‘Knife’

Surviving the Knife of Those Who Betray You!

A sample from Book 12

(April 21, 2018)—That knife becomes weaker when we gain the support of others, when we start to see the true meaning behind our life. That knife doesn’t come out that easy especially when you see everyone’s true disclosure.

There’s so much to say, then there’s nothing to say. I have this much on my mind: If they don’t want to see you, it doesn’t matter what you say or do, they won’t see you.

Continue reading “‘Knife’”

‘The Bitch of It’

Sometimes you just gotta to be a bitch!

A sample from Book 12

  The Bitch of It
 
what the hell!
all of it
you hear that, you hear this
‒what is it!
 
first they want thin
then they want fat
first they want blond
then they want black
first they want
a down-with-it bitch
then they want
a church-going chick
first they want
the naught of it
then they want just sit
first they want
the free-thinking kind‒
intelligent and shit
then they make
the do-it-my-way dip
 
what the hell!
all of it
you hear that, you hear this
‒what is it!
 
first they want
drama-free tits
then they add the fits
first they want
the sex-driven licks
then they forget how to kiss
first they want real's click
then goes backwards the flips
 
what the hell!
all of it
you hear that, you hear this
‒setting confusion's tick
 
it's all the bitch of it
flip, flip, flip
when you're trying
to get a grip
the crap of it...clip
 
old bitches come in to sip
trying to slyly unzip
when down falls
their run-away crib
 
new bitches force in a rip
sending those pussy pics
flirting to get a hit
trying to fill
voids in the flip
 
for a secured woman's commit‒
it's all a big trip
a playground's nip
she doesn't have time to rip
‒quivering lips curl
to laugh's fit
because....
she's the bitch of it
Continue reading “‘The Bitch of It’”

‘Ex-foliate My Soul’

You have to leave others out of ‘self’!

A sample from Book 12

 Ex‒foliate My Soul
 
I still hear the winds blow
I know, still, from and to
the direction it goes
I depend, too much
on human souls
‒directing my emotional role
 
these feet‒
so stuck in muddy ground
I've lost the feelings
of being found
trying to understand
hear...every sound
I've stumbled away
from which I'm bound
 
raise me up, oh Lord†
unclog‒
these maggot-filled holes
rub your sands deeply in‒
pull me out
as you wash away clean
the filth
of this infested bowl
help me again‒
feel fit and lean
where I once had strength
of a lion
‒the sanctuary
of a crystal clear stream
 
enlighten my heart, sweet Jesus†
relight this drive
I so carelessly left behind
enrich my soul
wash away the corrode
so me, in ease, I can stand
on my own two feet
understand words in my heart
having strength to sort
‒without falling apart
 
yes, Lord†, raise my tempo back up
so I can feel, once more
the unstoppable me
‒that pure individual feeling
of being free
without the need
of another's glee
 
I open me up‒
mind, body, soul
I'm, again, letting go
so...whichever the winds blow
matter is not needed
for I'll be free again‒
in the total of
letting go
Continue reading “‘Ex-foliate My Soul’”

‘Frustrated Notions’

Don’t let anyone halt your dreams!

A sample from Book 11

 Frustrated Notions
 
the planes fly
just as they did when I died
‒came back alive
 
music still plays
on the radio
in the same way
as back in the day
when every piece of life
seemed to just go away
 
the sun shines
even in a different state
everything's find
except one‒
a meaning in define
the way...crossing that line
‒the other side
of the rhythm and rhyme
 
plagued in this frustrated notion
a little self-induced commotion
focus on you indication
‒away from all the ramifications
that sunk me in damnation
 
knowing from which it all comes
‒sometimes, stuck in dumb
waiting around‒
dropped bread crumbs
to build an inside beating strum
from some kind of outward drum
that never seems to come
 
this fucked up halt
‒encaged self-provided vault
has it all locked
a walled-up block
as time keeps ticking
on the clock
 
fight, fight, fight
 
it's all there in sight
just one more night
‒do what's right
minus the blight
 
winds still blow
waters still flow
as imagined thoughts flaunt
its desire to haunt
just playing its taunt
 
fight, fight, fight
 
climb that final mountain top
‒don't stop
as planes fly
as the sun shines
as winds blow
as waters flow
‒it's all God's† big show
to the other side
it's time for the ride
feel the second half of life
without any
frustrating tides
Continue reading “‘Frustrated Notions’”

‘My Turn, Your Turn’

You can’t take other people’s opinion of you seriously!

