‘Knowing is Living’

Don’t Be Afraid To Follow Your Heart!

A sample from Book 7

(March 29, 2015)—[‘Knowing is Living’ was written November 27, 2014.] I’m on my [fourth] year…2012 (complete darkness), 2013 (a mixture), 2014 (more light than dark), 2015 (still no total of light).

For me, having fibro doesn’t help the healing get anywhere fast. Having PTSD doesn’t either. This is hard to talk about, hard to admit to myself, but it’s fact. I’ve struggled through jobs, struggled through several uninteresting semi-courtships. I thought I was ready for something a little longer. Nope. The PTSD handled that really quick.

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‘Spaces of Real’

That Place Where You Are No Longer Hurting!

A sample from Book 7

(February 27, 2016)―[‘Spaces of Real’ was written November 12, 2014.] At the end of 2014, I was at the end of the bargaining [depression] stage. I wasn’t through with it, but I was willing to try on a relationship. I was willing to start trusting. I thought I was ready for the acceptance stage. I wasn’t really. I will go on to bargain through most of 2015.

I truly wanted to be in the acceptance stage. I was done with grieving. I wanted to be happy. I wanted to love. Grief doesn’t give a rat’s tail to what you want! And what’s the worse thing about this part is that someone comes along and you want to go there…put your heart in it, and it’s just not time. That was my entrance to 2015.

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”Read Books”

Don’t Let Suicide Take You!

A sample from Book 7

(November 9, 2014)—I have over 2,500 poems written and I’m currently typing in two composition journals of them before I start seriously getting into the book I’m writing, although, I did write several pages on it this morning. I am a writer. That’s what I’ve always been no matter what I was doing for money. I’ve always been a writer. Always. I have journals dating back to when I was eight years old. No, I’m not kidding.

Just about the same time I stopped seriously journaling, I started writing poetry. Almost my entire marriage is documented through my writing. So is most of my childhood.

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‘Pillars of Death’

Depression: The Feeling of Your Own Death!

A sample from Book 7

(December 5, 2014)—Today is one of those emotional days. A woman in her 40’s has to face them if she likes it or not. But is it just hormones? It’s getting closer to Christmas. I have come to hate the idea of Christmas. I used to cherish it. I used to decorate and enjoy people coming to my home and feel love and joy.

Mama always made Christmas special, and she embedded that in me. Now, it’s different. I spoke to my mama last night and she asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told her nothing. I bought myself a new bike and a computer. That’s all the material things I need. But, I guess there is something I want. Truth. I want an explanation to why they so easily buried me. Isn’t that something I deserve?

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‘Veiling of Truth’

Speak Your Truth or Live in Captivity!

A sample from Book 7

(June 10, 2014)—A lot of folks in their 40’s can relate to this. ‘Veiling of Truth’…We often struggle with telling the one person we love the most what we really feel inside. We battle with the question: What will they think?It’s impressionable. Their reaction. It’s important. Their reaction. Mainly, because they are the ones we love more than anyone one earth.

We first battle with: Should I tell them?Then we battle with: Will they still love me?It’s an inner battle first. And, yes, it’s a battle. The silent, most devastating kind. It gets to a point when you have no choice but to speak it. It’s a very scary moment. It’s a moment that can change your life forever.

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‘Reality’s Unjust’

Dating Sites Lead You To Unjust Fantasy!

A sample from Book 7

(May 24, 2014)—I have gone on a number of dates byway of dating sites. I always come home with this cold, let-down feeling. My daughter, currently the wiser of us, told me to let go of my expectations, don’t judge a book by its cover, and get to know the person.

It was over 20 years since I was on the dating scene and things are a bit different and it’s not easy to fit in. For one, I’m much older and I have that feeling that time is running out. Second, the men are placing this instant satisfaction idea out there that if we don’t meet up to their expectations, we don’t get the second date.

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‘I’m But a Child’

Take It To God and Let the Child In You Breathe!

A sample from Book 7

(April 5, 2014)—These people came near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is made up only of rules taught by men.―Isaiah 29:13

Maybe, this work was inspired by the movie God’s Not Dead or a dream I had the other night about me being blind and forcing me to ask the question: What is it that I’m not seeing?However, I was inspired and it was written.

There comes a time in your life when it’s just you and Him, and no one else. It doesn’t matter how much you tell yourself that your faith is not shaken or weakened. It is that one place or another in your life that it is. Maybe, that’s our turning point, the darkness you can call it, when He wants us to decided: Are we in or are we out?

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‘Shallow Bumps’

Learn This: Love Takes Patience

A sample from Book 7

(June 18, 2014)—When you love someone, you want to always forgive them. When you love someone, you forgive over and over until you sometimes lose yourself in the process. Sometimes…sometimes you don’t realize how much you’ve lost in yourself until love has changed its course and leaves you on the side of the road with your hands in the air saying WTF! It’s only then do you realize the loss.

When that happens and you’re left alone, you begin searching for fulfillment. The only problem is…you’re not exactly sure what the hell you need fulfilled. You end up traveling in one direction only to turn around and travel in another. It takes time. Many dead-end roads go by until you realize what it is that you need. That’s where ‘Shallow Bumps’ comes from.

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‘Hype Me Up’

We Women Just Want to be Hyped Up!

A sample from Book 7

(January 17, 2014)—Some of you found your perfect partner in life. Some of you made some mistakes, decided too fast, and had to start all over in your search. That’s where I am in life. I sit and think: What do I really want in a life partner? That’s where ‘Hype Me Up!’ comes from.

I don’t want much. Money, material things…has nothing to do with real happiness. When you sit and think about what you really want in a partner, you begin to see happy is all that matters.

When you are young, the ring, the house, the cars, the trips, the clothes catches your attention fast. It’s easy to get lost in it. But when you are older, wiser, you see the truthful meaning of life. Maybe, showing us our initial mistakes is God’s way of saying: My child, I want you to really be happy. I let you make your own choices so you can learn. Now, it’s My turn to step in and show you your mistake then move you to what real happiness is like.

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‘Bringing Her Back’

She’s Inside There. Go Get Her!

A sample from Book 7

(January 3, 2014)—I can’t promise my journey won’t return to that dreadful circle I’ve been on, but I can have faith that today I have a little more strength than yesterday. Sometimes, it helps just to stop in your tracks and listen to nature, to God, and tune out everything and everybody around you.

In the darkness, these moments can save you from destruction. I know it has saved me countless times. Love the skin you’re in because you are worth it.

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