Tag: dating

‘Hidden Treasure’

Discovering the hidden treasure in yourself!

 Hidden Treasure
  
 I found it
in the mince of broken
 it was afraid and hidden
 an abundantly harvested token
 ‒over used and forsaken
  
 I took it in
without fear's notion
 ‒not even feeling a demotion
 I bathed
in its scented potion
 rolled around
in its storied creation
  
 I overlooked‒ 
its wicked formation
 for I saw‒ 
a different translation
 ‒one that needed
a believer's gratification
 one with a heart-filled formulation
  
 I listened
to its every beckon
 sometimes, in stages of drunken
  
 all around...deemed it poison
 something to be shackled‒ 
in a far-away prison
  
 I threw out‒ 
traditionalized opinions
 nothing stuck‒ 
rotten or forbidden
 its scent just heightened
 ‒nothing could be wrong
or mistaken
  
 I moved like lightening
 intentional burns‒ 
gone...forgotten
 ‒days passing slow, steadfast‒ 
good ridden!
 I drove it‒ 
to an endless vacation
 ‒whatever conviction
out...came my eviction
  
 I smiled as I saw its rising
 all my stops...fully opened
 pulling it out of hopeless‒
 with my inner-most motivation
 ‒a darkened star had risen!
  
 I fought everything
in grand petition
 every inside concentration‒
 I put aside
rose to the occasion
 ‒with the fierceness of driven
 this hidden treasure
overcoming every treason
 to become the lamination
of a new generation!
  
 stop!....
  
 reveal
came its different ideas written
 all avenues taken‒ 
off records...stricken
 –beating all those defeating‒ 
overcoming...petitions
 a losing validation!
  
 I lost to its mention
 ‒there...in its private station
 came to life‒ 
its own treasure hidden
 in all its careful motions‒
 belts and strings
forcefully tightened
  
 I craved to be enlightened
 –nothing valued...given
 anything to elevate my vision
 halted in moments of frighten
  
 I fought constant bent roads‒
 tried to straighten
tried to remember each lesson
 through all that glistened‒
 it had its own secrets woven
 ‒knowledge in listen
 mixing up pointless decisions
 taking all the forgivens
 icing them‒ 
in the forever of frozen
  
 yes, I found it
in the mince of broken
 it was afraid and hidden
 an abundantly harvested token
 ‒over used and forsaken
  
 but all the good of will‒ 
off...steadily shakened
 breathing‒ 
living a horrid token
 in anger's hidden conviction
 ‒all that's been stolen‒ 
on others
its constant reliving
  
 it found its way‒ 
in rebuilding
 using knowledge given
 slashing‒ 
all help's salutations
 keeping to itself‒ 
a stolen formulation
 ‒to avoid sharing‒ 
treasures hidden
 as I sit
in lost wanderings–
 moments
I took it
out of forsaken
Continue reading “‘Hidden Treasure’”

‘Humble of Mercy’

You Want It to Be! So Bad….

A sample from Book 12

 Humble of Mercy
  
 she shivered in the sun light
 thinking of words in the night
 take care of yourself
 make this all count
 it's not as bad as it seems
  
 –wondering...
if this is really all right
  
 she covers her eyes from the bright
 words...thoughts in her head
 filling her morning's sight
 you've heard this before
words of deception
 he doesn't want you no more
 don't let 'fool' be your salvation
  
 ‒wondering...
why the needless blight
  
 then the bible's insight
 saying it's going to be all right
  
 the unease feels her insides
 but her heart digs in tight
 it was always him‒ 
since all the darkened twilight
 why so hard to get it right
 why so much fight
  
 she washed her face
forced a smile to the light
 dawned her makeup
ignored age's height
 the saddened night
 throwing sorrow to the wind‒
 the need to cry...howl
all night
  
 her heart sits right
 she adhered to the boundaries‒ 
set outright
 time needed with the light
 she can't fight
without insight
 cleansing her insides, beautying her outsides
 letting the magic pour from God†
 as age moves on
lessening her life
 –each piece
becomes more precious, more fragile
  
 learning not anymore
to gamble
 what's wrong, what's right
 just listening to the light
without a fight