A sample from Book 9

 My Turn, Your Turn
(Sweet Man)

I'm not you
you're not me
in this
can we agree
 
there's pain‒
I've taken it
to gain
thinking‒
I'm insane
 
me...you blamed
called me names
‒your smeared campaign
left me in open terrain
running like a hurricane
‒remorse uncontained
returning
provoked disdain
batting back
in profane
my I...redirected blame
taking, absorbing‒
leaving me totally drained
 
‒all so, so in vain‒
 
in you...pain remains
‒I've not gained fame
just added pain
in me...a mixed-up pang
 
I'm not you
you're not me
in this
can we agree
 
without shame‒
from all other's pain
abstain
my I to reclaim‒
separated...strained
silencing the rein
my own thinking
regained
 
in God†
I acclaim
‒all that re-directed pain
forced anger
in defame‒
abolished...maimed
 
I've released the inflame‒
filling my own inane
understanding self-love's domain‒
to self first
be humane
 
I'm not you
you're not me
in this
can we agree
 
your pain
is your pain
 
no longer
in me
do I ingrain
what's not mine
to explain
 
I'll let you yell, complain‒
my I...constrained
these boundaries
can't be drained
 
have your say
me...you can't arraign
my I...in God's† grace
remains
 
I'm not you
you're not me
in this
there's no choice
but to agree
Continue reading “‘My Turn, Your Turn’”

‘360’

You have to re-examine the past first!

A sample from Book 9

 360
 
Lord†, You† took me
around
sound, bound, found
then back around
 
‒a 360
showing me what's wrong‒
all around me
 
I've seen plenty
I know in surety‒
it's not me
round and round
‒every degree
others can't see clarity
in self‒
running on empty
 
Lord†, I thank You†
I would have never
known‒
all this view
if it weren't for You†
taking me through
 
I pray
these words‒
I have to say
some call
silly riddles
‒but standing on principles
breaks hearts
after all
 
like the roundness
of balls
we surely fall
‒after the sudden
stall
 
the total...360
round, round
I openly see‒
after tears
I'm ready to be
what in me
You† see
 
Lord†, in Your† hands
I place me
this journey‒
back in trust
forward...I'm ready
for the thrust
Continue reading “‘360’”

‘Salvation’s Need’

To Deny Others Is To Deny God!

 Salvation's Need
 
test after test
I have failed
my 360
to the cross...nailed
You† brought people to me
in their time of weak
‒salvation
I failed to help them seek
 
instead, I buried them deep
words from my mouth
did seep
actions
I didn't allow to creep
in self
I curled up in weep
 
my time has come and sailed
out of all of it
I tend to bail
turning my back
not wanting to see
how another's picture
on them...creeps
I just give up and flee
 
whatever awakens
this ignorance of me
strip it
take it from me
strengthen me
help me to see
keep me from feeling sorry
lost in self pity
 
Lord†, this part of me
that lived unselfishly
I lost
please return it to me
without this lumpy throat
from way down deep
without fears and anxiety
help me open my mouth
speak
in words of calm
humility, peace
without selfish
insecurities
Continue reading “‘Salvation’s Need’”

‘No Goodbye Kisses’

It’s Not Your Fault!

