‘Humble of Mercy’

You Want It to Be! So Bad….

A sample from Book 12

 Humble of Mercy
 
she shivered in the sun light
thinking of words in the night
take care of yourself
make this all count
it's not as bad as it seems

 
–wondering...
if this is really all right
 
she covers her eyes from the bright
words...thoughts in her head
filling her morning's sight
you've heard this before
words of deception
he doesn't want you no more
don't let 'fool' be your salvation

 
‒wondering...
why the needless blight
 
then the bible's insight
saying it's going to be all right
 
the unease feels her insides
but her heart digs in tight
it was always him‒
since all the darkened twilight
why so hard to get it right
why so much fight
 
she washed her face
forced a smile to the light
dawned her makeup
ignored age's height
the saddened night
throwing sorrow to the wind‒
the need to cry...howl
all night
 
her heart sits right
she adhered to the boundaries‒
set outright
time needed with the light
she can't fight
without insight
cleansing her insides, beautying her outsides
letting the magic pour from God†
as age moves on
lessening her life
–each piece
becomes more precious, more fragile
 
learning not anymore
to gamble
what's wrong, what's right
just listening to the light
without a fight

(September 26, 2018)—

Praise for Joy and Security of the RighteousKeep me safe, O God, for in You I take refuge. I said to the Lord, ‘You are my Lord; apart from You I have no good thing.’ As for the saints who are in the land, they are the glorious ones in whom in all my delight. The sorrows of those will increase who run after other gods. I will not pour out their libations of blood or take up their names on my lips. Lord, You have assigned me my portion and my cup; You have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.

I will praise the Lord, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I have set the Lord always before me. Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because You will not abandon me to the grave, nor will You let Your Holy One see decay. You have made known to me the path of life; You will fill me with joy in Your presence, with eternal pleasures at Your right hand.―Psalm 16

Continue reading “‘Humble of Mercy’”

‘Source’

Anxiety created from the fight against codependency!

A sample from Book 11

  Source
 
she waits‒
closes her eyes
breathes deep
‒her face tingles
her heart races
her palms sweat‒
a heat under her skin
rises...coming quick
 
shh...she repeats to herself
 
each sound
each speck of light

builds the burning

she fights
 
shh...again and again
 
don't do it...not again
she begs repeatedly
 
settle down, please
 
begging, begging

the exploding need

building, building
 
forcing her mouth closed
forcing her body steal
‒as tears stream down her face
 
begging, begging
 
can't you see...anyone
can't you see

I'm trying, trying...
my grip is slipping...

 
as she loses control‒
her mouth yells
or her tears fall
‒no matter who's around
down, down, down
she falls
 
back to a child‒
innocent, broken
just for a while
 
'til she regains
strengthens
to go
one more round
in life's paradigm
where between herself
and herself
she fights
 
hoping, hoping
 
the next time‒
she'll steady the line
‒that too often...
breaks her holding-together vine
 
Continue reading “‘Source’”

‘Spaces of Real’

That place where you are no longer hurting!

A sample from Book 7

 Spaces of Real
 
where do you fit in
when you're searching
for truth
–all seems a flute
 
when you're pushing–
revealing all you do
just to get through
 
when you talk to God†
–each day
just getting by
wondering
how
this day
you survived
 
knowing
because of someone else
tears you try
not to cry
 
over anger
you become
a hardened manager
wondering
what it is
that's
lost inside of you
 
yes, where do you fit in
–this society of fake
lost in its self-absorbed wake
 
when men are weak
constantly
searching
something always better
they seek
 
hanging you out to dry
without reasons of why
 
leaving you
constantly
searching
for spaces of real
where there's no reason
to conceal
what's truly hiding
deep inside
Continue reading “‘Spaces of Real’”

”Secret’ No More!’

Their Play Is All the Same!