(September 26, 2018)—

Praise for Joy and Security of the Righteous—Keep me safe, O God, for in You I take refuge. I said to the Lord, ‘You are my Lord; apart from You I have no good thing.’ As for the saints who are in the land, they are the glorious ones in whom in all my delight. The sorrows of those will increase who run after other gods. I will not pour out their libations of blood or take up their names on my lips. Lord, You have assigned me my portion and my cup; You have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.

I will praise the Lord, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I have set the Lord always before me. Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because You will not abandon me to the grave, nor will You let Your Holy One see decay. You have made known to me the path of life; You will fill me with joy in Your presence, with eternal pleasures at Your right hand.―Psalm 16

Continue reading “‘Humble of Mercy’”

‘Knife’

Surviving the Knife of Those Who Betray You!

A sample from Book 12

(April 21, 2018)—That knife becomes weaker when we gain the support of others, when we start to see the true meaning behind our life. That knife doesn’t come out that easy especially when you see everyone’s true disclosure.

There’s so much to say, then there’s nothing to say. I have this much on my mind: If they don’t want to see you, it doesn’t matter what you say or do, they won’t see you.

I’ve said a lot here on Facebook. I revealed a lot…but there’s a lot I haven’t revealed. So you only get a piece of the puzzle…never the whole picture. Why? Because I do have a life and part of that life is private as for everyone else. There’s a lot of pain I cover up…and, yes, there is still pain. There will always be pain because an entire portion of my life has been wiped out…and not by choice.

I tried calling my daughter. It appears that she’s changed her number. I think that odd because the words I last typed her in text were answers to words she said to me, but I’m held totally accountable. Why? Oh, because I’m 49 years old and should know better. I’m the mom…but that doesn’t come into affect when I’m called by my name instead of Mom. Just saying….

 Knife
  
 it was put in there‒ 
nice and tight
 when I move around
to the left, to the right
 it reveals its price
 ‒how it changed my life
 the strength it took‒ 
robbing my mind
 the way it makes me wanna fight
 even if it isn't right
 even if I said...say...things impolite
 I was...am...gonna fight
 ‒even while speaking of the light
  
 at times, I feel like a poltergeist
 a faded memory...sliced and diced
 forgotten the way I was
 forever entombed in what I've become
 not a homicide
 ‒a genocide of all that was nice
 womanly, motherly...dignified
 downgraded to a parasite
 ‒not fit for normal's life
  
 should I be lost in contrite
 bowed down in pity...outright
 or was I absolutely right
turning childlike
 begging for help‒ 
from Jesus Christ†
  
 who has the right to decide‒ 
I'm the sacrifice
 in order for them‒ 
to have their paradise
  
 who had the right‒ 
shift truth to lies
 bury this knife
in what used to be‒
 a mother, sister, daughter, wife
  
 in me...it so mystifies
 how everyone becomes tongue-tied
 when abuse is in transcribe
 ‒the victim screams in alive
 how extreme...me...it mortifies
 that, no matter which way‒ 
death...comes in die
 twist, twist, twist the knife
 gone daughter, sister, mother, wife
  
 rebuilding exemplified
the alibis become jives
 words in wisdom...just implied
 while words...wombs...rob the mind
 memories of building the first life‒
 took one times forty-five
  
 pull, pull, pull out the knife
time in modify
 is there another forty-five
 my, my, my how it mystifies
 what comes of‒ 
pulling out the knife
Continue reading “‘Knife’”

‘Thank You for the Time’

Let yourself learn from the lessons given!

