
 
she weighed
her lost of control
‒all man things took their toll
grabbing at her in hold
her...letting it all
use her in bold
 
anger's put her in the red
shaped thoughts in head
then actions without thought
knowing the wrong
in every heart beat
then came further heat
 
she weighed
all these things
knowing too late always rings
seeking truth
sets off anger in sing
it's her life
not just some fling
 
she sighed just a bit
thinking these things
anger's become a distraction
at times
giving satisfaction
‒the evil whore's demolition
 
she bowed her head
in greater confession
this her greatest sin
one...with‒
she no longer
wants to blend

control‒
a fight she's determined
to win
‒using gratitude
from God's† den‒
the only way to contend
‒be put in the light
from way deep within

(April 27, 2019)―There are 2 large garbage cans that came with the house I live in. When we first moved in, they were in the corner of the garage. The side where I park my car. My car door opens up to the wall side of the garage. I have boxes stacked in there, which I never unpacked also on the side where I park my car. About a month ago, we were told by the landlord that we had to clean up the backyard. After the winter, the pine needles and pine cones had added up. So, in order to make my job a little easier, I moved the garbage cans to the side of the house, inside the metal gate. Since, they were out of the way in the garage, I moved over some boxes, which made getting out of my car easier.

Continue reading “‘What Comes Out’”

‘Hidden Treasure’

Discovering the hidden treasure in yourself!

 Hidden Treasure
 
I found it
in the mince of broken
it was afraid and hidden
an abundantly harvested token
‒over used and forsaken
 
I took it in
without fear's notion
‒not even feeling a demotion
I bathed
in its scented potion
rolled around
in its storied creation
 
I overlooked‒
its wicked formation
for I saw‒
a different translation
‒one that needed
a believer's gratification
one with a heart-filled formulation
 
I listened
to its every beckon
sometimes, in stages of drunken
 
all around...deemed it poison
something to be shackled‒
in a far-away prison
 
I threw out‒
traditionalized opinions
nothing stuck‒
rotten or forbidden
its scent just heightened
‒nothing could be wrong
or mistaken
 
I moved like lightening
intentional burns‒
gone...forgotten
‒days passing slow, steadfast‒
good ridden!
I drove it‒
to an endless vacation
‒whatever conviction
out...came my eviction
 
I smiled as I saw its rising
all my stops...fully opened
pulling it out of hopeless‒
with my inner-most motivation
‒a darkened star had risen!
 
I fought everything
in grand petition
every inside concentration‒
I put aside
rose to the occasion
‒with the fierceness of driven
this hidden treasure
overcoming every treason
to become the lamination
of a new generation!
 
stop!....
 
reveal
came its different ideas written
all avenues taken‒
off records...stricken
–beating all those defeating‒
overcoming...petitions
a losing validation!
 
I lost to its mention
‒there...in its private station
came to life‒
its own treasure hidden
in all its careful motions‒
belts and strings
forcefully tightened
 
I craved to be enlightened
–nothing valued...given
anything to elevate my vision
halted in moments of frighten
 
I fought constant bent roads‒
tried to straighten
tried to remember each lesson
through all that glistened‒
it had its own secrets woven
‒knowledge in listen
mixing up pointless decisions
taking all the forgivens
icing them‒
in the forever of frozen
 
yes, I found it
in the mince of broken
it was afraid and hidden
an abundantly harvested token
‒over used and forsaken
 
but all the good of will‒
off...steadily shakened
breathing‒
living a horrid token
in anger's hidden conviction
‒all that's been stolen‒
on others
its constant reliving
 
it found its way‒
in rebuilding
using knowledge given
slashing‒
all help's salutations
keeping to itself‒
a stolen formulation
‒to avoid sharing‒
treasures hidden
as I sit
in lost wanderings–
moments
I took it
out of forsaken
Continue reading “‘Hidden Treasure’”

‘Anger’s Infest’

Anger wants you steadfast! God wants you moving forward!

 Anger's Infest
 
feel it beneath your skin
evil's way of getting within
actions in horror's den
‒ways of evil's perfect sin
 
it'll trap you in cussing
it'll condemn you in swearing
pulling at you...probing
wanting your reaction
for it's only satisfaction
 
it'll take all
of your triggering notions
you...down...dragging
as it smiles
in sadistic laughing
craving your giving in
your fight...it's welcoming
celebrating
your mind's condemn
 
anger...evil's infested gem
words, actions
its consistency in playing
wanting you
self to defend
so it can celebrate
in its win
 
feel it beneath your skin
evil's way of getting within
actions in horror's den
‒ways of evil's perfect sin
Continue reading “‘Anger’s Infest’”

‘Humble of Mercy’

You Want It to Be! So Bad….

