‘Shouldering Damage’

You deal and accept the physical damage caused by narcissism’s carelessness

 
Shouldering Damage
 
upon her shoulders
carries the weight–
shouldering damage
from those who couldn't stay
–a go-getter
they couldn't take
she...never wanting‒
any kinda hate
‒that was never
her intended fate
‒she let love lead the way
ending in heavy price's
to pay
 
only in moments
she lived in sedate
all them medical doctors
had to medicate
she just needed room‒
a bit of space
to grasp the idea
of her body ache
never using it as an escape
‒it hurt...and she was its bait
 
she knows she gave it all
she wasn't some pity rage doll–
standing somewhere in stall
she answered a simple call
–but others led her to fall
not caring the damage at all
 
upon her shoulders‒
she wears the cape
an anti-depressant to mask
a different kinda ache
–emotional chains
she couldn't tolerate
a burning heart
left in saturate
mixed with anger
lust and hate
screaming
without intentional berate
from love
that just couldn't stay
 
then again‒
she let love be her mate
a heart damaged‒
in too many ways
–again...a turn in obliterate
a brain burned in uncultivate
all that damage‒
on her shoulders
in blissful weight
men who couldn't bear
the cape
of her physical‒
being in waste
 
she knows she gave it all
she wasn't some pity rage doll–
standing somewhere in stall
she answered a simple call
–but others led her to fall
not caring the damage at all
 
she now wears‒
a suit of armor
from love's mate
as the heavy scars from fake–
I can't stay
you...I could only tolerate
builds her face
straight to a destiny's fate–
the writer in massive create
 
she...to never deny God
in whatever she faced
so she shoulders damage
left behind–
by carelessness
and self hate
building her rose‒
from a destroyer's
intentional state
 
she knows‒
she gave it all
she wasn't some pity rage doll–
standing somewhere in stall
she answered a simple call
–others led her to fall
not caring
the damage at all
 
oh! how
she can stand tall–
she picked herself up
from the fall
using the rest of her life
in God's hall
lost to true love's
missed call
she knows‒
she gave it her all
–it was not her
that caused
the fall!
Continue reading “‘Shouldering Damage’”

‘Do Your Thing’

When they’re paving the way for another ‘thing’!

A sample from Book 12

  'Do Your Thing'
 
standing still, so rigid
memories return, so rapid  
do your thing
words that seem splendid
once before, becoming frigid
leaving me in stupid
 
words that shouldn't‒
but still stick
like a repeated lick
too afraid to admit‒
concentrating on self's wick
leaves doors open for the slick
 
that's just not it
it's that aged-old skit
played out...without a script
 
distance begins the slit
less hugging, more anger
words constantly in twist
‒making the mind constantly flip
 
there should not be panic
when felt before
this tactic
 
flip, flip, flip
skippy, skip, skip
 
the past's certain mimic
leaves only you in chaotic
breaking your spirit
turning to God for guidance
 
less comes the kisses
every ounce of erotic
disappears in a lick
‒the body is just an it
you become invalid!
time with you, the omit
things get drastic
leaving pure conflict
and you are the reason for it
 
how to be so quiet
when affection‒
you can't even solicit
pushed away...again and again
leaving you frigid
a body drowning
in an unhealthy orbit
 
taking you're the reason
for it
you're not pretty enough
you're too fat, too sad
when...in truth's logic
their argument, distance‒
all part of the already written
transcript
‒no need
to repeat it!
Continue reading “‘Do Your Thing’”

‘Ex-foliate My Soul’

You have to leave others out of ‘self’!

A sample from Book 12

 Ex‒foliate My Soul
 
I still hear the winds blow
I know, still, from and to
the direction it goes
I depend, too much
on human souls
‒directing my emotional role
 
these feet‒
so stuck in muddy ground
I've lost the feelings
of being found
trying to understand
hear...every sound
I've stumbled away
from which I'm bound
 
raise me up, oh Lord†
unclog‒
these maggot-filled holes
rub your sands deeply in‒
pull me out
as you wash away clean
the filth
of this infested bowl
help me again‒
feel fit and lean
where I once had strength
of a lion
‒the sanctuary
of a crystal clear stream
 
enlighten my heart, sweet Jesus†
relight this drive
I so carelessly left behind
enrich my soul
wash away the corrode
so me, in ease, I can stand
on my own two feet
understand words in my heart
having strength to sort
‒without falling apart
 
yes, Lord†, raise my tempo back up
so I can feel, once more
the unstoppable me
‒that pure individual feeling
of being free
without the need
of another's glee
 
I open me up‒
mind, body, soul
I'm, again, letting go
so...whichever the winds blow
matter is not needed
for I'll be free again‒
in the total of
letting go
Continue reading “‘Ex-foliate My Soul’”

When His Next Best Thing Comes Along!

This one sergeant in my Army days in Germany called me Marie Laveau…lol…another one bites the dust! One of them will be strong enough to handle my energy some day. If they can let go of their pride long enough. I’ve had enough of man-ego-pride to last a life time.

Continue reading “When His Next Best Thing Comes Along!”

‘Salvation’s Need’

To Deny Others Is To Deny God!

