Tag: fibromyaglia

‘Channel’

Don’t change your independent self because of another person.

 Channel
  
 a bird flies when its free
 it stagnates
in captivity
 its colors blossom
in variety
 fading in ambiguity
 ‒plucking them out
in atrocity
  
 in nature...the act in free‒
 all the same
in its facility
 a trapping technicality
 ‒being free has its complexity
  
 as a woman
in her diplomacy
 giving true
to her effeminacy
 when treated
with significancy
  
 when she's satisfied
in her sexuality
 she falls into compliancy
 even in another's complacency
 giving up her self-sufficiency
 even her style in flossy
 being, at first
blissful in buoyancy
  
 as it goes...comes the decadency
 becoming aware
of the deficiency
 –a broken down fallacy
 as she meets each exigency
  
 outward...comes her adamancy
 as gone goes her sexy
 –an inward building pudency
 her usual controlled diplomacy
 loses its bearing
to rampancy
  
 as goes the controlling austerity
 saving-money hostility
 ‒slowly caving
in her impetuosity
  
 attention...gone its notoriety
 even her newly shaped nudity
 once praised with delicacy
 gone...with looks
words in vulgarity
 stripping
all her sexy naughty
 –leaving vagueness
in commonality
  
 lack of interest
opens a familiarity
 once ignoring
so much secrecy
 once ignoring the mendacity
 pulling forward
all its perfidy
 as gone...all her sensuality
 understanding
its diverted generosity
 she becomes lost
in recalcitrancy
 –the precious kitty lost
to lunacy
  
 all for giving her free
 to submissive captivity
 for the awakening
of her sexuality!
Continue reading “‘Channel’”

‘Love in Action’

Actions, in spite of resentment, still say LOVE

 Love in Action
  
 no matter the resentment
 it was given then taken
 actions of love
 still...not just a must
but a do
  
 it's all giving
without judgment
 helping without faking
 actions in love
 doing
without needing a clue
  
 it's helping another
without commitment
 being truthful
without manipulation
 actions in love
 doing
for words are not enough
  
 it's getting over
the resentment
 ‒those taking without
returning the give
 actions in love
 still...a beautiful mark
 on the heart
in the making
Continue reading “‘Love in Action’”

‘Shouldering Damage’

You deal and accept the physical damage caused by narcissism’s carelessness

 
Shouldering Damage
  
 upon her shoulders
carries the weight–
 shouldering damage
from those who couldn't stay
 –a go-getter
they couldn't take
 she...never wanting‒ 
any kinda hate
 ‒that was never
her intended fate
  ‒she let love lead the way
 ending in heavy price's
to pay
  
 only in moments
she lived in sedate
 all them medical doctors
had to medicate
 she just needed room‒ 
a bit of space
 to grasp the idea
of her body ache
 never using it as an escape
 ‒it hurt...and she was its bait
  
 she knows she gave it all
 she wasn't some pity rage doll–
 standing somewhere in stall
 she answered a simple call
 –but others led her to fall
 not caring the damage at all
  
 upon her shoulders‒ 
she wears the cape
 an anti-depressant to mask
a different kinda ache
 –emotional chains
she couldn't tolerate
 a burning heart
left in saturate
 mixed with anger
lust and hate
 screaming
without intentional berate
 from love
that just couldn't stay
  
 then again‒ 
she let love be her mate
 a heart damaged‒ 
in too many ways
 –again...a turn in obliterate
 a brain burned in uncultivate
 all that damage‒ 
on her shoulders
in blissful weight
 men who couldn't bear
the cape
 of her physical‒ 
being in waste
  
 she knows she gave it all
 she wasn't some pity rage doll–
 standing somewhere in stall
 she answered a simple call
 –but others led her to fall
 not caring the damage at all
  
 she now wears‒ 
a suit of armor
from love's mate
 as the heavy scars from fake–
 I can't stay
you...I could only tolerate
 builds her face
straight to a destiny's fate–
 the writer in massive create
  
 she...to never deny God
in whatever she faced
 so she shoulders damage
left behind–
 by carelessness
and self hate
 building her rose‒ 
from a destroyer's
intentional state
  
 she knows‒ 
she gave it all
 she wasn't some pity rage doll–
 standing somewhere in stall
 she answered a simple call
 –others led her to fall
 not caring
the damage at all
  
 oh! how
she can stand tall–
 she picked herself up
from the fall
 using the rest of her life
in God's hall
 lost to true love's
missed call
 she knows‒ 
she gave it her all
 –it was not her
that caused
the fall!
Continue reading “‘Shouldering Damage’”

‘The Bitch of It’

Sometimes you just gotta to be a bitch!

