‘Keynotes of Woman’

A sample from Book 8

 Keynotes of Woman
  
 woman remains undefined
her complete design
 ‒never a crossing line
 she's God's† greatest mystery
 she'll never give
totally clarity
 ‒it's the journey of he
 enjoy this road of discovery
  
 here's one simple note
you should know
 ‒keeps her from go
 pay attention
this one simple lesson
 keeps you
out of option
  
 a woman
puts a man
in complete
 only‒ 
when she's wrapped up
 tight and neat
  
 a little explaining‒
 those stuck
in lame
  
 ‒heads up
no time for sleeping
 or you'll miss
keys to keeping
  
 woman summits
 ‒man
everything he'll get
 only when
he knows
the right tricks
  
 he can leave
abandon, lie, cheat
 blame her
attempt
 ‒destroy her complete
 but there's something
he...just doesn't get
  
 in every case‒ 
the same, the same
 he's the true blame
 ‒her wanting didn't remain
  
 he's the guide
making her open wide
 or inside
tightly hide
  
 she must see
all that's in him‒
 she must feel
continually free
 ‒totally complete
  
 when she feels
his every treat
 when she sees
his deal
 ‒his desires, strength...real
 trust builds‒ 
moving her to free will
 her heart‒ 
he steals
  
 her inner self
the most important reality
 gaining for he
simple stability
  
 when he
brings her to melt‒
 that place
she loses herself
 all her desires
she's ready to face
 ‒her inner fire
opens
begins floating
 losing herself
in feelings of ease
  
 when she's brought
to that place
 over and over
 ‒without any need
of race
 trying...faking
not one single trace
  
 when her body's needs
 left
in complete's please
 the rest of her‒ 
follows
in receive
  
 all makes her whole
complete's package
 without findings
of shortage
 ‒free
no feelings
lost in bondage
  
 then...only then
she moves him
to complete
 freely‒ 
wanting to please
 his every, single need
  
 no need to plead
for actions of he
 moved her to total's free
 ‒everything in she
gives‒
 leaving him
in the gift of pleased
  
 when he
slips into sleep
 fulfilling her needs‒ 
some sort of disease
 away‒ 
run...retreat
 she knows
as kisses flow
 her body grows cold
react fades
 lonely consumes
her days
 ‒her inside make
turns to fake
  
 woman holds no control
 ‒how her body rolls
  
 she desires feelings in gold
 (passion's bold)
  
 she loses to cold
only‒ 
when he folds
 forcing feelings‒ 
move on down the road
 her shutting down
felt
all around
 ‒her heart
moves in stealth
 to some place else
  
 warnings to heed
to that of he:
  
 keep her in free
 her sexuality‒ 
something to see
 nothing‒ 
she'll hide
 in he‒ 
open and wide
 she'll fly
bringing he
to high

(July 27, 2015)—There’s an odd thing happening to me: The opening of my total self when it comes to my sweet man. I analyze this as I do everything else and I woke up this morning with the idea behind ‘Keynotes of Woman.’

I know…I keep referring back to [x], but that is where I learned all these valuable lessons, so it is what it is. I started going to the Rhythms on the River on Friday nights in 2012. (A lot of towns in Louisiana are doing this every Spring…some do it in the Fall, as well. Each Friday night during the Spring, a different band performs on the street by the water for free. [Here, where I live now, it’s done in the town square.] You just bring your lawn chair and join all these strangers and dance and have a good time.)

I think I went to several in 2011 or just one with [x], but he refused to dance. I grew up dancing: [Two]-stepping with my dad and mom. I really love that and he refused to even try. My mother offered to give him private lessons in her kitchen. He refused. He slow-danced with me the first year of our marriage and several times after. He even took me to a few clubs, then it all quit. I asked him this particular night to go as I asked him on previous nights. He refused.

I made a vow to myself that this particular year, I wasn’t missing not one of these Friday nights…it was free and I was tired of being cooped up in the house. By this time, our relationship was beyond horrible. He refused counseling. He refused to talk. He yelled all the time and was just plain rude.

I knew, again, something was going on outside of our home. This was, of course, as I said before, the third time I felt this. The first time when I asked him, he physically attacked me; the second time, he just assume have beat me because the silence was worse. I never caught him, but there were things, not just my gut, that led me to these conclusions.

Since January of this year, I had been doing research on other signs of cheaters and how to save the marriage. Of course, every, single marriage counselor’s article that I read said that if you ask: Are you seeing someone else? And it’s met with hostility directed to you as in physical attacks, total anger, silence treatment, then they are guilty.

If they laugh it off, ask why do you feel that way, and/or explain anything that made you feel the need to ask that question with clarity and honesty, then they aren’t cheating. (I’ve mentioned this countless times…I know.) So, each time I asked before, I met aggression, so I decided to try something new. My mind was working in an odd way by this time…he’d changed so much that we all were a bit shocked and running on stun and I had moved into the total of reactionary I think.

