‘Humble of Mercy’

You Want It to Be! So Bad….

A sample from Book 12

(September 26, 2018)—

Praise for Joy and Security of the RighteousKeep me safe, O God, for in You I take refuge. I said to the Lord, ‘You are my Lord; apart from You I have no good thing.’ As for the saints who are in the land, they are the glorious ones in whom in all my delight. The sorrows of those will increase who run after other gods. I will not pour out their libations of blood or take up their names on my lips. Lord, You have assigned me my portion and my cup; You have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.

I will praise the Lord, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I have set the Lord always before me. Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because You will not abandon me to the grave, nor will You let Your Holy One see decay. You have made known to me the path of life; You will fill me with joy in Your presence, with eternal pleasures at Your right hand.―Psalm 16

Continue reading “‘Humble of Mercy’”

‘Unconditional Terms’

‘Unconditional’ Fades When Another Takes Your Place!

A sample from Book 12

(July 25, 2018 [Didn’t post on Facebook.])—When toxicity takes its toll, there’s nothing to say or do.

A weak heart turns to go, finds a new heart to rip apart. A strong heart cries alone, struggling to regain ground, move on. You don’t lose to cheating. You lose to betrayal. That’s why those who don’t marry, stay single. They can just hang it up, move on to another. The faithful one can’t do this.

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‘Do Your Thing’

When they’re paving the way for another ‘thing’!

A sample from Book 12

  'Do Your Thing'
 
standing still, so rigid
memories return, so rapid  
do your thing
words that seem splendid
once before, becoming frigid
leaving me in stupid
 
words that shouldn't‒
but still stick
like a repeated lick
too afraid to admit‒
concentrating on self's wick
leaves doors open for the slick
 
that's just not it
it's that aged-old skit
played out...without a script
 
distance begins the slit
less hugging, more anger
words constantly in twist
‒making the mind constantly flip
 
there should not be panic
when felt before
this tactic
 
flip, flip, flip
skippy, skip, skip
 
the past's certain mimic
leaves only you in chaotic
breaking your spirit
turning to God for guidance
 
less comes the kisses
every ounce of erotic
disappears in a lick
‒the body is just an it
you become invalid!
time with you, the omit
things get drastic
leaving pure conflict
and you are the reason for it
 
how to be so quiet
when affection‒
you can't even solicit
pushed away...again and again
leaving you frigid
a body drowning
in an unhealthy orbit
 
taking you're the reason
for it
you're not pretty enough
you're too fat, too sad
when...in truth's logic
their argument, distance‒
all part of the already written
transcript
‒no need
to repeat it!
Continue reading “‘Do Your Thing’”

‘Frustrated Notions’

Don’t let anyone halt your dreams!

A sample from Book 11

 Frustrated Notions
 
the planes fly
just as they did when I died
‒came back alive
 
music still plays
on the radio
in the same way
as back in the day
when every piece of life
seemed to just go away
 
the sun shines
even in a different state
everything's find
except one‒
a meaning in define
the way...crossing that line
‒the other side
of the rhythm and rhyme
 
plagued in this frustrated notion
a little self-induced commotion
focus on you indication
‒away from all the ramifications
that sunk me in damnation
 
knowing from which it all comes
‒sometimes, stuck in dumb
waiting around‒
dropped bread crumbs
to build an inside beating strum
from some kind of outward drum
that never seems to come
 
this fucked up halt
‒encaged self-provided vault
has it all locked
a walled-up block
as time keeps ticking
on the clock
 
fight, fight, fight
 
it's all there in sight
just one more night
‒do what's right
minus the blight
 
winds still blow
waters still flow
as imagined thoughts flaunt
its desire to haunt
just playing its taunt
 
fight, fight, fight
 
climb that final mountain top
‒don't stop
as planes fly
as the sun shines
as winds blow
as waters flow
‒it's all God's† big show
to the other side
it's time for the ride
feel the second half of life
without any
frustrating tides
Continue reading “‘Frustrated Notions’”

‘Thoughts in Suicide’

When you’re driven to the point of wanting to take your life!

