‘Troubled Soul’

A sample from Book 9

  Troubled Soul
  
 your mixed personality
 doesn't blend with reality
  
 your verbal kindness
 doesn't add to
your stalking rudeness
  
 returning to reality
 ‒stripping all vulnerability
 takes...taking responsibility‒
 actions of self
before experiencing life...truly
  
 changing personalities
 doesn't insure securities
 needed‒ 
to strengthen possibilities
  
 living in denial
mile after mile‒
 brings the mind
to crash
heading south‒
 once there
 ‒getting there
 you can only ask...how
  
 take a look inside
your round and round ride
 ‒a mind in hide
never subsides
 'til you stop for a while
 sink in like a child‒ 
all your wounds...untie
  
 open that book
given by God†
 look deep...deep into your I
 write down your whys
all that pain
 bringing you to hide‒ 
all those cries
  
 all those ancient words‒
 so many have heard
 let them be your guide
it takes time
  
 people won't untie‒ 
all those knots inside
 ‒admittance...of self
 the help of only God†‒ 
your only needed drive
 way...way deep inside
 ‒then He'll† show you
how to fly
 without you‒ 
   having to ask why

(July 22, 2016)—My author page…getting ready for the blog and excited. You can trust in your journey or trust others who aren’t responsible for your journey…it’s an individual decision.

I write about my journey for a reason…to use what happens to me to help others. That’s how you strengthen your own self…it’s been proven through me as well as countless others who chose the same road I have. I am woman! My roar is loud! For one reason…and one reason only…God!

I hope I can inspire you to see that the darkness is only a stopping point…there is more to come. If I can’t inspire you, there are many others like me who might have enough power to help you find your way. I believe that with every part of my being. Trust in the journey and keep it moving forward.

I stood in the middle of my kitchen one night in the house I rented in Labadieville, threw my hands up and cried to God—What else could I possibly endure? How much more suffering must I witness before You give me peace? How much more suffering must I experience through other people before I have peace?

This was around April of this year. This may seem odd to some, but the facts are the facts and what has played out in my life from August of last year until now has been a very interesting and quite an amazing journey, although, as I was experiencing it, it wasn’t so interesting or amazing.

Why is it interesting and amazing now? Because I was taken back around to where I had already traveled! I always say that everything—everything happens for a reason. I do not believe in coincidences! My faith is strong and, at times, it is really shaken up.

Do you question my faith’s strength because it can be shaken? You shouldn’t. God test us. I speak of this a lot throughout my writings. I tell you, first hand, about these tests I experience for a reason. This is how I see things: All of our lives have a purpose.

God created us to do His will in one way, shape, or form. It is not for man to judge our way. It is only for God. If we pass the test, our journey gets a bit easier. If we fail the test, we get an even harder test. It doesn’t mean that when we pass one test that all our tests will get easier. It doesn’t.

I also believe that God gives us a gift. When we adhere to the gift, we are awarded. Some of us make a vow to God. What do I mean by this? Well…I have talked about it many times and it is a bit difficult to really explain. It’s not only clergymen or nuns who make a vow. That’s not really the kind of vow I’m referring to.

When you discover your talent, that is your gift. The road to doing that gift gets really difficult at times. Some people misinterpret their gift and go down a different road…that’s part of the journey that, as I see it, is designed to strength us for the true gift we are meant to do.

Don’t worry. When your heart is fully open to God, the vision of the gift becomes that much clearer. It’s put into your heart so deep that you just know that is what you are supposed to do, that is what you have to do. It gets to a point that you don’t even question it anymore.

You vow to see it through…basically, you say—I give! You throw your hands up and say—Okay! Show me the way. I’ll do what You ask!That’s the vow. You’ve done made the vow. In the Bible, it literally says that once you make a vow, you must finished it or complete it or you are a fool in God’s eyes. That’s pretty powerful to me.

I made the vow to complete the work that poured out of me all these years. I’ve been awarded each time I’ve asked for a little reassurance that I’m on the right track. No. I’m not a prophet or anything close to that nature. I’m just me. I pay attention. I questioned many times if my work was accurate. How can it not be, really?

I wrote during my storms without knowing where it was headed. I just had this need to write it in poetry and in commentary. I did. I’ve mentioned this before that I questioned if it was right. Well, my returned or back journey…was like God showing me upfront and personal that what I experienced was real. It’s been an exhausting journey, which led me to that night in my kitchen.

Today, after writing ‘Troubled Soul,’ I was lead to Hosea 9:1-17. Not the whole verse, but a particular passage.

Because your sins are so many and your hostility so great, the prophet is considered a fool, the inspired man a maniac. The prophet, alone with my God, is the watchman over Ephraim, yet snares await him on all his paths, and hostility in the house of God. They have sunk deep into corruption, as in the days of Gibeah. God will remember their wickedness and punish them for their sins.

This is a prophecy of Hosea. The authors of my Bible write—

…Just as Hosea redeems Gomer from literal slavery, God stands ready to redeem his people from sin, and yet this time God will not renew his love so easily as he has in the past. This time Israel will know real suffering and discipline before being restored to God’s love and favor.

Isn’t that interesting? I look at this past journey for me as my second go-around. The hurt from the darkness was lifted last year, but my reactionary self was not completely gone. So, back around I went.

I’ve said before that that evil whore will use anything and anyone to tempt us, to bring a rise in us…in order for us to go against God’s laws…remember: This battle isn’t between us and the devil…it’s between the devil and God. That evil whore uses us to fight its battle with God. Do you understand that? The instrument used this time around for me was the stalker. This is where ‘Troubled Soul’ comes from. Through this interesting ordeal, I prayed hard. I followed my heart, even though it seemed odd what and where my heart was leading me. The heart is God.

The mind gets invaded by that evil whore way too much to trust it to make rash decisions. You have to weigh what you are feeling in your heart over all those thoughts going on in your mind. Read Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer if you are confused here. That evil whore took all my weaknesses that I had not yet strengthened and used them against me, but prayer…God…my Mighty Warrior…fought even harder for me…by opening my eyes to—it’s not you, Karen, it’s the other person (i.e. the instrument).

Hosea’s prophecies are about Israel at that time in history, but I see that it applies to each of us on an individual level. We can continue to fall to the weaknesses of the mind and the traditions that make us angry and feel hatred, or…or we can build and rise by-way of God…strengthening our inner selves and gaining peace. Does that make sense?

Our tests are not given to us because God is angry with us. Tests are given to us because He loves us and wants better for us. His unconditional love gives us the choice to want to better our lives. So, you either understand the tests and improve yourself or you keep falling down that rat hole as my partner refers to it. It’s a choice and we have the power to make it. Go with God. Have a great weekend and love the skin you’re in because you are worth it.

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