A sample from Book 12

  The Bitch of It
  
 what the hell!
all of it
 you hear that, you hear this
 ‒what is it!
  
 first they want thin
then they want fat
 first they want blond
then they want black
 first they want
a down-with-it bitch
 then they want
a church-going chick
 first they want
the naught of it
 then they want just sit
 first they want
the free-thinking kind‒
 intelligent and shit
 then they make
the do-it-my-way dip
  
 what the hell!
all of it
 you hear that, you hear this
 ‒what is it!
  
 first they want
drama-free tits
 then they add the fits
 first they want
the sex-driven licks
 then they forget how to kiss
 first they want real's click
 then goes backwards the flips
  
 what the hell!
all of it
 you hear that, you hear this
 ‒setting confusion's tick
  
 it's all the bitch of it
 flip, flip, flip
 when you're trying
to get a grip
 the crap of it...clip
  
 old bitches come in to sip
 trying to slyly unzip
 when down falls
their run-away crib
  
 new bitches force in a rip
 sending those pussy pics
 flirting to get a hit
 trying to fill
voids in the flip
  
 for a secured woman's commit‒
 it's all a big trip
a playground's nip
 she doesn't have time to rip
 ‒quivering lips curl
to laugh's fit
 because....
she's the bitch of it
Continue reading “‘The Bitch of It’”

‘Frustrated Notions’

Don’t let anyone halt your dreams!

A sample from Book 11

 Frustrated Notions
  
 the planes fly
 just as they did when I died
 ‒came back alive
  
 music still plays
 on the radio
in the same way
 as back in the day
 when every piece of life
 seemed to just go away
  
 the sun shines
even in a different state
 everything's find
except one‒
 a meaning in define
 the way...crossing that line
 ‒the other side
of the rhythm and rhyme
  
 plagued in this frustrated notion
 a little self-induced commotion
 focus on you indication
 ‒away from all the ramifications
 that sunk me in damnation
  
 knowing from which it all comes
 ‒sometimes, stuck in dumb
 waiting around‒ 
dropped bread crumbs
 to build an inside beating strum
 from some kind of outward drum
 that never seems to come
  
 this fucked up halt
 ‒encaged self-provided vault
 has it all locked
a walled-up block
 as time keeps ticking
on the clock
  
 fight, fight, fight
  
 it's all there in sight
just one more night
 ‒do what's right
minus the blight
  
 winds still blow
waters still flow
 as imagined thoughts flaunt
 its desire to haunt
 just playing its taunt
  
 fight, fight, fight
  
 climb that final mountain top
 ‒don't stop
 as planes fly
as the sun shines
 as winds blow
as waters flow
 ‒it's all God's† big show
 to the other side
it's time for the ride
 feel the second half of life
 without any
frustrating tides
Continue reading “‘Frustrated Notions’”

‘Thoughts in Suicide’

When you’re driven to the point of wanting to take your life!

A sample from Book 11

 Thoughts in Suicide
  
 I sit to write‒
I had a destructive night
 one...again...I had to fight
 get out, get out
I screamed in shout
 then alone I pout
wanting to die
 ‒these thoughts in suicide
  
 I gather the pills
 then to the floor
let them spill
 then picked up the phone
 dialed somewhere
not to feel so alone
  
 1-800-273-8255 press 1
 my crying's already won
death won't come
 I can't forget‒ 
a promise not moved to undone
  
 she waits in my thoughts
 the one in memories
brought
 the one to the floor
pills fell
 myself's destruction
caught
Continue reading “‘Thoughts in Suicide’”

‘Source’

Anxiety created from the fight against codependency!

A sample from Book 11

  Source
  
 she waits‒ 
closes her eyes
 breathes deep
 ‒her face tingles
her heart races
 her palms sweat‒
 a heat under her skin
rises...coming quick
  
 shh...she repeats to herself
  
 each sound
each speck of light

 builds the burning

she fights
  
 shh...again and again
  
 don't do it...not again
 she begs repeatedly
  
 settle down, please
  
 begging, begging

   the exploding need 
 
 building, building
  
 forcing her mouth closed
 forcing her body steal
 ‒as tears stream down her face
  
 begging, begging
  
 can't you see...anyone
 can't you see
I'm trying, trying...
 my grip is slipping...
  
 as she loses control‒
 her mouth yells
or her tears fall
 ‒no matter who's around
 down, down, down
she falls
  
 back to a child‒ 
innocent, broken
 just for a while
  
 'til she regains
strengthens
 to go
one more round
in life's paradigm
 where between herself
and herself
she fights
  
 hoping, hoping
  
 the next time‒ 
she'll steady the line
 ‒that too often...
 breaks her holding-together vine
  
Continue reading “‘Source’”

‘Disillusionment’

When politics blinds your truth!

