Tag: cheaters

‘Knife’

Surviving the Knife of Those Who Betray You!

A sample from Book 12

(April 21, 2018)—That knife becomes weaker when we gain the support of others, when we start to see the true meaning behind our life. That knife doesn’t come out that easy especially when you see everyone’s true disclosure.

There’s so much to say, then there’s nothing to say. I have this much on my mind: If they don’t want to see you, it doesn’t matter what you say or do, they won’t see you.

I’ve said a lot here on Facebook. I revealed a lot…but there’s a lot I haven’t revealed. So you only get a piece of the puzzle…never the whole picture. Why? Because I do have a life and part of that life is private as for everyone else. There’s a lot of pain I cover up…and, yes, there is still pain. There will always be pain because an entire portion of my life has been wiped out…and not by choice.

I tried calling my daughter. It appears that she’s changed her number. I think that odd because the words I last typed her in text were answers to words she said to me, but I’m held totally accountable. Why? Oh, because I’m 49 years old and should know better. I’m the mom…but that doesn’t come into affect when I’m called by my name instead of Mom. Just saying….

 Knife
  
 it was put in there‒ 
nice and tight
 when I move around
to the left, to the right
 it reveals its price
 ‒how it changed my life
 the strength it took‒ 
robbing my mind
 the way it makes me wanna fight
 even if it isn't right
 even if I said...say...things impolite
 I was...am...gonna fight
 ‒even while speaking of the light
  
 at times, I feel like a poltergeist
 a faded memory...sliced and diced
 forgotten the way I was
 forever entombed in what I've become
 not a homicide
 ‒a genocide of all that was nice
 womanly, motherly...dignified
 downgraded to a parasite
 ‒not fit for normal's life
  
 should I be lost in contrite
 bowed down in pity...outright
 or was I absolutely right
turning childlike
 begging for help‒ 
from Jesus Christ†
  
 who has the right to decide‒ 
I'm the sacrifice
 in order for them‒ 
to have their paradise
  
 who had the right‒ 
shift truth to lies
 bury this knife
in what used to be‒
 a mother, sister, daughter, wife
  
 in me...it so mystifies
 how everyone becomes tongue-tied
 when abuse is in transcribe
 ‒the victim screams in alive
 how extreme...me...it mortifies
 that, no matter which way‒ 
death...comes in die
 twist, twist, twist the knife
 gone daughter, sister, mother, wife
  
 rebuilding exemplified
the alibis become jives
 words in wisdom...just implied
 while words...wombs...rob the mind
 memories of building the first life‒
 took one times forty-five
  
 pull, pull, pull out the knife
time in modify
 is there another forty-five
 my, my, my how it mystifies
 what comes of‒ 
pulling out the knife
Continue reading “‘Knife’”

”Secret’ No More!’

Their Play Is All the Same!

A sample from Book 9

 'Secret' No More!
  
 the cat's out the bag
  
 on the surface‒ 
I no longer scratch
 ‒don't want to sound
like a hag
 not even a nag
 but I'm done
playing this little game
of tag
  
 I no longer want
the jab‒ 
that sneaky, sly syntax
 keeping me in a corner
my existence entrapped
 ‒secrets over nightcaps
  
 for so long
at it
I merely laughed
 playing along‒
 this hidden
out-of-sight craft
  
 for so long
I fell into its path
 to feel barely half
of a lover's swag
  
 not any more
do these eyes sag
 I now see
the repeated red flags
  
 here they are‒ 
if you want to keep track
 here they are‒ 
if your eyes
 are stuck in lack:
  
 away from public view‒
 begins
the slow, gentle snatch
  
 text this, text that 

 a hi here
a hey there
even the wyd flair
  
 then the ignore‒ 
playing-with-the-mind anthrax's
 added-on little snap
  
 maybe a phone call or two‒
 avoiding a bit of snag
  
 (the now understood common trap)
  
 oh! how texting does that
  
 ‒just a tiny dab
 the get-what-they-want hatch
  
 turning texting to sexting
in a flash
  
 then sit back...relax
as she falls in the trap
 her mind...now attacked
with a little zap‒
 man-ego-driven
mind-boggling witchcraft
 sealed and wrapped‒ 
one-sided—playing-out wrath
  
 sexting‒ 
the perfect-controlling telegraph
  
 then comes
the moving-on slow raft
 to get that big splash
 ‒adding to their stash
 images behind
a monitored glass
  
 a little skin
in flash
with some sexy sass
  
 the building in pizzazz
 wanting more
of that flabbergast
  
 building, building
téte-a-téte
  
 then veiled in a masque‒ 
when questions invade
 the on-and-off going chitchat‒
  
 a quickened spat
back to the ignoring splat‒
 ego...alive and well
in combat
  
 'til comes that final blast
 flesh to unmask
an act in diplomat
 making her feel all that‒
 the sexy little kitty cat
  