A sample from Book 12

 Humble of Mercy
 
she shivered in the sun light
thinking of words in the night
take care of yourself
make this all count
it's not as bad as it seems

 
–wondering...
if this is really all right
 
she covers her eyes from the bright
words...thoughts in her head
filling her morning's sight
you've heard this before
words of deception
he doesn't want you no more
don't let 'fool' be your salvation

 
‒wondering...
why the needless blight
 
then the bible's insight
saying it's going to be all right
 
the unease feels her insides
but her heart digs in tight
it was always him‒
since all the darkened twilight
why so hard to get it right
why so much fight
 
she washed her face
forced a smile to the light
dawned her makeup
ignored age's height
the saddened night
throwing sorrow to the wind‒
the need to cry...howl
all night
 
her heart sits right
she adhered to the boundaries‒
set outright
time needed with the light
she can't fight
without insight
cleansing her insides, beautying her outsides
letting the magic pour from God†
as age moves on
lessening her life
–each piece
becomes more precious, more fragile
 
learning not anymore
to gamble
what's wrong, what's right
just listening to the light
without a fight

(September 26, 2018)—

Keep me safe, O God, for in You I take refuge. I said to the Lord, ‘You are my Lord; apart from You I have no good thing.’ As for the saints who are in the land, they are the glorious ones in whom in all my delight. The sorrows of those will increase who run after other gods. I will not pour out their libations of blood or take up their names on my lips. Lord, You have assigned me my portion and my cup; You have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.

I will praise the Lord, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I have set the Lord always before me. Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because You will not abandon me to the grave, nor will You let Your Holy One see decay. You have made known to me the path of life; You will fill me with joy in Your presence, with eternal pleasures at Your right hand.―Psalm 16

Continue reading “‘Humble of Mercy’”

‘Knife’

Surviving the Knife of Those Who Betray You!

A sample from Book 12

(April 21, 2018)—That knife becomes weaker when we gain the support of others, when we start to see the true meaning behind our life. That knife doesn’t come out that easy especially when you see everyone’s true disclosure.

There’s so much to say, then there’s nothing to say. I have this much on my mind: If they don’t want to see you, it doesn’t matter what you say or do, they won’t see you.

I’ve said a lot here on Facebook. I revealed a lot…but there’s a lot I haven’t revealed. So you only get a piece of the puzzle…never the whole picture. Why? Because I do have a life and part of that life is private as for everyone else. There’s a lot of pain I cover up…and, yes, there is still pain. There will always be pain because an entire portion of my life has been wiped out…and not by choice.

I tried calling my daughter. It appears that she’s changed her number. I think that odd because the words I last typed her in text were answers to words she said to me, but I’m held totally accountable. Why? Oh, because I’m 49 years old and should know better. I’m the mom…but that doesn’t come into affect when I’m called by my name instead of Mom. Just saying….

 Knife
 
it was put in there‒
nice and tight
when I move around
to the left, to the right
it reveals its price
‒how it changed my life
the strength it took‒
robbing my mind
the way it makes me wanna fight
even if it isn't right
even if I said...say...things impolite
I was...am...gonna fight
‒even while speaking of the light
 
at times, I feel like a poltergeist
a faded memory...sliced and diced
forgotten the way I was
forever entombed in what I've become
not a homicide
‒a genocide of all that was nice
womanly, motherly...dignified
downgraded to a parasite
‒not fit for normal's life
 
should I be lost in contrite
bowed down in pity...outright
or was I absolutely right
turning childlike
begging for help‒
from Yeshuah, the Christ†
 
who has the right to decide‒
I'm the sacrifice
in order for them‒
to have their paradise
 
who had the right‒
shift truth to lies
bury this knife
in what used to be‒
a mother, sister, daughter, wife
 
in me...it so mystifies
how everyone becomes tongue-tied
when abuse is in transcribe
‒the victim screams in alive
how extreme...me...it mortifies
that, no matter which way‒
death...comes in die
twist, twist, twist the knife
gone daughter, sister, mother, wife
 
rebuilding exemplified
the alibis become jives
words in wisdom...just implied
while words...wombs...rob the mind
memories of building the first life‒
took one times forty-five
 
pull, pull, pull out the knife
time in modify
is there another forty-five
my, my, my how it mystifies
what comes of‒
pulling out the knife
Continue reading “‘Knife’”

‘Aversion’

Forgive Yourself for God Has Already Done That!