A sample from Book 11

 Thoughts in Suicide
 
I sit to write‒
I had a destructive night
one...again...I had to fight
get out, get out
I screamed in shout
then alone I pout
wanting to die
‒these thoughts in suicide
 
I gather the pills
then to the floor
let them spill
then picked up the phone
dialed somewhere
not to feel so alone
 
1-800-273-8255 press 1
my crying's already won
death won't come
I can't forget‒
a promise not moved to undone
 
she waits in my thoughts
the one in memories
brought
the one to the floor
pills fell
myself's destruction
caught
Continue reading “‘Thoughts in Suicide’”

‘Source’

Anxiety created from the fight against codependency!

A sample from Book 11

  Source
 
she waits‒
closes her eyes
breathes deep
‒her face tingles
her heart races
her palms sweat‒
a heat under her skin
rises...coming quick
 
shh...she repeats to herself
 
each sound
each speck of light

builds the burning

she fights
 
shh...again and again
 
don't do it...not again
she begs repeatedly
 
settle down, please
 
begging, begging

the exploding need

building, building
 
forcing her mouth closed
forcing her body steal
‒as tears stream down her face
 
begging, begging
 
can't you see...anyone
can't you see

I'm trying, trying...
my grip is slipping...

 
as she loses control‒
her mouth yells
or her tears fall
‒no matter who's around
down, down, down
she falls
 
back to a child‒
innocent, broken
just for a while
 
'til she regains
strengthens
to go
one more round
in life's paradigm
where between herself
and herself
she fights
 
hoping, hoping
 
the next time‒
she'll steady the line
‒that too often...
breaks her holding-together vine
 
Continue reading “‘Source’”

‘Spaces of Real’

That place where you are no longer hurting!

A sample from Book 7

 Spaces of Real
 
where do you fit in
when you're searching
for truth
–all seems a flute
 
when you're pushing–
revealing all you do
just to get through
 
when you talk to God†
–each day
just getting by
wondering
how
this day
you survived
 
knowing
because of someone else
tears you try
not to cry
 
over anger
you become
a hardened manager
wondering
what it is
that's
lost inside of you
 
yes, where do you fit in
–this society of fake
lost in its self-absorbed wake
 
when men are weak
constantly
searching
something always better
they seek
 
hanging you out to dry
without reasons of why
 
leaving you
constantly
searching
for spaces of real
where there's no reason
to conceal
what's truly hiding
deep inside
Continue reading “‘Spaces of Real’”

‘Reality’s Unjust’

Dating Sites Lead You To Unjust Fantasy!

A sample from Book 7

 Reality's Unjust
(Sweet Man)

it wasn't long ago
in our heads
lost
picture of perfect
ideals...exactness
without flaws
dreamers
pulled from reality
 
something
before
private
 
then that sudden chance
that perfect
we meet–
in imperfect form
 
at first
we disengage
–a mere friend
someone we know
 
that imbalance
slowly transforms
two people collide
imperfect provisions–
dislikes...likes
there's just something
–no finger to place
drawing you close
 
the lease expected
becomes the one
 
it takes time
'a constant union–
the irritating
the friend-like balance
the missing of presence
–wanting to be
then I can't do without
 
there's no formula
no bodily temptation
it's in a smile
–a certain look
the way words
fall from the lips
 
imbalanced
becomes balanced

time spent
time wanted
time needed

something
before
private

something
now
reality's unjust
 
forcing of chance
through pictures on a screen
blankness
breeding false hopes
texting...chatting
lost in our heads
searching for perfect
imbalance–
not giving time
 
instant decision
instant irritation
instant befriend
 
ending
before
its beginning
 
freezing hearts
too many encounters
lost–
getting to know
without
bodies to show
 
lost–
the small imperfections
leading to
innocent flirtations
summing up life
–complete satisfaction
 
instead–
wanting
instant gratification
instant perfection
in another
we don't truly know
in a world
designed
just for show
Continue reading “‘Reality’s Unjust’”

”Secret’ No More!’

Their Play Is All the Same!

