‘Veiling of Truth’

A sample from Book 7

 Veiling of Truth
  
 we start off life
 slow–
like a snail
  
 taking each moment
as it comes
 giving ourselves
time to breathe
  
 inhale
exhale
  
 we're young...vibrant
 over anything
we're champions
 we have mentors
 –someone always there
  
 pushing us
tormenting us
 encouraging us
criticizing us
  
 it doesn't matter– 
we feel invincible
 –strength
in our youthful hearts
 gives us one desire
 over anything
we can prevail
  
 so we take chances
 we jump fences
crawl through tunnels
 see life
as a simple funnel
  
 when we're derailed
 we take a moment– 
wail
 giving ourselves
time to breathe
  
 inhale
 exhale
  
 we get back on the rail
sail
  
 then life tips the scale
 –half-way point
where all just stops
 we're pushed over the top
  
 we try to sail
to no avail
 we start to see
 –the slow coveting veil
 the part of us
for others we curtailed
  
 bit by bit– 
small pieces of our being
 we willingly retailed
 leaving us
feeling alone and stale
  
 it's at that moment
 no longer wanting
to feel frail
 wanting instead
again to breathe
  
 inhale
exhale
  
 taking from our legs
our tucked-in tail
 revealing...opening
this perfectly placed veil
  
 it's at that moment
 we explode
our outpouring gale
 see me, hear me
I'm not for sale
  
 opening our truth
 putting ourselves
in plain view
 screaming out loud
this is what I'm about
  
 it's at that moment
 when life tips its scale
 all is unveiled
we see every detail
  
 who impaled
who drove the nail
  
 ourselves
  
 we chose to lower the veil
 we signed our own
bill of sale
  
 it's at that moment
 –tipping the scale
 our truth
to unveil
get back on the rail
 over our own injustice
prevail

(June 10, 2014)—A lot of folks in their 40’s can relate to this. ‘Veiling of Truth’…We often struggle with telling the one person we love the most what we really feel inside. We battle with the question: What will they think?It’s impressionable. Their reaction. It’s important. Their reaction. Mainly, because they are the ones we love more than anyone one earth.

We first battle with: Should I tell them?Then we battle with: Will they still love me?It’s an inner battle first. And, yes, it’s a battle. The silent, most devastating kind. It gets to a point when you have no choice but to speak it. It’s a very scary moment. It’s a moment that can change your life forever.

I had such a moment. I trusted love. Love failed me. I revealed how I truly felt to the one person I loved. It was that moment, after I revealed my truth, that I realized how codependent I was on that person. This other person’s happiness was far more important than my own. And the response I got was devastating. So devastating that it shattered my entire world. We don’t realize how much we give to others until we take off the veil.

In my world, my veil was the one thing that kept me afloat. I depended on everyone else’s happiness except my own. When I unveiled my truth, my world fell completely apart. Everything went from whole to ashes as soon as I took off my veil. No one wanted me the way I truly am. They wanted their rendition of me…what they thought I should be. This hurts because a person wants to be accepted for who they are, not for who others want them to be.

People change. Circumstances change.

For me, my disorder changed who I was and I had to find common ground to land my feet on. Those who said they loved me couldn’t wait for that. Instead, it was easier just to rid their lives of me.

Some people would rather you stay weak instead of celebrate your strength. Why? Maybe, because it makes them look good in some way. Maybe, it gives them power in some way. I can never fully answer that. But it leaves each individual with the choice to keep the veil on or take it off.

I don’t know what made me finally take mine off. Maybe, because I was battling a disorder that was getting worse and the ones I expected to be there, wasn’t there. So, maybe, in my mind I figured: What the hell! What do I have to lose?

Of course, not in my wildest dreams did I even remotely think that the ones I loved would truly excommunicate and totally abandon me. Who would think such a thing? But, personally, I couldn’t hold it in anymore. My veil had to come off. I suffer the consequences of my truth by seeing the truth all around me.

What that truth is?The ones I loved aren’t here. Was I right? Probably. I guess it’s better to know the truth while you’re alive than live a lie and die with dishonesty in your heart.

It’s a hard decision to take that veil off. The consequences of that unveiling is scary for all. It’s a personal decision. You either keep the veil on and live comfortably in a world where your heart is hidden. Or, you take the veil off and let the chips fall and be ready to accept the reactions of those you love. And, those reactions, my friends, are sometimes not what you would expect. Trust me on that one. Do what is right for you and trust the skin you’re in. After all, no one else can wear your skin.

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Paperback: Silent Abuse: Scream NO MORE!: You’re in Depression. You’re Not Losing Your Mind. You’re Just Doing the Time. Book 7

Kindle: Silent Abuse: Scream NO MORE!: You’re in Depression. You’re Not Losing Your Mind. You’re Just Doing the Time. Book 7