A sample from Book 8
Pity-Party Me Not
save your grace
‒me crying in your face
maybe it's best to walk away‒
not have your good spirits replaced
with my selfish-daunting embrace
don't let me crowd your space
in a lost self-pitying race
I have to find my way
not to trace
there's a dream to chase
in my heart
God† did place
in all that oh-poor-me lace
‒wasting day after day
I put aside what's great
for others' self-demeaning fate
‒those who lost faith
not giving time of day
to words God† had to say
that day after day
turned to year after year
willingly serving myself up‒
a circling, dead-horse tray
my own bed made‒
self-pity's prized bait
around and around
up and down
burying my I
around, around, around‒
a circling maze
‒down, down, down
in self-pity I laid
to whomever'd sit and listen
serve self-pity's cake
jump in with pleasure
smothering my I in hate
adding burdensome's weight
in the greatness of unease‒
lost in sedate
‒shielded behind bondage's tape
over my happy‒
anger's blackened cape
I did drape
I closed all gates
let the sun's ray
slowly sink to night's blackened gray
‒down, down, down
in a mercury-ladened lake
'til I laid in waste
seemingly sealed in a darkened cave
I held on tight‒
my wilderness-mentality trait
fighting against moses' trusting faith‒
doing whatever it took
‒forget heart's break
with constant play‒
attending every sinful date
‒hearing God's† words
refusing to obey
falling down, down, down
not caring what's at stake
wanting to separate
losing to evil's webbing spray
ran in haste
'til self-pity became my only mate
then came the day
deep inside me‒
God's† hand began to vibrate
my wavering faith
evil couldn't take
my heart began to translate
a slow rate
raising from a bottomless crate‒
I began harder to pray
through all my mistakes
God's† patience did wait
as I lay
‒drowning in self-pity's tears
softly patting my back‒
knowing how slow this I operates
it's going to be okay
take your time
it's your way to make
no matter the pace
it's never too late
‒whatever the case
I'll† help you break
evil's enclosed vase
harder I did pray
hearing clearer His† words
stronger became my faith
'til that magical day
His† light alone‒
out of that darkened cave
He† did pave
here and there
self-pity comes, says hey
I lose my way
but as light as a needle of hay
He† lifts me
‒His† light pours within me
an abundance of rays
blinding evil's come what may
filling me with gentle's taste
‒oranges, apples, grapes
fruits of my labor
the brilliance of grace
my truth in faith
proving to me
nothing stands in my wake
so, each time
I seem to embrace
just give me space
let me alone face
find my own way
less and less to trace
each new day
faster and faster
that wilderness-mentality trait
‒evil's webbing embrace
oh-poor-me beckoning date
soon to disappear
without a trace
the deeper I pray‒
quicker and quicker
I re-find my way
with purer, stronger faith
it's not just a dream to chase
it's a gift‒
in my heart
God† did place
so, my self-pity
please don't embrace
give me my moments
my special one-on-one date
just me and my Lord†
‒heavy in faith
immersing my I
in words He† has
‒no time limits placed
on days I pray
just know when I emerge‒
heavily armed in His† way
so each tomorrow
I'll easily face
for I'm endowed‒
in His† amazing grace
Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior….—Isaiah 43:2
Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings, and the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.—1 Peter 5:10
(June 11, 2015)—In Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer, I learned about the wilderness mentality and its grave affects on our mind if we forsaken ourselves and not hand over our problems to God.
I’m now reading 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do by Amy Morin.
Chapter 1, titled ‘They Don’t Waste Time Feeling Sorry for Themselves,’ is the first of these 13 things. Self-Pity. Now there’s a mouthful.Morin gives a list of how self-pity hinders our lives:
- It’s a waste of time.
- It leads to more negative emotions.
- It can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
- It prevents you from dealing with other emotions.
- It causes you to overlook the good in your life.
- It interferes with relationships.
I can attest to all of these! Self-pity is the devil’s most prized hand. It’s a constant whisper in our ear telling us all these lies and, the funny thing, we believe it because these words are whispered when we are at our weakest.
All those nasty little thoughts that swarm around in our mind telling us the opposite of what our hearts are saying, that’s not God. The devil has a shrewd way of making these nasty thoughts sound more realistic, so, it’s easier for these beginning thoughts, if left unattended, to build to more nasty thoughts, and then more and more. We don’t see that all are lies!
When we are lost in darkness, anything that motivates our self-inflicted wounds, we accept because we want to believe them. We so easily cancel out the truth of God’s word during this time because, well, feeling sorry for ourselves is much easier and makes us feel righteous in our own selfishly, indulged moments and we will talk out loud about it every chance we get, thinking that it helps us, but all it does is hinder us more. I know. I’ve been there.
It took a lot of self-discipline to get me out of this cycle. It didn’t matter what others were telling me. I heard them. I just chose not to listen. I’ve learned, through all of this, that we are on individual journeys of self-discovery. People can try and help us all they want. Nothing totally gets through, until God is ready for it to get through.
