A sample from Book 12
That is the question that I had to end this book with. Going through the trials in life are hard. This year I had to face my mother’s death and the destruction of my three-year relationship, as well fight more health issues while being 1600 miles from all my family.
Codependency had still a hard grip on me, but the anxiety that I had fought through was just about gone. I would have to go through a forced intervention to figure out what the true medicine for codependency and all those negative thoughts were.
Trials are meant for us to grow. We are left with a choice to either fall further down that rabbit hole or get back up, shake the freaking dust off and keep move. I chose to keep moving. The results: 12 books and this website. I don’t regret anything. The following is from the Introduction to the Book 12 in My 12-Book Series. Vow is complete!
“Rebuilding with bricks thrown. This phrase isn’t about rebuilding any material things we might have lost in our lives. No, it’s about our most important asset: Our Mind! We have a choice. We can either continue as we are without addressing the most deepest part of us and continue to go round and round on that endless merry-go-round of self-pity, or we can address that deepest part of us, go through the hurt of it and live a better life.
I did that…going round and round on that endless merry-go-round. It wasn’t working for me. Maybe, it was because of the man I chose to be with these last three years, or maybe, it had to do with losing my mother this past year…I can come up with a thousand excuses, but there was always just one: Me! I kept getting into my own way. I didn’t want to face Me!
What makes me happy?—has been a constant question for nearly 10 years now. In all the struggles of life, I lost all that made me happy. For a while there, I just gave up on regaining what did make me happy. I know it wasn’t all me, but that wasn’t the issue. It never was. Although, I made it an issue. I was wrong. The make-me-happy thing is all about me! No one can make me happy. Not one thing, not one person can make me happy. Only me can make me happy!
For the past three years, I’ve lived with the sweet man. It’s been a rocky, rocky ride. It doesn’t matter who or what he is. It doesn’t. What has always mattered was the codependency of my stupid self! Me…thinking by making others happy by pleasing them, doing for them, buying them stuff would eventually lead to them changing, which (in my lazy head) would make me happy. Not a chance. That’s not how it works.
Of course, I had to learn this myself through whatever course of action God decided I had to go through! I say God because this year has been the most powerful year yet when it comes to understanding God! It didn’t come simple or easy!
The beginning of this year, 2018, my rebuilding came really slow. I was rushing, searching, hurting…not really wanting to face the why of it. The why of it came anyway. The morning of April 29 when my mother took her leave. On that day and the days that followed, I realized the healing of me from the past was done and that I had indeed become this stronger person. No, dealing with the grief was not easy…there was a lot of tears, and I didn’t have that person there who could help me through.
It seems these days people don’t want to be around you when you are mourning. It’s really sad to see this. I know that it says in the Bible to specifically help those in mourning. I can see if it drags on for years and years, but months? I learned a bit of truth in this. If a person can’t be there for you when you mourn, they can’t be there for you in any other capacity of life. They are incapable of empathy, and the little empathy you received in the past was rehearsed or taught.
I’ve written many times that when we get closer to finishing what God wants of us, it will get harder because the devil doesn’t want what God wants. You can argue that until you are blue in the face, this is absolutely correct. After returning to Vegas, after mom’s death, I had mouth surgery, then four weeks later we had to move because our condo was being sold. Things went south really fast.
On top of all of that, my car was wrecked three times between November 2017 and July 2018, and I had to make three trips back to Louisiana, and I published 11 books in one single year…expenses added up. Pressure started building. The codependency fought me hard as well….”
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Paperback: The Metamorphosis of Self—Into the Light…Rebuilding with Bricks Thrown Book 12
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Additional Readings On The Law of Attraction, Spirituality and the Mind
(Each page has loads of additional books (in every format), videos, instruction materials, and inspiration gift ideas.):
Battle Field of The Mind: Winning the Battle in Your Mind by Joyce Meyer
Cathechism of the Catholic Church Published by Doubleday
Chicken Soup for the Soul by Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen, and Amy Newmark
Christ the King Lord of History by Anne W. Carrol
Daily Devotions: Wisdom From the Bible to Light Your Way by Gerard Kalan
Essence of the Heart Sutra by The Dalai Lama
Fasting to Freedom: A Revolution of Body and Spirit by Ron Langerquist
Money, and the Law of Attraction: Learning to Attract Wealth, Health, and Happiness by Esther and Jerry Hicks
Mystical Traveler: How to Advance to a Higher Level of Spirituality by Sylvia Brown
No Matter What! 9 Steps to Living the Life You Love by Lisa Nichols
Notes from the Universe: New Perspectives from an Old Friend by Mike Dooley
Peace, Prosperity and the Coming Holocaust: The New Age Movement in Prophecy by Dave Hunt
Proof of Heaven: A Neurosurgeon’s Journey into the Afterlife by Eben Alexander, M.D.
The Answer: Grow Any Business, Achieve Financial Freedom, and Live an Extraordinary Life by John Assaraf and Murray Smith
The Astonishing Power of Emotions: Let Your Feelings Be Your Guide by Esther and Jerry Hicks
The Daily Bible In Chronological Order 365 Daily Readings New International Version
The Law of Attraction: The Basics of the Teachings of Abraham by Esther and Jerry Hicks
The Mind Connection: How the Thoughts You Choose Affect Your Mood, Behavior and Decisions by Joyce Meyer
The New American Bible Published by World Catholic Press
The Secret by Rhonda Bryne
Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill
War Room: Prayer Is a Powerful Weapon by Chris Fabry
Additional On Abuse…Codependency, Narcissism, Trauma…and Healing
(Each page has loads of additional books (in every format), videos, instruction materials, and inspiration gift ideas.):
Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melody Beattie
I Know Why the Cage Bird Sings by Maya Angelou
I Am Malala: How One Girl Stood Up for Education and Changed the World by Malala Yousafzai
Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited by Sam Vaknin
It Wasn’t Your Fault: Freeing Yourself from the Shame of Childhood Abuse with the Power of Self-Compassion by Beverly Engel, LMFT
Pathways to Recovery, A Strengths Recovery Self-Help Workbook by Priscilla Ridgway, Diane McDiarmid, Lori Davidson, Julie Bayes, and Sarah Ratzlaff
Power: Surviving & Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse by Shahida Arabi
Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder by Paul T. Mason and Randi Kreger
The Anger Control Workbook: Getting Through Treatment and Getting Back to Your Life by Dr. Matthew McKay and Dr. Peter Rogers.
Triggers: Creating Behavior That Lasts – Becoming the Person You Want to Be by Marshall Goldsmith and Mark Reiter
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