‘Hidden Treasure’

 Hidden Treasure
  
 I found it
in the mince of broken
 it was afraid and hidden
 an abundantly harvested token
 ‒over used and forsaken
  
 I took it in
without fear's notion
 ‒not even feeling a demotion
 I bathed
in its scented potion
 rolled around
in its storied creation
  
 I overlooked‒ 
its wicked formation
 for I saw‒ 
a different translation
 ‒one that needed
a believer's gratification
 one with a heart-filled formulation
  
 I listened
to its every beckon
 sometimes, in stages of drunken
  
 all around...deemed it poison
 something to be shackled‒ 
in a far-away prison
  
 I threw out‒ 
traditionalized opinions
 nothing stuck‒ 
rotten or forbidden
 its scent just heightened
 ‒nothing could be wrong
or mistaken
  
 I moved like lightening
 intentional burns‒ 
gone...forgotten
 ‒days passing slow, steadfast‒ 
good ridden!
 I drove it‒ 
to an endless vacation
 ‒whatever conviction
out...came my eviction
  
 I smiled as I saw its rising
 all my stops...fully opened
 pulling it out of hopeless‒
 with my inner-most motivation
 ‒a darkened star had risen!
  
 I fought everything
in grand petition
 every inside concentration‒
 I put aside
rose to the occasion
 ‒with the fierceness of driven
 this hidden treasure
overcoming every treason
 to become the lamination
of a new generation!
  
 stop!....
  
 reveal
came its different ideas written
 all avenues taken‒ 
off records...stricken
 –beating all those defeating‒ 
overcoming...petitions
 a losing validation!
  
 I lost to its mention
 ‒there...in its private station
 came to life‒ 
its own treasure hidden
 in all its careful motions‒
 belts and strings
forcefully tightened
  
 I craved to be enlightened
 –nothing valued...given
 anything to elevate my vision
 halted in moments of frighten
  
 I fought constant bent roads‒
 tried to straighten
tried to remember each lesson
 through all that glistened‒
 it had its own secrets woven
 ‒knowledge in listen
 mixing up pointless decisions
 taking all the forgivens
 icing them‒ 
in the forever of frozen
  
 yes, I found it
in the mince of broken
 it was afraid and hidden
 an abundantly harvested token
 ‒over used and forsaken
  
 but all the good of will‒ 
off...steadily shakened
 breathing‒ 
living a horrid token
 in anger's hidden conviction
 ‒all that's been stolen‒ 
on others
its constant reliving
  
 it found its way‒ 
in rebuilding
 using knowledge given
 slashing‒ 
all help's salutations
 keeping to itself‒ 
a stolen formulation
 ‒to avoid sharing‒ 
treasures hidden
 as I sit
in lost wanderings–
 moments
I took it
out of forsaken

(April 17, 2019)―Life Is Preserved By Righteousness. Righteousness is Obedience. Recognizing God’s Healing Power. Knowing Forgiveness is Available. Forgiveness Is A Must In Self and In World Peace.

Parable of Hidden Treasure—The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field.—Matthew 13:44

‘Hidden Treasure’…Have you ever helped another, and then all that help seemed lost in forsaken? Sometimes, we are sent to people to move them forward. It doesn’t mean we are meant to stay. It simply means that God saw our potential to help another human being, so He moved the pieces in order for us to be able to help.

Love works in mysterious ways. It really does. In my experiences, I don’t handle the can’t stay very well. I still deeply love, but the rage builds because that look of love is no longer there in the other person, or that return the favor thing is not there. Somehow, it turns to bitterness and I scream wanting to say, ‘Don’t you see what I’ve done for you?’ Instead, what comes out of my mouth is hate, anger and bitterness.

We aren’t supposed to be this way. We are supposed to love anyway. We are supposed to care anyway. We are supposed to be totally grateful that God chose us to move another human being from broken to healing. We are supposed to forgive and live in harmony.

‘Hidden Treasure’…Often times, those we help find their treasure, then we are cased aside. It hurts. But…are we to be angry? Or…are we to be grateful that they found their treasure in the first place?

[Side Note: Matthew 13:44 has many interpretations. Two really good ones I’ve included here on this website, their entire articles, because those who are more scholared in the field of biblical studied far outweighs my knowledge. Those two articles: ‘The Case of the Buried Treasure’ and ‘Commentaries: Matthew 13:44-46‘ are so powerful and so on cue that I couldn’t stop reading them. I hope that you find them just as beneficial.]

We can’t have peace in our own world…our own life…if we can’t forgive others for the wrongs they’ve done. After all, they are doing the best that they can, too. Sometimes, their best is not what we consider their best because what they do hurts us. We let it hurt us and we get angry and we let that anger fester and we spill it out and that makes the situation worse.

