Tag: suicidal

‘Depths of Heart’

Mind your heart or others will not!

A sample from Book 11

 Depths of Heart
  
 protecting self‒ 
not letting any other
 put it on a shelf
 seems to be utmost important
 ‒above anything else
  
 for in self
happiness lies
 rises high
above health
any amount of wealth
 ‒pulling the heart
out of hell
 out of the darkest well
  
 for in truth heart dwells
 untied from man's inhuman belt
 released from whatever shelf
man tries to impel
 keeping the heart from melt
 ‒happiness locked in a cell
  
 get out, get out
see yourself‒
 way deep inside
where happiness compels
 in heart
where it truly swells
Continue reading “‘Depths of Heart’”

‘Source’

Anxiety created from the fight against codependency!

A sample from Book 11

  Source
  
 she waits‒ 
closes her eyes
 breathes deep
 ‒her face tingles
her heart races
 her palms sweat‒
 a heat under her skin
rises...coming quick
  
 shh...she repeats to herself
  
 each sound
each speck of light

 builds the burning

she fights
  
 shh...again and again
  
 don't do it...not again
 she begs repeatedly
  
 settle down, please
  
 begging, begging

   the exploding need 
 
 building, building
  
 forcing her mouth closed
 forcing her body steal
 ‒as tears stream down her face
  
 begging, begging
  
 can't you see...anyone
 can't you see
I'm trying, trying...
 my grip is slipping...
  
 as she loses control‒
 her mouth yells
or her tears fall
 ‒no matter who's around
 down, down, down
she falls
  
 back to a child‒ 
innocent, broken
 just for a while
  
 'til she regains
strengthens
 to go
one more round
in life's paradigm
 where between herself
and herself
she fights
  
 hoping, hoping
  
 the next time‒ 
she'll steady the line
 ‒that too often...
 breaks her holding-together vine
  
Continue reading “‘Source’”

‘Laughing Smile’

God wants us happy. Evil wants us sad! You do the math!

A sample from Book 9

 Laughing Smile
  
 it took her a while
 breaking open that smile–
 gaining the strongest need
 laugh...laugh like a child
  
 she didn't need to ask how–
 she lifted her heart to God†
 walked long, long miles
for that laughing smile
  
 she sealed it...inside
 bringing it out
when gone was her doubt
  
 no, she didn't have to shout
 she learned to keep her head
in the clouds
 forgetting
what frowns were about
 –just laugh...yes she did
out loud
  
 she had it down-pat
that girly laugh
 –adding a bit of sass
you do the math–
 she intended for it to last
 not caring
where she was at
 at anyone
came that laughing sass– 
 smiling so big
walking
shaking her ass
  
 she knew that surety
 came straight
from the Lord†
 she didn't have to ask
what for
 she just knew
she was worthy
  
 then this thunder came
bringing her to lame
 her truthfulness
remaining the same
 fighting off
anger's vengeful flame
 as her world
tipped its bowl
a once.again fold–
 that place
she promised herself
she wouldn't go
  
 she didn't choose the fold
 it just slide
in to corrode
 sinking its stronghold–  
not letting go
  
 burying
in an inside rage
 she...again
locked herself in a cage
  
 patiently she began to wait
 living a bit sedate
 wondering...why so late
that smile on her face
  
 then there it was...gleaming
 like in a summer's dream
 waiting there
to be redeemed
  
 she didn't think twice
 remembering how it felt
so real, so right
 she didn't really fight
 she just walked
the way of the light
  
 its uncertainty remains–
 her holding onto it
a bit of a strain
 struggling through the rain
 that comes with pain
  
 it did take her a while
 breaking open that smile–
 regaining that need
 to laugh
laugh like a child
  
 the first time
the second time
 she didn't need to ask how
 so she did again– 
lift her heart to God†
 taking on long, long miles
 –for it's always worth the wait
 for that laughing smile
Continue reading “‘Laughing Smile’”