In my personal experience, I was sent a lot of angels with the same message, but delivered in different versions. Little by little, the message slowly broke through. I see now that I’m a strong-minded child of God and He well knows this because, of course, He made me. He knew how long it would take for me to break through. Did He give up? Not a chance in hell. That’s His greatness: That pure, graceful patience.
He didn’t give up on me, no matter how hard I pushed back, no matter how far in the darkness I chose to sink myself, no matter how far away from Him I ran. Nope. He kept coming at me…sometimes, slow and steady, sometimes, hard and fast. No matter what I did, His love kept coming through. It didn’t matter if I lost faith and gave into the devil’s spidery hands. It didn’t matter if I totally closed myself in and took to crying and hating. Nope. He just kept coming at me. He stood by me when all else failed me.
The only person who held steady, as He seeped through her when He couldn’t reach me, was my daughter, then the miracles came for me and her. Together, we have been rewarded with unbelievable rewards that firmly and totally destroyed all doubt.
Oh, the devil still has its play. I’m not, at all, that solid that evil doesn’t even have a chance. I’ve learned that if I let my guard down just a little, then the doors open for that web to snatch my mind again. My defense, my only defense, is that of the Word of God.
My daddy once told me that the Bible teaches us how to live and how to die. He’s so right. Those words that grace the pages of that book weren’t written down for the sake of writing something down. They have true meaning.
All the stories that lace those pages are what we writers call show don’t tell writing. In place of those stories, the writers of the Bible could have just written commands in long, boring lists demanding us to follow them or else. Instead, the parables (stories) that were passed down year after year were written down so their meaning wouldn’t be lost. When we study these stories, each individual person gets a different answer. Sometimes, we can read one story and take away a particular meaning, then read it again and take away a whole different meaning.
Poetry is a lot like that. No, take that back. Poetry is just like that. Maybe, that’s why my journey turned to the writing of poetry. One single poem can mean one thing to one person and mean something totally different to another. That would mean that just one of my poems could affect hundreds of hearts with all having a totally different interpretation! How extraordinary is that! Now, that, in itself, is doing God’s work.
This morning when I sat to write, as I do every morning, the rhyme scheme using words like face, trace, cake…overwhelmed me. I was reading Morin’s book and ‘Pity-Party Me Not’ came into play.
As I was writing it, on the side of the facing page, I deviated and began writing all these words that blended in that particular rhyme scheme. I wrote all the words that popped into my mind until they just stopped, then there was this voice way back in my mind that said: Now, use every single word.I took this as a challenge and replied in the silence of my mind: Okay, you’re on!
This has happened many times to me before and I have always enjoyed the rush of the word play, but this time was different. As I wrote, I realized I was writing my truth in a way I’ve never seen it before. I saw clearly how self-pity played its role in my life and how, with God’s help, I am overcoming it.
The battle is not won, but when it all becomes clear, there comes with it a realistic approach to how to win. When I wrote the last line of this poem, a huge smile crossed my face. My heart was lifted so high that I believe my feet left the ground for a minute. Oh, the power of His grace is amazing, truly amazing! I am so grateful to have been given this beautiful gift of writing. So much clarity has come to me lately that I can’t stop talking to God.
One such clarity puzzled me a great deal…for a second! All the work I had done from 2008 until 2011 on my chapbooks, I had to undo. I did that a couple of days ago. I was scared. It was a lot of work, but the direction in which my writing is going has changed. What I’m to do with all this poetry I’ve written, which is getting closer and closer to my goal of 3,000 titles, is now clear. So, though I had these slight doubts and kind of a tightened-up-I-can’t-believe-I’m-doing-this face during the undoing process, I threw up my hands and pretty much said to myself: The hell with it.
This feeling is just too strong to ignore. Through all the confusion on why I was writing what I was writing when it came to my poetry, I have now been given a clear, no-doubt-in-my-mind direction, and, oh my gracious Lord, I must be on the right path because ever since I’ve been given this insight, my path is trying to be halted.
I’ve been stung by a spider or ant (can’t figure it out) while standing by a picnic table talking to a childhood friend on the phone at the park after a terrific 3-mile speed walk (the entire left side of my right forearm doubled in size and hurt and itched for a week!), then on a walk with my dog, Paige, we stumbled on my daughter’s cat, Annabel, which went missing a few days prior…silly me, I immediately picked her up without thinking that usually she runs from me in the apartment and, now she just laid there.
Paige went crazy barking and Annabel went crazy hissing and scratching and biting that I had to drop her several times, not paying attention again that she didn’t run away. I came out of the battle with a serious bite on the middle finger of my right hand. (Annabel was brought to the vet the next day and it was determined that her usual lazy stance on the window seal, where she had already tore the screen, caused her to fall, breaking her hip in several places, which led to her biting me because she couldn’t tell me that her hip hurt.)
