”Read Books”

Don’t Let Suicide Take You!

A sample from Book 7

 Read Books
(for Samantha)
 
read books
she says to me
write your story
she pleads
 
I see her sincerity‒
her begging
 
please don’t go away from me....
please don’t let hate win

 
I feel the hurt in her
‒so deep
when my words spill
I don’t want to be here
 
she’s exhausted
her please
 
please don’t let
suicide take you from me

 
so I fight
I stay
in this lonely world
created
just for me
 
for her
her sad pleas
how can I die
leave her
not free
 
so I must
read books
lose myself
in false looks
try to forget
this evil hook
and all he took
 
for her I’ll stay
make it through
another day
me and memories
of love I believed
of love which deceived
 
I struggle for her
try to hide this hurt
so her eyes
don’t cry
death...I push away
one more day
for her to say
 
mom, I love you
please stay
Continue reading “”Read Books””

‘Pillars of Death’

Depression: The Feeling of Your Own Death!

A sample from Book 7

 Pillars of Death
 
I'm an apparent suicide
who took
everything buried inside
‒sprayed it out
like pesticide
 
they call it a homicide
raging words
was all it took
for love to dry
‒leaving only tears
to cry
 
slowly I died
asking every kind of why
 
why only anger's words
was enough
to cast me aside
 
why my truth
was reason
my life
‒its very existence
to hide
 
my being
no longer resides
in hearts
I believed
could override
evil's prancing stride
 
they all cast me aside
for thoughts...words
I could no longer
hold inside
 
instead of holding me
as these eyes cried
they buried me
‒an unmarked grave
deep outside
with bugs and flies
Continue reading “‘Pillars of Death’”

‘Salvation’s Need’

To Deny Others Is To Deny God!

 Salvation's Need
 
test after test
I have failed
my 360
to the cross...nailed
You† brought people to me
in their time of weak
‒salvation
I failed to help them seek
 
instead, I buried them deep
words from my mouth
did seep
actions
I didn't allow to creep
in self
I curled up in weep
 
my time has come and sailed
out of all of it
I tend to bail
turning my back
not wanting to see
how another's picture
on them...creeps
I just give up and flee
 
whatever awakens
this ignorance of me
strip it
take it from me
strengthen me
help me to see
keep me from feeling sorry
lost in self pity
 
Lord†, this part of me
that lived unselfishly
I lost
please return it to me
without this lumpy throat
from way down deep
without fears and anxiety
help me open my mouth
speak
in words of calm
humility, peace
without selfish
insecurities
Continue reading “‘Salvation’s Need’”

‘Floating in Air’

Stress-Free Zone Ahead!

A sample from Book 8

 Floating in Air
 
I came around
to see change
shortening the range‒
just to see
all's the same
 
so I float
in this air
here and there
hoping for flair‒
hearts open
gentle love's token
but all's still broken
‒all's still forsaken
eyes still closed
minds sealed‒
that forever
round and round wheel
 
so I'll reside here
just for a while
give a little time
then off I'll fly
forget
all this here try
fully learning
no one can rearrange
what's lost
in derange
what refuses
to grow
stay stuck
in naysayer's flow
 
so here
I'll just float in air
give a chance
a second
a third
then off
I'll go
 
hit the road
seek places
where real love
flows
without needing
chances to prove
out right show‒
I won't just be there
flowing freely in airs
desiring to share
‒easy will come
care
 
yes, somewhere
out there
lies a place
one face
overshadows
two-faced
where real
the only deal
‒truth
over comes fool
this place
I'll feel the overwhelming
need
to drool
 
there‒
I'll come down
stand on solid ground
without a need
to just float in air
for then
I'll truly feel a need
to open up‒
for something
care
feel life's breath
in share
really be there
in that place
somewhere
Continue reading “‘Floating in Air’”

‘Pity-Party Me Not’

Don’t Fall To the Devil’s Trap and Lose Yourself to Pity!

A sample from Book 8

 Pity-Party Me Not
 
save your grace
‒me crying in your face
maybe it's best to walk away‒
not have your good spirits replaced
with my selfish-daunting embrace
 
don't let me crowd your space
in a lost self-pitying race
I have to find my way
backward steps
not to trace
get up
move forward‒
there's a dream to chase
‒a gift
in my heart
God† did place
 
in all that oh-poor-me lace
‒wasting day after day
I put aside what's great
for others' self-demeaning fate
‒those who lost faith
not giving time of day
to words God† had to say
 
that day after day
turned to year after year
willingly serving myself up‒
a circling, dead-horse tray
my own bed made‒
self-pity's prized bait
 
around and around
up and down
burying my I
around, around, around‒
a circling maze
‒down, down, down
in self-pity I laid
 
to whomever'd sit and listen
I'd saturate‒
serve self-pity's cake
jump in with pleasure
without thought‒
bathe
smothering my I in hate
on self
adding burdensome's weight
 
flying free
in the greatness of unease‒
my eyes‒
lost in sedate
‒shielded behind bondage's tape
over my happy‒
anger's blackened cape
misery's base
I did drape
 
I closed all gates
let the sun's ray
slowly sink to night's blackened gray
‒down, down, down
in a mercury-ladened lake
'til I laid in waste
seemingly sealed in a darkened cave
 
I held on tight‒
my wilderness-mentality trait
fighting against moses' trusting faith‒
doing whatever it took
‒forget heart's break
with constant play‒
attending every sinful date
‒hearing God's† words
refusing to obey
falling down, down, down
not caring what's at stake
from reality‒
wanting to separate
losing to evil's webbing spray
 
everyone turned‒
from me
ran in haste
'til self-pity became my only mate
 
then came the day
deep inside me‒
God's† hand began to vibrate
my wavering faith
evil couldn't take
‒mixed-up signals
my heart began to translate
at first
a slow rate
raising from a bottomless crate‒
I began harder to pray
 
through all my mistakes
for me
God's† patience did wait
cradling me
as I lay
‒drowning in self-pity's tears
softly patting my back‒
knowing how slow this I operates
telling me:
 
it's going to be okay
take your time

it's your way to make
no matter the pace

it's never too late
‒whatever the case
I'll† help you break

evil's enclosed vase
 
harder I did pray
hearing clearer His† words
stronger became my faith
'til that magical day
His† light alone‒
out of that darkened cave
my way
He† did pave
 
here and there
self-pity comes, says hey
for moments‒
again
I lose my way
but as light as a needle of hay
He† lifts me
‒His† light pours within me
an abundance of rays
blinding evil's come what may
filling me with gentle's taste
‒oranges, apples, grapes
fruits of my labor
the brilliance of grace
my truth in faith
proving to me
nothing stands in my wake
 
so, each time
self-pity‒
I seem to embrace
just give me space
let me alone face
find my own way
backward steps
less and less to trace
each new day
faster and faster
I replace‒
that wilderness-mentality trait
‒evil's webbing embrace
oh-poor-me beckoning date
soon to disappear
without a trace
 
the deeper I pray‒
quicker and quicker
I re-find my way
 
with purer, stronger faith
realizing
it's not just a dream to chase
it's a gift‒
in my heart
God† did place
 
so, my self-pity
please don't embrace
turn away
give me my moments
to pray
my special one-on-one date
just me and my Lord†
‒heavy in faith
immersing my I
in words He† has
to say
 
‒no time limits placed
on days I pray
just know when I emerge‒
I'm stronger
heavily armed in His† way
so each tomorrow
I'll easily face
for I'm endowed‒
smothered happily
in His† amazing grace
Continue reading “‘Pity-Party Me Not’”