A sample from Book 9

 'Secret' No More!
 
the cat's out the bag
 
on the surface‒
I no longer scratch
‒don't want to sound
like a hag
not even a nag
but I'm done
playing this little game
of tag
 
I no longer want
the jab‒
that sneaky, sly syntax
keeping me in a corner
my existence entrapped
secrets over nightcaps
 
for so long
at it
I merely laughed
playing along‒
this hidden
out-of-sight craft
 
for so long
I fell into its path
to feel barely half
of a lover's swag
 
not any more
do these eyes sag
I now see
the repeated red flags
 
here they are‒
if you want to keep track
here they are‒
if your eyes
are stuck in lack:
 
away from public view‒
begins
the slow, gentle snatch
 
text this, text that

a hi here
a hey there
even the wyd flair
 
then the ignore
playing-with-the-mind anthrax's
added-on little snap
 
maybe a phone call or two‒
avoiding a bit of snag
 
(the now understood common trap)
 
oh! how texting does that
 
‒just a tiny dab
the get-what-they-want hatch
 
turning texting to sexting
in a flash
 
then sit back...relax
as she falls in the trap
her mind...now attacked
with a little zap‒
man-ego-driven
mind-boggling witchcraft
sealed and wrapped‒
one-sided—playing-out wrath
 
sexting‒
the perfect-controlling telegraph
 
then comes
the moving-on slow raft
to get that big splash
‒adding to their stash
images behind
a monitored glass
 
a little skin
in flash
with some sexy sass
 
the building in pizzazz
wanting more
of that flabbergast
 
building, building
téte-a-téte
 
then veiled in a masque‒
when questions invade
the on-and-off going chitchat‒
 
a quickened spat
back to the ignoring splat‒
ego...alive and well
in combat
 
'til comes that final blast
flesh to unmask
an act in diplomat
making her feel all that‒
the sexy little kitty cat
 
‒the play in chat
becomes
an in-the-flesh transact
 
good or bad‒
putting her in abstract
continued words on a pad‒
her mind to distract
rather hijacked
from their away-from-her
reality fact‒
 
she's not the only lass‒
their on-going sexting hack
blatant ways in acrobat‒
that and this
this and that
 
'til her avoided questions
forces a react‒
 
why not spend time with me
why the constant disappearing act

 
she innocently asks
wanting beyond
the sexual wrap‒
wanting out of secret's
hidden tap
 
the continued avoiding lap
puts her mind
in wondering's rasp
 
all-stop...hold
goes the lit glass‒
with no returned téte-a-téte
or to-the-door dash
or a together attach
nor explanations to patch
or synchronizing photographs
not even a social-media match
 
her mind opens up‒
I've seen all that
recognizing perfectly
the plotted graph
 
experience, experience
the exact-patterned zigzag
she's once again caught
knowings in fact‒
 
their intentions
won't go
any further than that
 
for her unanswered questions
suspicions‒
her experiences in reasoning
reality's opened-up rap‒
 
she's just one of many cats
in their secret's rattrap
 
‒with all these red flags
no need for a polygraph
I don't even need an ax
or a wiretap
not even some mindless booby-trap
 
just a sentence or two‒
seeing through the claptrap
then sit back
watch the unwrap‒
 
innocence offers a laugh
 
let's fix this hash
to you...I want to holdfast
let's have a blast
out in the open

'let's make our splash
 
guilt opens up the wrath
 
a shutting-down fast
placing-blame lash
social-media delete
the final smash‒
the secret
given the shaft
 
no longer do I fly half-mast
no longer am I the secret
in stash
 
yes, the red flags
seen in perfect format
 
I'm no spoiled brat
not even
lost in over-react
 
this kitty cat
just knows where it's at
 
I'm more than just a paragraph‒
a secret in scraps
 
I'm all or nothing
an out-in-the-open en masse
willing to adapt
with another walking
the same path
Continue reading “”Secret’ No More!’”

When His Next Best Thing Comes Along!

This one sergeant in my Army days in Germany called me Marie Laveau…lol…another one bites the dust! One of them will be strong enough to handle my energy some day. If they can let go of their pride long enough. I’ve had enough of man-ego-pride to last a life time.

Continue reading “When His Next Best Thing Comes Along!”

‘Keynotes of Woman’

Men: Satisfy Your Woman!

A sample from Book 8

 Keynotes of Woman
 
woman remains undefined
her complete design
‒never a crossing line
she's God's† greatest mystery
she'll never give
totally clarity
‒it's the journey of he
enjoy this road of discovery
 
here's one simple note
you should know
‒keeps her from go
pay attention
this one simple lesson
keeps you
out of option
 
a woman
puts a man
in complete
only

when she's wrapped up
tight and neat

 
a little explaining‒
those stuck
in lame
 
‒heads up
no time for sleeping
or you'll miss
keys to keeping
 
woman summits
‒man
everything he'll get
only when
he knows
the right tricks
 
he can leave
abandon, lie, cheat
blame her
attempt
‒destroy her complete
but there's something
he...just doesn't get
 
