‘Unconditional Terms’

‘Unconditional’ Fades When Another Takes Your Place!

A sample from Book 12

(July 25, 2018 [Didn’t post on Facebook.])—When toxicity takes its toll, there’s nothing to say or do.

A weak heart turns to go, finds a new heart to rip apart. A strong heart cries alone, struggling to regain ground, move on. You don’t lose to cheating. You lose to betrayal. That’s why those who don’t marry, stay single. They can just hang it up, move on to another. The faithful one can’t do this.

Continue reading “‘Unconditional Terms’”

‘Knife’

Surviving the Knife of Those Who Betray You!

A sample from Book 12

(April 21, 2018)—That knife becomes weaker when we gain the support of others, when we start to see the true meaning behind our life. That knife doesn’t come out that easy especially when you see everyone’s true disclosure.

There’s so much to say, then there’s nothing to say. I have this much on my mind: If they don’t want to see you, it doesn’t matter what you say or do, they won’t see you.

Continue reading “‘Knife’”

‘The Bitch of It’

Sometimes you just gotta to be a bitch!

A sample from Book 12

  The Bitch of It
 
what the hell!
all of it
you hear that, you hear this
‒what is it!
 
first they want thin
then they want fat
first they want blond
then they want black
first they want
a down-with-it bitch
then they want
a church-going chick
first they want
the naught of it
then they want just sit
first they want
the free-thinking kind‒
intelligent and shit
then they make
the do-it-my-way dip
 
what the hell!
all of it
you hear that, you hear this
‒what is it!
 
first they want
drama-free tits
then they add the fits
first they want
the sex-driven licks
then they forget how to kiss
first they want real's click
then goes backwards the flips
 
what the hell!
all of it
you hear that, you hear this
‒setting confusion's tick
 
it's all the bitch of it
flip, flip, flip
when you're trying
to get a grip
the crap of it...clip
 
old bitches come in to sip
trying to slyly unzip
when down falls
their run-away crib
 
new bitches force in a rip
sending those pussy pics
flirting to get a hit
trying to fill
voids in the flip
 
for a secured woman's commit‒
it's all a big trip
a playground's nip
she doesn't have time to rip
‒quivering lips curl
to laugh's fit
because....
she's the bitch of it
Continue reading “‘The Bitch of It’”

‘Do Your Thing’

When they’re paving the way for another ‘thing’!

A sample from Book 12

  'Do Your Thing'
 
standing still, so rigid
memories return, so rapid  
do your thing
words that seem splendid
once before, becoming frigid
leaving me in stupid
 
words that shouldn't‒
but still stick
like a repeated lick
too afraid to admit‒
concentrating on self's wick
leaves doors open for the slick
 
that's just not it
it's that aged-old skit
played out...without a script
 
distance begins the slit
less hugging, more anger
words constantly in twist
‒making the mind constantly flip
 
there should not be panic
when felt before
this tactic
 
flip, flip, flip
skippy, skip, skip
 
the past's certain mimic
leaves only you in chaotic
breaking your spirit
turning to God for guidance
 
less comes the kisses
every ounce of erotic
disappears in a lick
‒the body is just an it
you become invalid!
time with you, the omit
things get drastic
leaving pure conflict
and you are the reason for it
 
how to be so quiet
when affection‒
you can't even solicit
pushed away...again and again
leaving you frigid
a body drowning
in an unhealthy orbit
 
taking you're the reason
for it
you're not pretty enough
you're too fat, too sad
when...in truth's logic
their argument, distance‒
all part of the already written
transcript
‒no need
to repeat it!
Continue reading “‘Do Your Thing’”

”Secret’ No More!’

Their Play Is All the Same!

