A sample from Book 12
That is the question that I had to end this book with. Going through the trials in life are hard. This year I had to face my mother’s death and the destruction of my three-year relationship, as well fight more health issues while being 1600 miles from all my family.
Codependency had still a hard grip on me, but the anxiety that I had fought through was just about gone. I would have to go through a forced intervention to figure out what the true medicine for codependency and all those negative thoughts were.
Trials are meant for us to grow. We are left with a choice to either fall further down that rabbit hole or get back up, shake the freaking dust off and keep move. I chose to keep moving. The results: 12 books and this website. I don’t regret anything. The following is from the Introduction to the Book 12 in My 12-Book Series. Vow is complete!
“Rebuilding with bricks thrown. This phrase isn’t about rebuilding any material things we might have lost in our lives. No, it’s about our most important asset: Our Mind! We have a choice. We can either continue as we are without addressing the most deepest part of us and continue to go round and round on that endless merry-go-round of self-pity, or we can address that deepest part of us, go through the hurt of it and live a better life.
I did that…going round and round on that endless merry-go-round. It wasn’t working for me. Maybe, it was because of the man I chose to be with these last three years, or maybe, it had to do with losing my mother this past year…I can come up with a thousand excuses, but there was always just one: Me! I kept getting into my own way. I didn’t want to face Me!
What makes me happy?—has been a constant question for nearly 10 years now. In all the struggles of life, I lost all that made me happy. For a while there, I just gave up on regaining what did make me happy. I know it wasn’t all me, but that wasn’t the issue. It never was. Although, I made it an issue. I was wrong. The make-me-happy thing is all about me! No one can make me happy. Not one thing, not one person can make me happy. Only me can make me happy!
For the past three years, I’ve lived with the sweet man. It’s been a rocky, rocky ride. It doesn’t matter who or what he is. It doesn’t. What has always mattered was the codependency of my stupid self! Me…thinking by making others happy by pleasing them, doing for them, buying them stuff would eventually lead to them changing, which (in my lazy head) would make me happy. Not a chance. That’s not how it works.
Of course, I had to learn this myself through whatever course of action God decided I had to go through! I say God because this year has been the most powerful year yet when it comes to understanding God! It didn’t come simple or easy!
The beginning of this year, 2018, my rebuilding came really slow. I was rushing, searching, hurting…not really wanting to face the why of it. The why of it came anyway. The morning of April 29 when my mother took her leave. On that day and the days that followed, I realized the healing of me from the past was done and that I had indeed become this stronger person. No, dealing with the grief was not easy…there was a lot of tears, and I didn’t have that person there who could help me through.
It seems these days people don’t want to be around you when you are mourning. It’s really sad to see this. I know that it says in the Bible to specifically help those in mourning. I can see if it drags on for years and years, but months? I learned a bit of truth in this. If a person can’t be there for you when you mourn, they can’t be there for you in any other capacity of life. They are incapable of empathy, and the little empathy you received in the past was rehearsed or taught.
I’ve written many times that when we get closer to finishing what God wants of us, it will get harder because the devil doesn’t want what God wants. You can argue that until you are blue in the face, this is absolutely correct. After returning to Vegas, after mom’s death, I had mouth surgery, then four weeks later we had to move because our condo was being sold. Things went south really fast.
On top of all of that, my car was wrecked three times between November 2017 and July 2018, and I had to make three trips back to Louisiana, and I published 11 books in one single year…expenses added up. Pressure started building. The codependency fought me hard as well….”
Paperback: The Metamorphosis of Self—Into the Light…Rebuilding with Bricks Thrown Book 12
Kindle: The Metamorphosis of Self—Into the Light…Rebuilding with Bricks Thrown Book 12
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