in every case‒
the same, the same
he's the true blame
‒her wanting didn't remain
 
he's the guide
making her open wide
or inside
tightly hide
 
she must see
all that's in him‒
she must feel
continually free
‒totally complete
 
when she feels
his every treat
when she sees
his deal
‒his desires, strength...real
trust builds‒
moving her to free will
her heart‒
he steals
 
her inner self
the most important reality
gaining for he
simple stability
 
when he
brings her to melt‒
that place
she loses herself
all her desires
she's ready to face
‒her inner fire
opens
begins floating
losing herself
in feelings of ease
 
when she's brought
to that place
over and over
‒without any need
of race
trying...faking
not one single trace
 
when her body's needs
left
in complete's please
the rest of her‒
follows
in receive
 
all makes her whole
complete's package
without findings
of shortage
‒free
no feelings
lost in bondage
 
then...only then
she moves him
to complete
freely‒
wanting to please
his every, single need
 
no need to plead
for actions of he
moved her to total's free
‒everything in she
gives‒
leaving him
in the gift of pleased
 
when he
slips into sleep
fulfilling her needs‒
some sort of disease
away‒
run...retreat
she knows
as kisses flow
her body grows cold
react fades
lonely consumes
her days
‒her inside make
turns to fake
 
woman holds no control
‒how her body rolls
 
she desires feelings in gold
(passion's bold)
 
she loses to cold
only‒
when he folds
forcing feelings‒
move on down the road
her shutting down
felt
all around
‒her heart
moves in stealth
to some place else
 
warnings to heed
to that of he:
 
keep her in free
her sexuality‒
something to see
nothing‒
she'll hide
in he‒
open and wide
she'll fly
bringing he
to high
Continue reading “‘Keynotes of Woman’”

‘Text Me’

Moving Through Anger with Bargaining!

A sample from Book 5

 Text Me
 
in this phone
I am a clone
away from home
easily...I roam
no longer alone
 
words I've thrown
cast a bone
string along
however long
I want you to belong
 
in this phone
I'm on loan
read my worded song
I'm wearing a thong
―hear me moan
I'll send a picture―
for your visual tone
 
with words I'm strong
―played like a trombone
I can turn you on
in my world
you'll be drawn
 
in this phone
nothing's wrong
it's my zone
imaginations grown
 
be careful―
if to me you're drawn
I'll take you
where you've not yet gone
for in this phone
I own
my imaginary throne
I'll make you moan
dance to my song―
your emotions
get too strong
I'll exit
and be gone
Continue reading “‘Text Me’”

Breaking Your Codependency….

…and Moving On To ‘Normal’

A sample from Book 12

That is the question that I had to end this book with. Going through the trials in life are hard. This year I had to face my mother’s death and the destruction of my three-year relationship, as well fight more health issues while being 1600 miles from all my family.

Codependency had still a hard grip on me, but the anxiety that I had fought through was just about gone. I would have to go through a forced intervention to figure out what the true medicine for codependency and all those negative thoughts were.

Continue reading “Breaking Your Codependency….”

Recognizing Codependency in Yourself!

A sample from Book 9

Oh! Are you in for a treat! I began talking about codependency in Book 6. I didn’t see the horror in it until 2015…that need to make others happy began to affect me in the worse way. The following is part of the Introduction to Book 9 in My 12-Book series.

To heal…to completely heal from abuse, you have to deal with the codependent in you. It won’t be easy. From this book all the way to Book 12, I fought it. You can do it, too. Trust in the journey and get my books…I do have a different answer than most do.

Continue reading “Recognizing Codependency in Yourself!”

Bringing Yourself from Hurt to Healing!

A sample from Book 8

It’s a process. Sometimes a long one depending if abuse was in the mix. The follow is part of the Introduction to my 8th book in My 12-Book Series. It’s just the beginning of the acceptance stage. Depression still follows. Anger still follows you. You have a journey, but you can do it.

My journey took a twist by adding another relationship to the mix. This book is only the beginning to that. Oh! You just gotta love those who just think they don’t do any wrong. Life’s quite a ride!

“…This book is an exploration of self: Overcoming the anger, the hurt, seeing the damage and healing, understanding how God brings us to something in order to help us and not hinder us, to understand that God’s timing is not our own…and it doesn’t matter how we want to rush it, He’ll stop us in our tracks, slow us down in order for time to heal…[time to] work its magic.

Continue reading “Bringing Yourself from Hurt to Healing!”