(April 8, 2019)—The commentary for my piece titled ‘Salvation’s Need’ I speak about salvation and God taking grace away if we go against Him. A friend called and told me that God does not take away grace. I beg you differ.

Ever since the incident with the Jeep, I have been reverted back to feeling like crap. I can’t seem to return to the good diet that was making me feel great, nor the tanning, nor the exercising. I’m told to get an attorney and sue these people, but, at the same time, that’s not what I’m supposed to do. Faith. I’m supposed to rely on faith. I’ve been battling with all of this lately.

I finished my vow. I’m supposed to wait now. And my relationship with the sweet man…what relationship? All my values, morals, principles are in question right now…every single thing I stand for! The voice of death has crossed my threshold several times in these last couple of months because I’m so tired of fighting, so tired of people lying to me. I’ve been in a battle per say.

I have been working late on my website and getting up late each day. I had gotten myself on a schedule, but that has been thrown out the window. I suddenly have that rush again…like I’m up against a clock. So, this morning after reading a few things on Facebook, I got my coffee and sat down. My Bible and writing tablet staring at me. The pull to cry came from way deep inside. And the tears started to fall. I started to feel sorry for myself. I see my sisters posting about their lives. My little sister and her family. I asked myself, ‘Where’s my joy? Where’s my family?’

 Aversion
 
You† stripped me of life
sent me into strife
in order for me
to truly see the light
 
I knelt...prayed for truth
stripped of wisdom‒
made into a fool
only to rise then fall in glue
stuck in deceived...malice
drowning in the body's surface
lust took hold...every crevice
 
my mind stuck in evil's drool
lying, stealing...seeking revenge‒
all evil's time in consume
I surrounded myself‒
in the duel
bathing in its fumes
yelling, pulling, yanking
trying to see truth
‒in all I assumed
 
all its evilness‒
pulling me from the light
pushing me‒
to take my very life
over and over‒
keeping me in strife
leaving...I think not!
laughing at my struggle‒
in fight
holding me down from flight
suffocating‒
blinding my sight
 
I prayed to see truth
now I see evil's embedded rules
the play‒
leaving countless clues
lust being its endless tool
using love‒
in its game of fools
 
Lord†, I see the aversion‒
I see the message in truth
in my mind‒
the careless insertion
‒troubled heart
sunk in its inclusion
 
I know why they sink‒
into drugs...sexual immorality
they were too young
when it all begun
to fight evil's manipulating reality
get to the children first
‒You† showed me this
before any verse
revealing truth‒
way before my coming doom
 
then my 360...then the loop
three adults in evil's coop
the wreckage‒
I didn't know what to do
for I was encaged, too
 
get to the children first
 
innocence‒
pulled from the light
no strength
to put up a fight
‒growing up
with an inside strife
splitting the mind
evil...preventing
the thinking of twice
 
Lord†, thank you
for the truth
please clear my mind‒
fill me with You†
evil strangles
all that's true
I'd rather be filled with You†
than lust's
careless drool
Continue reading “‘Aversion’”

‘Depths of Heart’

Mind your heart or others will not!

A sample from Book 11

 Depths of Heart
 
protecting self‒
not letting any other
put it on a shelf
seems to be utmost important
‒above anything else
 
for in self
happiness lies
rises high
above health
any amount of wealth
‒pulling the heart
out of hell
out of the darkest well
 
for in truth heart dwells
untied from man's inhuman belt
released from whatever shelf
man tries to impel
keeping the heart from melt
‒happiness locked in a cell
 
get out, get out
see yourself‒
way deep inside
where happiness compels
in heart
where it truly swells
Continue reading “‘Depths of Heart’”

‘Source’

Anxiety created from the fight against codependency!

A sample from Book 11

  Source
 
she waits‒
closes her eyes
breathes deep
‒her face tingles
her heart races
her palms sweat‒
a heat under her skin
rises...coming quick
 
shh...she repeats to herself
 
each sound
each speck of light

builds the burning

she fights
 
shh...again and again
 
don't do it...not again
she begs repeatedly
 
settle down, please
 
begging, begging

the exploding need

building, building
 
forcing her mouth closed
forcing her body steal
‒as tears stream down her face
 
begging, begging
 
can't you see...anyone
can't you see

I'm trying, trying...
my grip is slipping...

 
as she loses control‒
her mouth yells
or her tears fall
‒no matter who's around
down, down, down
she falls
 
back to a child‒
innocent, broken
just for a while
 
'til she regains
strengthens
to go
one more round
in life's paradigm
where between herself
and herself
she fights
 
hoping, hoping
 
the next time‒
she'll steady the line
‒that too often...
breaks her holding-together vine
 
Continue reading “‘Source’”