‘Bringing Her Back’

She’s Inside There. Go Get Her!

A sample from Book 7

 Bringing Her Back
 
she took a step off the curve
her mind racing‒
which way to turn
 
the wind blowing in her hair
pulling her coat tight‒
she wandered for a while
then just stood there
 
frozen
listening
 
people were talking
kites were flying
cars were passing
behind her a soft rustle
she turned
to someone jogging
a squirrel sitting, staring
in the distance‒
a dog barking
then she felt it
‒no longer the need for dying
 
she felt life‒
she deserved
her heart beating
there was so much more to learn
 
she smiled
not a big smile
no, not one just anyone could see
it was an inside smile
on her lips‒
the hint of a small curve
 
she closed her eyes
enclosed herself in her arms
held her head back
her feet began to move in a tiny circle
I'm coming back
the gentle voice in her head
she heard
 
suddenly but gently
she stopped
opened her eyes
there before her...a path
not knowing
if it was the way she wanted to go
or the way she needed to go
she just began walking
her smile noticeable to all
she was now free
‒no longer a caged bird
Continue reading “‘Bringing Her Back’”

‘Stepping into the Fear’

Forget the Fear. Concentrate On What You Want!

A sample from Book 6

 Stepping into the Fear
 
what you are is what you think
―an old worn out thing
but living half your life
you come to see
how truly right
these words ring
 
any day-dreaming thought
even silently in the dark
―closed secret of the heart
given enough time
begins to shape its part
 
if the pictures seep in your head
while laying in bed
something you dread
or just want to unwed
―be careful
your repeated secret byline
given enough time
will come to you
will come true
 
it takes years
to make the picture clear
bits and pieces―
many scenarios pass through
your reality won't mock it
your actions won't show it
but in the universe
you did throw it
―over and over
believing it just fantasy
only your mind can see
nothing close to your reality
what does it hurt
losing yourself to its scenes
 
just a day-dreaming thought
something imagined in the dark
―silently in your heart
where no one has to be fought
something you think
not really sought
given enough time
begins to shape its part
 
with enough passing days
with enough nights to fade
the fantasy slowly builds
secret thoughts turn real

the universe enjoys enough time
fantasy to reality begins to align
instead of in your head
―hidden secrets fed
soon to become
a life led
 
deep inside
you try to deny
your eyes continuously cry
this can't be right
you start a war
―feverously fight
an outward dreaded fear
―at first unclear
the day-dreaming thoughts stop
as hands move on a clock
tic-toc, tic-toc
all your eye-seeing reality
becomes your secret fantasy
not exactly the way you saw
―the same is the result
 
wiping away the tears
now, it's all perfectly clear
what you wanted the most
―the secret you didn't boast
was the one thing
you truly feared
the fantasy
that only the universe
could hear
 
so it changed your course
―it may feel forced
you yell, scream, cry
over and over asking why
repeat, repeat, repeat
'til you're hoarse
 
 it leaves you no choice
but to step into your fear
―see your secret thoughts
as the true reality
of your heart  
Continue reading “‘Stepping into the Fear’”

‘Twenty-Year Itch’

Trust Me: It’s Not Your Fault!

A sample from Book 6

 Twenty-Year Itch
 
there's a glitch
in this marriage-is-forever niche
no one says it
when selling their pitch
they just say―
marriage is a gift
no more ifs
no more endless cliffs
but it's all a myth
for there's a ditch
from which
comes the switch
where love drifts
lies are rich
truths are a bitch
change is swift
 
heed this warnings' monolith
the twenty-year itch
comes from this sudden twitch
egotistical snitch
a labyrinth
a deceptive clinch
leaving you adrift
lost to miff
without even one
understanding flinch
Continue reading “‘Twenty-Year Itch’”

‘The Hanging’

When You’re Caught In Silent Abuse

A sample from Book 1

 The Hanging
 
the heart thumps
a thunderous bolt
tightens and roars—
wrapping, squeezing
like a sailor’s rope
 
hunger escapes
while sleeplessness eludes
jolted and battered—
feeling the vapor
of a flowerless fool
 
shaking
with rupturing chills
cold and hot—
not quite understanding
this weathering thrill
 
voice over voice
cloud the mind
yes or no—
eyes turn cold
moisten
then go blind
 
searching for light
yearning to yell
craving an escape—
this pending doom
to a bottomless hell
 
beneath there’s bound
to be salvation
somewhere to run—
‘til then
there’s only damnation
Continue reading “‘The Hanging’”

‘Text Me’

Moving Through Anger with Bargaining!

A sample from Book 5

 Text Me
 
in this phone
I am a clone
away from home
easily...I roam
no longer alone
 
words I've thrown
cast a bone
string along
however long
I want you to belong
 
in this phone
I'm on loan
read my worded song
I'm wearing a thong
―hear me moan
I'll send a picture―
for your visual tone
 
with words I'm strong
―played like a trombone
I can turn you on
in my world
you'll be drawn
 
in this phone
nothing's wrong
it's my zone
imaginations grown
 
be careful―
if to me you're drawn
I'll take you
where you've not yet gone
for in this phone
I own
my imaginary throne
I'll make you moan
dance to my song―
your emotions
get too strong
I'll exit
and be gone
Continue reading “‘Text Me’”

‘The Experience’

Your Anger Turns to Lust to Move You!