I wrote him a short letter telling him I was having an affair and pinned it to the door of my study. In my mind, there would be two reactions:

1. He’d laugh and say: I know you and I know you would never do something like this, so why did you write this?

2. Anger. Attack me or get really sarcastic with accusations.

When I left for the dance, I forgot about it…totally put it out of my mind and had a great time. When I returned…oh dear! He called me a whore, said I disgusted him, then went into the silent mode. I sat in my study pondering on this for a while, then went into the living room calmly and told him that I wasn’t having an affair and that I wanted to see his reaction, then I went outside. He followed me yelling. I turned to him and told him something about why I lied to him.

I can’t remember that entire conversation because I was in a bit of shock because his reaction told me I was right about him messing around, but he further gave himself away by telling me in a non-direct way that I wasn’t satisfying him. He even did a demonstration that all I did is lay there and rub on his sides, barely touching him (he moved his hands up and down his sides without actually touching his sides). Bam! Caught! It was the last draw for me.

From January to this moment, he’d given himself away in so many ways and I don’t think he actually realized he was doing it. (This is not counting the things that gave him away over the years.)

I woman begins her shut down when the man stops meeting her needs.She doesn’t want the shut down, but too much of feeling this and her body takes control of everything. It’s like your body starts to say: He’s not fulfilling his manly duty, so you don’t need to continue.

Now this is after years of being pushed away, treated like an outsider by the one person who’s supposed to share everything with you, being ignored, not taken seriously, to not even being acknowledged or appreciated, and isolated. A woman’s body knows when enough is enough. The heart follows later after it falls to a million pieces because he doesn’t even want to try. Keeping a woman is not hard. I’m learning that from my sweet man. He works far away and gone weeks and weeks at a time. [I don’t even know if this was ever true.] We don’t talk every day. He’s stern and stands his ground.

The old me would not be willing to accept this, and at the beginning of this year, I didn’t, but something changed in me. It took me a while to understand what changed in me. My sweet man meets all of my needs as a woman and he respects me enough to know he can make his own choices and I can make mine. He lives his life and I live mine.

Just because you are in a relationship doesn’t mean you become the other person. That’s what I did in my marriage. I gave me up to satisfy and make him happy. Yes, I did my thing as in going to school, working, writing, putting the home like I wanted it, taking care of him and the kids…that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about my personal, inside me. My personality, my desires, my cravings, etc.

If you can’t move in good on a personal level with your partner, if you don’t blend on that deep, inside level then, sooner or later, there will come a crash.I realized while putting these books together that I was dying on the inside for years because these deep, inside needs were not met. I was living on the surface of life. That deep, personal bond that falls naturally in place with couples who should be together, wasn’t there.

I know this because with my sweet man, I’m on a whole different level of deep. Him and I…we were friends constantly talking on the phone, then we met in late 2012. We had dinner and drinks. I stayed at his place. No…don’t let you mind wander. I was still married. That’s not his forte. We did immediately recognize the chemistry between us, but we didn’t react to it.

A year later when I wasn’t married anymore and moved to his part of the world (no, not because of him), we did react to the chemistry. No, I couldn’t feel anything in my heart, so I ended it. A year later, we met again. For [four] months…nothing, then suddenly bam!

For months, I pondered on the why of him. I didn’t realize, at the time, what he was doing for me (bringing me out of hurt), I just knew he was hurting me intentionally, but each time he asked to see me, I was all in. What the hell? I kept asking myself. What is it with this guy that’s different? Why was I so open with him? Why was I feeling so free? Then I realized it. He was meeting all my needs as a woman, he kept to his principles, and he wasn’t weak in mind. (This one took a while to see because I was so used to living on the surface.)

‘Keynotes of Woman’ is the basics of what a woman needs from a man to live in free. In every, single relationship, a woman would stay or a man wouldn’t feel the need to stray if these needs were met completely.

Sure, a man can blame the woman, but the simple basic truth: It’s not about material things (that’s surface), it’s not about doing the house chores, taking care of the children and bills (that’s surface), it’s not about saying I love you every day (that’s surface). It’s the deep, intimate of the inside you that lies the need. I felt like an it for years. He brought me to feeling like that.

A woman should never feel like an it in a relationship, especially, in a marriage…never! So, if you have a woman, learn her. She has so many secrets. If it’s hard for you to still understand what she needs, read Fifty Shades of Grey.It’s not purely about the sex. It’s about making her feel like a woman and keeping her there. That’s the meaning of a woman living in free. That’s what part of the Fifty Shades of Grey series explains in story form.

You are in a relationship…meaning man and woman...Men: Meet her needs and she will give you the world on a silver platter and if you don’t know what I mean by that…you need to do some serious reading.

Ladies: Love the skin you’re in. You are worth the effort. Trust me my, dear lady, you are!

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