A sample from Book 12

  Thank You for the Time
  
 I often mix up the rhyme
 wanting the rhythm
in times
 then I think
this life of mine
 has to end some time
  
 thank you, Lord†, for the time
 the silence
the frozen bones
 thinking deep...on my own
 without stories to tell
 ‒just a visit home
  
 thank you, Lord†, for this time
 everyone has seeds sewn
 everyone to everyone...cloned
 beeps from a wireless phone
 passing on‒ 
without really being known
  
 I thank you anyway, Lord†
for this time
 for bleak bitterness
in my mind
 for the tearing love
in my heart
 ‒I once fought so hard
feeling so torn apart
 in this space...I am caught
 reading words‒ 
to me...once taught
  
 thank you, Lord†
my lessons are mine
 listening deep‒ 
watching go by...the time
 wondering if enough‒ 
I've been kind
  
 no backwards
only forwards
 can I move the line
 taking the lessons‒ 
building new rhyme
 understanding the journey
 through time
is not just mine
  
 thank you, Lord Jesus†
 for all those moments
in time
 I'll bring them all in
 play with them
in my mind
then cherish the rhyme
 after all, You've† given me
the time
Continue reading “‘Thank You for the Time’”

‘Depths of Heart’

Mind your heart or others will not!

A sample from Book 11

 Depths of Heart
  
 protecting self‒ 
not letting any other
 put it on a shelf
 seems to be utmost important
 ‒above anything else
  
 for in self
happiness lies
 rises high
above health
any amount of wealth
 ‒pulling the heart
out of hell
 out of the darkest well
  
 for in truth heart dwells
 untied from man's inhuman belt
 released from whatever shelf
man tries to impel
 keeping the heart from melt
 ‒happiness locked in a cell
  
 get out, get out
see yourself‒
 way deep inside
where happiness compels
 in heart
where it truly swells
Continue reading “‘Depths of Heart’”

‘Truth’

Racism, hate: Evil’s best friends. Don’t let it consume you!

A sample from Book 11

 Truth
  
 liars seek truth‒
 falsifying a life
without any light
  
 manipulation...their due
 cutting it on cue
 ‒without noticing
the coming dues
  
 their belief‒ 
trying to convince you
 all they do
true, true, true
 backing them‒ 
there are few
  
 their spots change
sending you to the loo
 oh! what to do?
 ‒without cursing them, too
  
 truth is truth
existing
no half truths
 ‒it's either all true
 or just makings
of a waterloo
Continue reading “‘Truth’”

‘Shallow Bumps’

Learn This: Love Takes Patience

A sample from Book 7

 Shallow Bumps
  
 each day I take
 I don't want to waste
  
 these moments I hesitate
 ‒over someone else's worries
I saturate
 ‒step back
wait
on what
I cannot say
  
 why myself
do I sedate  

 why myself
down
do I weigh
  
 for another
who cannot say
I'm sorry
I hurt you today
  
 I let them halt
my way
 for what
I cannot say
  
 from this beacon trait
 ‒shallow bumps
my journey must face
  
 I need to turn away
 leave
without a trace
  
 each day I take
I cannot waste
  
 for love somewhere awaits
 love so worthy
I want to say  
 I forgive you
for hurting me today
Continue reading “‘Shallow Bumps’”

‘Floating in Air’

Stress-Free Zone Ahead!

A sample from Book 8

 Floating in Air
  
 I came around
to see change
 shortening the range‒
 just to see
all's the same
  
 so I float
in this air
here and there
 hoping for flair‒
 hearts open
gentle love's token
 but all's still broken
 ‒all's still forsaken
 eyes still closed
minds sealed‒
 that forever
round and round wheel
  
 so I'll reside here
just for a while
 give a little time
then off I'll fly
 forget
all this here try
 fully learning
no one can rearrange
 what's lost
in derange
 what refuses
to grow
 stay stuck
in naysayer's flow
  
 so here
I'll just float in air
 give a chance
a second
a third
 then off
I'll go
  
 hit the road
 seek places
where real love
flows
 without needing
chances to prove
 out right show‒ 
I won't just be there
 flowing freely in airs
desiring to share
 ‒easy will come
care
  
 yes, somewhere
out there
 lies a place
one face
overshadows
two-faced
 where real
the only deal
 ‒truth
over comes fool
this place
 I'll feel the overwhelming
need
to drool
  
 there‒ 
I'll come down
 stand on solid ground
 without a need
to just float in air
 for then
I'll truly feel a need
 to open up‒ 
for something
 care
feel life's breath
in share
 really be there
in that place
    somewhere
Continue reading “‘Floating in Air’”

‘Keynotes of Woman’

Men: Satisfy Your Woman!