A sample from Book 5

 The Experience
 
I'm your past
I'm what
didn't last
I'm what
could
never last
 
I'm the passing blast
to move through
really fast
with the quickness
of a kisser's dash
 
I'm the wine glass
wearing a mask
making
my on-stop splash
 
I'm your past
leaving you
in a gasp
easily slipping
from your grasp
in your mind
thoughts are cast
in my heart
the debris
of a failed lover's task
Continue reading “‘The Experience’”

‘Anger’s Brethren’

Don’t Use the Children!

A sample from Book 5

 Anger's Brethren
 
its face is ugly
peeking through
little by little
building its soul
one small piece at a time
 
vulnerability
it patiently waits
then the attack
increasing the heartbeat
clouding
a once throughout plan
wilting the roses
rains replacing sunshines
beautiful language
turns to spiteful vengeance
over ruling logic
hardening
closing open hearts
 
its face is ugly
destroying all good
taking its time
taking all time
closing doors
'til love exist
no more
Continue reading “‘Anger’s Brethren’”

‘Kicking through Doors’

Is Someone’s Crime Taking Away What You Stand For?

A sample from Book 10

 Kicking through Doors
 
fighting through nights
hated words
blank looks
cold tones-
it's a right
like a sworn-in knight
say it-
see what's in sight
 
bleeding words of hosea
a foreign arena
-a returned agenda
replayed cinema
-one certain agenda:
 
incorporation of rejection
ignoring revelations
already experienced
by nations
 
historical indications‒
God's† bold proclamations
man's once-again revoltation
 
keeping in the light
‒a constant fight
suffering through blight
experiencing God's† might
 
turning it around
‒say something sound
as in past stories found
leaves truth-
the drowning clown
 
like centuries before
keep kicking through doors
His† powers...the core
that's what truth's for
–leaving hatred
that embedded lore
in the constance
of sore
Continue reading “‘Kicking through Doors’”

‘Attrition’

Ways Codependents React to Narcissists After a Breakup

A sample from Book 9

 Attrition
 
a stable life in good–
doing what you should
holding on tight–
what's under the hood
 
seasons change
all the same
knowing they would–
gripping firmly to strength
keeping sight
in positive's look
assuring self
you've done it right–
gave the love you could
 
then all stop–
a tied-up knot
the sudden chop
from what is
to the cold, calculated not
 
words thrown
you misunderstood
 
you...searching
for answers in known
looking back–
on grounds stood
phrases said–
bouncing in head
surely something mistook–
signs overlooked
 
you know what you felt
all the right moves dealt
–the magic read in clouds
stories in books
readings in prayer books
right there...underfoot
all the best
in adulthood
words clearly understood
 
but there...lacking input
missed lessons in hymn books
–deceptions little nook
misguided direction
landing
in betrayal's neighborhood
 
all the pieces
so well together...put
a bit in the odd–
the back-there look
 
a moved life
in sudden maidenhood
no written guidebook
teachings a foot–
these misguided ways
in falsehood
 
stripping moments of good–
losing self
in fancy-driven gook
scenes of hollywood
masterminds mastering weakness–
perils of womanhood–
–sly little crooks
robbing more livelihood–
what was already shook
 
tighter goes the knots
yet another sudden stop–
that letting-down drop
forcing
the non-welcomed re-surfacing
of anger's top
that place–
you thought chopped
 
lessons learned in crop–
that sudden stop
strengthens the lot
of hurt's already
worn-out blot
 
out goes buddhahood–
peaceful mind
turns to soot
promises of a finally found–
true
honesty in real's manhood
lost once again
in a dreamer
stuck in boyhood
 
all this defend
breaks self down–
losing the will it took
to again's stuck in pussyfoot
–for nothing more
than mere, stagnated driftwood–
too hard for firewood
too nimble-footed
too backwoods
to be anyone's
true knighthood
 
so you just dawn an old frock
cover all the clocks
mourn what's not
–lessons thrown to floors
then mopped
live a bit in shell-shock
 
then, again fight
return good
to its original spot
–add the lost
to false-love's overflowing
melting pot
–take a minute...sob
tie tighter the knot
listen to some hip-hop
suck on some lollipops
–try to forget
once more...robbed
trying to convince self–
heartbreak
not your mascot
 
but hope steps on in
forcing self
back into believe–
somewhere, out there
a heart's coming
your world to rock
without ever again
the sudden stop
from what is
to what's not–
love in flop
Continue reading “‘Attrition’”

Where Narcissists Get Their ‘Feel-Good’ Empowerment From?

(March 17, 2019)―Reading. That’s what I’ve been doing. One author who caught my attention over a year ago through her videos and website is Shahida Arabi who has become an expert on the subject of narcissists and their many manipulative, abusive ways. I will write a lot more about her findings, including my personal experiences, when my website is up and running. For now, there are two important points that Arabi makes in her article titled ‘5 Powerful Ways Abusive Narcissists Manipulate You’ from her book titled Power.

The 5 powerful ways are of course:

Continue reading “Where Narcissists Get Their ‘Feel-Good’ Empowerment From?”