It’s so very hard not to get angry. Isn’t it? But that’s that evil whore taking over our lives. And we let it because we feel the other party deserves our anger, deserves to feel just as horrible as we do! That’s that evil whore again!

What others do to propel their lives forward is always mixed in confusion in their own mind. The same goes for us. Life is about taking chances, listening to what God wants us to do, even if that doesn’t make sense in the great ole big scheme of things. We don’t know what God’s plan is. But we do know that His plans are always for the greater good of the human race. So, we often get hurt in the process. That hurt is coming from that evil whore. God knows best. Remember: That evil whore does NOT want what God wants. And even though God is more powerful, He allows that evil whore to come into the picture to test our strength. That’s important to remember, but easy to forget.

As in ‘The Case of the Buried Treasure,’ where Ray C. Stedman reminds us that Jesus came to tell us the secrets of the kingdom of God…He tells us in His parables exactly what God wants from us: Peace! We don’t listen very well because of those evil-whore emotions that attack us and fill our minds with negative bullshit and we, often times, believe that shit!

That’s where unconditional love and freewill come into play. These are God’s greatest gifts to us. We have the choice to choose God’s love. We have the freedom to choose to feel love or feel hate. We have the choice to decide, on our own accord, how we will react to any given situation and how we will express our emotions.

Oh! How that evil whore likes that freedom! It learns our reactionary selves and it steals our ability, in any given moment, to control…choose…how we will respond. Boy! Does it like that shit! Instead of peace, we, often times, choose strife. In the heats of moments…that’s when we are the weakest and that evil whore comes in to play. Afterwards, we are down on ourselves because we know what we said or did was wrong, and we wrestle in our minds what happened, and, a lot of times, those thoughts begin to build more anguish because, instead of turning to God like we are instructed, we leave those holes open in our minds and that evil whore plants even more shit in there for us to fester.

It is so hard to overcome this. In Battlefield of the Mind, Meyer gives plenty of Scripture to fight these evil thoughts. Also in My 12-Book Series, as I’m fighting that evil whore, I give a whole lot of scriptures as well as share positive thinking that helps the fight even more.

‘Hidden Treasure’…My books are all about unveiling this hidden treasure! When we are in our darkest of moments…everything that we know, everything that we’ve been taught, somehow gets thrown out the window. We are broken. We are hurt. We feel betrayed. We feel forsaken. Some even deny Jesus and God Himself! That’s that evil whore by the way. God lets this happen. You can get mad all you want. Book of Job! He wants something of us. He wants to rebuild us. The treasure…we are being moved in order for us to truly discover the secret in the treasure.

As in ‘The Case of the Hidden Treasure,’ Stedman explains Matthew 13:44 extremely well, as well as how it relates to the other parables in Matthew 13, and how it all relates to the world. This article was written years ago, but it still applies to today’s world. Peace. The search of how to obtain it and the secret behind obtaining it. As much as Stedman applies this parable to the world, we can apply it to our personal lives. The search for the meaning of life is truly in finding our peace.

The commentators in Commentaries: Matthew 13:44-46 explains more of the relation to self. Both articles scream truth in that Jesus hid Himself in order for us to re-find Him…as in the rebuilding of our selves after we are brought down to the darkness. God is truly amazing in that way!

In my darkness, I was sent many people to help me. Then they were gone. After we are brought…built…back up, it is our turn to help rebuild another person. It doesn’t matter if the stay is there or not, we did what we were called to do. That is very important in the spiritual rem of things. It truly doesn’t matter in the worldliness of life. As in Ellicott’s commentary, we don’t take anything with us when we die. All things belong to God anyway. So, it doesn’t matter if we aren’t repaid or something is stolen from us…as in we feel used…it does NOT matter. Everything belongs to God.

This is hard to take. I know. But it is truth all the same. As long as we do right in the eyes of God, nothing else matters. If those we help hurt us or do wrong things to us, it’s their price to pay. Our biggest test is to live in humbleness. Hard. Especially, if you have suffered any form of abuse.

I saw long ago that God brought abuse to me in order for me to reach out to others and help them overcome it. I know I post things about narcissists a lot, and maybe, some take that as hatefulness. In a sense, it is because I get angry over this behavior. In part, because of what is done to me, but mostly, it’s because of their behavior and them not doing anything to fix it, to right it for themselves.

I’ve always been this way. I hurt for others’ behavior. I hurt for their sins, their wrongful ways…because there’s a penalty for that and it’s not of the human kind. People can say they are constantly forgiven for everything they do, but there is a line drawn. It’s in the Bible. That is the point in which I hurt for others. They seem not to see that line. I guess I’m like this because I have such a soft heart.