A sample from Book 11

 Disillusionment  

 she stood there shaking
 what have I done‒
 causing this imagined awakening
 ‒have I forsaken
 forgive me, Lord†
ease this hating
  
 in her silence
her heart opened
 ‒a simple token
 what truly lived
in this here maiden
  
 she watched them all
 as the stones began to fall
 ‒to her knees
no longer...she felt tall
 over and over
coming at her skin‒
 little hard balls
  
 then a sudden stall
stopped...silence
 a mere moment
she recalled
  
 the dust settled
 her tightly closed eyes opened
 upon her dress‒
 tiny red splattered drops dribbled
 her pain...tiny tickles
 what...a blink before‒ 
it seemed a fable
  
 her fear lifted‒  
was this a gift
 her sins shifting
to ultimate's forgiveness
 ‒this she did not know
 but the sudden stop
 ‒she felt her heart unfold
  
 cast your stone‒ 
if clean...your bones
  
 she heard the voice
then the made choice
 as all around
stone after stone
 hit...not her
but the ground
  
 silence remained
she still knelt‒
 in blood stains
 as shifting of feet
the sudden in retreat
  
 silence...not daring
to lift her head
 then a shadow overcame the red
 a hand reached out
get up child
 a mere whisper without shout
  
 strength from Him† came
 as her legs rose
 ‒her eyes did the same
  
 His† light dried her tears
 all became so clear‒ 
her heart felt clean
 in His† eyes...she seen‒ 
truth's unending scene
 her life redeemed
it wasn't a dream
 ‒pure and serene
forever...trust in Him†
 she proclaimed
 for the Lord†...by her side
remained
Continue reading “‘Disillusionment’”

‘My Turn, Your Turn’

You can’t take other people’s opinion of you seriously!

A sample from Book 9

 My Turn, Your Turn
(Sweet Man)
  
 I'm not you
you're not me
 in this
can we agree
  
 there's pain‒ 
I've taken it
to gain
 thinking‒ 
I'm insane
  
 me...you blamed
called me names
 ‒your smeared campaign
left me in open terrain
 running like a hurricane
 ‒remorse uncontained
 returning
provoked disdain
 batting back
in profane
my I...redirected blame
 taking, absorbing‒  
leaving me totally drained
  
 ‒all so, so in vain‒
  
 in you...pain remains
 ‒I've not gained fame
just added pain
 in me...a mixed-up pang
  
 I'm not you
you're not me
 in this
can we agree
  
 without shame‒ 
from all other's pain
abstain
 my I to reclaim‒
 separated...strained
silencing the rein
 my own thinking
regained
  
 in God†
I acclaim
 ‒all that re-directed pain
 forced anger
in defame‒ 
abolished...maimed
  
 I've released the inflame‒
 filling my own inane
 understanding self-love's domain‒
 to self first
be humane
  
 I'm not you
you're not me
 in this
can we agree
  
 your pain
is your pain
  
 no longer
in me
do I ingrain
 what's not mine
to explain
  
 I'll let you yell, complain‒
 my I...constrained
 these boundaries
can't be drained
  
 have your say
 me...you can't arraign
 my I...in God's† grace
remains
  
 I'm not you
you're not me
 in this
there's no choice
  but to agree
Continue reading “‘My Turn, Your Turn’”

‘360’

You have to re-examine the past first!

A sample from Book 9

 360
  
 Lord†, You† took me
around
 sound, bound, found
then back around
  
 ‒a 360
showing me what's wrong‒
 all around me
  
 I've seen plenty
 I know in surety‒ 
it's not me
 round and round
 ‒every degree
 others can't see clarity
 in self‒  
running on empty
  
 Lord†, I thank You†
 I would have never
known‒
 all this view
if it weren't for You†
 taking me through
  
 I pray
these words‒ 
I have to say
 some call
silly riddles
 ‒but standing on principles
 breaks hearts
after all
  
 like the roundness
of balls
 we surely fall
 ‒after the sudden
stall
  
 the total...360
round, round
 I openly see‒ 
after tears
 I'm ready to be
what in me
You† see
  
 Lord†, in Your† hands
 I place me
this journey‒ 
back in trust
 forward...I'm ready
for the thrust
Continue reading “‘360’”