A sample from Book 8

 Keynotes of Woman
  
 woman remains undefined
her complete design
 ‒never a crossing line
 she's God's† greatest mystery
 she'll never give
totally clarity
 ‒it's the journey of he
 enjoy this road of discovery
  
 here's one simple note
you should know
 ‒keeps her from go
 pay attention
this one simple lesson
 keeps you
out of option
  
 a woman
puts a man
in complete
 only‒ 
when she's wrapped up
 tight and neat
  
 a little explaining‒
 those stuck
in lame
  
 ‒heads up
no time for sleeping
 or you'll miss
keys to keeping
  
 woman summits
 ‒man
everything he'll get
 only when
he knows
the right tricks
  
 he can leave
abandon, lie, cheat
 blame her
attempt
 ‒destroy her complete
 but there's something
he...just doesn't get
  
 in every case‒ 
the same, the same
 he's the true blame
 ‒her wanting didn't remain
  
 he's the guide
making her open wide
 or inside
tightly hide
  
 she must see
all that's in him‒
 she must feel
continually free
 ‒totally complete
  
 when she feels
his every treat
 when she sees
his deal
 ‒his desires, strength...real
 trust builds‒ 
moving her to free will
 her heart‒ 
he steals
  
 her inner self
the most important reality
 gaining for he
simple stability
  
 when he
brings her to melt‒
 that place
she loses herself
 all her desires
she's ready to face
 ‒her inner fire
opens
begins floating
 losing herself
in feelings of ease
  
 when she's brought
to that place
 over and over
 ‒without any need
of race
 trying...faking
not one single trace
  
 when her body's needs
 left
in complete's please
 the rest of her‒ 
follows
in receive
  
 all makes her whole
complete's package
 without findings
of shortage
 ‒free
no feelings
lost in bondage
  
 then...only then
she moves him
to complete
 freely‒ 
wanting to please
 his every, single need
  
 no need to plead
for actions of he
 moved her to total's free
 ‒everything in she
gives‒
 leaving him
in the gift of pleased
  
 when he
slips into sleep
 fulfilling her needs‒ 
some sort of disease
 away‒ 
run...retreat
 she knows
as kisses flow
 her body grows cold
react fades
 lonely consumes
her days
 ‒her inside make
turns to fake
  
 woman holds no control
 ‒how her body rolls
  
 she desires feelings in gold
 (passion's bold)
  
 she loses to cold
only‒ 
when he folds
 forcing feelings‒ 
move on down the road
 her shutting down
felt
all around
 ‒her heart
moves in stealth
 to some place else
  
 warnings to heed
to that of he:
  
 keep her in free
 her sexuality‒ 
something to see
 nothing‒ 
she'll hide
 in he‒ 
open and wide
 she'll fly
bringing he
to high
Continue reading “‘Keynotes of Woman’”

Recognizing Codependency in Yourself!

A sample from Book 9

Oh! Are you in for a treat! I began talking about codependency in Book 6. I didn’t see the horror in it until 2015…that need to make others happy began to affect me in the worse way. The following is part of the Introduction to Book 9 in My 12-Book series.

To heal…to completely heal from abuse, you have to deal with the codependent in you. It won’t be easy. From this book all the way to Book 12, I fought it. You can do it, too. Trust in the journey and get my books…I do have a different answer than most do.

Continue reading “Recognizing Codependency in Yourself!”