‘Shouldering Damage’

You deal and accept the physical damage caused by narcissism’s carelessness

 
Shouldering Damage
 
upon her shoulders
carries the weight–
shouldering damage
from those who couldn't stay
–a go-getter
they couldn't take
she...never wanting‒
any kinda hate
‒that was never
her intended fate
‒she let love lead the way
ending in heavy price's
to pay
 
only in moments
she lived in sedate
all them medical doctors
had to medicate
she just needed room‒
a bit of space
to grasp the idea
of her body ache
never using it as an escape
‒it hurt...and she was its bait
 
she knows she gave it all
she wasn't some pity rage doll–
standing somewhere in stall
she answered a simple call
–but others led her to fall
not caring the damage at all
 
upon her shoulders‒
she wears the cape
an anti-depressant to mask
a different kinda ache
–emotional chains
she couldn't tolerate
a burning heart
left in saturate
mixed with anger
lust and hate
screaming
without intentional berate
from love
that just couldn't stay
 
then again‒
she let love be her mate
a heart damaged‒
in too many ways
–again...a turn in obliterate
a brain burned in uncultivate
all that damage‒
on her shoulders
in blissful weight
men who couldn't bear
the cape
of her physical‒
being in waste
 
she knows she gave it all
she wasn't some pity rage doll–
standing somewhere in stall
she answered a simple call
–but others led her to fall
not caring the damage at all
 
she now wears‒
a suit of armor
from love's mate
as the heavy scars from fake–
I can't stay
you...I could only tolerate
builds her face
straight to a destiny's fate–
the writer in massive create
 
she...to never deny God
in whatever she faced
so she shoulders damage
left behind–
by carelessness
and self hate
building her rose‒
from a destroyer's
intentional state
 
she knows‒
she gave it all
she wasn't some pity rage doll–
standing somewhere in stall
she answered a simple call
–others led her to fall
not caring
the damage at all
 
oh! how
she can stand tall–
she picked herself up
from the fall
using the rest of her life
in God's hall
lost to true love's
missed call
she knows‒
she gave it her all
–it was not her
that caused
the fall!

(April 24, 21019)—I was sent to a heart specialist today. Although I’m 50, I’m always the youngest in the room when it comes to things like this. (I started saying this phrase back in 2013 when I returned to the VA. I was always the youngest in the room back then.) So, I’m sitting there going through Scriptures, keeping my mind occupied. I didn’t want to think about why I was there. Then I got called to the back. A slew of tests were ordered, including a monitor, which I’ll have to wear for a week.

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‘Anger’s Infest’

Anger wants you steadfast! God wants you moving forward!

 Anger's Infest
 
feel it beneath your skin
evil's way of getting within
actions in horror's den
‒ways of evil's perfect sin
 
it'll trap you in cussing
it'll condemn you in swearing
pulling at you...probing
wanting your reaction
for it's only satisfaction
 
it'll take all
of your triggering notions
you...down...dragging
as it smiles
in sadistic laughing
craving your giving in
your fight...it's welcoming
celebrating
your mind's condemn
 
anger...evil's infested gem
words, actions
its consistency in playing
wanting you
self to defend
so it can celebrate
in its win
 
feel it beneath your skin
evil's way of getting within
actions in horror's den
‒ways of evil's perfect sin
Continue reading “‘Anger’s Infest’”

‘Humble of Mercy’

You Want It to Be! So Bad….

A sample from Book 12

 Humble of Mercy
 
she shivered in the sun light
thinking of words in the night
take care of yourself
make this all count
it's not as bad as it seems

 
–wondering...
if this is really all right
 
she covers her eyes from the bright
words...thoughts in her head
filling her morning's sight
you've heard this before
words of deception
he doesn't want you no more
don't let 'fool' be your salvation

 
‒wondering...
why the needless blight
 
then the bible's insight
saying it's going to be all right
 
the unease feels her insides
but her heart digs in tight
it was always him‒
since all the darkened twilight
why so hard to get it right
why so much fight
 
she washed her face
forced a smile to the light
dawned her makeup
ignored age's height
the saddened night
throwing sorrow to the wind‒
the need to cry...howl
all night
 
her heart sits right
she adhered to the boundaries‒
set outright
time needed with the light
she can't fight
without insight
cleansing her insides, beautying her outsides
letting the magic pour from God†
as age moves on
lessening her life
–each piece
becomes more precious, more fragile
 
learning not anymore
to gamble
what's wrong, what's right
just listening to the light
without a fight

(September 26, 2018)—

Praise for Joy and Security of the RighteousKeep me safe, O God, for in You I take refuge. I said to the Lord, ‘You are my Lord; apart from You I have no good thing.’ As for the saints who are in the land, they are the glorious ones in whom in all my delight. The sorrows of those will increase who run after other gods. I will not pour out their libations of blood or take up their names on my lips. Lord, You have assigned me my portion and my cup; You have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.

I will praise the Lord, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I have set the Lord always before me. Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because You will not abandon me to the grave, nor will You let Your Holy One see decay. You have made known to me the path of life; You will fill me with joy in Your presence, with eternal pleasures at Your right hand.―Psalm 16

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‘Source’

Anxiety created from the fight against codependency!

A sample from Book 11

  Source
 
she waits‒
closes her eyes
breathes deep
‒her face tingles
her heart races
her palms sweat‒
a heat under her skin
rises...coming quick
 
shh...she repeats to herself
 
each sound
each speck of light

builds the burning

she fights
 
shh...again and again
 
don't do it...not again
she begs repeatedly
 
settle down, please
 
begging, begging

the exploding need

building, building
 
forcing her mouth closed
forcing her body steal
‒as tears stream down her face
 
begging, begging
 
can't you see...anyone
can't you see

I'm trying, trying...
my grip is slipping...

 
as she loses control‒
her mouth yells
or her tears fall
‒no matter who's around
down, down, down
she falls
 
back to a child‒
innocent, broken
just for a while
 
'til she regains
strengthens
to go
one more round
in life's paradigm
where between herself
and herself
she fights
 
hoping, hoping
 
the next time‒
she'll steady the line
‒that too often...
breaks her holding-together vine
 
Continue reading “‘Source’”

‘Truth’

Racism, hate: Evil’s best friends. Don’t let it consume you!

A sample from Book 11

 Truth
 
liars seek truth‒
falsifying a life
without any light
 
manipulation...their due
cutting it on cue
‒without noticing
the coming dues
 
their belief‒
trying to convince you
all they do
true, true, true
backing them‒
there are few
 
their spots change
sending you to the loo
oh! what to do?
‒without cursing them, too
 
truth is truth
existing
no half truths
‒it's either all true
or just makings
of a waterloo
Continue reading “‘Truth’”