A sample from Book 9

 'Secret' No More!
 
the cat's out the bag
 
on the surface‒
I no longer scratch
‒don't want to sound
like a hag
not even a nag
but I'm done
playing this little game
of tag
 
I no longer want
the jab‒
that sneaky, sly syntax
keeping me in a corner
my existence entrapped
secrets over nightcaps
 
for so long
at it
I merely laughed
playing along‒
this hidden
out-of-sight craft
 
for so long
I fell into its path
to feel barely half
of a lover's swag
 
not any more
do these eyes sag
I now see
the repeated red flags
 
here they are‒
if you want to keep track
here they are‒
if your eyes
are stuck in lack:
 
away from public view‒
begins
the slow, gentle snatch
 
text this, text that

a hi here
a hey there
even the wyd flair
 
then the ignore
playing-with-the-mind anthrax's
added-on little snap
 
maybe a phone call or two‒
avoiding a bit of snag
 
(the now understood common trap)
 
oh! how texting does that
 
‒just a tiny dab
the get-what-they-want hatch
 
turning texting to sexting
in a flash
 
then sit back...relax
as she falls in the trap
her mind...now attacked
with a little zap‒
man-ego-driven
mind-boggling witchcraft
sealed and wrapped‒
one-sided—playing-out wrath
 
sexting‒
the perfect-controlling telegraph
 
then comes
the moving-on slow raft
to get that big splash
‒adding to their stash
images behind
a monitored glass
 
a little skin
in flash
with some sexy sass
 
the building in pizzazz
wanting more
of that flabbergast
 
building, building
téte-a-téte
 
then veiled in a masque‒
when questions invade
the on-and-off going chitchat‒
 
a quickened spat
back to the ignoring splat‒
ego...alive and well
in combat
 
'til comes that final blast
flesh to unmask
an act in diplomat
making her feel all that‒
the sexy little kitty cat
 
‒the play in chat
becomes
an in-the-flesh transact
 
good or bad‒
putting her in abstract
continued words on a pad‒
her mind to distract
rather hijacked
from their away-from-her
reality fact‒
 
she's not the only lass‒
their on-going sexting hack
blatant ways in acrobat‒
that and this
this and that
 
'til her avoided questions
forces a react‒
 
why not spend time with me
why the constant disappearing act

 
she innocently asks
wanting beyond
the sexual wrap‒
wanting out of secret's
hidden tap
 
the continued avoiding lap
puts her mind
in wondering's rasp
 
all-stop...hold
goes the lit glass‒
with no returned téte-a-téte
or to-the-door dash
or a together attach
nor explanations to patch
or synchronizing photographs
not even a social-media match
 
her mind opens up‒
I've seen all that
recognizing perfectly
the plotted graph
 
experience, experience
the exact-patterned zigzag
she's once again caught
knowings in fact‒
 
their intentions
won't go
any further than that
 
for her unanswered questions
suspicions‒
her experiences in reasoning
reality's opened-up rap‒
 
she's just one of many cats
in their secret's rattrap
 
‒with all these red flags
no need for a polygraph
I don't even need an ax
or a wiretap
not even some mindless booby-trap
 
just a sentence or two‒
seeing through the claptrap
then sit back
watch the unwrap‒
 
innocence offers a laugh
 
let's fix this hash
to you...I want to holdfast
let's have a blast
out in the open

'let's make our splash
 
guilt opens up the wrath
 
a shutting-down fast
placing-blame lash
social-media delete
the final smash‒
the secret
given the shaft
 
no longer do I fly half-mast
no longer am I the secret
in stash
 
yes, the red flags
seen in perfect format
 
I'm no spoiled brat
not even
lost in over-react
 
this kitty cat
just knows where it's at
 
I'm more than just a paragraph‒
a secret in scraps
 
I'm all or nothing
an out-in-the-open en masse
willing to adapt
with another walking
the same path
Continue reading “”Secret’ No More!’”

When His Next Best Thing Comes Along!

This one sergeant in my Army days in Germany called me Marie Laveau…lol…another one bites the dust! One of them will be strong enough to handle my energy some day. If they can let go of their pride long enough. I’ve had enough of man-ego-pride to last a life time.

Continue reading “When His Next Best Thing Comes Along!”