 Salvation's Need
 
test after test
I have failed
my 360
to the cross...nailed
You† brought people to me
in their time of weak
‒salvation
I failed to help them seek
 
instead, I buried them deep
words from my mouth
did seep
actions
I didn't allow to creep
in self
I curled up in weep
 
my time has come and sailed
out of all of it
I tend to bail
turning my back
not wanting to see
how another's picture
on them...creeps
I just give up and flee
 
whatever awakens
this ignorance of me
strip it
take it from me
strengthen me
help me to see
keep me from feeling sorry
lost in self pity
 
Lord†, this part of me
that lived unselfishly
I lost
please return it to me
without this lumpy throat
from way down deep
without fears and anxiety
help me open my mouth
speak
in words of calm
humility, peace
without selfish
insecurities
Continue reading “‘Salvation’s Need’”

‘Floating in Air’

Stress-Free Zone Ahead!

A sample from Book 8

 Floating in Air
 
I came around
to see change
shortening the range‒
just to see
all's the same
 
so I float
in this air
here and there
hoping for flair‒
hearts open
gentle love's token
but all's still broken
‒all's still forsaken
eyes still closed
minds sealed‒
that forever
round and round wheel
 
so I'll reside here
just for a while
give a little time
then off I'll fly
forget
all this here try
fully learning
no one can rearrange
what's lost
in derange
what refuses
to grow
stay stuck
in naysayer's flow
 
so here
I'll just float in air
give a chance
a second
a third
then off
I'll go
 
hit the road
seek places
where real love
flows
without needing
chances to prove
out right show‒
I won't just be there
flowing freely in airs
desiring to share
‒easy will come
care
 
yes, somewhere
out there
lies a place
one face
overshadows
two-faced
where real
the only deal
‒truth
over comes fool
this place
I'll feel the overwhelming
need
to drool
 
there‒
I'll come down
stand on solid ground
without a need
to just float in air
for then
I'll truly feel a need
to open up‒
for something
care
feel life's breath
in share
really be there
in that place
somewhere
Continue reading “‘Floating in Air’”

‘Ends of Ropes’

If They Did It Once, They’ll Do It Again!

A sample from Book 8

 Ends of Ropes
 
look at its threads‒
each line
blending in fine
carefully woven
 
notice its variations
notice what stays
real out of charade
‒the weak
break off
slip away
so strength
doesn't starve
doesn't fade
 
its fine threads
continue their blend
return to straight
when comes a bend
 
with tender care
grows these single lines
with love...hope
combine
to thickness of ropes
 
growing, growing
with decency of time
harmony's kind
 
it's a pleasurable watch
tic, tic
around the clock
when unexpected knots
slip out
longer, longer
tighter, tighter
strength‒
strangles doubt
 
unassureness ends
awakens
again
growing, growing
longer, longer
tighter, tighter
 
be careful
oh so gentle
lost of hopes
easily tangles
those ends of ropes
‒halting grow
with single knots
stopping clocks
meant
to stay
unlocked
Continue reading “‘Ends of Ropes’”

‘Attrition’

Ways Codependents React to Narcissists After a Breakup

A sample from Book 9

 Attrition
 
a stable life in good–
doing what you should
holding on tight–
what's under the hood
 
seasons change
all the same
knowing they would–
gripping firmly to strength
keeping sight
in positive's look
assuring self
you've done it right–
gave the love you could
 
then all stop–
a tied-up knot
the sudden chop
from what is
to the cold, calculated not
 
words thrown
you misunderstood
 
you...searching
for answers in known
looking back–
on grounds stood
phrases said–
bouncing in head
surely something mistook–
signs overlooked
 
you know what you felt
all the right moves dealt
–the magic read in clouds
stories in books
readings in prayer books
right there...underfoot
all the best
in adulthood
words clearly understood
 
but there...lacking input
missed lessons in hymn books
–deceptions little nook
misguided direction
landing
in betrayal's neighborhood
 
all the pieces
so well together...put
a bit in the odd
the back-there look
 
a moved life
in sudden maidenhood
no written guidebook
teachings a foot–
these misguided ways
in falsehood
 
stripping moments of good–
losing self
in fancy-driven gook
scenes of hollywood
masterminds mastering weakness–
perils of womanhood–
–sly little crooks
robbing more livelihood–
what was already shook
 
tighter goes the knots
yet another sudden stop–
that letting-down drop
forcing
the non-welcomed re-surfacing
of anger's top
that place–
you thought chopped
 
lessons learned in crop–
that sudden stop
strengthens the lot
of hurt's already
worn-out blot
 
out goes buddhahood–
peaceful mind
turns to soot
promises of a finally found
true
honesty in real's manhood
lost once again
in a dreamer
stuck in boyhood
 
all this defend
breaks self down–
losing the will it took
to again's stuck in pussyfoot
–for nothing more
than mere, stagnated driftwood–
too hard for firewood
too nimble-footed
too backwoods
to be anyone's
true knighthood
 
so you just dawn an old frock
cover all the clocks
mourn what's not
–lessons thrown to floors
then mopped
live a bit in shell-shock
 
then, again fight
return good
to its original spot
–add the lost
to false-love's overflowing
melting pot
–take a minute...sob
tie tighter the knot
listen to some hip-hop
suck on some lollipops
–try to forget
once more...robbed
trying to convince self
heartbreak
not your mascot
 
but hope steps on in
forcing self
back into believe–
somewhere, out there
a heart's coming
your world to rock
without ever again
the sudden stop
from what is
to what's not
love in flop
Continue reading “‘Attrition’”