 ‒the play in chat
 becomes
an in-the-flesh transact
  
 good or bad‒ 
putting her in abstract
 continued words on a pad‒
 her mind to distract
rather hijacked
 from their away-from-her
reality fact‒
  
 she's not the only lass‒
 their on-going sexting hack
 blatant ways in acrobat‒
 that and this
this and that
  
 'til her avoided questions
forces a react‒
  
 why not spend time with me
 why the constant disappearing act
  
 she innocently asks
 wanting beyond
the sexual wrap‒
 wanting out of secret's
hidden tap
  
 the continued avoiding lap
 puts her mind
in wondering's rasp
  
 all-stop...hold
goes the lit glass‒
 with no returned téte-a-téte
 or to-the-door dash
or a together attach
 nor explanations to patch
or synchronizing photographs
 not even a social-media match
  
 her mind opens up‒ 
I've seen all that
 recognizing perfectly
the plotted graph
  
 experience, experience
the exact-patterned zigzag
 she's once again caught
knowings in fact‒
  
 their intentions
 won't go
any further than that
  
 for her unanswered questions
suspicions‒
 her experiences in reasoning
reality's opened-up rap‒
  
 she's just one of many cats
 in their secret's rattrap
  
 ‒with all these red flags
no need for a polygraph
 I don't even need an ax
or a wiretap
 not even some mindless booby-trap
  
 just a sentence or two‒
 seeing through the claptrap
 then sit back
watch the unwrap‒
  
 innocence offers a laugh
  
 let's fix this hash
 to you...I want to holdfast
 let's have a blast
 out in the open‒ 
'let's make our splash
  
 guilt opens up the wrath
  
 a shutting-down fast
placing-blame lash
 social-media delete
the final smash‒
 the secret
given the shaft
  
 no longer do I fly half-mast
 no longer am I the secret
in stash
  
 yes, the red flags
seen in perfect format
  
 I'm no spoiled brat
 not even
lost in over-react
  
 this kitty cat
just knows where it's at
  
 I'm more than just a paragraph‒
 a secret in scraps
  
 I'm all or nothing
an out-in-the-open en masse
willing to adapt
 with another walking
the same path
Continue reading “”Secret’ No More!’”

When His Next Best Thing Comes Along!

This one sergeant in my Army days in Germany called me Marie Laveau…lol…another one bites the dust! One of them will be strong enough to handle my energy some day. If they can let go of their pride long enough. I’ve had enough of man-ego-pride to last a life time.

Continue reading “When His Next Best Thing Comes Along!”

Breaking Your Codependency….

…and Moving On To ‘Normal’

A sample from Book 12

That is the question that I had to end this book with. Going through the trials in life are hard. This year I had to face my mother’s death and the destruction of my three-year relationship, as well fight more health issues while being 1600 miles from all my family.

Codependency had still a hard grip on me, but the anxiety that I had fought through was just about gone. I would have to go through a forced intervention to figure out what the true medicine for codependency and all those negative thoughts were.

Continue reading “Breaking Your Codependency….”

This Is What Depression from Betrayal Looks Like

A sample from Book 7

All different shades! No one handles betrayal the same…or do we? We rage. We scream. We yell and cry. What happens after that? Depression. How you handle it is up to you. Many times…we don’t have a choice how that plays out. The following is from the Introduction of my 7th Book in My 12-Book Series.

“There are things you have to do to take care of yourself during this stage. You have to get out of it. I know showing you how I got through the initial shock of it, will help you make through alive!

Continue reading “This Is What Depression from Betrayal Looks Like”

This Is What Escaping Anger Looks Like: Bargaining!

A sample from Book 6

You freaking bargain your way out of it! With a vengeance. Everyone will bargain differently. The following is from the Introduction of my 6th Book in My 12-Book Series. The Bargaining stage! In this book I will show you what the bargaining stage looks like. The fight is real! And you are not just up against your anger, but up against everything else around you!

Continue reading “This Is What Escaping Anger Looks Like: Bargaining!”

Anger Controls Your Every Emotion!

A sample from Book 5

Yes, it does. That’s why I felt compelled to write this book. Anger does some awful things to us. When you are going through something you really don’t understand and you don’t have the resources to help you, anger builds.

There was nothing for me to grab hold of. For you, you now have this book to help you understand how anger controls you and how to get a grip. The following is from the Introduction to my 5th Book in My 12-Book series. I hope that this book can keep you from making the mistakes I made.

Continue reading “Anger Controls Your Every Emotion!”