A sample from Book 9

 'Secret' No More!
 
the cat's out the bag
 
on the surface‒
I no longer scratch
‒don't want to sound
like a hag
not even a nag
but I'm done
playing this little game
of tag
 
I no longer want
the jab‒
that sneaky, sly syntax
keeping me in a corner
my existence entrapped
secrets over nightcaps
 
for so long
at it
I merely laughed
playing along‒
this hidden
out-of-sight craft
 
for so long
I fell into its path
to feel barely half
of a lover's swag
 
not any more
do these eyes sag
I now see
the repeated red flags
 
here they are‒
if you want to keep track
here they are‒
if your eyes
are stuck in lack:
 
away from public view‒
begins
the slow, gentle snatch
 
text this, text that

a hi here
a hey there
even the wyd flair
 
then the ignore
playing-with-the-mind anthrax's
added-on little snap
 
maybe a phone call or two‒
avoiding a bit of snag
 
(the now understood common trap)
 
oh! how texting does that
 
‒just a tiny dab
the get-what-they-want hatch
 
turning texting to sexting
in a flash
 
then sit back...relax
as she falls in the trap
her mind...now attacked
with a little zap‒
man-ego-driven
mind-boggling witchcraft
sealed and wrapped‒
one-sided—playing-out wrath
 
sexting‒
the perfect-controlling telegraph
 
then comes
the moving-on slow raft
to get that big splash
‒adding to their stash
images behind
a monitored glass
 
a little skin
in flash
with some sexy sass
 
the building in pizzazz
wanting more
of that flabbergast
 
building, building
téte-a-téte
 
then veiled in a masque‒
when questions invade
the on-and-off going chitchat‒
 
a quickened spat
back to the ignoring splat‒
ego...alive and well
in combat
 
'til comes that final blast
flesh to unmask
an act in diplomat
making her feel all that‒
the sexy little kitty cat
 
‒the play in chat
becomes
an in-the-flesh transact
 
good or bad‒
putting her in abstract
continued words on a pad‒
her mind to distract
rather hijacked
from their away-from-her
reality fact‒
 
she's not the only lass‒
their on-going sexting hack
blatant ways in acrobat‒
that and this
this and that
 
'til her avoided questions
forces a react‒
 
why not spend time with me
why the constant disappearing act

 
she innocently asks
wanting beyond
the sexual wrap‒
wanting out of secret's
hidden tap
 
the continued avoiding lap
puts her mind
in wondering's rasp
 
all-stop...hold
goes the lit glass‒
with no returned téte-a-téte
or to-the-door dash
or a together attach
nor explanations to patch
or synchronizing photographs
not even a social-media match
 
her mind opens up‒
I've seen all that
recognizing perfectly
the plotted graph
 
experience, experience
the exact-patterned zigzag
she's once again caught
knowings in fact‒
 
their intentions
won't go
any further than that
 
for her unanswered questions
suspicions‒
her experiences in reasoning
reality's opened-up rap‒
 
she's just one of many cats
in their secret's rattrap
 
‒with all these red flags
no need for a polygraph
I don't even need an ax
or a wiretap
not even some mindless booby-trap
 
just a sentence or two‒
seeing through the claptrap
then sit back
watch the unwrap‒
 
innocence offers a laugh
 
let's fix this hash
to you...I want to holdfast
let's have a blast
out in the open

'let's make our splash
 
guilt opens up the wrath
 
a shutting-down fast
placing-blame lash
social-media delete
the final smash‒
the secret
given the shaft
 
no longer do I fly half-mast
no longer am I the secret
in stash
 
yes, the red flags
seen in perfect format
 
I'm no spoiled brat
not even
lost in over-react
 
this kitty cat
just knows where it's at
 
I'm more than just a paragraph‒
a secret in scraps
 
I'm all or nothing
an out-in-the-open en masse
willing to adapt
with another walking
the same path
Continue reading “”Secret’ No More!’”

When His Next Best Thing Comes Along!

This one sergeant in my Army days in Germany called me Marie Laveau…lol…another one bites the dust! One of them will be strong enough to handle my energy some day. If they can let go of their pride long enough. I’ve had enough of man-ego-pride to last a life time.

Continue reading “When His Next Best Thing Comes Along!”

‘Ends of Ropes’

If They Did It Once, They’ll Do It Again!