Notice both incidents injured my right arm and hand; hence, my mouse-clicking, working hand which I need to do my work, and then, yesterday, I suffered from a stomach problem, which is most probably the result of a store-bought stool-softener, or a Mexican sparkling water I tried, or the combination of both, keeping me between the bed and bathroom all day and half the night. The devil hard at work against God’s plan. It doesn’t win. I have heavy artillery: God and His Word!
In sharing my personal experience, I hope that you can see that we all need God to help us fight against evil. All that B.S. called depression, anxiety, worry, etc.,…that’s the evilness of the devil. Nothing more. Nothing less.
By just building our faith through reading the Word of Christ, thinking about what we’ve read, and feeling its meaning in our hearts, we build a strong-hold defense and our minds begin to clear, our journey’s way comes to us with clarity, and we experience more peacefulness in our thinking. No one has to know how you regain your peace of mind. It’s between you and God, and that is all that matters. Be good to you. Be joyful in heart.
Experience a good walk in nature appreciating what’s around you. Regain your balance. Feel, again, peace in your mind by doing away with the cobwebs the devil has placed there. You are so worth it! You are given the right to enjoy life to its fullest. Take it. Make it yours. Feel the love given to you. It’s all your choice. Free will at its best. Love the skin you’re in.
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Paperback: The Metamorphosis of Self: Accepting It Wasn’t Your Fault Book 8
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Additional Readings On The Law of Attraction, Spirituality and the Mind
(Each page has loads of additional books (in every format), videos, instruction materials, and inspiration gift ideas.):
Battle Field of The Mind: Winning the Battle in Your Mind by Joyce Meyer
Cathechism of the Catholic Church Published by Doubleday
Chicken Soup for the Soul by Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen, and Amy Newmark
Christ the King Lord of History by Anne W. Carrol
Daily Devotions: Wisdom From the Bible to Light Your Way by Gerard Kalan
Essence of the Heart Sutra by The Dalai Lama
Fasting to Freedom: A Revolution of Body and Spirit by Ron Langerquist
Money, and the Law of Attraction: Learning to Attract Wealth, Health, and Happiness by Esther and Jerry Hicks
Mystical Traveler: How to Advance to a Higher Level of Spirituality by Sylvia Brown
No Matter What! 9 Steps to Living the Life You Love by Lisa Nichols
Notes from the Universe: New Perspectives from an Old Friend by Mike Dooley
Peace, Prosperity and the Coming Holocaust: The New Age Movement in Prophecy by Dave Hunt
Proof of Heaven: A Neurosurgeon’s Journey into the Afterlife by Eben Alexander, M.D.
The Answer: Grow Any Business, Achieve Financial Freedom, and Live an Extraordinary Life by John Assaraf and Murray Smith
The Astonishing Power of Emotions: Let Your Feelings Be Your Guide by Esther and Jerry Hicks
The Daily Bible In Chronological Order 365 Daily Readings New International Version
The Law of Attraction: The Basics of the Teachings of Abraham by Esther and Jerry Hicks
The Mind Connection: How the Thoughts You Choose Affect Your Mood, Behavior and Decisions by Joyce Meyer
The New American Bible Published by World Catholic Press
The Secret by Rhonda Bryne
Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill
War Room: Prayer Is a Powerful Weapon by Chris Fabry
Additional Readings On Improving Self and Going After That Dream
(Each page has loads of additional books (in every format), videos, instruction materials, and inspiration gift ideas.):
13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do: Take Back Your Power, Embrace Change, Face Your Fears, and Train Your Brain for Happiness and Success by Amy Morin
A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens
A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose by Eckhart Tolle
A Woman of Substance by Barbara Taylor-Bradford
Become a Better You: 7 Keys to Improving Your Life Every Day by Joel Osteen
Beloved by Toni Morrison
Fearless by Max Lucado
Fifty Shades of Grey by E. J. James
How Not to Be Afraid of Your Own Life by Susan Piver
How Successful People Win by Ben Stein
How To See Yourself As You Really Are by The Dalai Lama
Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg
Love is Letting Go of Fear by Gerald G. Jampolsky, M.D.
Rich Dad Poor Dad: What the Rich Teach Their Kids about Money—That the Poor and Middle Class Do Not! by Robert T. Kiyosaki
Ship of Gold in the Deep Blue Sea by Gary Kinder
Shop Class as Soulcraft: An Inquiry into the Value of Work by Matthew B. Crawford
The 4-Hour Workweek: Escape 9-5, Live Anywhere, and Join the New Rich by Timothy Ferriss
The Third Wave: An Entrepreneur’s Vision of the Future by Steve Case
Tuesdays With Murray: An Old Man, a Young Man, and Life’s Greatest Lesson by Mitch Albom
Who Moved My Cheese? by Spencer Johnson, M. D.
You are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living An Awesome Life by Jen Sincero
You can’t Pay Your Credit Card Bill with a Credit Card and Other Habits of The Financially Confident Woman by Mary Hunt
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