Abuse has changed a part of me. It brought anger to the surface. It opened holes for that evil whore to play in. Abuse was a violation of my safety, of my trust, of all the stableness that I maintained in my life. It has driven me to say things I would never have said in a million years before abuse entered my door. But it wasn’t just what abuse did to me directly, it was also watching it done, hearing it. Verbal abuse to someone you truly love is devastating to a child. You watch helplessly and you see the tears and frustration, then you hear the silence…it never being discussed, so you grow in your mind that that is how it is, supposed to be!

It’s all a lie.

It’s taken me 50 years to fully understand this. In relationships, I never set my boundaries. I never said, ‘You can’t talk to me that way,’ or ‘You can’t treat me that way,’ and actually enforce it. I talked and talked, but mainly I focused on my feelings…wrong! I never was direct. I never stood my ground on what I truly stood for. Instead of walking out doors, I stood there and allowed more of the wrong to manifest. I allowed that evil whore to steal, destroy and kill any form of happiness that I was after.

It is entirely up to us to find that secret, that hidden treasure within ourselves. No one else can do that for us. No one else can magically bring happy to our lives. Relationships happen naturally. If the other person in your relationship is not naturally giving, doing, saying the right things and you don’t want your relationship to end, then you have to step back, give it to the Lord.

I am so hard-headed in so many ways. I knew the secret. I knew all about the hidden treasure and what to do with it. I knew! I didn’t listen. I let that evil whore use my mind, my mouth, my everything…boy! it so enjoys my holes!

Take my advice. Give it to the Lord. Truly. When anything hateful wants to come out your mouth, stop it. Literally, put tape on your mouth if you have to! Just don’t say it. I write about my journey, so I didn’t just say it, I wrote about it. My calling has always been to write the truth. I did. So, my life is so very hard because to find someone who understands how they made me feel, how they made me react and do something about it instead of condemning me for writing…for continuing my calling, is sadly, thus far, impossible.

You can’t change other people’s reactions. You can’t say that just because you wrote about it, doesn’t mean it can’t be changed, fixed. No. In my experience with writing my journey, 12-Books and counting, people don’t look at what they do and say. They only look at what I do because I write it out loud. So, I’m held completely accountable for everything. And, because of that, my reactionary self blows up in flames!

Matthew 13:44. I have to turn that part of me around. Peace. It does not matter what others do or say to me. It’s how I react that matters. This requires some serious self training! It’s something that is utmost important to me. I was not always like this. I know this stupid reactionary self is not who I truly am. This is a major part of my confessional! I’m in the last half of life. I want peace. Truly. And bathing myself in that hidden treasure is the only way to obtain it.

As a woman, I can say that being close to God is very important. A solid relationship is very important. Having that one person walk by my side, wanting to be there, proud that I’m by his side is very important. Having that one person know me…really know me and love me, little faults and all, and wanting to share all his world with me…that is extremely important to me. Having that one person wanting me in all ways…like I’m the last desert he’ll ever have…oh! my, that is extremely important to me. Having someone who doesn’t even think of being with anyone else, who doesn’t doubt that I’m the one, who wants…wants to spend the rest of his life by my side is THE most important thing to me when it comes to a relationship…right along with the fact that he loves Jesus and praises God as strongly as I do! Amen. Loyalty. Love. Faithfulness. Honesty. Time. In my heart, that is ALL that I need. Sure, material things are nice. They are not what I need to have peace!

In making my mistakes, I’m again at that stage of starting over completely. I truly hate this process. I hate dating. I hate having to tell someone else, a totally new person, all about me. I don’t want to. It’s too frustrating. Fuck! To me, there should have been just ONE person in the whole world who knows all of me.

At this stage in my life, too many people know too much about my inner world! I hate that. Despise that. I never wanted this. I do write about a major portion of my life. In the most honest form I know. But there are little things about me that I don’t write. That’s totally private. I only wanted ONE person to know these things. To trust someone with those things is truly hard. I honestly don’t want to reveal myself to another person…ever!

That’s how all these failed relationships make me feel. Trusting another human being with my life is a very BIG deal for me. I don’t want to start over with yet another person! I’ve wasted so much time on too many people already that’s totally let me down. That’s sad to say, but I’m being totally, brutally honest. This new idea of love is totally sad. I really don’t want any part of it. I know that much about myself!

Know what you want. Learn what you need…truly need for peace. Find that hidden treasure in yourself. Love. If your relationship is in trouble, turn to God. War Room is a good movie to help you begin this journey. Really read the two articles that go with this commentary. They will truly open up your eyes. If you are in the depths of your darkness, get my books. I will guide you through it, each day, each freaking minute. You aren’t crazy, loony, whatever…the grief process is normal. You are doing just find. Feel free to contact me. Share my work. May God bless you always. –k. e. leger at keleger.com

Review My 12-Book Series. Share my work. Comments surely welcomed. I’ll see you on the other side of your healing journey.