A sample from Book 8

 Ends of Ropes
 
look at its threads‒
each line
blending in fine
carefully woven
 
notice its variations
notice what stays
real out of charade
‒the weak
break off
slip away
so strength
doesn't starve
doesn't fade
 
its fine threads
continue their blend
return to straight
when comes a bend
 
with tender care
grows these single lines
with love...hope
combine
to thickness of ropes
 
growing, growing
with decency of time
harmony's kind
 
it's a pleasurable watch
tic, tic
around the clock
when unexpected knots
slip out
longer, longer
tighter, tighter
strength‒
strangles doubt
 
unassureness ends
awakens
again
growing, growing
longer, longer
tighter, tighter
 
be careful
oh so gentle
lost of hopes
easily tangles
those ends of ropes
‒halting grow
with single knots
stopping clocks
meant
to stay
unlocked
Continue reading “‘Ends of Ropes’”

Don’t You Be Jealous….

…of the Narcissist’s Next Woman!

(March 31, 2019)―Being Frank: the sweet man left today wearing dress shoes. Like he’s going to work in that all night! I walked out and followed him to the driveway and stared. He followed me back to the door. I closed it, locked it. I know why I am still here…in a separate room. Grounding myself. I go back and read what I write just to keep my focus on my goal. I know who I am and what I’m about. And that is all I need to know. Other people’s opinions of me don’t matter, especially his.

Continue reading “Don’t You Be Jealous….”

‘Choices’

The Lie: How Far Would You Go?

A sample from Book 9

 Choices
 
what's with you
you evil whore
coming in my door
trying
to rattle my feathers
don't you know
you'll only be shattered
 
it's not even a bother
not even a matter
 
my Mighty Warrior†
awaits in amusing wonder
–ready to pound
His† rage in thunder
 
no, you silly, hopeless looter
it's no immediate tit-a-tater
His† time
mover in slow swinging of chimes
comes at you
in kind
 
allowing your laughter
pitter-patter
–friends in gather
while His† children
take on your karma
in prayer
becoming the fighter
 
He† watches them
in wonder
 
why, to them, you even matter
 
He† knows
His† heart fills with joy–
He's† their father
He† watches their struggle
how in tears
they fumble
how in their faith
they don't waver
how over you
they sit...pray...think over
 
He† let's this go on
for a while
proud...each...His† true child
their sighs, their fears
their doubts
–little by little
He† releases them
–pulls them out
favors them
with His† glory
 
for each person
you tried to use
to get through–
–instead
His† children came through
for Him†
in dirt
left you to waddle
in soft words
saying...fuck you
 
as His† children's hearts settle–
He† gathers His† armor
prepares for His† battle
 
there's no riddle
to what He's† capable
–He† never deviates
from principle–
what He's† always commanded
He† still demands
 
He's† forgiving
He† forewarns
His† unconditional love
brings no harm
choices
man's very hand
 
His† prepared armor
isn't about you
you evil whore
He's† preparing to fight
your brought on strife
 
He† lowers His† head
a tear...streams down
rain, thunder rages
waiting
for the open heart
sincerity in ask
to begin His† task
watching strife consume
waiting, waiting, waiting
pounding His† heart
 
why is it so hard
placing down

truth's card
 
unconditional love
He† gives
choices we get
He† doesn't step in
'til open
true hearts begin
 
then...only then
He'll† fight–
slaughter that strife
brought on by you
you evil whore
–slam shut
your damn door
move your victim's path
into the light
where He† stays to fight
'til they win
–do their gift
coming from within 
Continue reading “‘Choices’”

Breaking Your Codependency….

…and Moving On To ‘Normal’

A sample from Book 12

That is the question that I had to end this book with. Going through the trials in life are hard. This year I had to face my mother’s death and the destruction of my three-year relationship, as well fight more health issues while being 1600 miles from all my family.

Codependency had still a hard grip on me, but the anxiety that I had fought through was just about gone. I would have to go through a forced intervention to figure out what the true medicine for codependency and all those negative thoughts were.

Continue reading “Breaking Your Codependency….”