Recognizing Codependency in Yourself!

A sample from Book 9

Oh! Are you in for a treat! I began talking about codependency in Book 6. I didn’t see the horror in it until 2015…that need to make others happy began to affect me in the worse way. The following is part of the Introduction to Book 9 in My 12-Book series.

To heal…to completely heal from abuse, you have to deal with the codependent in you. It won’t be easy. From this book all the way to Book 12, I fought it. You can do it, too. Trust in the journey and get my books…I do have a different answer than most do.

In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent. Offer right sacrifices and trust in the Lord.―Psalm 4

“…What Psalm 4 talks about is not easy to do. When we are in a battle, anger grows. When the need to heal is not allowed, anger grows. When we want to love and there’s an intrusion, anger grows. When at every turn, there’s an obstacle, anger grows. When changes are forced and we have no choice but to change, too, anger grows. When, no matter what we do, people try to force back there on us, anger grows. The war inside: We can’t let anger grow. This is not an outside-influenced war. This is a self-induced war. It is of no one’s fault, but our own.

Anger had come up and tried to consume me once again in 2016, and the only…only…way to fight it was prayer.This is by-far the longest book in this series. For good reason. The metamorphosis continues in a big way in 2016, and all of this that happened this year (and it was a lot) led to a significant change that took place later in 2017.

Many are asking, ‘Who can show us any good,’ let the light of Your face shine upon us, O Lord. You have filled my heart with greater joy than when their grain and new wine abound. I will lie down and sleep in peace, for You alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.―Psalm 4

I first titled this book The Metamorphosis of Self: Continuing the Journey, but I changed the subtitled after editing it to A Delicate Walk because the journey becomes just that…a delicate walk…when unconditional love becomes a true part of the equation.

The journey, at this stage in the healing process (from what I’ve experienced), involves a very personal, from way deep inside, punching through the cocoon of our self-made prison that comes with the fight out of codependency to truly feel self, to truly rely on self for happiness, instead of relying on another human being to fulfill our need for happy.

In my personal journey, that fight first began in 2013 when I learned I was a codependent; but I’ve learned before I could firmly work on my personal war with codependency, I had to get through the first of the five stages of grief: Denial and Isolation, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. Yes, that is the five stages of grief.

I’ve come to learn that there are more stages that follow when abuse is involved…ones not readily talked about. I have been facing them since the end of 2015 head-on in a world mixed in confusion with no absolute way out of it. The biggest of these extra stages: Codependency. There are many books on codependency. There are many types of codependency.

My books are about only one: Codepending on happiness byway of other people, which means we are only happy if other people in our lives are happy, and we’d do whatever it takes to make them happy, even if it means we are unhappy in the process. Our unhappiness does not matter.

You might question this because many of us, including myself, are taught when walking the ways of Jesus, we should make other people happy without thinking of ourselves. This is true. We are also taught that we are expected to give without wanting anything in return. Yes, that is true as well. When that goes too far and we forget who we are, we forget that we matter…that is when making other people happy before ourselves reaches a mentally unstable level.

As I say in the commentary under ‘Attrition’ (which is included in this introduction), this devastating unstable level of codependency becomes equal to having an addiction to drugs. Its unhealthiness leads to (against our own will) the destruction of self in so many ways, as well as the destruction of our personal relationships with loved ones.

Unlike recovering from a drug addiction, recovering from codependency is like being on unchartered waters. No one knows exactly how to break this cycle of depending on others for happiness. I believe the reason behind this is because it is the hardest, most difficult dependency to break, and there are more things involved than just weaning ourselves from a drug.

Our beliefs and traditions play a huge part. We battle with—if I do that, then that person will be upset, if I do this, then that person will be upset—it’s a constant circle of thoughts about what other people will think and do, instead of our own thoughts and beliefs. When we can recognize this simple part of ourselves, then we are on the first steps of recovery….”

Get Your Copy Today!

Paperback: The Metamorphosis of Self—A Delicate Walk…Fighting to Separate Anger and Codependency from Self Book 9

Kindle: The Metamorphosis of Self—A Delicate Walk…Fighting to Separate Anger and Codependency from Self Book 9

Additional On Abuse…Codependency, Narcissism, Trauma…and Healing

(Each page has loads of additional books (in every format), videos, instruction materials, and inspiration gift ideas.):

Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melody Beattie

I Know Why the Cage Bird Sings by Maya Angelou

I Am Malala: How One Girl Stood Up for Education and Changed the World by Malala Yousafzai

Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited by Sam Vaknin

It Wasn’t Your Fault: Freeing Yourself from the Shame of Childhood Abuse with the Power of Self-Compassion by Beverly Engel, LMFT

Pathways to Recovery, A Strengths Recovery Self-Help Workbook by Priscilla Ridgway, Diane McDiarmid, Lori Davidson, Julie Bayes, and Sarah Ratzlaff

Power: Surviving & Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse by Shahida Arabi

Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder by Paul T. Mason and Randi Kreger

The Anger Control Workbook: Getting Through Treatment and Getting Back to Your Life by Dr. Matthew McKay and Dr. Peter Rogers.

Triggers: Creating Behavior That Lasts – Becoming the Person You Want to Be by Marshall Goldsmith and Mark Reiter

Additional Readings On Improving Self and Going After That Dream

(Each page has loads of additional books (in every format), videos, instruction materials, and inspiration gift ideas.):

13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do: Take Back Your Power, Embrace Change, Face Your Fears, and Train Your Brain for Happiness and Success by Amy Morin

A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens

A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose by Eckhart Tolle

A Woman of Substance by Barbara Taylor-Bradford

Become a Better You: 7 Keys to Improving Your Life Every Day by Joel Osteen

Beloved by Toni Morrison

Fearless by Max Lucado

Fifty Shades of Grey by E. J. James

How Not to Be Afraid of Your Own Life by Susan Piver

How Successful People Win by Ben Stein

How To See Yourself As You Really Are by The Dalai Lama

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Love is Letting Go of Fear by Gerald G. Jampolsky, M.D.

Rich Dad Poor Dad: What the Rich Teach Their Kids about Money—That the Poor and Middle Class Do Not! by Robert T. Kiyosaki

Ship of Gold in the Deep Blue Sea by Gary Kinder

Shop Class as Soulcraft: An Inquiry into the Value of Work by Matthew B. Crawford

The 4-Hour Workweek: Escape 9-5, Live Anywhere, and Join the New Rich by Timothy Ferriss

The Third Wave: An Entrepreneur’s Vision of the Future by Steve Case

Tuesdays With Murray: An Old Man, a Young Man, and Life’s Greatest Lesson by Mitch Albom

Who Moved My Cheese? by Spencer Johnson, M. D.

You are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living An Awesome Life by Jen Sincero

You can’t Pay Your Credit Card Bill with a Credit Card and Other Habits of The Financially Confident Woman by Mary Hunt

Author: k. e. leger

I'm a writer.

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