A sample from Book 6

 No Goodbye Kisses
 
I walk around
this house
quiet as a mouse
my steps slow
not sure
in which room to go
there's pain in every inch
remembering
the pounding
of your fist
 
I spoke my mind
maybe a little too unkind
your actions
way out of line
 
hurt...anger grows
not understanding
not knowing
why you changed
why you don't see
how you made
our life to be
 
your continued rage
backed me into a cage
I yelled for you to go
each word
another silent blow
denial and lies
I refused to cry
stood my ground
tired
of being treated
like a clown
 
once more
you ignored
as our child's eyes
grew wide
you continued
your raging tide
stand up for yourself
words I taught
actions―
I couldn't put on a shelf
your finger pointing
your hurt anointing
 
I slapped your face
hoping
it'll send you away
 
instead
you pounced―
off the cement
my head bounced
slamming your steel toes
into my thigh
my hands and elbow
razored with holes
your continued blast
left me
in a frozen cast
 
our son grabbed you
against the truck
he threw
my mother held me
I don't remember
jumping to my feet
I kicked you
I wanted to hurt you
I wanted to maim you
I wanted to kill you
 
I walk around
this house
quiet as a mouse
my steps slow
not sure
in which room to go
 
three times
in all these years
you crossed this line
bruises on my skin
my walk full of fear
each time worse
in between
silent torture
not standing up for me
not even seeing me
 
a continued
losing journey
me
wanting a family
you
becoming an enemy
a stranger
breeding hate and anger
 
I walk around
this house
quiet as a mouse
my steps slow
not sure
in which room to go
 
feeling the pain
in every inch
from the pounding
of your fist
 
staying...I resist
your actions
crossed the line
 
no goodbye kisses
just closing the door
leaving it all behind
Continue reading “‘No Goodbye Kisses’”

‘Lies vs Deception’

There’s a Big Difference Between a Lie and a Deception!

A sample from Book 5…This is what Anger and Denial looks like!

 Lies vs Deception
 
everyone lies
ones needed to get by
―little white ones
sometimes a big one
―not for fun
more to avoid
heavy explanation
 
we can forgive some
an immediate redemption
others
take time for calculation
eventually
forgiveness does come
 
not everyone deceives
a lie used to covet
to hid beneath it
a little white lie that grows
without a why
making someone believe
―hoping honesty
they receive
 
lies used to deceive
turning facts to fiction
deep wombs to leave
forgiveness
given no consideration
 
small lies
we often give
makes lives
easier to live
deceptions hide
reality's gift
closing hearts
helping them die
Continue reading “‘Lies vs Deception’”

‘A Woman’s Strength’

You Deserve Appreciation and Love!

A sample from Book 5

  A Woman's Strength
 
did you think of me today
no call came my way
underneath my smile I sway
no words do I say
I thought of you all day
as I rushed through my filled plate
 
early I started to bake
not long the house was laced
with the smell of your favorite
chocolate cake
 
the kids were at play
a new toy
one did break
one became the prey
the other screamed hate
peace...I had to make
clearing the haze
putting smiles on their face
anger left no trace
but it was too late
the cake―
I had to throw away
 
ring phone ring
I did pray
hoping you'd call to say hey
 
then the dog did stray
I had to move in haste
apologies to convey
the neighbor's yard―
a garbage-strung maze
after an hour's pace
a cleaned yard
done in good faith
 
I reentered the house
noticed it was only eight
my day―
moving at a slow rate
still no word from my mate
 
breakfast I did make
then the taste of toothpaste
the cleaned dish plates
no time to wait
everyone dress
screamed hurrah
 
to the babysitters―
who monthly I pay
to take my place
a goodbye kiss
a last minute wave
off to work
my smile...fake
 
then I remember
I hadn't ate
my eight-hour day
drove its heavy weight
still no word from my mate
 
rush-hour traffic
a nerve-raking state
thus beginning the evening chase
babysitter, supper
no flirter's bait
comes my way
sent the children
off to bathe
finally you call
again...you're working late
a quiet evening to waste
long, restless night
again...I must face
until you're home
and I feel safe
 
did you think of me today
no call came my way
underneath my smile I sway
no words do I say
I thought of you all day
as I rushed through
my filled plate
 
Continue reading “‘A Woman’s Strength’”